Letter To My Soon To Be EX Husband

[justice]

There were alot of things I didn't get to say to you on the day that I moved out, there were also alot of things you never heard even though I talked myself blue in the face before I decided to move out and divorce you. I want you to read this and I want you to listen now like you never listened then. We were together for five years. In the beginning things were good and felt right, I felt like I was loved and cherished and I returned all of those feelings to you. We had it all. But most of all we had the trust in each other that is so vital to a marriage. I believed in you when you took your wedding vows and spoke the words; "Forsaking all others." When you decided to sleep with someone else and decided to lie to me on a continous basis, I lost all belief in you even though the love was still there, I lost all trust and my love for you was damaged badly. What made you do it? You never really answered that question for me. I could have seen it if I had not stood by your side and helped you both emotionally and financially when you were going to custody court for your two kids, I was there for you in every way possible. When you finally lost custody, that was not my fault, I had done everything I could even though it meant being abused by your ex wife and harrassed and tormented for three whole years, I even stood by you when your sons were hitting and kicking and punching me and you stood by and did nothing in my defense. I also stayed strong when your mother and your sister talked badly about me behind my back, and lied to me about you and the OW later on. I'm a very strong person, I just wish you could have seen that as a good point on your behalf rather than a hinderance in your affair. I had suspected that you were having an affair long before I even said anything about it. Finding those text messages on your cell phone only confirmed what I already knew, that you were a lying, cheating, sorry excuse for a human being. I know it wasn't the fact that we never made love or that I didn't want to, it was all you. You are the one who always came up with headaches or stomach problems or "I'm too tired". Just as I know it wasn't that I wasn't interested in the things you enjoy, even though I hated some of them with a passion I always took the time to do them with you without complaint. I was a good wife, I kept the house clean, held down a full time job where the boss made me miserable, paid the bills, cooked and saw to your every need. I became a door mat for you which is the only thing I can figure out is that you learned you could take advantage of me and so you did. You saw and called her every chance you got away from me, you even made up excuses when I was home so that you could run and call her. Well you know what? Your treatment of me when you were seeing her, made me hate you. And to know the enemy is to conquer them so I found out everything I could about her, I was determined to save our marriage no matter what it took. I found out she was married, I got copies of all your cell bills that your mom so carefully guarded, I saw proof with my own eyes that you upheld this other woman who was cheating on her husband above me, the one who loved you and wanted you and the one who stood by your side and fought through all the hard and sorrowful times of your life. Do you know that I actually saw you with her the day that you and her were having lunch at that intimate cafe that I'd been begging you to take me too? Yeah. And it hurt like nine kinds of hell too. I should have left you then. I bet you didn't make her pay the tab like you did me did you? In all the five years of our marriage, you never once got me an xmas or birthday gift. You weren't even there when my two year old granddaughter died because you wanted to be here with her and to be able to see her as I went through the pain of death all alone. You are the worst kind of person I have ever had the misfortune of running across in my whole life. And yes, I found the condoms and her underwear in our bedroom. You took the even the sanctity of my own home and made it a mockery. I had no family here, no one to turn too. With the exception of my dog I was all alone. When I confronted you with the evidence you lied, you denied anything and everything. So I confronted her. After that I guess it scared you that her husband would find out so you began making reconcilitory gestures in my direction, thought I would be happy with having the scraps I suppose. Well I have news for you dear, I don't accept sloppy seconds. And there were moments when I wanted very much just to slap the smug look off your face. But I'm better than that. Then she started stalking and harrassing me. She told me much more about your relationship with her than I ever wanted to know. About how you gave her expensive gifts and fixed her car while mine sat in the yard for months not running. And she told me of how much you told her you loved her and were going to get rid of me. She said that you related that to her on a daily basis. I told her that I wanted nothing further to do with her and for her to stop contacting me in any form. She then started really getting upset because I told her that you and I were going to try to work on our marriage and that you had said that she was nothing but a liar and about how you didn't know why you had even started the affair in the first place. She went off the deep end and the rest you already know, her jail time was of little repayment for the hell that she put me through in those months of harrassing phone calls, letters and actual physical confrontations. All the while you put all of the blame on her and were sucking up to me. No wonder she went crazy. But all of that is over now. Thankfully.

