magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 It does seem like he's preparing to jump ship. Or maybe his only stereo system is in his car?? If this is making you uncomfortable, perhaps you could tell him that you feel he is overstepping the boundaries of friendship. (Seems like an understatement!) Failing that, feed him some story about being in love with a pink elephant on an Internet forum. That should weird him out. Only as a last resort, though.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 It does seem like he's preparing to jump ship. Or maybe his only stereo system is in his car?? If this is making you uncomfortable, perhaps you could tell him that you feel he is overstepping the boundaries of friendship. (Seems like an understatement!) Failing that, feed him some story about being in love with a pink elephant on an Internet forum. That should weird him out. Only as a last resort, though. I wouldn't be so weirded out if he didn't have a girlfriend, but I am not wanting to be in the middle of that. I guess I already am. If he is planning on "jumping ship" then he can do that but until then I am staying away If he makes another comment about driving over to my hometown then I will tell him not to, and if he does anyway I just won't answer my phone when he calls. I will have to keep that in mind... falling in love with a pink elephant on the internet... it would probably scare him off for good Thanks magichands!
Antheia Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Hey ShoeGirl, I would give him a chance. If you really like him, spend some time with him (despite the fact that he has a girlfriend) and see what happens. It's possible that he is not happy with the gf and prepares to end the relationship. You can chose to only be with him platonicaly (sp?) while he still has the gf (in case he tries to go further). You will pretty soon find out if he is one of those sleazy cheaters or a great guy worth fighting for.
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 You will pretty soon find out if he is one of those sleazy cheaters or a great guy worth fighting for. Dude!? Maybe I'm naive, but when is flirting with somebody when you have a girlfriend, acceptable behaviour?! A great guy worth fighting for?? I'm just not seeing the masterpiece hidden beneath the cheap fake.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 He seemed like a great guy, really caring and sweet... until I found out he has a girlfriend, that just made me look at him totally differently. I wouldn't want any guy I date to be studying, hanging out, flirting, going to dinner, etc. with another girl. I don't think that it is right that he does all of that with me, even though he has never tried anything physical, I still don't think he is being fair to his girlfriend. I will admit that it was really nice to have a guy be interested in me, and once I found out that he has a girlfriend I was just sticking around long enough to get through school, because when we did study I did a ton better on the assignments and the quiz. If he is planning on leaving her then he should do that and not continue to lead me (and her) on. Even if he did break up with her I would be skeptical to date him because I have seen how he acts when his girlfriend is not around, and I wouldn't want that done to me.
Antheia Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Dude!? Maybe I'm naive, but when is flirting with somebody when you have a girlfriend, acceptable behaviour?! A great guy worth fighting for?? You don't know the individual circumstances of his relationship. At least he was upfront about having a girlfriend. It all depends if Shoegirl likes the guy or if she LIKES him. If it's the first, I wouldn't bother, if it's the second, that doesn't come around all that often. On a sidenote I start looking around and flirting with others if I know I'm in a relationship that's pretty much dead and it's just the matter of time.
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Even if he did break up with her I would be skeptical to date him because I have seen how he acts when his girlfriend is not around, and I wouldn't want that done to me. My thoughts exactly. You're obviously a "smart" couple, though. Just a shame he's lacking in the integrity department.
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 On a sidenote I start looking around and flirting with others if I know I'm in a relationship that's pretty much dead and it's just the matter of time. Okay, I could be convinced. So he's a great guy - let's say he'd be great to ShoeGirl, and always show her respect. Entirely possible. But really, Antheia. Here I was thinking you were a fellow romantic. It ain't over 'til it's over, and I like to think I'm not that afraid to be alone (or in need of "validation" to end a relationship that your heart isn't invested in). We're only human, of course. But I don't accept that this sort of behaviour isn't disrespectful. It is!
Kamille Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I will admit that it was really nice to have a guy be interested in me... hey everyone... what's better then advice from one pink elephant? Why yes, it's having two pink elephants stick their trunks in your business. Ok, yes, I am fully aware of the potential for double-entendre in the last sentence. Still, serious comment to dish out here: Shoegirl, what do you mean it's nice to have a guy interested in you? Of course guys are interested in you! See, this is where I think magichands (hey there cutie pie)'s advice is right on the dot. I understand being flattered by the interest, but you shouldn't be suprised by it. You should expect interest. You deserve it. You've covered the ground on people who show interest but lack integrity so I'll leave it at that.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 You don't know the individual circumstances of his relationship. At least he was upfront about having a girlfriend. It all depends if Shoegirl likes the guy or if she LIKES him. If it's the first, I wouldn't bother, if it's the second, that doesn't come around all that often. On a sidenote I start looking around and flirting with others if I know I'm in a relationship that's pretty much dead and it's just the matter of time. He wasn't exactly upfront about his having a girlfriend, he didn't mention her for the first week we studied/hung out and we saw each other almost every day from 6ish until 11 or so. It wasn't until late one night he was texting me and I asked him what he was up to and he said he was hanging out with his girlfriend. This was after he had taken me to a café/bar and paid for dinner. Yeah I was/kinda still am interested in him. I have a great time when I am around him and who would have ever thought studying for biology classes could be fun... But it doesn't matter how much I like him now or could like him in the future, he still has a girlfriend. I am stuck with nothing I can do, except stop talking to him, but at the same time I have been lonely for a while and he has helped that a lot. I had dinner with a good friend last night and she mentioned that she hasn't seen me happy in months, and now all of a sudden I am happy again. I told her all of this and she didn't know what to say except that he seems like he is 100x better than my ex. She is right I haven't been happy in a long time and he makes me happy, I know that nothing is going to happen between us, I don't really think that he will break up with his gf, but maybe I am wrong about that too.
