Its her birthday, so what?

[Treadstone]

As some of you know, my ex suddenly walked away from me to pursue her co-worker about 3 months ago after we've being together for nearly 3 yrs.

 

At the time, I moved heaven and earth to persuade her to stay but she wouldn't so I'd no choice but to let her go. A little over a month ago, I severed all ties with her, walked away and never looked back. I've been in 1000% NC.

 

Incidentally, her birthday is coming up in a couple of days and I've long decided not to acknowledge it in any shape or form (no happy b'day wish, card or whatever). Unfortunately, some of my friends wouldn't stop houndng me over my decision. They are pressuring me to at least send a text msg but I'm still resisting.

 

Perhaps by coincidence, she called over the weekend whilst I was out having dinner with a date. She didn't leave a message but her number was on my caller ID. I didn't call her back nor do I plan to.

 

I've moved on with my life and I'm no longer angry at her for what she did to me. Infact, I wish her the best in life. But does that mean that I've to go out of my way to be civil to her? Do I need to send her b'day greetings? Why wouldn't my friends let me be? And not that I'm pondering over it but why the hell will she even call me? She is supposedly with this idiot that she left me for. Somebody shut my friends up, please! Really, am I being too cold-hearted with my decision?

 

Treadstone

[norajane]

No, you're not being at all cold-hearted. She dumped you to pursue another relationship - you don't owe her anything, much less birthday greetings.

 

You've moved on and are doing fine. Don't worry about your friends, and don't worry about her.

 

Have you asked your friends why they keep pushing you to call her?

[ultimon]

I do the same with my first ex. She left me for another guy after 3 years. I poured my heart out trying to save the relationship, but she just acted like I meant nothing to her. So I did NC and never looked back. She still tries to call me or email me for the last 16 months now, but just ignore her and don't feel bad at all.

 

If anything, she is the cold-hearted one, not you. She does not deserve your attention at all. Its good enough that in your heart, you do wish her best in life.

[Ssheena]

I agree. The only reason for you to send her birthday greetings is if YOU want to. I don't see any reason to. She left you for another guy, you tried everything to get her back and had no luck and she's still with this other guy. I'm thinking it would just open stuff back up for you.

 

If it was me and I sent birthday wishes, I would be sitting around afterwords waiting and wondering if he/she would acknowledge it. Bad scene.

 

Stay tough and ask your friends why they think it so important that you stay in contact with her. That's weird.

[Kelso]

Of course you must follow your heart, not your friends heart. I am kind of in the same situation as you. Have decided that I'm not going back to her (not that she's asking me too), even though I care for her a lot. I just have found out that there are other women out there who will make me even more happier than she did ... and you probably have felt the same feeling according to your post.

 

So there are two things you can do:

 

a) Tell your friends just to stop talking about her. My ex and a friend of mine work together (my friend full time and the ex part time) and he kept telling me something about her for the first weeks after we broke up. It felt always like he was re-opening my wounds. So I just politely asked him never to mention her to me again. And he is my friend, so he has done exactly what I asked him to do. So if I were you, I would just ask your friends not to talk with about her when you're with them.

 

b) Simply tell them that of course you're gonna call her. But secretly you follow your heart and do not call her.

 

NC is probably the only way to go, at least for the first months, if have decided that you don't want this relationship to continue.

 

Hang in there and follow your heart, not your friends hearts.

[snowdiamond]

Treadstone,

 

Stick to your guns! My ex's b-day is coming up on the 17th and I don't plan to acknowledge it at all. At first, I thought about sending a card, but then I started to think to myself, "Why the hell should I make him feel good when he made me feel like crap?!" So I decided against it. If your girlfriend left you to be with someone else, then forget her. She doesn't deserve a birthday wish from you! Be strong! Stay strictly NC for your own sake.

You'll be better and stronger for it!

 

Snowdiamond

 

P.S. Tell your friends to stay out of your business. If they are so concerned, let THEM wish her a happy birthday!

[CaliGuy]

Do NOT send her a card. She chose to walk out on you. People who REALLY love you don't leave you.

 

She doesn't deserve a minute of your time anymore. Stick to your decision and tell your friends to butt out of your business. It's not their life to live and not their decision to make.

[Giver]

Don't do it!! I have just started NC with my ex, it's the best thig I ever did. I'm not going to sent any wishes good or bad his way, not for xmas, not for new year, and especially not for his birthday.

