Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 I hope no one takes this wrong. First i hate , HATE the term cake..... We got caught , we broke it off.. We never had no contact. But we tried not talking for days at a time. We tried staying friends. We tried going separte ways. Him with his wife..Me , I spent some time with my ex.... He never left my thoughts. I found out I never left his. I found out he true reasons for staying for the moment. I found out what is happening and why. I found out if he was lieing to me or not. I found out he is leaving that this was never a lie. I found out she doesnt love him and he doesnt love her like a couple would or should. I found out this marriage is and has been LONG before me just for the kids. We got back together. I told him everything i was feeling and gone through. We are back to place and stronger then we were before. He told me everything also. As for the argument today..It was me protecting his daughter from him blowing up with other people and causing him not being at her sporting events. Me wanting him to make sure biting his tongue for now would make his daughter happy for the time being... And its me looking at all the pain of this forum and trying to apply it to me and him. And getting fustrated when it doesnt fit and I get confused.
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 I'm sorry you're feeling bad yousaveme, but I get this too. I think you are beyond him now. I think you've been hurt more than you may like to admit and that's why you're resentful. I think you know and feel that you shouldn't have gone back. I know i have resentment towards him with the break up..He knows that also.....As for going back, I wanted that also..Im not going to lie about that. I wanted that also.. I just want to let it go i guess. I want to stop arguing..
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 It is not your place to advise him on his daughter, especially if he has chosen to stick it out with his wife FOR THE KIDS. He has chosen to stay married for his daughter and needs to get advice from his kids mom, his wife he chose to remain with for these kids. To parent together as a team. I do not think his daughter would appreciate you sticking up for her.
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 It is not your place to advise him on his daughter, especially if he has chosen to stick it out with his wife FOR THE KIDS. He has chosen to stay married for his daughter and needs to get advice from his kids mom, his wife he chose to remain with for these kids. To parent together as a team. I do not think his daughter would appreciate you sticking up for her. I dont want him to get hurt. Unlike his wife I care about his feelings and the relationship with his daughter. I cant just stand by and watch him get hurt and her. Im not the type of person who doesnt care.
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 It is not your place to advise him on his daughter, especially if he has chosen to stick it out with his wife FOR THE KIDS. He has chosen to stay married for his daughter and needs to get advice from his kids mom, his wife he chose to remain with for these kids. To parent together as a team. I do not think his daughter would appreciate you sticking up for her. I could never be a cold hearted self-centered person its not me. When you love someone and spend so much time. You care about everything in their life. We talk about everything. We help eachother with everything.
Buttaflyy Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I dont want him to get hurt. Unlike his wife I care about his feelings and the relationship with his daughter. I cant just stand by and watch him get hurt and her. Im not the type of person who doesnt care. Girl, I don't mean to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't say exactly what I feel. With that said, I just gotta tell you that things don't look so good on his side. First off, his behavior...you are concerned about him (a father and grown man) basically, "misbehaving" and feel the need to have to tell him how to act and treat ppl. Of course you should care about his relationship with his daughter, but how can you say that his wife doesn't? After all she is letting him stay around for the kids and she doesn't even love him right? I don't think you are seeing things realistically. I hope you are, but I don't so.
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I could never be a cold hearted self-centered person its not me. When you love someone and spend so much time. You care about everything in their life. We talk about everything. We help eachother with everything. You just don't get it. You do not have involvement with his family. You are the interloper. The outsider. You have NOTHING to do with his daughter unless he chooses to share you with his daughter. Right now he has chosen to parent with his wife. His daughters mother. He obviously respects her as a parent since he chose this FOR THE KIDS. Not with you. I'm sorry you are having a rough time but this man really has you snowed over with the together for the kids crap. YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAS TOLD YOU.
Buttaflyy Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Also, I know exactly what you meant about taking some of these posts and applying them to your own life when they don't neccessarily belong there. But the harder part is accepting when what you read does apply to you. That to me, and this is only my opinion is a very good thing about LS. Objectively, sorting out your life and it's issues and applying them where they belong in order to fix them. Sometimes for me, it's pretty frightening because I discover things that I never realized was ever there! But no, don't own anything that doesn't belong. But also, make sure to sort out what does belong and apply it.
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 and you've also stated that you've seen this for yourself. Well your example was a sporting event and how they were not even next to each other. Well any soccer mom - sporting mom on this board can probably tell you that's how sporting events go. The moms sit on the bleachers chatting and gossiping and fun talk while the men are on the sidelines watching the athletes every move and talking sports talk with the other dads. My husband and i are never next to each other at games but we text meassage back and forth to one another the whole game. Laughing about a play or this and that and sometimes giglling to each other at the various different conversations we are having. This an outsider would not see or know.
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Also, I know exactly what you meant about taking some of these posts and applying them to your own life when they don't neccessarily belong there. But the harder part is accepting when what you read does apply to you. That to me, and this is only my opinion is a very good thing about LS. Objectively, sorting out your life and it's issues and applying them where they belong in order to fix them. Sometimes for me, it's pretty frightening because I discover things that I never realized was ever there! But no, don't own anything that doesn't belong. But also, make sure to sort out what does belong and apply it. very good advice. You can not be hurt by what someone says if it does not apply to you. If it does then you better think hard about why it hurt. No one is on here to attack you. I feel awful for you and would love for you to wake up. You are in a terrible situation that can only change if you choose to play hardball with him.