And in all these months of both of us trying to work on our marriage, I can truthfully say that I know it isn't going to work. You still continue lying to me about the smallest thing. There is no passion in our marriage anymore because I find it very hard to be passionate about someone who has lied and continues to lie and treat me like I'm nothing more than a maid and like I have nothing to do with any of the major decisions to be made in our relationship. Your son coming to live with us was the last straw, I felt like I had no choice it was either accept it and suck up or go on. I understand why you wanted him to come here and to live with us but I do not understand why you do not disipline him or make him behave when he was so clearly disrespectful of me right in front of you. If you open your eyes you will see that he is the same way with you. I wish you luck I really do. I also wish you in the future, the same pain and circumstances that brought me to my decision to end this farce of a marriage. I'm glad it's over. Now I can begin to heal. As for you, I don't think you will ever realize what I tried to do nor how good it was for us before you made that fatal error when you decided to sleep with someone other than me. It really isn't about that though. It's about trust being torn apart and the betrayal of the love I gave you. Hopefully, in time you will learn this, but for now, please stop sending the flowers and stop calling me, I want nothing more to do with you. You are below me and behind me. ~Justice~

[Antha]

Wow, Justice. That was beautiful. It made for a hard read because there were no spaces, but I read anyway. You've said so many of the things that we (scorned women; the lied-to wives) all want to say. I particularly love your last line: "You are below me and behind me". Absolutely beautiful.

 

Antha

[jmargel]

Get this as a letter so he has to sign for. That last part about you wanting him to stop contacting you could be used in court if he continues.

 

Glad you are stepping up and moving on. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Also glad to know that you have not put your own self-worth into this man. Maybe one day he'll mature..

[hopeto]

There were alot of things I didn't get to say to you on the day that I moved out, there were also alot of things you never heard even though I talked myself blue in the face before I decided to move out and divorce you. I want you to read this and I want you to listen now like you never listened then. We were together for five years. In the beginning things were good and felt right, I felt like I was loved and cherished and I returned all of those feelings to you. We had it all. But most of all we had the trust in each other that is so vital to a marriage. I believed in you when you took your wedding vows and spoke the words; "Forsaking all others." When you decided to sleep with someone else and decided to lie to me on a continous basis, I lost all belief in you even though the love was still there, I lost all trust and my love for you was damaged badly. What made you do it? You never really answered that question for me. I could have seen it if I had not stood by your side and helped you both emotionally and financially when you were going to custody court for your two kids, I was there for you in every way possible. When you finally lost custody, that was not my fault, I had done everything I could even though it meant being abused by your ex wife and harrassed and tormented for three whole years, I even stood by you when your sons were hitting and kicking and punching me and you stood by and did nothing in my defense. I also stayed strong when your mother and your sister talked badly about me behind my back, and lied to me about you and the OW later on. I'm a very strong person, I just wish you could have seen that as a good point on your behalf rather than a hinderance in your affair. I had suspected that you were having an affair long before I even said anything about it. Finding those text messages on your cell phone only confirmed what I already knew, that you were a lying, cheating, sorry excuse for a human being. I know it wasn't the fact that we never made love or that I didn't want to, it was all you. You are the one who always came up with headaches or stomach problems or "I'm too tired". Just as I know it wasn't that I wasn't interested in the things you enjoy, even though I hated some of them with a passion I always took the time to do them with you without complaint. I was a good wife, I kept the house clean, held down a full time job where the boss made me miserable, paid the bills, cooked and saw to your every need. I became a door mat for you which is the only thing I can figure out is that you learned you could take advantage of me and so you did. You saw and called her every chance you got away from me, you even made up excuses when I was home so that you could run and call her. Well you know what? Your treatment of me when you were seeing her, made me hate you. And to know the enemy is to conquer them so I found out everything I could about her, I was determined to save our marriage no matter what it took. I found out she was married, I got copies of all your cell bills that your mom so carefully guarded, I saw proof with my own eyes that you upheld this other woman who was cheating on her husband above me, the one who loved you and wanted you and the one who stood by your side and fought through all the hard and sorrowful times of your life. Do you know that I actually saw you with her the day that you and her were having lunch at that intimate cafe that I'd been begging you to take me too? Yeah. And it hurt like nine kinds of hell too. I should have left you then. I bet you didn't make her pay the tab like you did me did you? In all the five years of our marriage, you never once got me an xmas or birthday gift. You weren't even there when my two year old granddaughter died because you wanted to be here with her and to be able to see her as I went through the pain of death all alone. You are the worst kind of person I have ever had the misfortune of running across in my whole life. And yes, I found the condoms and her underwear in our bedroom. You took the even the sanctity of my own home and made it a mockery. I had no family here, no one to turn too. With the exception of my dog I was all alone. When I confronted you with the evidence you lied, you denied anything and everything. So I confronted her. After that I guess it scared you that her husband would find out so you began making reconcilitory gestures in my direction, thought I would be happy with having the scraps I suppose. Well I have news for you dear, I don't accept sloppy seconds. And there were moments when I wanted very much just to slap the smug look off your face. But I'm better than that. Then she started stalking and harrassing me. She told me much more about your relationship with her than I ever wanted to know. About how you gave her expensive gifts and fixed her car while mine sat in the yard for months not running. And she told me of how much you told her you loved her and were going to get rid of me. She said that you related that to her on a daily basis. I told her that I wanted nothing further to do with her and for her to stop contacting me in any form. She then started really getting upset because I told her that you and I were going to try to work on our marriage and that you had said that she was nothing but a liar and about how you didn't know why you had even started the affair in the first place. She went off the deep end and the rest you already know, her jail time was of little repayment for the hell that she put me through in those months of harrassing phone calls, letters and actual physical confrontations. All the while you put all of the blame on her and were sucking up to me. No wonder she went crazy. But all of that is over now. Thankfully.

