Guest Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 My girlfriend of three years (we dated on and off for three years) left me when my mom was in her final days and when she died last year. She wants to get back together, but I'm skeptical. She left me at that time because I didn't "pay her enough attention." Need advice. What would you do?
snowdiamond Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I don't know what to tell you. That's kind of deep. To me, one of the biggest parts of being in a relationship is knowing, hopefully, someone will stand by you when things aren't going so great. I'm so sorry about your lost, though. I know people handle situations like death differently, but personally, I think I'd have some serious reservations about resuming a relationship with someone if they jumped ship when I thought they would be there for me. I could forgive, but how can you go back to what you had before this happened to you? This says a lot about a person's character to me. If you all get back together and another crisis comes up, will she bail on you again? To me, present behavior dictates future behavior. That's just my two cents.
Jane Doe Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I think she showed you her true colors -- what her character is truly all about. She sounds like a self-centered "fair weather" girlfriend. If I were you, I'd pass.
bubbalump Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I think this is only a situation you can answer... But firstly sorry to hear about your mother. We like to think that we can count on people around us when things take a turn for the worse. I would be open to listening to what she has to say , but again, since ive never been in a situation like that all i can offer is a " do what you feel is right "
Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Thanks for everyone's input. I guess I'll hear her out, but I don't think I'll be able to trust her again. She really hurt me. I never thought she would leave me in my darkest hour. This is really tough for me since she wants to try again. I don't know if I can.
daphne Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I don't think we're hearing the whole story here. You didn't pay her enough attention. If she felt seriously neglected for a long period of time, there may have been a reason she made a selfish choice in not being there for you. It depends on how bad it was and it doesn't sound like you know. I think you shoudl at least hear her out. This is a big deal for women. Guys don't fully understand because they generally get their needs met and often forget what the woman needs and she'll stuff it until she can't stuff it anymore. Hear her out. If she was anything other than seriously hurt and couldn't hold out for a better time, then she's not worth it.
Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I don't think we're hearing the whole story here. You didn't pay her enough attention. If she felt seriously neglected for a long period of time, there may have been a reason she made a selfish choice in not being there for you. It depends on how bad it was and it doesn't sound like you know. I think you shoudl at least hear her out. This is a big deal for women. Guys don't fully understand because they generally get their needs met and often forget what the woman needs and she'll stuff it until she can't stuff it anymore. Hear her out. If she was anything other than seriously hurt and couldn't hold out for a better time, then she's not worth it. Thanks. I am going to see what she has to say. But seriously, I understand about meeting a woman's needs, but my mother was on her deathbed. My mother meant the world to me and my girlfriend just ups and leaves. I can see it if it was a "normal" breakup, but when I needed her the most, she scrammed. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would be there for her. I'm an understanding person. I just never thought that she would do this to me at this time. Like I said, I'll hear her out, but I don't think I'm going to give her another chance. She hurt me too much. Like Snowdiamond said and I'm starting to agree, "pass behavior dictates future behavior."
CosmoBella Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 There is always a different side to the story. But that happen to me in the summer. My father passed and my bf at the time now X wasn't really there. All I heard from him was what he wanted/ What concerned him. He was worried more about himself than the lost. Few days later no call. So that hurts. If you want this to work out try to talk to her. That's a key to making things work. Sometimes our partners don't realize how much they hurt us because some are just selfish.
D-Lish Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I'll tell you something guest- as much as there are two sides to every story, the bottom line is that she left during your darkest hour... and that is indicative of her character. My situation wasn't as dire as yours, but my ex left me during a bad time. I was losing my business and facing bankruptcy, then I had a cancer scare... and I was a little more irritable and needy the last two months of our relationship... just way more distarught and scared than usual. He left me in the middle of that. As far as I am concerned, he showed me he couldn't ever be that guy to stand by me through everything in life. I don't think there is anything wrong with hearing her out and seeing what she has to say. But I don't know if I were you if I could get past the fact that she left during one of your worst moments. D
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