 

She made her decision, now she must accept the consequences -- she dosen't get to have you in her life anymore!

[Shana555]

Please don't!!!

 

My ex's birthday is on the 12th. My friends are telling me to send him a text or something, but I made a promise to myself to keep no contact EVERYDAY no matter what. So I'm doing just that for his birthday. Nothing. It's the best thing you can do

[Treadstone]

Thank you all for supporting my decision. I wish my friends could read your comments here but I'll sure as hell pass them on to them.

 

I think she called over the weekend in other to place herself back in my mind so that I'll remember her b-day is coming up (if I've forgotten). Funny thing is, she called at a time when she knows that I'm usually at home. Guess, it didn't occur to her that my routines have changed since we've been over.

 

Nope, I'm not taking the bait. I'm sticking to my guns. Glad I have you fine ladies and gents here to support me. As for my friends, they can all piss off.

 

Matter of fact, I have another date scheduled with my new girl right on my ex's b-day and I couldn't be happier on that day.

 

Treadstone

[Shana555]

I think she called over the weekend in other to place herself back in my mind so that I'll remember her b-day is coming up (if I've forgotten).

 

Omg yes. But I don't think it just has to do with her birthday coming up.

 

I swear, if they think you might be happy, enjoying yourself and life, and not thinking about them, they will call or do something to try and get back into your mind. Even if they don’t want to be together, they sometimes wonder and hope you are thinking about them. Weird little control game.

 

Have a blast on your date with your new girl!!! I'm so excited for ya!!!

[Treadstone]

So I went ahead with my decision to ignore her birthday just as you all advised. And oh boy, she reacted and very quick I might add. She called again the day after birthday but again I wasn't here so this time she left me a message. Her tone sounded melancholous, almost to the point of crying. Her voice was so sad and mumbly that I couldn't even decipher what she was trying to tell me.

 

I thought about calling her back to find out what she wanted but I wasn't sure if that was a good idea so I let sleeping dogs lie. Its been a couple of days since and I still am not sure whether I should call her back or not.

 

My friends (females) still makes me feel like I'm the anti-christ for completely ignoring her birthday. Sometimes I wonder what my ex is thinking about my actions but most times I'm indifferent. What do you guys think?

 

Treadstone

[johnnytable]

First, don't call her back. Second, don't listen to her message next time. It just keeps you in the drama. This person left you for somebody else. Let them be with that other person 100% and not be with you 100%. You are just getting messed with.

 

Your friends don't get it. That's just how they are. I have friends who are the same way. What matters is what you think and what you feel, not them.

[CaliGuy]

So I went ahead with my decision to ignore her birthday just as you all advised. And oh boy, she reacted and very quick I might add. She called again the day after birthday but again I wasn't here so this time she left me a message. Her tone sounded melancholous, almost to the point of crying. Her voice was so sad and mumbly that I couldn't even decipher what she was trying to tell me.

 

I thought about calling her back to find out what she wanted but I wasn't sure if that was a good idea so I let sleeping dogs lie. Its been a couple of days since and I still am not sure whether I should call her back or not.

 

My friends (females) still makes me feel like I'm the anti-christ for completely ignoring her birthday. Sometimes I wonder what my ex is thinking about my actions but most times I'm indifferent. What do you guys think?

 

Treadstone

 

 

That's her trying to see if she still has control over you. She's pulling your strings.

 

Prove to her that she doesn't have a hold over you anymore by NOT returning her call.

 

Live your life as best you can. Control what you can (You) and forget about the things you can not control (like her).

 

Cheers, you're doing great!

[Treadstone]

Very well said. I know I can almost always count on you guys to affirm what I think is the right thing to do. I've now firmly decided not to return that call.

 

Treadstone

[neiu]

just forget about her and move on. its not worth your time and trouble. i mean its easy to say but probably one of the hardest things to do cause you have shared so much with this one person and loved and whatever else you can think of. but think about it this way, she left you not just because she was not interested in you anymore but interested enough in another guy to leave you. You fought like hell i'm sure to keep her around and you got denied everytime. So why would someone who walked away from you for someone else deserve anything from you. put them out of your mind and get on with life. it's always so funny to me when ex's are sad about you not acknowledging them for bdays, xmas or any sort of "special day". Especially if they break up with you, i'm always like really now you left me and you still want me to care about you...yeah right. Some people can be so weird.