herenow Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I hope all of you had a great weekend. I spent mine with my family getting our tree and putting up decorations. Again, I though of last year when my H was in his affair. We still did the same family stuff together. We still did the same shopping for the kids and making vacation plans together. So, how did the OW fit in the picture? I asked my H and he said she was very upset because he was not able to give her the time she wanted over the holidays. He said that she wanted him to call her on Xmas and since he was with us, he didn't. I remember the cell bills showed many incoming calls at all hours and VM messages. I have since thrown them away, but I remember that he didn't call her much in December. I also remember our ski vacation and that we had two rooms and were very much celebrating as a couple. My question is: How does the OW deal with the affair during the holidays? I know that some of you will say that he is with you. This question is for the ones whose MM spend more time with his family over the holiday season.
bonehead Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 was hard. My MW called alot, but that wasnt the same. But she had already told me she wouldnt show up, not because she couldnt but because it was actually the first christmas I got to spend the whole day with my kids. ( Isnt that sad, they were 14 and 12 ) I had to work last Christmas, so the boys and I basicly celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve and she was there with her girls. And this year we are all spending Christmas with my mom.
jerseyblue29eyes Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Last night was so difficult. As I was decorating our Christmas tree with friends, I tried so hard not to think of him at home doing the same with his W and children. I realized even though I told him often that I just wanted him to be happy and if that meant him disappearing from my life forever, I wasn't being totally honest with me. I had feelings too. I am trying so hard to forget everything about him but within minutes while I had that thought of him at home with his own tree, guess who calls? Yes, him. He tells me they just put the tree up and he played his part. I got quiet and told him I had to go. I went upstairs and sobbed like never before. I guess for lost love that can never be. Herenow, I really hope things work out for you and your H.
Author herenow Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Last night was so difficult. As I was decorating our Christmas tree with friends, I tried so hard not to think of him at home doing the same with his W and children. I realized even though I told him often that I just wanted him to be happy and if that meant him disappearing from my life forever, I wasn't being totally honest with me. I had feelings too. I am trying so hard to forget everything about him but within minutes while I had that thought of him at home with his own tree, guess who calls? Yes, him. He tells me they just put the tree up and he played his part. I got quiet and told him I had to go. I went upstairs and sobbed like never before. I guess for lost love that can never be. Herenow, I really hope things work out for you and your H. I would imagine that holidays for an OW would be painful. I'm sorry that you are going through this at a time when you should be celebrating. This is where we BW and OW have something in common. The MM that is in an affair isn't really "with" either one of us.
jerseyblue29eyes Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 herenow, You wrote something that is so true. The MM "isn't really with either one of us." How can his heart be true to either one? It was weird with my MM, he always talked about how he wished he was younger, more like my own age. I sometimes think he thought if he said it enough, it might come true. He was a very spiritual man, not really religious, and I somehow think he really believes in his heart, we are part of one big soul. My best to you and hugs.
pureinheart Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The MM are leading double lives, double identities, and double standards. The holidays last year was a test of one's true ability to stand no matter what. Many trageties took place all at once, leaving me numb. The MM cared, although only to a degree. He cared to the point that it didn't interfere with his deal, I remember him saying, "you know where I'm at, and you knew it in the beginning"...he was right. This MM told me I was his everything, his world, but when it came right down to it....well, Christmas Eve we lost the second twin (my daughter had gone into premature labor), my daughter was fighting for her life also. Christmas Day I ended up in the ER with my oldest grandson as he had gotten into my melatonin (a natural sleep aid).....even though it was natural, still I didn't know how many he had taken, they were chewable....you know who met me at the ER....my daughters, boyfriends sister....NOT MM.... Ya I felt priddy alone, but the boyfriends sister hugged me and said she was praying....wow how cool.... After that the anger with MM increased and I called him everything but human....the devil incarnate basically. It took more lies and more manipulation for me to finally see the truth, and I wanted to make sure he was not in my life during these holidays.... This Thanksgiving was great! So peaceful, my daughter and me took the little guys out to dinner and had a blast! This Christmas will be the best ever..... I don't need a man in my life, ESPECIALLY a screwed up one. I am giving myself the time to heal and learn what is best for me....what is best for me, is inturn best for future generations.
Author herenow Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 The MM are leading double lives, double identities, and double standards. The holidays last year was a test of one's true ability to stand no matter what. Many trageties took place all at once, leaving me numb. The MM cared, although only to a degree. He cared to the point that it didn't interfere with his deal, I remember him saying, "you know where I'm at, and you knew it in the beginning"...he was right. This MM told me I was his everything, his world, but when it came right down to it....well, Christmas Eve we lost the second twin (my daughter had gone into premature labor), my daughter was fighting for her life also. Christmas Day I ended up in the ER with my oldest grandson as he had gotten into my melatonin (a natural sleep aid).....even though it was natural, still I didn't know how many he had taken, they were chewable....you know who met me at the ER....my daughters, boyfriends sister....NOT MM.... Ya I felt priddy alone, but the boyfriends sister hugged me and said she was praying....wow how cool.... After that the anger with MM increased and I called him everything but human....the devil incarnate basically. It took more lies and more manipulation for me to finally see the truth, and I wanted to make sure he was not in my life during these holidays.... This Thanksgiving was great! So peaceful, my daughter and me took the little guys out to dinner and had a blast! This Christmas will be the best ever..... I don't need a man in my life, ESPECIALLY a screwed up one. I am giving myself the time to heal and learn what is best for me....what is best for me, is inturn best for future generations. I wish you a wonderful holiday season. You deserve it!
ratingsguy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I'm not a big fan of the holidays when you're single. It really makes you wish that you had a significant other to spend it with. I think they're going to be worse now that I'm involved with a MW. I mean, what's worse? Not having someone to share the holidays with, or having someone who just can't be there.
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Wow...with the exception of the ones who seemed to have suffered a tragedy at the time, the rest of you need a wake up call. How do I "survive" the holidays? I think "gee, it would be nice if he was here and the kids were all together", then get on with it. I have more in my life that a R with a man. I have children and extended family and friends. We will talk when possible, and most assuredly "celebrate" together both before and after, but the holidays are for family. And as long as he chooses to stay there, then that is where he will be. And I wouldn't expect anything else. Just as I will be with my kids. ratingsguy - I hope you do have some friends to be with...because I do think that spending the holidays alone sucks. I have always had lots of friends over - those who had moved away from family and had no one at the time - the more the merrier.
kellyp1 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I agree with you. I have a lot of friends, most of which are married and the rest are in relationships. I enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews but not having someone there does hurt. I know that even on Thanksgiving, one text message from the man I wrongly love (MM) did not make up for the fact that he could not be sitting across the table from me laughing and having fun. He does not have kids but that does not make my feelings right as he is still married. It is great to have family and friends but it does not fill the void that is there when you are single or can't be with the person you love.
ratingsguy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I know that even on Thanksgiving, one text message from the man I wrongly love (MM) did not make up for the fact that he could not be sitting across the table from me laughing and having fun. I know exactly how you feel... I got the same Thanksgiving text message from my MW. Will probably get another one on Christmas.
kellyp1 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Ratingsguy - here is mine in advance - break the cycle and try to be so busy that it doesn't matter. That is a goal for both of us!
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