Broken relationship I can't let go due to my fear of being alone

[Sadcakesleo]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this website although I have been a frequent visitor for years. My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over two years.We have lived together for 6 months now although she also still lives at home since its only a few minutes away. We are in our early twenties. We have broken up only once before officially but we got back together. That was about two months ago. Ever since the break up things have been different. My confidence and self esteem have pretty much been taken away but we seemed to be on the surface doing okay. My only probnlem was that I felt we spent less and less time together. yesterday though was not very good. we both had the day off which is rare for us since we work and go to school full time.

 

We both decided to spend the first half of the day with are families and then meet up later on. About 3pm she called to tell me she was in san francisco shopping with her mom and that she would call me when she was on her way home which she said was soon, Anyways I waited and she finally called at 9pm. She told me that she met up with her dad after eating and left her phone in the car. I was pretty upset that she didn't have the courtesy to call me but of course I wanted to see her. When I finally did see her everything seemed ok. she was loving and we cuddled and kissed and were talking about taking the day off together to go shopping. I was still a little upset though and told her that I felt she did not want to spend time with me. That I had to fight for her attention. I told her that she had 3 things in her life, family, work and me and that she was sacrificing our relationship only and not balancing them all out. she immediately was mad at me and said that she doesnt know what she wants and that she doesnt want to feel guilty for not spending time with me. she felt I was giving an ultimatum. I then said maybe I should step aside and she should figure out if she wants to be commited. she said she doesnt know what she wants and not to pressure her or I will push her away. She then said she had to go and i was pretty hurt. I asked if we were on a break and she said she doesnt know but it seemed like she was ending it. The next day she called me and asked how I was feeling and we had small talk. Its hard for me to accept things this way because we share rent and we have a dog that we both really love. Shes been disapointing me alot lately but I love her and don't know what to do. what do I do? I feel like I am being played but of course have no proof. any advice would be much appreciated. I cant really have nc because of my dog and apartment that I cannot afford on my own. I don't even know where we stand but I dont want to push her so I won't ask her. help please anyone!

[Spinderella]

I think, it's hard to know whether the problem is with you or her, but, either way, you have to work on your self esteem. There are lots of ways to do this, I usually go for the more spiritual type routes when I am feeling down on myself, but some people try counselling with good results, and others try self help reading, etc. Do this first and try not to keep questioning her about the relationship, because as you know, if it isn't broken, you WILL break it, if you continue. Work on yourself and everything else falls into place, one way or another.

[Guest]

Hi, well being a woman I can say that when a men starts asking questions about the relationship and pressuring, I woman can get defensive and mad and end up leaving because they don’t want to confront the situation or they just know you will eventually call back and chase them. Maybe she doesn’t love you the same way you love her. I suggest that you find a diverter from the relationship, something that will occupy your time, because the more you wait for her call or for her to come the more anxious you will get.

 

I have found that going to the gym works for me and because I am busy with work and school I just have found I think less about the relationship. My situation is different but I think a diverter is something everyone that is dealing with a break up or the end of a relationship. You are beautiful in your own way and never feel like you are going to be alone. I don’t really like to go out and drink because then when I get home drunk it makes me think and want to talk to that person. I did that once and never again. I am just trying to stay healthy physically and mentally and the gym has helped me. Try it.