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 and you've also stated that you've seen this for yourself. Well your example was a sporting event and how they were not even next to each other. Well any soccer mom - sporting mom on this board can probably tell you that's how sporting events go. The moms sit on the bleachers chatting and gossiping and fun talk while the men are on the sidelines watching the athletes every move and talking sports talk with the other dads. My husband and i are never next to each other at games but we text meassage back and forth to one another the whole game. Laughing about a play or this and that and sometimes giglling to each other at the various different conversations we are having. This an outsider would not see or know. Did you ever think I dont say EVERYTHING...If that is all I had to go by I would NOT be in this relationship. Im not an idiot
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Did you ever think I dont say EVERYTHING...If that is all I had to go by I would NOT be in this relationship. Im not an idiot so you know something about his relationship with his wife hat was not told to you by him or one of his best friends?
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 so you know something about his relationship with his wife hat was not told to you by him or one of his best friends? YES... I know about us also
noforgiveness Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 YES... I know about us also sigh...everyone will be here to support you when you have truly had enough. You saw his true colors. He broke up with you when he got caught and came back when it was safe... Do you realize you are making his situation at home that much easier?
Author yousaveme Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 sigh...everyone will be here to support you when you have truly had enough. You saw his true colors. He broke up with you when he got caught and came back when it was safe... Do you realize you are making his situation at home that much easier? Yes your right I saw his true colors.....He didnt come back when it was safe far from that.... And no im not making his situtation at home easier.... But you are right I saw his true colors...thanks i needed to be reminded of that. I know what i need to do now. Thanks
Ladyjane14 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Also, I know exactly what you meant about taking some of these posts and applying them to your own life when they don't neccessarily belong there. But the harder part is accepting when what you read does apply to you. That to me, and this is only my opinion is a very good thing about LS. Objectively, sorting out your life and it's issues and applying them where they belong in order to fix them. Sometimes for me, it's pretty frightening because I discover things that I never realized was ever there! But no, don't own anything that doesn't belong. But also, make sure to sort out what does belong and apply it. Nicely done. Not to get too far off-topic, since I've barely skimmed the thread... but that one post made a personal impression with me. I'm finding the idea of "applying" what I've learned here at LS particularly relevant today. (I've been conflict-avoiding in real life again.... oops! ) Thanks Buttaflyy.
Buttaflyy Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 (I've been conflict-avoiding in real life again.... oops! ) Thanks Buttaflyy. Oh, but this at a time... WAS life! (for me) You're welcome LadyJane and thanks for letting me know that I don't stand alone!
Chapter2 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I'm not trying to TJ but your point about resentment is very good and I wondered what your thoughts are on this... Do you think resentment every just dissipates or do you think it just stays at a slow simmer for a long time until something makes it start boiling? Not sure where all the cooking words are coming from...sorry. Because that's what resentment is all about. It's that feeling of being stuck in a place of unforgiveness (only word that comes to mind right now), I guess. You don't mean it, but you look toward the resented person with a sort of disdain for the way things are. I think you resent the fact that your situation is the way it is. I think you resent the fact that you can't just be with him exclusivley. When you think about resentment (if you do infact think this is it), what reasons come to your mind? Can they be changed or are they part of the deal with you guys being together? Are they things you should except or not?
Buttaflyy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I'm not trying to TJ but your point about resentment is very good and I wondered what your thoughts are on this... Do you think resentment every just dissipates or do you think it just stays at a slow simmer for a long time until something makes it start boiling? Not sure where all the cooking words are coming from...sorry. In my opinion, overcoming resentment is something that must be worked on. I think it can start at a slow simmer and increase until it boils over unless you realize it and correct it. Resentment is a feeling that most times you feel for someone you do care about, and that's why it's so hard dealing with it. But once you realize that it's there, you have to work on what brought it up in the first place and try and get past it and change it. This takes work from the person who caused these resentful feelings as well. They must have done something, or something had to have happened. You've gotta start talking things out and be honest about your feelings. Hopefully through that you can get a better understanding on why you feel this way and why the other person reacted and caused you to feel that way about them. Hopefully, you'll get a better understanding of their POV as well
Author yousaveme Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 In my opinion, overcoming resentment is something that must be worked on. I think it can start at a slow simmer and increase until it boils over unless you realize it and correct it. Resentment is a feeling that most times you feel for someone you do care about, and that's why it's so hard dealing with it. But once you realize that it's there, you have to work on what brought it up in the first place and try and get past it and change it. This takes work from the person who caused these resentful feelings as well. They must have done something, or something had to have happened. You've gotta start talking things out and be honest about your feelings. Hopefully through that you can get a better understanding on why you feel this way and why the other person reacted and caused you to feel that way about them. Hopefully, you'll get a better understanding of their POV as well OMG , thank you.....You dont know what you have just done ...But I think this might be it....I'm going to do this right now... THANK YOU....THANK YOU:bunny:
Buttaflyy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 OMG , thank you.....You dont know what you have just done ...But I think this might be it....I'm going to do this right now... THANK YOU....THANK YOU:bunny: Wow really!? Hope everything goes well!
Author yousaveme Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 Wow really!? Hope everything goes well! YOU did , you really did.....
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 YOU did , you really did..... Hey YSM, are things better today?
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