Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The guy I'm dating brought up what he described as "the official boyfriend-girlfriend conversation" last week. It kinda threw me off at first, but in the end we found ourselves actually on the same page the entire time. I found the way he wanted to go about titling our relationship and clarifying things very amusing. I thought girls were supposed to be the over-analyzers? Anyway, he believes there is a difference between "dating/sleeping with each other exclusively" and being "boyfriend/girlfriend." He's had "smothering" relationships in the past, and feels as though there's much more commitment, obligation, smothering, etc. involved in a serious "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship. I thought it was far too early - the 5th date!! - to be in a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship as well, but was relieved to know that he doesn't want to date/have sex with anyone else, and doesn't want me to either. Rather, we are now "dating exclusively" while still getting to know each other and seeing whether we want to pursue this relationship into that more serious BF-GF thing. I think this exactly what we both wanted...slow, exploratory, see how it goes kinda thing... Question is - what really IS the difference from a guy's perspective between the DEFINITION of "exclusive" and "BF-GF"? I kinda feel as though bc we are exclusive he IS my BF and I am his GF, but because of the occasional absence and few days without speaking (bc of our schedules) as well as the fact that our relationship IS so very, very new, I would never DREAM of actually USING that title nor EXPECT any of those "expected behaviors" of an established boyfriend... does that make sense?
tanbark813 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I think the only difference is what you said: the title. As far as the actions/rules/etc involved, I think it would be the same. But if you're going to date exclusively, you might as well just be bf-gf.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The guy I'm dating brought up what he described as "the official boyfriend-girlfriend conversation" last week. It kinda threw me off at first, The reason why it "threw you off" is cause its the womans job to bring this discussion up. I have never iniitated it and never will. Personally I hope she never bring it up but eventually she will. Thats when I break out the bottle of Jack Daniels and open a new bag of Cheetoes and get ready for a "fun" chat.
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 what really IS the difference from a guy's perspective between the DEFINITION of "exclusive" and "BF-GF"? I am one that believes they are of the same cloth.. maybe as a teen there was a difference but and an adult there isn't. I think you are either dating or exclusive/bf-gf I also think that being exclusive comes with having sex. once I have had sex with a girl I believe the relationship has just jump into being exclusive..if it doesn't then it was a ONS aand I don't those anymore.. and no I just won't sleep with any girl the girl has to have the potential to turning into someone that I want in my life in order for me to have sex.
tanbark813 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 once I have had sex with a girl I believe the relationship has just jump into being exclusive That's a dangerous and unwise assumption, IMHO.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 and no I just won't sleep with any girl the girl has to have the potential to turning into someone that I want in my life in order for me to have sex. I will....there are a certain class of chicks I'll **** but don't want any LT relationship with. I think thats where we differ. I'm a man-whore and you aren't
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 That's a dangerous and unwise assumption, IMHO. Since I don't do ONS I wouldn't have sex with a girl that didn't have the potential.. and if she didn't want to to be exclusive then bye bye.. Aids and Herpes has a way of making me exclusive sexually to one person and also requiring it I'm no longer young and foolish like someone in their 20's
tanbark813 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I meant it's unwise to assume she's not f**king other people once you've slept with her. Unless you mean you always bring it up beforehand or just afterwards. But even then it's no guarantee.
Art_Critic Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I meant it's unwise to assume she's not f**king other people once you've slept with her. Unless you mean you always bring it up beforehand or just afterwards. I get ya... I wouldn't assume it.. but I think I would also have a pretty good idea if she was sleeping with someone else.. If I thought she was I wouldn't be having sex with her.. Having grown up inside the Aids generation and having a mother that nurses Aids patients I have always been particular with who sleep with
Pyro Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The reason why it "threw you off" is cause its the womans job to bring this discussion up. I disagree with this. The discussion is not just for the woman to bring up. Either party can bring it up.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 AC - I think you and my guy have a lot in common. He NEVER has sex outside of a relationship, but rather waits until there is an established relationship (the entire BF-GF title) before hittin' the sheets. However, we moved more quickly than either one of us is used to, and as a result he had somewhat assumed that I would be expecting him to be my "instant boyfriend" and he kinda felt like he would have to be one because that's just how he works. Because of this time of the year with the holidays and our respective freakishly busy schedules, it's going to be very hard for us to spend a good amount of quality time together over the next month or so, and he was concerned about being a "bad boyfriend" and upsetting me because he'd never be around (in the manner that he wants to be but can't), literally - out of state 3 different times for over a week each in 2 months. The conversation progressed and we understood where each other was coming from - having sex so quickly put a lot of pressure on the both of us to DEFINE and clarify our relationship. Neither one of us sleeps around or dates just for the hell of it - we do it to explore the long-long-long term potential with someone, and we do it with one person at a time. He and I both want to continue eploring that potential with one another, but without the heaviness that a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship seems to imply. As a result, we made it very clear to each other that we are exclusive, but without the pressure of a SERIOUS relationship, but I still don't see why we don't have the "BF-GF" thing... But it's all good for now, so I'm not complaining.