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Shoegirl, what do you mean it's nice to have a guy interested in you? Of course guys are interested in you! I understand being flattered by the interest, but you shouldn't be suprised by it. You should expect interest. You deserve it. Exactly. Demand respect, ShoeGirl! Kamille rocks... what teamwork. magichands (hey there cutie pie)
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 She is right I haven't been happy in a long time and he makes me happy, I think this relates EXACTLY to what Kamille was just saying. You really feel as if you NEED somebody's interest - either as part of your "healing" process, or to convince yourself that you are truly desirable. Come on ShoeGirl, get with the programme. You are the prize! It's an illusion that your happiness is contingent upon his presence in your life.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Shoegirl, what do you mean it's nice to have a guy interested in you? Of course guys are interested in you! See, this is where I think magichands (hey there cutie pie)'s advice is right on the dot. I understand being flattered by the interest, but you shouldn't be suprised by it. You should expect interest. You deserve it. You've covered the ground on people who show interest but lack integrity so I'll leave it at that. I have had a few guys show interest in me, but even fewer of them are guys I would consider dating. Then he came along, was acting single and interested in me and he is a really great guy, a guy I would date, a guy who actually wants to do something with his life besides smoke and drink. I don't expect interest from guys, everyone thinks that I should but I just don't get interest from decent guys very often.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 I think this relates EXACTLY to what Kamille was just saying. You really feel as if you NEED somebody's interest - either as part of your "healing" process, or to convince yourself that you are truly desirable. I think it is partially both, being around him has helped me move on from my ex and helped me see that someone wants to be with me. He probably isn't the right guy and that is fine. I was getting depressed with everything that happened, and having people in general around helped. You two do make a great team, thanks for all of your advice
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I don't expect interest from guys, everyone thinks that I should but I just don't get interest from decent guys very often. I feel like I am always sticking my trunk (thanks for that catchphrase, sweetie) into your threads about these guys flirting with you, ShoeGirl. Maybe this is all a dream?
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 I feel like I am always sticking my trunk (thanks for that catchphrase, sweetie) into your threads about these guys flirting with you, ShoeGirl. Maybe this is all a dream? I think this is the 2nd one... You are right I just need to slow down and give it some time... eventually I will find a great guy who doesn't have a girlfriend
magichands Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 You are right I just need to slow down and give it some time... eventually I will find a great guy who doesn't have a girlfriend Too right you will. It pays to be selective. I think I can relate, though. It's tough keeping all those wild horses in the stable. They just want to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn...
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Too right you will. It pays to be selective. I think I can relate, though. It's tough keeping all those wild horses in the stable. They just want to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn... magic you are awesome
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 He definitely wants more than friends. He broke up with his girlfriend tonight, then showed up at my apartment. We kissed a little and that was as far as I would let it go, probably shouldn't have let him kiss me but I did. He was here for 3 hours or so we were mostly talking, he kept asking me not to go back home, I told him that I would probably see him when I get back in a few weeks. Those few weeks will probably be a good thing for both of us. I don't know what to think. I am really starting to like him...
Antheia Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 See ShoeGirl, there are no absolutes in love, everything depends on the circumstances. Just make sure he really did break up with the gf and is not just saying so. Good luck
magichands Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Good luck I wish you good luck too, ShoeGirl!!!! Just remember that if it's meant to be, then you shouldn't feel pressured. That's what I think. And I agree that a couple of weeks' break will be a good thing. (The whole "testing the waters" thing with you before he broke up with his girlfriend - remember what Antheia said about this - sets off alarm bells for me. I am often wrong, though.) I do so hope this is the real thing for you.
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 Just make sure he really did break up with the gf and is not just saying so. Good luck I will deficiently make sure that he really broke up with her... that's a lot of the reason I wouldn't do more than kiss him. I wish you good luck too, ShoeGirl!!!! Just remember that if it's meant to be, then you shouldn't feel pressured. That's what I think. And I agree that a couple of weeks' break will be a good thing. (The whole "testing the waters" thing with you before he broke up with his girlfriend - remember what Antheia said about this - sets off alarm bells for me. I am often wrong, though.) I do so hope this is the real thing for you. Like I said before I am skeptical about dating him because I know what he was doing when his girlfriend wasn't around. I'm just going to take it day by day for now... we aren't dating yet we just kissed.
magichands Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 ... we aren't dating yet we just kissed. Kissing sounds like a pretty good first date to me. Remind me never to go on a date with you, ShoeGirl. I could never live up to your "expectations." Just kidding. You know I'm on your side. (Screaming "slow down, girl!" from the stands.)
Author ShoeGirl Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 Kissing sounds like a pretty good first date to me. Remind me never to go on a date with you, ShoeGirl. I could never live up to your "expectations." Just kidding. You know I'm on your side. (Screaming "slow down, girl!" from the stands.) Hey... I don't have that high of expectations... however my expectations did go up after the last guy... If you are going to say that was the first date was last night then what was the night he took me to that bar for dinner? It's not really important but just curious. Thanks for being on my side... slow down... what?
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