Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Any advice? I am 35, newly married and 22 weeks pregnant w/ my first (and only) child. I have a strained marriage and feel it was a mistake. I have been trying to make it work and we we're doing better until this morning when we had the usual fight about his parents. He is still attached at the hip to them and supports them more than he supports me (emotionally). My problem is my ex lover. My ex wants me to cheat on my husband with him! Now while I am pregnant (very much looking pregnant too)! He is considered to be quite a catch in this 1 million plus town but beyond that I still have deep emotional ties to him. I haven't cheated with him yet. Even though I feel my marriage is a mistake I feel that I should honor my husband (and baby), do the right thing etc. I am a deeply flawed human though and am finding it difficult to stay away from the ex? Any insight? Advice? Why would my ex even do this?
lasan Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Don't do it. Talk to your husband. Tell him exactly what's up. Have enough respect for your spouse to tell him the truth.
stillafool Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I'm sorry but at 35 years old and 22 weeks pregnant you should know the answer about cheating. Your ex has no respect for you or he wouldn't ask to have sex while you are carrying another man's child. That's just plain nasty! I think you should tell your husband you don't want him anymore. If you are very newly married maybe you can get it annuled.
bab Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Even though I feel my marriage is a mistake I feel that I should honor my husband (and baby), do the right thing etc. Go with this.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Even though I feel my marriage is a mistake I feel that I should honor my husband (and baby), do the right thing etc. I am a deeply flawed human though and am finding it difficult to stay away from the ex? Sometimes when a person is really stressed out emotionally, their thoughts can fixate on an outside distraction. Alot of the time, it's an old flame. In some cases, it's a new relationship altogether. This tends to happen during periods of great change in our lives. Starting a family, along the uncertainty that goes part and parcel with it, is often one of those times... particularly if you have unresolved issues within the marriage. It's kind of like an avoidance mechanism, and it's more or less at the subconscious level. The real problems might seem vague or insurmountable. Fixating on an outside distraction puts a certain amount of control back into the hands of the stressed-out individual as they decide what they're going to do about this new, and more concrete, problem. There are REASONS you and your ex didn't end up together. It might give you strength and courage if you revisit what those reasons were. I would also recommend marriage counseling for you. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by the in-laws. Sometimes a third party can intercede and help you sort all that out.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Imagine if you did cheat, and your husband finds out... and he divorces you.... someday, you will have to look into your baby's eyes and tell this baby that you are the reason why his/her mommmy and daddy are not together... will it be worth it then? Would you be able to live with the fact that your child, when they are old enough to understand that you acted immorally and dishonestly?
GirlFromOz Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Imagine if you did cheat, and your husband finds out... and he divorces you.... someday, you will have to look into your baby's eyes and tell this baby that you are the reason why his/her mommmy and daddy are not together... will it be worth it then? Would you be able to live with the fact that your child, when they are old enough to understand that you acted immorally and dishonestly? Exactly. Before you do anything in your marriage AND throughout your life, simply ask yourself whether you would be proud to tell your innocent child about your actions.
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