Pyro Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Question is - what really IS the difference from a guy's perspective between the DEFINITION of "exclusive" and "BF-GF"? I kinda feel as though bc we are exclusive he IS my BF and I am his GF, but because of the occasional absence and few days without speaking (bc of our schedules) as well as the fact that our relationship IS so very, very new, I would never DREAM of actually USING that title nor EXPECT any of those "expected behaviors" of an established boyfriend... does that make sense? To me, there is no real difference. Its all the same.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I disagree with this. The discussion is not just for the woman to bring up. Either party can bring it up. well I think you are wrong RIDDLER, its the womans job to ask for him to be her b/f or to be exclusive
Pyro Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 well I think you are wrong RIDDLER, its the womans job to ask for him to be her b/f or to be exclusive Could you elaborate on your reasoning? Why should that talk be limited to just one side of the relationship?
johan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Question is - what really IS the difference from a guy's perspective between the DEFINITION of "exclusive" and "BF-GF"? Exclusive means you aren't seeing anyone else. "BF-GF" means you are exclusive, plus you're in love and trying to make things work for the future.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Could you elaborate on your reasoning? Why should that talk be limited to just one side of the relationship? because women choose the men. and they are also better at relationships in general than men. women guide the relationship and they are much better in recognizing the milestones than we are. ergo it is their job to ask for this. the woman asks the man if he will be her exclusive b/f. then later on the man asks her if she will be his wife. thats the way it works....don't mess with tradition.
Pyro Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 because women choose the men. and they are also better at relationships in general than men. women guide the relationship and they are much better in recognizing the milestones than we are. ergo it is their job to ask for this. the woman asks the man if he will be her exclusive b/f. then later on the man asks her if she will be his wife. thats the way it works....don't mess with tradition. Traditions have changed throughout the years, but only the woman asking the man to be BF/GF is not any tradition. I have never heard of such a thing. I have never heard anyone mention that. Even though women generally do choose the man to be with, that doesn't mean that the responsibility of having the talk is only limited to her. Honestly I asked my GF to become exclusive and she loved it. I am sure that I am not the only guy who has done this.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Even though women generally do choose the man to be with, that doesn't mean that the responsibility of having the talk is only limited to her. Honestly I asked my GF to become exclusive and she loved it. I am sure that I am not the only guy who has done this. I don't go up to them on my hands and knees asking "Will u be my excluvise g/f, puh-lease? pretty puh-lease?"... Screw that man...I just say nothing about it and eventually she'll bring it up. It may take 1 month, may take 6 months. And when she brings it up then I will either accept or reject her offer, or make a counter-offer.
Pyro Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I don't go up to them on my hands and knees asking "Will u be my excluvise g/f, puh-lease? pretty puh-lease?"... Screw that man...I just say anything about it and eventually she'll bring it up. It may take 1 month, may take 6 months. And when she brings it up then I will either accept or reject her offer, or make a counter-offer. Who says that you have to beg to a woman to become exclusive? All I did was smile and ask? Your ex must have been one hell of a woman if she caused you to be this bitter.
johan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 If I want to be exclusive with a girl, I'll say so. I don't care about any arbitrary tradition someone makes up. I guess everyone has to have rules to follow. Even ones they make up for themselves. Some people needs lots and lots of rules. I think it's a better strategy to see how things go with each person and to figure out what rules make the most sense for each relationship.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 If I want to be exclusive with a girl, I'll say so. I don't care about any arbitrary tradition someone makes up. I guess everyone has to have rules to follow. Even ones they make up for themselves. what u mean "made up"....this is proper relationship etiquette. even the experts say so.
johan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 what u mean "made up"....this is proper relationship etiquette. even the experts say so. Get an expert to post about it, and I'll discuss it with them.
Pyro Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 what u mean "made up"....this is proper relationship etiquette. even the experts say so. Would you mind pasting a link to any links that these experts have on that subject? I am very curious to read about that because I do find it hard to believe.
johan Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Would you mind pasting a link to any links that these experts have on that subject? I am very curious to read about that because I do find it hard to believe. You should know better than to post this.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Would you mind pasting a link to any links that these experts have on that subject? I am very curious to read about that because I do find it hard to believe. ok remind me tomorrow. i don't have time right now.
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