Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 hi everyone first post. My story. Well me and my girlfriend had been going out for 2 year and 10 months, everything was going fine and one day she breaks up with me and says that she wants to experience new things and this is very hard for me. We spent about every day together we were seriously joined at the hip and spent every moment together, we had just got back from a day in new york. Out of the blue she says that she doesnt want to go out anymore and maybe if we took some timeand didnt talk to each other we could get back together. We used to joke break up all the time but would be right back together. I thought we were goin to get married and now im all alone and i dont no what to do. One day she just woke up and decided she didnt want to go out with me. what shouldi do, i no she still loves me but we are young and i think she is scared because she wants to as she says experienc life single for now. this is killing me because i love her so much and all i think about is her eand i do everything for her. if i give her this space for a month or so do u think she will come back. i mean how do u spend all that time with someone and one day she says needs to be single. Im really depressed and just wanted to get this off my chest. any advice would be great thanks.
Speedo Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 hi everyone first post. My story. Well me and my girlfriend had been going out for 2 year and 10 months, everything was going fine and one day she breaks up with me and says that she wants to experience new things and this is very hard for me. We spent about every day together we were seriously joined at the hip and spent every moment together, we had just got back from a day in new york. Out of the blue she says that she doesnt want to go out anymore and maybe if we took some timeand didnt talk to each other we could get back together. We used to joke break up all the time but would be right back together. I thought we were goin to get married and now im all alone and i dont no what to do. One day she just woke up and decided she didnt want to go out with me. what shouldi do, i no she still loves me but we are young and i think she is scared because she wants to as she says experienc life single for now. this is killing me because i love her so much and all i think about is her eand i do everything for her. if i give her this space for a month or so do u think she will come back. i mean how do u spend all that time with someone and one day she says needs to be single. Im really depressed and just wanted to get this off my chest. any advice would be great thanks. You are understandably upset, confused and hurt. You had what you thought was the perfect relationship only to have it unexpectedly turn around and bite you in the arse. One thing I've learned from my experiences as well as reading others posts on here is that sometimes what we think is the perfect relationship may be viewed differently by the other partner. Nothing like what happened to you happened overnight, or as you put it, "out of the blue". It's not everytime that somebody "does something" to spur a relationship to end. Sometimes there are no apparent reasons. The problem for you is that you may not know what those reasons are. Even more of a problem is that she may not know why either. Sometimes it just "happens." Regardless, as awful as this feels, I'll give you the advice that I would predict everyone on here would give you. That is you need to give her that time/space that she desires. This means not to contact her. This means no emails, phone calls, text messages, messages by pigeons, looking at her myspace page, talking to mutual friends and family members. This means total no contact. If you want her back, you must do this. This is not a guarantee that she will come back, but IF her feelings for you are strong, and she is just confused, then she will miss you. Hopefully she will miss you enough to where she feels she made a mistake. Again, the only way for her to feel that way is for you to disappear. This feels next to impossible to do when you are thinking with your heart, because it doesn't make sense when you're in that mindset. If you feel the need to vent, use this site, it has helped me get through some tough times, and many others as well. somehow, you need to plant the seed in your head the possibility of life without her, and what that would mean to you. If you are too distraught to think that way, then use your own emotions to work in your favor. If you truly love this girl, then you would sacrifice your feelings/desires for her. I wish you luck, keep us posted on what happens.
notmakingsense Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I agree with Speedo's excellent advice! The only thing I would add is that you should go beyond just eliminating contact with her, you should do your very best to get out there and have a life of your own. You won't feel like this for weeks, but until then, "fake it until you make it" as the saying goes. You should date others (but be honest with them that you are fresh out of a breakup and not ready for something serious), and spend lots of time with friends and family. Did I say date others? Well, let me say it again. Having fun with the opposite sex is the quickest way to build back your confidence and self-esteem. And here's a funny fact: Ex's seem to have a "he's dating others" radar. It seems like just when you are happy again and dating others, thats when they decide to come crawling back. But that's Ok, because you will have your self-esteem back, and you will be able to decide whether or not you want to rekindle things -- on YOUR terms.
luvtoto Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 That's why I would never make my SO my everything. To do that is just asking for a broken heart, IMO.
Naive Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I can't say whether she will go back to you or not, but what I can say is that maybe it's a good idea to give her some breathing space. Perhaps the trip you guys took to New York made her realize that the relationship is not working for her. It probably gave her a feel for what she might be missing. I can't say what she is thinking, but it spunds like she has made up her mind. Give it time, but if she does not come back, you need to let her go.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 That's why I would never make my SO my everything. To do that is just asking for a broken heart, IMO. You know luvtoto, this really hit home. When I'm grieving my loss, I always say "She was my everything" and this bothers me. I'm starting to think this depicts a loss of self dignity and possibly other security issues. After hindsight sets in, you sometimes really begin to realize things as they come to light. Regards,
luvtoto Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I'm starting to think this depicts a loss of self dignity and possibly other security issues. Yea, pretty much. That's how I used to love. I've been single for 4 or 5 years now, I lost count to tell you the truth. During that time, I faced alot of my demons. Being alone for awhile is not such a bad thing. Bad in the beginning, but it's a good, healthy feeling later on. I rarely get upset when a new relationship ends, because I like my life. I never center my life around another person, except my children. My life is my meat and potatoes, a relationship is just dessert to me. I can live without dessert.
