Helios Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 My boyfriend of a year and a half has suddenly lost an interest in sex. He does not have nearly as high of a drive as I do, but last month he did not come near me for 3 WEEKS!!! This was the longest he has done that. Previously, about a year into our relationship - he didn't come near me for 2 weeks. What coincided with that was his ex wife suddenly calling him again and talking to him all the time. (She cheated on him BTW.) He was still hung up on her when we met (had been divorced 2 years by then) and when she started calling again and the no sex thing happened, I asked him if she had anything to do with it. He swore she didn't. He swore it had nothing to do with anything. He said, if it was anything, it may have been because "things had gotten boring." !!!! I'm a very adventurous, open minded woman. One thing I have never been called is BORING! All my friends were completely shocked by that comment and so was I. At that time (that first time) things between us were fine and we rarely fought. He began to pull away emotionally after that, people close to me would say he seemed like a stranger with me, even though generally he could be very affectionate. He even admitted to the distance himself but said he didn't know why it was there. Later on, we began to have communication breakdowns and now it seems as though everything we say is a misunderstanding. Somehow, I say an innocent thing and he hears something else entirely and he gets pissy with me over nothing. I feel honestly that he has lost an interest in the relationship and I always tell him what I need, that I can't live the way he has been making me live - 2 or 3 weeks with no contact, especially no sexual contact is just ridiculous. I tell him I need more emotional intimacy from him, that I need to feel special, that I need more from him than just a f---, because most of the time, when he does come near me - that is how it is. It feels like just sex and it almost feels pointless for me to even bother with it as it usually winds up being just for his benefit. The more I point things out to him, the more he seems to withdraw and suffer erectile problems when we DO get together. Once, in the beginning of our relationship - he told me he and his ex wife had not had sex for months when she cheated on him. When I asked him why so much time had gone by, he said "because she had been a bitch." He said when she was bitch to him, the last thing he wanted to do was be close to her. Coincidentally - he is now saying the same thing about me. He tells me that was the reason for the last 3 week period. I know it's not me, I know it is him and I also know I have complained about particular things that his ex also complained about. (He told me!!) He seems oblivious to the fact that 2 different women both pointed out the same things... Anyway, my question is - what is the deal with the loss of interest in sex? A man is a man after all. How can he possibly not want any for 3 weeks??? What is his problem?
jenniferlm Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 My ex bf was a lot like this. You can't make someone love you, or change them. He's probably getting some from somewhere. Either from the ex, some other woman, masturbation/porn, etc. My ex used to watch a lot of porn instead of have sex w/ me. Pretty sad. Nothing I tried worked either. He just had a lot of issues, and this guy sounds like he does too. You may have to be tough w/ him. Tell him you two either need to work on things to make the relationship better, or it's over. And stick to it
Mary3 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Well you have alot of things going on here : Loss of sex drive ( he may never have possesed a high sex drive ) Erectile Dysfunction ( this is DEFINATELY usually an emotional withdrawl ) An ex he likely still loves and is talking to ( this could make him feel guilt towards you and her at the same time ) Falling out of love with you and sans Still in love with her. Bickering about everything and anything. Pulling away from you totally. ( OR medical problems but I am not siding on that one too much ) But he can get checked out by a doc but I think your man is * checking out * of your relationship. You have the beginnings of the End. Can you guys get therapy ? When he loses his erection do you lighly blow it off or get upset ? If you get upset then this can KILL future erections. My rule of thumb is : make no big deal about no big deal ( about losing an erection ) so that they can kindly feel better and recover from it.... Its quite embarassing I think for a man to have that problem....Male posters can concur ??
Krytellan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I have actually gone through what he is going through two times in my life. Both times I eventually came to the realization that I was not "into" the relationship and broke it off. When a guy finds stupid reasons to get pissy with you, it's because he does not appreciate your company.
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