Krying Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I've touched on this before and had a few more thoughts on this subject. I'm feeling totally miserable as it's my birthday today. Again, with family the world away and friends few, I've struggled to stay "happy" today. Strange too as I've never had a problem being by myself during my life. I'm not a loner but rather a person who doesn't mind being alone. However since my ex left me, I've realized I'm now nowhere near as strong as I used to be. I miss her like nothing I’ve ever experienced and time is not making me feel better. I am not over her by any means. It has been dawning on me that when someone says you will find the love of your life, or the person you are meant to be with if you just believe, keep living your life and so on, is a pipe dream. Why? Well for starters you may have already found that person and something happened in the relationship that destroyed it. The relationship ends, people go their separate ways and then what? You are then faced with Plan B. So many times I've heard people describe how they have great loves in their life and often, that's not the person they are married to! How can that be the case? It appears that at a point in a person’s life, they could not wait any longer in their quest to find that "person". So they took the best option available to them at that time, married them and tried to move on in their life. For sure some people do find a person in their life that is perfect in every way. At present I loathe to be told that everything happens for a reason, good things come to those that wait, and the always good, there's a person you are meant to be with out there just waiting for you. Saying something is meant to be is nullified when we ourselves can make choices. A Hurricane or Earthquake is an example of something that is meant to be. But in relationships we are the bearers of our destiny. Not some random fate. For instance, a woman gets married 3 times and has a child from each of the relationships. The family is broken; she is without a husband, the children without a father. How was that meant to be? Fate? No, it comes down to choices. Choices and actions got you to where you are today. You will have to live with those choices for the rest of your life. Often, people have to pick up the pieces and do as best as then can under the circumstances. This is no fantasy “it was meant to be” situation. If after many ups and downs, heartbreaks and pain, you end up with a person who you are able to love more than anyone else in your life, then I would say you were meant to be with that person. I want to be with someone I have never felt love for in that degree& intensity. But wanting something and actually achieving it are total polar opposites. If every person I ever come into contact with only reminds me of someone I once had a relationship with, then truly, who is the person I was meant to be with? The one that’s in my heart, soul and thoughts, or the one I ended up with due to my Plan A,B,C not bearing fruit? I'm in a weird space today. Maybe a few of you will understand what I'm saying as I don't think I've put it into words properly my thoughts on this matter. I simply want to love and be loved. I want to be attracted to someone with ever fiber in my being. When I only feel that for one person, “it was meant to be” doesn’t make any sense.
D-Lish Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The truth is that life isn't like a Hollywood movie. Fate, destiny, finding our way back to that one and only perfect soulmate is just fodder for romance novels and Julia Roberts films. We can only control what is ours to control. I don't believe in the "if it's meant to be..." BS. Because we can't control who loves us and who does not. I don't think there is one perfect person out there for us, It stands to reason that there are many. People choose to stay in bad relationships and leave perfectly good ones. Some people choose to work at love, some would rather not make the commitment to making things work. Life isn't fair, it isn't just- bad things happen to good people all the time and good things happen to bad people all the time. Our best course of action is to concentrate on those things we can control, and not those we cannot.
snowdiamond Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 If I had a dollar for all the times I've heard that something is "not meant to be," or "there is a special someone out there just for you, " I'd be rich! I believe that we are all given the power of free will and that whatever choices we make, we have to deal with the consequences, good or bad. I also believe that there are too many people in the world for us to just have one "soulmate." I don't know if I believe in the concept of a "soulmate."
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