stillafool Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I was reading the OW vs. BS thread and I have a question for the OW. This is not for OW who didn't know their MM was married but for the others. What made you decide to get involved with your man knowing he was married? What did you find so irresistable about him? I am just curious. I don't know if anyone has ever asked that question since I have been on this board and would like to hear the response. I have never been a BS or OW but have been a betrayed girlfriend many times but obviously couldn't blame the other woman for that.
Catharsis Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Well, let's see.....my exMM was also my college sweetheart and we had a pretty traumatic breakup (at least for me). To me, this was the man I was sure I would get married to, and I pined away for him even after I got married to my wonderful H. Read my story for more info - I contacted him with the sole purpose of getting closure (I know better now that there is no closure, but hindsight is 20/20). I was the one who CONSTANTLY mentioned my H and family to make sure MM didn't get the wrong idea (that I was coming on to him). He, on the other hand, hardly talked about his W, and when he did, he refered to her as "she", "her" - never as "my W" or by her first name as I did with my H. He would also never email any pics of her - only himself and his kids. I on the other hand thought nothing of sending him an occasional family pick of my ENTIRE family - I never dissed my H or talked negatively about hiim. I even told MM that I would NEVER cheat on my H, but MM kept trying to get "hot and steamy" with me. I never had sex with him, but as I found out by snooping, he abuses his high position at his work to have sex with young subordinates who are half his age. Based on their emails, he acts like a "fun and hip" guy, then gets really flirty, compliments them, and preys on their weaknesses. He sends out definit vibes - young, unexperienced women who are going through relationship problems with their Hs or BFs fall for it. That's his mode of operation. There is no telling how many women he actually tries to suck up to, but a sizeable portion does seem to fall for his games. If he didn't put him out there like that and covertly pursuing young women, nobody would have sex with him. He comes on the them in sneaky ways, but always in a way that he could easily say "she came on to me" if he were to get caught. Truth of the matter is, HE is the married one, HE is the supervisor, HE should not even go there and even if a young woman came on to him, HE is the one who should stop it. But, as he told one of his young GFs, he is "very flattered" by her attention and he didn't mind to get "as personal with her" as she wanted. Enough said.
yousaveme Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I know this is going to sound bad. I was in a relationship and was interested in a FWB no strings. Married was safe. No strings. Happen a few times and done. That didnt happen. We were in bad relationship. Him a marriage for the sole purpose to keep the kids happy. Me i just thought after 10 years what else is there. So FWB became a relationship. We fell in love.
Chapter2 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Temporary insanity. What made you decide to get involved with your man knowing he was married?
frannie Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 What made you decide to get involved with your man knowing he was married? What did you find so irresistable about him? Getting involved with him was a fairly long process. I wasn't looking for a relationship, in fact quite the reverse. I'd cried off relationships 'for good' after quite a few traumatic ones. He was talking about leaving his marriage which 'was dead'. The whole thing was more of a friendship (and no sex) for a year. What was 'irresistable'? Nothing was, exactly, but something made it different. Like every woman I've been approached by many, many MM, and have been completely uninterested in them, not to say disgusted by their behaviour. With MM, it was like meeting an old friend. We hit it off on every level, really. And it felt right. No bells or whistles, just... well, comfort, really. And... neither of us chased the other, no one had to 'resist' any kind of temptation. And as I say... for many many months it wasn't sexual. And it went on from there.
ratingsguy Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 When I met my MW, she told me about the problems with her H and how lonely she was. I felt bad for her, as she did prove to be a sweet woman who was very neglected in her marriage. Unfortunately, I let it get physical... which honestly was my intent from the beginning. And while I didn't have an emotional connection right away, about a month or so ago, there finally was one. That emotional connection almost happened overnight after a long conversation we had about our lives, e-mailing pictures to each other. I went from feeling sorry for her, to wanting her, to loving her in a matter of 6 months. I don't think any of us PLAN for something like this to happen, but sometimes it just does. One thing I tell my MW a lot is that life never turns out the way you plan it or expect it to. Ever. I told a friend of mine last night that one day I'm going to write a book about my experience!
erika2610 Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I was reading the OW vs. BS thread and I have a question for the OW. This is not for OW who didn't know their MM was married but for the others. What made you decide to get involved with your man knowing he was married? What did you find so irresistable about him? Hmmmmm. I worked with my MM. For the longest time, I completely ignored him, knowing he was married. I just wasn't going to be "that girl". After about a year or so of him chasing me, I just gave in. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was working with him, and being around him so much. But the more I was around him, the more comfortable I was with him. He was just so sweet to me. I had heard him talking to other people about how bad his marriage was, so I figured hey, if he's telling other people, he's not just telling me so he can sleep with me. He wasn't really "irresistable" per say, he just had a way of making me feel more special than I had in a long time.
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