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Follow up to wife wanting divorce, but sending mixed signals


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Posted

It's been 2 weeks, and we're still in the same house and bed, although there is no physical contact between us. I think I've shown her all the things I CAN do around the house to help out, that I've neglected in the past, and I think they're working. Now she won't open her heart to let me back in, because I think she's afraid that things will slip back to my lazy way of being. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN! But convincing her of that is where I am now. What can I do?

 

She still has a cold streak in her that flares up whenever she gets scared that I'm getting too comfortable, but at other times, we laugh, flirt (with words), and basically get along fine. I guess the question I have now is "How do I get her to want me back?" not make her want me, but get her to see what I have to offer and see the rewards. We've been married for 11 years and together for going on 14. We've done a lot together and seen a lot, both good and bad.

 

As recently as 3 years ago when I deployed to Iraq, there was true love, not something immitating it, but true deep hearted love. Sometime in that short of time from then to now, things changed.

Any help would be appreciated on how to handle this, I can't push or try to hard, because that pressures her and she retreats.

Posted

Be consistent. Eventually, she might believe that this is not an act and that you are truly committed. The only thing you can do is SHOW her, but don't go over the top on anything. You are right...no pressure, no grand displays...just try to think of her and be consistent with it. If you do something nice, don't just do it once and expect a pat on the head for it (not that you've done that, I'm just saying as an example). Or if she doesn't comment about it, don't get deflated or dejected--its going to take MANY examples of good behavior for her to start putting some stock into what she is seeing.

 

Antha

Posted

The most important thing to remember about trust and feelings is that words only go so far. People, and especially women, are often only convinced by behavior. You can tell someone you have changed until you're blue in the face, but the actions are what tells the story. Don't waste your breath telling her, you need to show her daily and continually. Actions speak volumes. If you feel the problem is yours to fix, then just keep making the changes because you know it's the right thing to do, not because it's the only way to get what you want... people can see right through that.

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