twkvfx Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I need to be loved by my old friends. I have friends of various ages (upto roughly a maximum of 40s), but I somehow don't receive the same love and respect anymore as I did between 3 years ago and a couple of months back. I beleive it's because I somehow wronged against them (like being rude, not smiling to them, not giving them love and respect back, etc). So what do I do?
Author twkvfx Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 learn to love yourself. I've heard of that advice before, but never understood what loving yourself means. What's loving yourself got to do with your friendship problems?
quankanne Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 when you learn to love (accept) yourself, it becomes easier to see how others love you. A person who has no self-love doesn't see themself as worthy of love, and finds it hard to accept that others find value in or can love them. another thing you can do to win your friends' confidence back in you is to genuinely be the kind of friend you hope to be to others. Looking for loyalty and honesty? Then be honest and loyal yourself. And so on.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 So what do I do? Find some new friends. Sometimes you'll find that your "friends" are really enemies in disguise.
WhiteKnight Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 In many ways, you have to learn how to care about yourself. Through time you will also love (accept) who you are, perhaps they want to see a 'new' you but anything can happen with your friends though, they may like the new change or not. Some will be supportive and not so supportive. In time you will understand who your real friends are and those who tend to drift away or stay away when you need their support the most, I guess you will find yourself in the position of understanding who are your real friends and who are your social friends. Always be honest with yourself and your friends. Be truthful to thyself. Try to be supportive and in time you will respect each other. You might be better off mixing with new friends around your age group or 5 years older/younger than you. However try not to limit yourself with age, I have many friends in various age groups but the best thing I've learnt from experience is to be 'completely neutral' in friendships.
Author twkvfx Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 I am nothing but a selfish, failing, emotionless, un-motivated, thoughtless BASTARD!!! I don't like myself because of the un-repaired errors, hurt and problems I've caused in life. What does that tell you?
persistant Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I am nothing but a selfish, failing, emotionless, un-motivated, thoughtless BASTARD!!! I don't like myself because of the un-repaired errors, hurt and problems I've caused in life. What does that tell you? Your growing up. Your normal. Your a normal teenager. Keep optimistic even when things are tough.
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I am nothing but a selfish, failing, emotionless, un-motivated, thoughtless BASTARD!!! I don't like myself because of the un-repaired errors, hurt and problems I've caused in life. What does that tell you? If you don't like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you?
CardPlay3r Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I am nothing but a selfish, failing, emotionless, un-motivated, thoughtless BASTARD!!! I don't like myself because of the un-repaired errors, hurt and problems I've caused in life. What does that tell you? That tells me that whatever it is you did you now regret it and want to change...so just change. Real bastards don't regret anything or think about what they done...
Author twkvfx Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 I'm sorry for my negativity. It's not like me that I swear. It's very rare for me to say such language. I apologise. It's just that I'm so depressed with the personal problems I've caused and not changing it whenever I had the chance to that I can't even smile for once.
bluetuesday Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I am nothing but a selfish, failing, emotionless, un-motivated, thoughtless BASTARD!!! I don't like myself because of the un-repaired errors, hurt and problems I've caused in life. What does that tell you? it tells me that you haven't yet learned that holding onto your past mistakes is a worthless exercise because you can neither change what you've done or make it better by continuing to identify yourself as a person who is all of those things you listed. it also tells me that you need to forgive yourself, you need to learn how not to act in a certain way again by taking responsibility for your choices and you need to move on with your life unhindered. start by saying this phrase: i am willing to let go of the illusion that by feeling bad about my mistakes or punishing myself, i can somehow compensate for what i did. i am willing to let go of the illusion that i can never rise above my mistakes. when i learn the lessons i need to learn, an action is no longer a mistake. it has become a step on the path to forgiving myself and rising above the consciousness that caused me to make mistakes in the first place. it has become a positive step towards being the man i want to be. repeat as necessary.
Artatthemovies Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Personally I wouldnt bother with them, they seem a bit fickle to me.
Author twkvfx Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 When you meant by loving yourself, do you mean by forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and stop emotionally hurting yourself?
bluetuesday Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 When you meant by loving yourself, do you mean by forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and stop emotionally hurting yourself? that is one way to love yourself, yes, to give yourself a break from things no amount of hating yourself will change.
