Kandi r Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I have posted on here before regarding me and my ex. Here is the lastest update since those other posts. Well we split in Sept and have stayed in contact due to me forcing it. I have spent the nights over and stayed for a week or two now and then. Recently he started seeing his ex. Not as a girlfriend but as a friend. There was times when I caught him talking to her but he would talk in a low voice. Now keep in mind we are not together just hanging out, but I want so badley to get back together. So the conversation ends and I ask who is that. He says my sister. But I know he is lying because I know he does not walk away to talk to his sister. Other times he would get calls at like 11 at night and 8 the next morning. All the time its his sister. Yea right. It broke me up more inside by his lies. IF we are not together why lie to me. So i finally got upset and said who is that really. He gets pissed and says stay out of my business. I start crying and saying I love you I want you to be honest. Also nights when I would stay over I would cook dinner and things were great but then that phone call came and after the call he became an ass with me. I dont know why. Do you know mabey someone can explain to me what he is doing. So it came to a point later about 4 weeks ago I learned it was his ex. I would answer the phone and it was her. So now he tells the truth. I talked to him on the phone the other night about being friends with him since he doesnt want me back. He is like well right now it might not be good. Then I was like do you feel like having company. He is like well my friend is coming over later so no. Its like his friend this and friend that. He ex of four years has just like made him a different person. Lying to me and we are not together. The other day we got in a heated arguement. He stated I never loved you. I just broke down. All my hard work and he says he never loved me. Yes we argued and had some bad fights. But I never pretended to love him. Then I asked him when did you start talking to your ex again. He is like well a while back she called me. I remeber back in September he started becoming distant from me when I was living with him. Now I cry but I dont harass him anymore. I told him I loved him and always would be here for him. He is like okay. thanks. I mean i just with he would tell me something. I dont even know what I want to hear from him. Mabey something like take care and keep in touch. Its like nothing from him. I will tell you this these last four months the contact has been kept up by me. I know when he said he does not love me I should just except it. I know I will eventally. But its like i feel better knowing I did all i could. I love him so much and even though he is talking or seeing his ex whichever it is I hate that idea. Because she treated him bad. I know he did say the sex was good between them. just things like that should make me leave I mean I am not with him. But I guess to me i wish he would love me. just yesterday I told him I will leave you alone for a while since that is what you want. I told him have a great christmas. He said I dont think my christmas will be good. Then he said all she is, is a friend and a friend is what I need and he said that I had other intentions. I told him can I be a friend to you. He said not right now. So i started crying and I told him i understand. I guess he is wrapped up in her and he says we have things in common she is more my age. So I told myself why fight. I am in love with him. but his heart is not feeling me now and he may never want me. all he said when we hung up is okay bye. that hurt.
notmakingsense Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 You need to stop contacting him, staying with him, and trying to be friends. RIght now -- or you will surely destroy any chance of any of that happening in the future. Be at peace with the knowledge that you have given it your best effort. Any more effort at this point will make things worse. It hurts, but right now - the two of you are not friends, you are ex-lovers. Stop contacting him and focus on yourself for now. Date others as soon as possible (non-seriously) and re-build your self-esteem. You are a great woman that plenty of guys would love to get to know, so don't waste any more time on your ex until he shows himself to be worthy. And he needs to do this on his own -- without your help.
bluescreenlife Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I think that's good advice. Also, he didn't mean that he never loved you - that's the sort of thing people tell themselves to get over someone they loved. If he's dating someone new he'll be focusing all his positive energy on her and all his negative on you, convincing himself that it's the right choice - and that's not the kind of thing you want to hear about, hence no contact. Making a gracious entry into NC will make him question his judgment, as will dating other guys, and he may want you back... but you may find out that you don't want him back anyway. friendship (in time) is much more likely if you avoid each other during the emotional turmoil period. people say things they can't unsay and the whole thing mucks up the healing process. Your friends, hobbies and self-respect are great things that will get you through this and even create some fun and growth along the way. just my two cents...
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