Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 OK, I meet this guy online. We do a lot of IM'ing and chat and emailing. After about a month of this, we agree to meet in person. Well, we hit it off immediately. Not long afterwards, the relationship turned physical. Within weeks of meeting we were IM'ing every day, having long phone conversations, etc. But now some red flags are going up for me. Here are some examples: * If I get off the phone 'too quickly' for his taste, he feels slighted and then won't email or text me for a day or so until he gets over it * One night he came over and I was on the phone with an old friend. We were having a serious discussion about an issue between us. I was really on the phone about 15 minutes tops, but the guy I'm seeing had an ISSUE with that. Like, how dare I talk to someone else while he's there? * He also got upset that I replied to some his voicemails by hitting the reply button rather than call directly. To the point that he retracted an invitation to a Xmas party he'd invited me to. What started off great is now giving me the creeps. I don't think I want to see this guy anymore. He seems like an insecure control freak. Does his behavior seem weird and unreasonable to you?
IpAncA Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Heck yeah this is werid. If you don't want to see him, then I wouldn't complain. That guy has some issues IMO.
shawn_68 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 He does sound insecure and controlling. Do you think it would help to talk with him about this?
Walk Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Gee, he sounds real mature. I love the part about how he talked to you directly and let you know that he would rather you return messages by calling him directly. He really confronted the problem directly, and had a good discussion about expectations and actions. He seems to have a real knack for communication, empathy, and understanding. </sarcasm> His behavior would creep me out too.
jenniferlm Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Hmmm. I would probably say something to him about his behavior. If during this conversation he gets mean or refuses to work on things, you should break it off
dahling Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 aah...the kind of creeps you meet online these days
moman Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Retracting a party invite is rediculous in almost any circumstance, especially for something so silly like a miscommunication. If you like the guy, tell him that his behavior bothers you. Seems a little early to go blowing up a relationship for something that may be easily fixed by a frank discussion. If that doesn't work, end it.
MadDog Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 He seems like a total creep. He's manipulative and insecure. If he's acting this way now, just imagine how things will be in the future. He wants to be the only thing that has your attention...ever. This is obviously not desirable nor possible so your best bet is to dump this guy. MD
Crazy Cutie Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 But now some red flags are going up for me. Here are some examples: * If I get off the phone 'too quickly' for his taste, he feels slighted and then won't email or text me for a day or so until he gets over it * One night he came over and I was on the phone with an old friend. We were having a serious discussion about an issue between us. I was really on the phone about 15 minutes tops, but the guy I'm seeing had an ISSUE with that. Like, how dare I talk to someone else while he's there? * He also got upset that I replied to some his voicemails by hitting the reply button rather than call directly. To the point that he retracted an invitation to a Xmas party he'd invited me to. Don't DATE HIM!!! Only crazy people worry about these small thing like, "I'd rather you have called me rather than just sent a reply."
Mary3 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 He seems like a total creep. He's manipulative and insecure. If he's acting this way now, just imagine how things will be in the future. He wants to be the only thing that has your attention...ever. This is obviously not desirable nor possible so your best bet is to dump this guy. MD Amen to that ! Lose the LOSER asap !
burning 4 revenge Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I think I either look like a Roman senator or a vampire.
thelipless Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 * One night he came over and I was on the phone with an old friend. We were having a serious discussion about an issue between us. I was really on the phone about 15 minutes tops, but the guy I'm seeing had an ISSUE with that. Like, how dare I talk to someone else while he's there? most of the things you said make him seem a bit wierd, but to be honest, its a bit rude to just talk on the phone when you have company over...
Guest Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 most of the things you said make him seem a bit wierd, but to be honest, its a bit rude to just talk on the phone when you have company over... Really? But I was literally on the phone 15 min or less and we had a serious thing to talk about. Let me just add that on our first date, he took no less than THREE phone calls from his daughter You mean you would never take a call when you were having a guest over or on a date?
Krytellan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Yes, as said above he is very much both insecure and controlling. If this is what he does this early in the "relationship", there is nowhere to go but crazier. Continue to date him at your own expense. I can definitely forsee violence in his future.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 He does sound insecure and controlling. Do you think it would help to talk with him about this? Feh. These kinds of people don't change just because you talk to them about it. It's not just about actions that can be corrected. They're screwed up on the inside. He's a freak. He needs professional help. Ditch him like a bad habit.
riobikini Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Guest, I agree with the posters who have stated they think this man is a good candidate for the "delete" key on your computer. I think, too, that it needs to be said that these types of men often turn out to have violent tempers and are fond of stalking. Press, "delete" -and be more careful. -Rio
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 But I was literally on the phone 15 min or less and we had a serious thing to talk about. Could have told that person you'd call them back later or the next day. I don't talk on the phone when I have company over. I answer the phone but I tell whoever it is, that I can't talk BECAUSE I have company over. No big deal and the OP on the phone understands. Let me just add that on our first date, he took no less than THREE phone calls from his daughter Can't compare a friend calling and taking a call to someone's daughter. You mean you would never take a call when you were having a guest over or on a date? Not unless it's an emergency! Either way, this guy seems abit unstable. Could be he just really likes you and isn't sure how to act or he's a weirdo. That's up to you to decide.
aeren944 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I agree that this stuff is creepy. But that third thing, about not calling you back directly (instead of hitting the reply button)... I think we need more info on that one, cuz that's like crazy type! Are you sure there's not something more with that?? The first thing, about ending the convo early or whatever, seems weird, but more like he just likes you a lot and wants to talk to you more. The second thing, about the phone call when he was there, seems kind of understandable actually... from the replies mentioned above. It does seem creepy, but usually I notice that these things have more to them... especially that "Reply button" stuff... that's just nuts.
LuminousZ Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You mean you would never take a call when you were having a guest over or on a date? Absolutely NOT. I turn my phone OFF.
tanbark813 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 most of the things you said make him seem a bit wierd, but to be honest, its a bit rude to just talk on the phone when you have company over... I agree. To the OP: The first and third points are definitely weird, but in the second one you were being rude, IMO. You mean you would never take a call when you were having a guest over or on a date? I know this wasn't posed to me but I've never taken a call on a date. I just let it go to voicemail. Taking a call while on a date is basically saying, "Hold on for a bit while I speak with someone I consider more important."
Guest Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I agree. To the OP: The first and third points are definitely weird, but in the second one you were being rude, IMO. I know this wasn't posed to me but I've never taken a call on a date. I just let it go to voicemail. Taking a call while on a date is basically saying, "Hold on for a bit while I speak with someone I consider more important." OK, point taken...but this wasn't a 'date' so much as it was, "Why don't I just drop by after work and we watch TV or something?" He's the one who was all about keeping things light and casual and not heavy. Anyway, the phone call had to do with my friend's wedding and there was a sticky issue that had to be worked out so....yes, it was not just a casual phone call. Well, that's all niether here nor there because as of yesterday he and I are OVER. Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm really glad it wasn't just me feeling paranoid. He pulled the 'You get off the phone too fast' one more time on me and I just had enough. I told him I was not going to tiptoe around his neurotic complexes and then he shut me out for two days. Then he finally emailed me and said this was probably not going to work out. I breathed a sigh of relief and said, "No, I don't think so either" I feel like I dodged a HUGE bullet
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