And in all these months of both of us trying to work on our marriage, I can truthfully say that I know it isn't going to work. You still continue lying to me about the smallest thing. There is no passion in our marriage anymore because I find it very hard to be passionate about someone who has lied and continues to lie and treat me like I'm nothing more than a maid and like I have nothing to do with any of the major decisions to be made in our relationship. Your son coming to live with us was the last straw, I felt like I had no choice it was either accept it and suck up or go on. I understand why you wanted him to come here and to live with us but I do not understand why you do not disipline him or make him behave when he was so clearly disrespectful of me right in front of you. If you open your eyes you will see that he is the same way with you. I wish you luck I really do. I also wish you in the future, the same pain and circumstances that brought me to my decision to end this farce of a marriage. I'm glad it's over. Now I can begin to heal. As for you, I don't think you will ever realize what I tried to do nor how good it was for us before you made that fatal error when you decided to sleep with someone other than me. It really isn't about that though. It's about trust being torn apart and the betrayal of the love I gave you. Hopefully, in time you will learn this, but for now, please stop sending the flowers and stop calling me, I want nothing more to do with you. You are below me and behind me. ~Justice~

 

GREAT........YOU GO GIRL. you keep your head up and all of that is torn from trust and the love we shed for the men that take it for granted comend you. and we are all wishing we were the one who wrote this. I love it and I cried and then I laughed. I love the part where you have it I thought I meet my knight and shinny armour but all it was, was alumin foil. that is great. you should copy this and keep it forever because it will remind you of the strength of a woman and that we are sourvivers, the sky is the limit for you. take it and run...................

[Krytellan]

Well Justice, I commend you on coming to terms with the facts and placing the burden where it belongs. I thought my wife treated me like crap during our marriage, but at least she faked it for me sometimes. Your relationship sounded absolutely loveless.

 

Don't assume that all men will treat you that way, or you will never be happy with one. Believe it or not, there are many wonderful men in the world. Unfortunately, it is not easy to identify them through all the crap.

 

Good luck to you.

[justice]

I'm sorry about the spacing, when I started writing this letter it just all poured out and I forgot about format. LOL

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

[justice]

Thanks. I've had to keep a good head on my shoulders this last five years because I've never known when I would have to use it next. As for him maturing, it hasn't happened in thirty four years it's not gonna happen anytime soon. I'm looking forward to rebuilding my life again.

[justice]

Thanks so much for your kind words.

[justice]

Thanks. I really think that after trying and getting hurt by four different men that I'm not going to even consider dating or anything anymore. I'm thinking I just want to be by myself for awhile and just work on learning who I am and enjoying that discovery time. I know there are alot of good men out there, however, I feel that I'm just going to be happiest living by myself and doing the things I like doing without ever having to wonder about the other person or worry about what they think. TY for your encouragement though.