D-Lish Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You're getting some good advice here. My story was somewhat similar. My ex and I went on a 7 day road trip together after being together for a year. I thought everything was better than ever, but he broke up with me a week after our return...over the phone. We haven't spoken since, and that was three months ago. he said he'd been falling out of love with me for a while. So it was gradual for him, even though it came as a surprise to me. of course he made sure to get my part of the money for the trip first... so he broke up with me after I had written him a cheque for $600 for my share of the trip! jack-ass. Well- i would have paid him regardless.... but geez. The point is that people sometimes have reasons for doing what they do that aren't apparant to us. It's not fair- keeping us in the dark like that, but we can't be responsible for our partner's inability to communicate with us. So, yea, it's best to give her space and not pressure her. That will be difficult, but keep yourself busy...and do try and date if you can muster up the strength! It does give you an ego boost. xo D
bennychase Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Yeah, breaks are BS. My g/f of 2 years told me exactly what your g/f told you. Things have never been good between us since even though we tried for 2 more years to get past the hurt and wounds. Its not worth it dude. People on LS were telling me to move on two years ago and I didnt listen. I should have because they were right. I cannot tell you want to do any better than how it is put in the first scene in the movie Swingers. Go rent the movie and you will know exactly what to do after watching it at least 2 times. good luck.
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 we are young and i think she is scared because she wants to as she says experienc life single for now. So, she didn't break up for "no reason". She has a reason. She wants to try dating other people and see if she's missing anything. It's not uncommon for people to be anxious about committing to someone when they're young and maybe haven't dated anyone else. She might decide the grass really isn't greener and that she only wants to be with you. Or she might not. Either way, it's better that she try spreading her wings now, rather than getting married to you and feeling unfulfilled and spreading her wings (having an affair) later. While this is really tough on you, you might want to consider doing the same thing and dating other people.
Guest Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You're getting some good advice here. My story was somewhat similar. My ex and I went on a 7 day road trip together after being together for a year. I thought everything was better than ever, but he broke up with me a week after our return...over the phone. We haven't spoken since, and that was three months ago. he said he'd been falling out of love with me for a while. So it was gradual for him, even though it came as a surprise to me. of course he made sure to get my part of the money for the trip first... so he broke up with me after I had written him a cheque for $600 for my share of the trip! jack-ass. Well- i would have paid him regardless.... but geez. The point is that people sometimes have reasons for doing what they do that aren't apparant to us. It's not fair- keeping us in the dark like that, but we can't be responsible for our partner's inability to communicate with us. So, yea, it's best to give her space and not pressure her. That will be difficult, but keep yourself busy...and do try and date if you can muster up the strength! It does give you an ego boost. xo D Thanks for all the help everyone i will try to do no contact and see how it goes. I feel on this, i just spent 400 dollars on her for her birthday to go to new york and go to dinner, see and show she wanted to see and while we were there she told me she loved me like 30 times, then the next morning it was her birthday and we went to breakfast and everything was fine, until the next day she calls and lays this on me and will barely answer since then. ITs been 3 years i think i atleast diserve to sit down in person and talk aboutit with her but she wont let me. so its been one day now of no contact and its killing me. I got a good grade on a paper and i love tellin her about this but i ddint call her. Hopefully she will miss me i mean we spent 3 years basically do everything together, spending like almost everynight over each others houses. I just dont no what to do, i think that she is scared becaus of how her parents mariage turned out (divorce) because they knew each other so long, its just a tough way to end a realtionship when u thought u were eachothers everything. I will keep updating and posting thanks for all the help and i hope it gets better.
jmargel Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 If I was single again, these would be my guidelines. 1) Never get serious with anyone under 25 years old. Emotionally & mentally they aren't equipped to handle a long-term relationship/marriage 2) The woman I'd date would have to at least lived on her own for awhile. If she goes from parents to a place where we live together, it won't work. She'll want her freedom to "experience life". 3) She would have to had a bf for at least two years so she knows what a long-term relationship is all about 4) Not being friends with any ex-bfs, etc.. That's just trouble waiting to happen. 5) Someone who expects equality. I learned that spoiling them from the start is one of the worst things you can do. They then just expect it and not show appreciation. 6) Someone who doesn't have major family/mental problems. Any sort of prior abuse will be put onto you without even a warning. It slowly happens overtime. Sounds like your gf isn't mature enough for a relationship. Sorry, but good chance her eye caught someone else and is using you as a safety net. Show her consequences for her actions, if she doesn't want to be with you, don't wait around. Start dating other chicks and then see her reaction.
Recommended Posts