CardPlay3r Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 When you meant by loving yourself, do you mean by forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and stop emotionally hurting yourself? Well Andy...whatever it is you have done in the past, if you truely regret it now and you are a different person, then that's all that matters! It is irrelevant what kind of person you were, what matters is the kind of person you are now. People can and do change, perhaps most don't but some do, so judge yourself by who you are now. Maybe those things you regret about yourself aren't even so bad, mind if you share to 'get it off your chest' ?
Author twkvfx Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Well Andy...whatever it is you have done in the past, if you truely regret it now and you are a different person, then that's all that matters! It is irrelevant what kind of person you were, what matters is the kind of person you are now. People can and do change, perhaps most don't but some do, so judge yourself by who you are now. Maybe those things you regret about yourself aren't even so bad, mind if you share to 'get it off your chest' ? ermmmm......oh! I got one. This is the most recent. We were about to walk past each other as she was about to leave church. My mind's telling me to say atleast a goodbye to her at the time of moment when we walk past, since then that everytime we walk past she sees me as she doesn't know me, or just being ignorant because of my cause (which I might talk about it in the future). We walked past, and said nothing. "What happened?!" I said to myself. "Why didn't you do it?" To be honest I didn't know why I didn't make a response. It's like my mind's just been disconnected from my emotion. I felt hurt, because of this situation, and believe that I've made the errors in between us even worse. This is stupid. We've known for 3 years, and even moved into my previous house. That's where the amount of (christian) love and respect began, and I began to receive it quite often. Today's the opposite to that.
CardPlay3r Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well from that thing you describe you just seems shy not that you did something especially rude. Didn't quite get the story with you and that woman it wasn't clear enough tho...
Author twkvfx Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Well from that thing you describe you just seems shy not that you did something especially rude. Didn't quite get the story with you and that woman it wasn't clear enough tho... I wasn't talking about the story, I was talking about the mistake I've recently made. Anyways, what does my previous post tell you then?
blind_otter Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Your post tells me that you are much, much too hard on yourself and you should stop judging yourself so harshly.
Andydotcom Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well from that thing you describe you just seems shy not that you did something especially rude. Didn't quite get the story with you and that woman it wasn't clear enough tho... It's not shyness. It's my sense of depression that hindered me.
Author twkvfx Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Well from that thing you describe you just seems shy not that you did something especially rude. Didn't quite get the story with you and that woman it wasn't clear enough tho... It's not shyness. It's just that of my sense of deep depression that hindered me.
silentalways Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 You like so many guys just don't get it. The fact the YOU like her alot, means ZERO to her! It's only how much she likes you that counts for anything! Attraction isn't triggered in a woman, by a guy revealing his intense interest for her! i just read that on another site, women is that true? man, everytime i have shown interest in a woman i always end up dating so i must be doing something right? hmmm...so confusing.
Author twkvfx Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 You like so many guys just don't get it. The fact the YOU like her alot, means ZERO to her! It's only how much she likes you that counts for anything! Attraction isn't triggered in a woman, by a guy revealing his intense interest for her! i just read that on another site, women is that true? man, everytime i have shown interest in a woman i always end up dating so i must be doing something right? hmmm...so confusing. What the heck?! I think you're thinking about the wrong stuff here. I wasn't talking about love interest, lol. I was talking about friendship problems. haha, man, did I sound a little heart-broken of the woman I loved? So anyways, when you put it that way, does that mean that there's no way in turning her point of view around? To be honest, used to be the most respected one.
Author twkvfx Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 You like so many guys just don't get it. The fact the YOU like her alot, means ZERO to her! It's only how much she likes you that counts for anything! Attraction isn't triggered in a woman, by a guy revealing his intense interest for her! i just read that on another site, women is that true? man, everytime i have shown interest in a woman i always end up dating so i must be doing something right? hmmm...so confusing. What the heck?! I think you're thinking about the wrong stuff here. I wasn't talking about love interest, lol. I was talking about friendship problems. haha, man, did I sound like I was heart-broken (yes in a way I was heart-broken from a broken friendship, but not as someone you love) of the someone I love? So anyways, when you put it that way, does that mean that there's no way in turning her point of view around? To be honest, I used to be the most respected one.
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