[Gunny376]

There were alot of things I didn't get to say to you on the day that I moved out, there were also alot of things you never heard even though I talked myself blue in the face before I decided to move out and divorce you. I want you to read this and I want you to listen now like you never listened then. We were together for five years. In the beginning things were good and felt right, I felt like I was loved and cherished and I returned all of those feelings to you. We had it all. But most of all we had the trust in each other that is so vital to a marriage. I believed in you when you took your wedding vows and spoke the words; "Forsaking all others." When you decided to sleep with someone else and decided to lie to me on a continous basis, I lost all belief in you even though the love was still there, I lost all trust and my love for you was damaged badly. What made you do it? You never really answered that question for me. I could have seen it if I had not stood by your side and helped you both emotionally and financially when you were going to custody court for your two kids, I was there for you in every way possible. When you finally lost custody, that was not my fault, I had done everything I could even though it meant being abused by your ex wife and harrassed and tormented for three whole years, I even stood by you when your sons were hitting and kicking and punching me and you stood by and did nothing in my defense. I also stayed strong when your mother and your sister talked badly about me behind my back, and lied to me about you and the OW later on. I'm a very strong person, I just wish you could have seen that as a good point on your behalf rather than a hinderance in your affair. I had suspected that you were having an affair long before I even said anything about it. Finding those text messages on your cell phone only confirmed what I already knew, that you were a lying, cheating, sorry excuse for a human being. I know it wasn't the fact that we never made love or that I didn't want to, it was all you. You are the one who always came up with headaches or stomach problems or "I'm too tired". Just as I know it wasn't that I wasn't interested in the things you enjoy, even though I hated some of them with a passion I always took the time to do them with you without complaint. I was a good wife, I kept the house clean, held down a full time job where the boss made me miserable, paid the bills, cooked and saw to your every need. I became a door mat for you which is the only thing I can figure out is that you learned you could take advantage of me and so you did. You saw and called her every chance you got away from me, you even made up excuses when I was home so that you could run and call her. Well you know what? Your treatment of me when you were seeing her, made me hate you. And to know the enemy is to conquer them so I found out everything I could about her, I was determined to save our marriage no matter what it took. I found out she was married, I got copies of all your cell bills that your mom so carefully guarded, I saw proof with my own eyes that you upheld this other woman who was cheating on her husband above me, the one who loved you and wanted you and the one who stood by your side and fought through all the hard and sorrowful times of your life. Do you know that I actually saw you with her the day that you and her were having lunch at that intimate cafe that I'd been begging you to take me too? Yeah. And it hurt like nine kinds of hell too. I should have left you then. I bet you didn't make her pay the tab like you did me did you? In all the five years of our marriage, you never once got me an xmas or birthday gift. You weren't even there when my two year old granddaughter died because you wanted to be here with her and to be able to see her as I went through the pain of death all alone. You are the worst kind of person I have ever had the misfortune of running across in my whole life. And yes, I found the condoms and her underwear in our bedroom. You took the even the sanctity of my own home and made it a mockery. I had no family here, no one to turn too. With the exception of my dog I was all alone. When I confronted you with the evidence you lied, you denied anything and everything. So I confronted her. After that I guess it scared you that her husband would find out so you began making reconcilitory gestures in my direction, thought I would be happy with having the scraps I suppose. Well I have news for you dear, I don't accept sloppy seconds. And there were moments when I wanted very much just to slap the smug look off your face. But I'm better than that. Then she started stalking and harrassing me. She told me much more about your relationship with her than I ever wanted to know. About how you gave her expensive gifts and fixed her car while mine sat in the yard for months not running. And she told me of how much you told her you loved her and were going to get rid of me. She said that you related that to her on a daily basis. I told her that I wanted nothing further to do with her and for her to stop contacting me in any form. She then started really getting upset because I told her that you and I were going to try to work on our marriage and that you had said that she was nothing but a liar and about how you didn't know why you had even started the affair in the first place. She went off the deep end and the rest you already know, her jail time was of little repayment for the hell that she put me through in those months of harrassing phone calls, letters and actual physical confrontations. All the while you put all of the blame on her and were sucking up to me. No wonder she went crazy. But all of that is over now. Thankfully.

