gonetildecember Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too?
Pyro Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too? No................
Kittiecat Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I was very accommodating to my ex, and it came back to bite me in the ass. It swelled his head to monumental proportions, and at the time I was really pissed at myself for not standing up for myself when I knew things weren't right.
Trialbyfire Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Relationships should be give and take. Sometimes you give more, sometimes you get more, depending on your needs at the time. When I've given too much, I find that guys tend to take it all and stop giving. When I take more, guys keep giving. It's so opposite of what I would do in that situation that it baffles me when it happens. I've given up trying to understand men and just go along with what works, lol. 1
burning 4 revenge Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Someone suggested that i look into alphamale's posts on nice guys. I guess with my ex you could say i was an extremely nice girl.. haven't gotten mad really, haven't cut him off yet, despite all the way he's been acting.. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too?sometimes.....
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Well, if we go with the nice guy = doormat definition, then yes, I agree. Men aren't attracted to doormats either.
Mary3 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Men want a * bad girl * in the bedroom and a * good good * for his parents to meet. :rolleyes:
bluescreenlife Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 so many stereotypes! First of all the "nice guys finish last" thing isn't that conclusive. Of course you'll lose someone's respect if you put someone else's happiness above your own, especially in a "please love me" sort of way. And you have to step back once in a while and make sure you're not 'enabling' - that term's usually used in the context of alcoholism but it works just as well for emotional abuse or selfishness. that being said, if you're genuinely nice to both your lover AND yourself it's the kind of balance that I think is really desirable. And even if you are a very giving and unselfish person... find someone who's the same way and you should be all right. And as for wanting a devil in the bedroom... i'm more for freedom than wildness. willingness to explore plus love of pleasure is all it takes for me. and the emotional aspects of sex can be very satisfying for men too, believe it or not.
dgiirl Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Be yourself. If someone thinks you are too nice, then they're not the one for you. If someone thinks you are not nice enough, then they're not the one for you. It's too hard to constantly worry about meeting someone else's expectations unless it comes naturally to you. If you like to do nice things, do it because it's what _you_ want, because it makes _you_ feel good. Dont do things in hopes of winning other people over. When you are overly nice to people in order to make them like you, they feel like you are not confident in yourself and need to bribe their friendship, and people do not like to feel obligated to other individuals. But when you do things that are natural for you, you worry less about their appreciation, because ultimately, it was something you wanted to do and made you feel good, regardless of how they percieved it.
O'Malley Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Of course you'll lose someone's respect if you put someone else's happiness above your own, especially in a "please love me" sort of way. And you have to step back once in a while and make sure you're not 'enabling' - that term's usually used in the context of alcoholism but it works just as well for emotional abuse or selfishness. Right on target! Isn't niceness a decision, anyway? Doormats, jerks and normal people can all act nice when they choose to do so.
a4a Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 IMHO men or women there is a huge huge difference between being "nice" and being a desperate freak. To me being nice is holding open a door, or asking " do you need me to stop and pick anything up for you on the way?" A person who does not do what they say they are going to do is a Jerk.... (say they will call and do not)...... and will not win any points that way either. Maybe jerks/bitches attract desparate freaks? So it turns out to be a win win sort of 'dance' between them?
a4a Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 lol a4a, what if you're a freaky bitch? take more meds, smoke a joint. I dunno..... But I do know a nice girl desparate freak..... a passive aggressive bunny boiler?
Speedo Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 My theory on this whole thing is that the "jerk" who gets the girl/guy and the "nice" guy/girl who finishes last is a misinterpretation of what is really attractive to the opposite sex. It isn't the fact that some guy is a complete A-hole that girls find attractive. It is the challenge that a jerk has naturally that they find attractive. People who are nice and respectful I think are usually not good at giving the girl/guy a chase at the begining. It's not the fact that they are nice that is unattractive. In other words, you can be nice, and not "clingy" and still get the desired effects of the "jerk." I am this way. I am very guarded of my feelings (too much almost) to girls, but at the same time I'm funny, nice, and respectful to them. They know they have to get through to me, and that is what they find attractive I think.
