Letter I'm sending my soon to be ex

[justice]

There were alot of things I didn't get to say to you on the day that I moved out, there were also alot of things you never heard even though I talked myself blue in the face before I decided to move out and divorce you. I want you to read this and I want you to listen now like you never listened then. We were together for five years. In the beginning things were good and felt right, I felt like I was loved and cherished and I returned all of those feelings to you. We had it all. But most of all we had the trust in each other that is so vital to a marriage. I believed in you when you took your wedding vows and spoke the words; "Forsaking all others." When you decided to sleep with someone else and decided to lie to me on a continous basis, I lost all belief in you even though the love was still there, I lost all trust and my love for you was damaged badly. What made you do it? You never really answered that question for me. I could have seen it if I had not stood by your side and helped you both emotionally and financially when you were going to custody court for your two kids, I was there for you in every way possible. When you finally lost custody, that was not my fault, I had done everything I could even though it meant being abused by your ex wife and harrassed and tormented for three whole years, I even stood by you when your sons were hitting and kicking and punching me and you stood by and did nothing in my defense. I also stayed strong when your mother and your sister talked badly about me behind my back, and lied to me about you and the OW later on. I'm a very strong person, I just wish you could have seen that as a good point on your behalf rather than a hinderance in your affair. I had suspected that you were having an affair long before I even said anything about it. Finding those text messages on your cell phone only confirmed what I already knew, that you were a lying, cheating, sorry excuse for a human being. I know it wasn't the fact that we never made love or that I didn't want to, it was all you. You are the one who always came up with headaches or stomach problems or "I'm too tired". Just as I know it wasn't that I wasn't interested in the things you enjoy, even though I hated some of them with a passion I always took the time to do them with you without complaint. I was a good wife, I kept the house clean, held down a full time job where the boss made me miserable, paid the bills, cooked and saw to your every need. I became a door mat for you which is the only thing I can figure out is that you learned you could take advantage of me and so you did. You saw and called her every chance you got away from me, you even made up excuses when I was home so that you could run and call her. Well you know what? Your treatment of me when you were seeing her, made me hate you. And to know the enemy is to conquer them so I found out everything I could about her, I was determined to save our marriage no matter what it took. I found out she was married, I got copies of all your cell bills that your mom so carefully guarded, I saw proof with my own eyes that you upheld this other woman who was cheating on her husband above me, the one who loved you and wanted you and the one who stood by your side and fought through all the hard and sorrowful times of your life. Do you know that I actually saw you with her the day that you and her were having lunch at that intimate cafe that I'd been begging you to take me too? Yeah. And it hurt like nine kinds of hell too. I should have left you then. I bet you didn't make her pay the tab like you did me did you? In all the five years of our marriage, you never once got me an xmas or birthday gift. You weren't even there when my two year old granddaughter died because you wanted to be here with her and to be able to see her as I went through the pain of death all alone. You are the worst kind of person I have ever had the misfortune of running across in my whole life. And yes, I found the condoms and her underwear in our bedroom. You took the even the sanctity of my own home and made it a mockery. I had no family here, no one to turn too. With the exception of my dog I was all alone. When I confronted you with the evidence you lied, you denied anything and everything. So I confronted her. After that I guess it scared you that her husband would find out so you began making reconcilitory gestures in my direction, thought I would be happy with having the scraps I suppose. Well I have news for you dear, I don't accept sloppy seconds. And there were moments when I wanted very much just to slap the smug look off your face. But I'm better than that. Then she started stalking and harrassing me. She told me much more about your relationship with her than I ever wanted to know. About how you gave her expensive gifts and fixed her car while mine sat in the yard for months not running. And she told me of how much you told her you loved her and were going to get rid of me. She said that you related that to her on a daily basis. I told her that I wanted nothing further to do with her and for her to stop contacting me in any form. She then started really getting upset because I told her that you and I were going to try to work on our marriage and that you had said that she was nothing but a liar and about how you didn't know why you had even started the affair in the first place. She went off the deep end and the rest you already know, her jail time was of little repayment for the hell that she put me through in those months of harrassing phone calls, letters and actual physical confrontations. All the while you put all of the blame on her and were sucking up to me. No wonder she went crazy. But all of that is over now. Thankfully.

