I love my best friend

[dixie_chick_2006]

Agh, where do I start?

 

One of my friends went out with this guy. Me & the guy became best friends, and eventually they broke up (but not because of me thank god!) So me & this guy have been best friends for a year now, he used to like me at the start of the friendship when he was still with his gf, and then went off me. Now i like him so much, i can't stop thinking about him, i think about him every second of the day. I get so upset about how he treats me, I think if he's my best friend, really, shouldnt he be trying to help me? But all he seems to do is hurt me, he causes more problems and we have more bad times than we do good ones.

 

Im so sick of fighting with him when he does stupid stuff, like not reply on msn, or put some girl he fancies but has never met above me on his myspace friends list.

 

I love him so much, but he couldnt care less. He wants to be just friends, and says me liking him interferes with the friendship, basically that we cant be friends if i still like him. I'm trying to stop liking him, just get back to being friends, but its so hard. We arent best friends anymore, just friends he says, but i so want to get back to being best friends.

 

I guess i am treating it like a breakup, when in breakup situations you dont see the person anymore and you can take time to get over them completely, but i talk to him everyday on msn, i can't not talk to him, i need him. Hes very controlling, and has basically told me im too attatched to him and i need to distance myself from him. Im away at uni, so he says he wont come and visit me and we need to talk less on msn.

 

About a month ago i got sick of him treating me badly so i ended the friendship, but I couldnt handle it and went crawling back a few days later because I couldnt cope not having him in my life, when he just accepted we werent friends anymore, i cried almost solidly for 2 days.

 

Im so confused, if he was really my best friend would he be treating me like this? Is he just messing me about, not wanting to be my friend, only pretending? I cant get the thought out of my head that he's enjoying my pain and the fact that he can upset me with the click of his finger. He's intentionally hurting me, he knows what gets to me (not replying on msn, ignoring me etc) and he does it more. I need to get him out of my life and move on, but at the same time I need him in it and i want us to still be friends.

 

Is there a way to just get back to being friends without just cutting him out completely? I feel if we werent friends anymore, it would be such a waste of a year, and I have so many reminders of him, photos, cards etc. Im so pathetic, please please help? :( :(

[norajane]

I'm going to be blunt with you: step back before you make yourself sick.

 

Yes, you were best friends, but you haven't been best friends for a long time. Your feelings for him created a problem between you because he didn't share those feelings. You became jealous of his interest in other girls, and you became upset that he didn't have as much time for you. That created more problems and caused him to back away from the friendship. Friends want each other to be happy - you didn't want him to be happy unless it was with you, certainly not if he wanted to date someone.

 

You can't turn back the clock and make him your best friend. He's not interested in dating you, so you can't become his girlfriend. You can't be "just friends" because you want so much more than that.

 

It's time for you to take a deep breath, and start living your life without him. You're at university - there are lots and lots of great guys there! Start meeting some of them and go out on dates! Make new friends!

[usman]

Too much expecting is the main rezone for having bad relations. I think we should not expecting a lot.

[rakula]

Yeah. I think you really need to step back and not think about him much. I know it's hard because I'm going through the same thing. The key is to not care or at least act like you don't care. Right now you're smothering him. If you don't act so needy then the friendship can survive. I'm telling you.. if you lay off for a little bit and a while he might just come running back. Don't count on it though, but there has been some cases where it worked out that way. It's textbook. Just try to spread out your friend base a little. Hang out with some other friends. You can still be friends with him but spread out your love. lol. Peace.

[Guest]

so what do i need to not care about? him, or our friendship? or both...

 

i have a very bad feeling that if i backed off he wudnt notice and we wud just stop talking because he's just got a girlfriend about a week ago and is totally caught up with her, which has made this so much harder.

 

he's coming to see me in a few days, and i said i hoped he wudnt be in a bad mood (jokingly) and he sed 'no i wont be, im going for dinner with *insert girlfriend's name here* that night!'

 

i was so hurt, he cud at least be happy about coming to see me for f**** sake

 

He sees his girlfriend every day, and i havent seen him for a month and im getting a few hours with him.

 

Its all too hard, i hate that he makes me feel like this, its controlling my life

 

thanks for all the advice peeps

[vanessabg]

Its sounds,he is your just a friend not become a boy friend,that's why your hope to become him bf is not fair he is not like you as a gf and not even like to have a date with you,you should find another suitable and sincere guy because you are now at university, in the university you can find a lot of good guys here.

[Guest]

don't worry - things always work out. i just waited for my bf for an hour at my club and he didn't show up so i was worried and drove over to his house and he car was gone and gate open so he must have had to go somewhere in a rush. that's ok. he'll let me know later