Krytellan Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 My take on it is that both men and women want the "bad/mysterious" lover until they have been hurt enough by those people to realize it doesn't work. What defines "enough" is different for everyone. I have seen women talk about being very accomodating to their men only to be walked on later on. Yep, we do that. Anyone does when they haven't seen the "other side" of the coin. I married a woman who stopped loving me, insulted me physically and sexually, would no longer have sex with me, and started getting aggressive. I left her and we are in the process of divorce (final in 1 month). I am dating a wonderful and vulnerable woman right now, who I have no doubt would do everything for me. But I have seen the other side. I wont ask any more of her than I am willing to give, even though I know I could get it from her. She will do everything for me and I love her for it. As such, I am not afraid to give her everything I have because she deserves it too. I guess the point is that there are people out there who appreciate true kindness and selflessness that can also be trusted. Unfortunately, they are typically born of disaster.
insomnie Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 It's funny, I posted the exact same thread in the "dating" section. I really am starting to think that the majority of men don't prefer the nicer girls. Every day I see guys pining away over girls that aren't sure about the relationship even though the boyfriends treat them really well, or over girls that cheated on them or are likely to, or over the high-maintenence princessy types. Especially over the high-maintenence princessy types. And then I see accomodating, caring understanding girls that, 9 times out of 10 are in relationships in which they are not appreciated, with guys that are either unsure about being in love or making any kind of commitment or outright mistreating them or something. Basically relaitonships in which the girls are way more into the guys than the other way around. I've never met a nice girl that had guys as in love with her as the mean girls. It's kind of depressing. How does one become a b!tch? That's what I wanna know...
princessa Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 What I think is that most people are attracted to / intrigued by strong personalities, as opposed to jerks and spoiled brats and what not. People who are leaders and who know what they want. Everybody's naturally attracted to those people.. Now, some of them will turn out to be jerks, and some of them will turn out to be caring and accommodating.. But basically authenticity and being true to your personnality is what's attractive.. IMO
bluescreenlife Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I guess the point is that there are people out there who appreciate true kindness and selflessness that can also be trusted. Unfortunately, they are typically born of disaster. This is interesting. so people appreciate niceness more after being hurt... but they also probably become less nice themselves. and the roles reverse? hopefully the pendulum will slow down and we all come into balance. to insomnie: don't bother becoming a bitch. just get empowered and balance it with kindness.
Kamille Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I'm actually the one who made the orginal suggestion that the same rules apply to 'nice' girl as Alphamale's definition of nice guy. I know from experience and from seeing friends of mine go through it in their twenties, that women are perticularly vulnerable to wanting to be 'nice' and bring that into their relationships. Often, we think that we will convince a guy to fall in love with us if we're nice enough, and are therefore afraid to stand up for ourselves when we should. I think this way of being 'nice' often gets us trapped in situations that are unhealthy for us. The guys stick around longer then they should, we get more attached and end up in really tough situations where they won't commit. That said, I still maintain there are more then two categories of partners out there. I can think of at least 4: immature, nice (doormat sense), bad and 'real' (real men, real women).
alphamale Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 .. so i want to know.. do the same rules apply to nice girls? do guys prefer bad girls too? yes, basically they do...no one likes desperate and needy people with no self-respect.
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 How does one become a b!tch? That's what I wanna know... ... I'll send you my ExGF's number you can ask her...... she had me hooked because she was a biotch to me and anybody in her life.. So it does work
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 yes, basically they do...no one likes desperate and needy people with no self-respect. Yeah, so they like people who are disrespectful and nasty, right? Re 'self-respect'... what does that say about those who are attracted to the 'bitchy' types then?
Green Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 When alpha talks about the Nice guy, hes not talking about a trully decent person, hes talking about what girls say about you after theyve dumped you like he was nice but I just didnt like him that way, or Your a nice guy but I already like somebody else blah blah blah. People like a challenge but I say this doesnt apply to women in the same way because if you have a nice girl in the way that she just pretty much agrees with everything you say and seems real nice and always does what you want most guys would love that if they were also physicaly atracted. but if you took a guy who would have posibly been able to date a girl as long as he wanted and gotten physical with her but you make him this guy who always calls the girl, always makes sure they are doing what she wants to do, and just is really acomadating in that he agrees all the time that guys chances have just dropped dramaticaly.
alphamale Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 ... I'll send you my ExGF's number you can ask her...... she had me hooked because she was a biotch to me and anybody in her life.. I am basically attracted to kunts in heels also. The "nice girls" I just walk all over. Its too easy to use and abuse them. The biotches are a challenge and I like that cause I love playing the "game" with them. The "nice girls" have no game and then I get bored real easy and leave them while they cry and cry for weeks. Poor things.
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