And in all these months of both of us trying to work on our marriage, I can truthfully say that I know it isn't going to work. You still continue lying to me about the smallest thing. There is no passion in our marriage anymore because I find it very hard to be passionate about someone who has lied and continues to lie and treat me like I'm nothing more than a maid and like I have nothing to do with any of the major decisions to be made in our relationship. Your son coming to live with us was the last straw, I felt like I had no choice it was either accept it and suck up or go on. I understand why you wanted him to come here and to live with us but I do not understand why you do not disipline him or make him behave when he was so clearly disrespectful of me right in front of you. If you open your eyes you will see that he is the same way with you. I wish you luck I really do. I also wish you in the future, the same pain and circumstances that brought me to my decision to end this farce of a marriage. I'm glad it's over. Now I can begin to heal. As for you, I don't think you will ever realize what I tried to do nor how good it was for us before you made that fatal error when you decided to sleep with someone other than me. It really isn't about that though. It's about trust being torn apart and the betrayal of the love I gave you. Hopefully, in time you will learn this, but for now, please stop sending the flowers and stop calling me, I want nothing more to do with you. You are below me and behind me. ~Justice~

[BareGoddess]

Wow, I'm so sorry for all the pain you've been going through. I really admire your strength though. Keep strong. He sounds just awful. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

 

Are you separated now?

[justice]

Yes, I left him last week, I'd just had enough. Thanks for your kindness.

[BareGoddess]

Yes, I left him last week, I'd just had enough. Thanks for your kindness.

 

You're welcome.

 

Just don't let him lure you back in with the all the promises. These kinds of men can be real charmers but they're not being who they REALLY are when they lay on that charm.

[Buttaflyy]

Oh Justice, my heart goes out to you! You are very strong to have endured all of this. Look at that as in preparation for the strength you will need to finish this. You deserve so much better and you will get it.

 

Glad you are not lettin him hinder you any longer.

 

XOXO Buttaflyy

[umbo]

YOur letter is so powerful and I would like take this time to say how sorrowful upset and heartbroken I am that your heroic efforts of love did not ignite a combustion of fidelity passion and love from your Husband. However I am so ecstatic that you invalidated and nixed the idea of staying with that animal. You are a strong woman and you have done exceptional good luck heal your self and look out world because here you come..

[LakesideDream]

Wow, your letter is so powerful, I feel like printing it out (adding pagination!) and handing it to people who ask why I date so "spairingly" these last six years or so.

 

Good Luck. I doubt your road will be an easy one. I will think about your letter often today.

[stillafool]

I'm so sorry to say this but your letter is so long (and I understand you have to get your feelings out) but he may not read it. My ex use to write me long letters regarding his feelings and because in my mind the relationship was over I didn't even read most of the letters. They were just too long and made me feel bad about myself so I would throw them away after reading the first paragraph. I hope he reads your letter and you get closure.

[Buttaflyy]

I think whether he reads it or not (and I don't see how anyone could pass it up, maybe I'm just THAT nosey) but it was good for you to get it all out. It has touched many.

 

It's a good idea too to do what I think Jmargel said...send it classified or a way that he must sign for it's receipt!

[Green]

I didnt read the whole thing either but he will read that last part!

[Buttaflyy]

I didnt read the whole thing either but he will read that last part!

 

If it were about you, I believe you'd have read the whole thing. Wouldn't ya?

[Green]

probably not He knows he cheated, he obviously doesnt care. She shouldnt even write the letter. I bet some where shes writing it so he'll relise what an idiot he is.