And in all these months of both of us trying to work on our marriage, I can truthfully say that I know it isn't going to work. You still continue lying to me about the smallest thing. There is no passion in our marriage anymore because I find it very hard to be passionate about someone who has lied and continues to lie and treat me like I'm nothing more than a maid and like I have nothing to do with any of the major decisions to be made in our relationship. Your son coming to live with us was the last straw, I felt like I had no choice it was either accept it and suck up or go on. I understand why you wanted him to come here and to live with us but I do not understand why you do not disipline him or make him behave when he was so clearly disrespectful of me right in front of you. If you open your eyes you will see that he is the same way with you. I wish you luck I really do. I also wish you in the future, the same pain and circumstances that brought me to my decision to end this farce of a marriage. I'm glad it's over. Now I can begin to heal. As for you, I don't think you will ever realize what I tried to do nor how good it was for us before you made that fatal error when you decided to sleep with someone other than me. It really isn't about that though. It's about trust being torn apart and the betrayal of the love I gave you. Hopefully, in time you will learn this, but for now, please stop sending the flowers and stop calling me, I want nothing more to do with you. You are below me and behind me. ~Justice~

 

 

Not to steal your "thunder"

 

But, WTF?

 

Why am I divorced?

 

I would never treat a woman like this, and if my DSIL treated DD like this, there would probally be a hickory ax handle. a mop, a bucket, a preacher to give the "last rites" and a SWAT team involved!

 

I'd be "walking tall" on some azz!

[hopeto]

Not to steal your "thunder"

 

But, WTF?

 

Why am I divorced?

 

I would never treat a woman like this, and if my DSIL treated DD like this, there would probally be a hickory ax handle. a mop, a bucket, a preacher to give the "last rites" and a SWAT team involved!

 

I'd be "walking tall" on some azz!

 

You remind me of the guy on mail call......I could just image a man with his voice and you spitting out all the what fors and the how comes. your great. this is not a bad comment in no way shape form or fasion you go gunny!!!!!!!!!!! keep up with the post cause people like myself need that wisdom from a mans point of view and I wish all the men were like what you are pratrayed out to be. I know you ant perfect but so far so good and to me dam near close to it.

[uleryrns]

I thought I'd met my knight in shining armor, I was wrong, he was only a loser in aluminum foil.

 

Wow...that quote says it all. It sounds like you lived through some tough stuff. Although I can't relate to your situation specifically, I can relate to that quote.

[dropdeadlegs]

I thought I'd met my knight in shining armor, I was wrong, he was only a loser in aluminum foil.

 

Damn, I read the whole thing and somehow I missed that part. Gotta love it, though, even if I'm in a good relationship now, I'm keeping that one for possible future use (cause you just never know, do ya?)

[anna13]

Damn, I read the whole thing and somehow I missed that part. Gotta love it, though, even if I'm in a good relationship now, I'm keeping that one for possible future use (cause you just never know, do ya?)

i missed that to it is at the end , i scanned it 3 times and finally realized it was at the end . but to the original poster ,, I am so glad you left this guy , I mean there are no words to describe this guy , you found underwear and condoms in your bedroom ??!! I would have lost my mind , I dont know how you kept it together. this guy is creating his own misery , he is resentfull of you , i think it is because you are a better person and he knows it .that is a personal attack on you to have sex with another women in your home that you two share. what a self sentered ass he is . you know what though , they are going to get what they deserve, he already is suffering probobly , you just continue to move forward and look ahead , dont ever look back . This is your life , your life doesnt belong to him.

[justice]

Thanks Gunny!

[justice]

I liked it too, and that's why it's my signature on here.

[justice]

Thanks Anna, I've learned alot and all of it the hardest way possible. But you know what? I'm never lookin' back.

[dropdeadlegs]

Thanks Anna, I've learned alot and all of it the hardest way possible. But you know what? I'm never lookin' back.

 

Don't look down either because he is below you:p

 

I love writing letters for closure....Hope you got yours! And I don't paragraph them either! let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

[justice]

Thank you! I realize I just didn't pay attention when I wrote the letter, it was that way in reality too, I just had to get it out.

[Dad_of_3]

I couldnt read it for a long time.

i know from the point of view you wheer trying to get across.

 

it made me cry, it was painful to read.

 

Once that was under control All i can think of is Wow.

 

Your writing is so eloquent and fluid. for someone to write liek that from the heart and have it so blanket. I appreciate things like that.

 

i read over it again and all i can see now is a intelligent, open and confident woman moving forward in her life. More power to ya.

 

Kudo's to you.

[Guest]

HOLY HANNAH

 

ok...someone find my ex gf and get her to do the same thing - nothing better for the soul than venting

 

woooo hoooo

[justice]

I'm sorry if this made you sad but I hope you have a better life ahead for you too. Much love and best wishes for the best new year ever. And thanks...