[Scrivdog]

I hope you put that into some sort of paragraph form.

 

Or is that your master plan for revenge, to make him go blind from trying to read it?

[Ripples]

I hope you put that into some sort of paragraph form.

 

Or is that your master plan for revenge, to make him go blind from trying to read it?

 

That seems a little harsh. Justice is going through enough without unkind comments, don't you think?

 

Justice, you may decide not to send it. If I'm understanding KMT correctly, I think he has a good point when he says "I bet some where shes writing it so he'll relise what an idiot he is."

 

Do you want to remind him of how good you were with him in the hope of him to regretting loosing you and consequently asking you for your forgiveness, or to come back?

 

If that is the case, I really empathise with you. However, it may be better to not send it just yet. You need a few weeks for adjusting, so make a decision about the letter with a clearer head.

 

Besides, you can show him, by your actions, what he's lost, that's always more powerful than words. You know - the best revenge is living well

[GirlFromOz]

Justice, your letter is perfect. There is no right or wrong length for a letter like this. The right length is when you feel you have said all that you wish to say. This letter may be too him, but it is for you. I admire you so much and I know that, in a while, & probably in a shorter time than you may think, you will be so much happier than your (ex)husband.

 

I wish you all the best.

[Buttaflyy]

Justice, your letter is perfect. There is no right or wrong length for a letter like this. The right length is when you feel you have said all that you wish to say. This letter may be too him, but it is for you. I admire you so much and I know that, in a while, & probably in a shorter time than you may think, you will be so much happier than your (ex)husband.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

I agree with this. This letter is for you and you do with it what you wish! No matter what he gets from it, it sounds like you'd get some closure out of it.

[Guest]

Good for you! You are a strong woman and I'd say good ridance! You deserve so much better!!!

[RecordProducer]

Justice, that is a very good letter. I feel for your pain. Please don't give in and go back to him. He doesn't deserve you. You don't seem like you would, anyway.

 

I am so sorry about your grand-daughter. Good luck with everything! Kepp your head up high and enjoy every day of your life. You will love and be loved again.

[justice]

Oh I know. All to well how these men work, especially him. As for me, I am going to relish learning again how to live a life for myself instead of worrying about someone else. I'm gonna be selfish for a change and see how it feels to not worry about every little thing.

[justice]

Thanks Buttafly. I already feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

[justice]

Thank you, everyone has been amazingly supportive and I know that I've done the right thing.

[justice]

Thanks Lakeside, it has already gotten easier for me. I know in my heart that I've made the right decision. In looking back on everything, I think that alot of the love I had for him went right down the drain the moment I knew he had physical relations with someone else. That just goes against everything I've ever been taught about love and trust and marriage. I am feeling very good and very strong. I'm not afraid of being alone.

[justice]

He read every word I wrote. I know this because I came home yesterday to a very long message on my home phone. Thanks for your kind words, sorry about the spacing and all, once I get started everything else just fades.

[RecordProducer]

Oh I know. All to well how these men work, especially him. As for me, I am going to relish learning again how to live a life for myself instead of worrying about someone else. I'm gonna be selfish for a change and see how it feels to not worry about every little thing.

Changes are always hard to swallow. But once you do, they slip through your throat easily and benefit your whole system. Radical life changes are like surgeries: it's a shock that knocks you down and restricts your capabilities for a while, but they're meant to help you and once you're healed, you're a healthy person again.

 

I don't know if this is your first divorce, but if it is then you're a very brave woman. Since nobody is so brave, I believe you've had big break-ups in the past, too. My first divorce seemed like a nightmare. But after I went through that and got back on my feet stronger and happier than ever before, I know now I can go through anything in life and - not accept it with ease, quite the contarry - get out of any difficult situation as a winner. As long as my children, myself, and the people I love are healthy.

[justice]

I wrote it, not in the hopes of getting him back, but in wanting him to really hear what I had to say for once instead of letting it go in one ear and out the other..