Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Ok i'm not gonna write a novel so i'll post short points I'm 26yrs old and have never been in a relationship with a girl. I have had alot of female friends over the years and i have tried to pursue relationships with some of them but failed. I have had problems with shyness in the past but i have learned to overcome it and i have no problems approaching girls yet i have had no luck. I consider myself to be a good-looking guy, in great shape (workout), sociable, yet i cannot find any girls who are interested in me. Now i know something is wrong and i really want to find out what it is so i can correct it. My cousin who has alot of success with women tells me that its NOT my physical appearance because he has asked alot of his girl friends who have seen me and they say i am an attractive looking guy. My cuisin told me that the problem is that I do not know how to talk to women and I cannot hold their interest. I told him that can't be true, so i've come here so i can prove him wrong and find out what is the real reason i have no success with women. Ladies (and gentlemen) can u describe to me a guy who doesn't know how to talk to women and who cannot hold their interest so i can see if I am one of those guys?
Green Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 just get out their and try and then you can complain, ur problem is ur not even out their trying to talk to girls and ask them out on date. Go to bars and use alcohol its a social lubricant if used corectly. ps good luck dont wory about ur past failures just move foward
quietintrovertgirl Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I'm a 36 year old virgin and you need to get yourself out there.I would try to befriend women around you.How about taking a cooking,craft or dancing class.
Author Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 just get out their and try and then you can complain, ur problem is ur not even out their trying to talk to girls and ask them out on date. Go to bars and use alcohol its a social lubricant if used corectly. ps good luck dont wory about ur past failures just move foward No, lack of trying is definately not the problem. I have been trying, I've been trying all my life... high school, college, work, parties, clubs, social gatherings, etc. Everytime i see or meet a female that interests me i go for it, i've been successful lots of times in getting their phone numbers even going out with them... but for some reason they only want friendship and nothing more.
norajane Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 My cuisin told me that the problem is that I do not know how to talk to women and I cannot hold their interest. I told him that can't be true, so i've come here so i can prove him wrong and find out what is the real reason i have no success with women. Why can't it be true? Ask your cousin, or a female friend, to give you specific examples of what you're saying or not saying that could be turning girls off.
Author Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 I'm a 36 year old virgin and you need to get yourself out there.I would try to befriend women around you.How about taking a cooking,craft or dancing class. I do. Again its not meeting women that is the problem or asking women out because i do alot of both
someone2 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 No, lack of trying is definately not the problem. I have been trying, I've been trying all my life... high school, college, work, parties, clubs, social gatherings, etc. Everytime i see or meet a female that interests me i go for it, i've been successful lots of times in getting their phone numbers even going out with them... but for some reason they only want friendship and nothing more. I am sorry to say this, but this really doesn't make much sense. Think a little bit harder. Is there anything you are keeping from us? Maybe something you can't see right now? It is simply not possible that you can't get even ONE relationship just because you are not a good talker. What did the girls say when they said they are only interested in friendship? Like.. "Let's just be friend. You are a very nice guy but....", what did they add? Do you have very high standards for the girls you want to go out with? What do you talk about when you meet a new girl?
Author Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Why can't it be true? Ask your cousin, or a female friend, to give you specific examples of what you're saying or not saying that could be turning girls off. I don't think its true because how can i not know how to talk to females if i have female friends? i have 2 sisters, female cousins that i'm close with, female friends that i chill with, go out with, so if im interacting with females on a constant basis how can i not know how to talk to females? Thats why i posted on the forums cause female friends and family can be biased since they know me and might not tell me the truth.
Storyrider Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The best way to talk to anyone you are just getting to know, male or female, is to seem interested in them and ask them questions about themselves. Not in an interogating way, but in a friendly way. People love to talk about themselves.
norajane Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I don't think its true because how can i not know how to talk to females if i have female friends? i have 2 sisters, female cousins that i'm close with, female friends that i chill with, go out with, so if im interacting with females on a constant basis how can i not know how to talk to females? Thats why i posted on the forums cause female friends and family can be biased since they know me and might not tell me the truth. You don't flirt with any of those women...my guess is you don't know how to flirt with women. You DO have to talk differently with dates than you do with family and friends. That's what makes it fun.
Author Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 I am sorry to say this, but this really doesn't make much sense. Think a little bit harder. Is there anything you are keeping from us? Maybe something you can't see right now? It is simply not possible that you can't get even ONE relationship just because you are not a good talker. What did the girls say when they said they are only interested in friendship? Like.. "Let's just be friend. You are a very nice guy but....", what did they add? Do you have very high standards for the girls you want to go out with? What do you talk about when you meet a new girl? Thank You!! That is what i've been trying to tell my cousin that the problem cannot be not knowing how to talk to women. I think its something else but i have no idea what it is. Girls have told me things like, "they are in a relationship", "I'm not their type" "i'm not looking for a relationship right now" "I only see u as a friend" I know that alot of them have lied when they told me these things and just said them because they wasn't interested. I do not have high standards, in fact i hardly ever try to talk to those women other guys refer to as "model beautiful" or sophisticated. When i meet a new girl i talk about lots of things, i ask the normal "get to know u" questions, and depends on what she says i react on that, also i talk about things depending on surroundings or where we meet. Later on like say second meeting or phone conversations i talk about things like family, education, hobbies etc. I hope this clears some things up
Author Gala242 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 You don't flirt with any of those women...my guess is you don't know how to flirt with women. You DO have to talk differently with dates than you do with family and friends. That's what makes it fun. OMG!!!!!! Is that it? is that my problem i'm thinking back now and i think that may be it. I can honestly say that all of the women i have met i don't think i have flirted with them hardly at all. But maybe im thinking of a certain type of flirting.Isn't there like different types of flirting? I've told girls they are beautiful, i've written poems about them, sent flowers, etc. is that flirting?
lovelorcet Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I've told girls they are beautiful, i've written poems about them, sent flowers, etc. is that flirting? In the way you are putting it I am going to say no, this is not flirting. I think the kind of flirting we are talking about here is something different. Flirting is being able to talk to a girl and make her all excited, make her laugh, throwing something very subtle out there to impress her, keeping her eye contact and interest. And if you are really good you can even play with her emotions a little. The more intense the interaction is the better... Writing a poem maybe something sweet but it is not really flirting...
IWalkAlone Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I know what you're talking about. I'm in my early 30s and I've never dated anyone longer than 6-8 weeks or so. I have a stable job, I'm in decent physical shape. I have agood sense of humor and an make people laugh. I'm not afraid of talking to women and asking for phone numbers. Yet, as I see most of my friends from high school getting married & settling down (some for the second time), I hear over and over again "I have a boyfriend," "I'm not looking for a relatioinship right now", "You'll make a great husband (for someone else)," or the worse one, repeated "I'm busy - maybe some other time." The bottom line is simply that very few women are interestied in me in a romantic/sexual way, and those who are for short periods quickly lose interest. I have asked female friends why this happens, but all I get is "There's someone out there for you. You'll meet her someday." We'll it's one thing to tell a 19-year old this, but I'm in my 30s and have been playing this game for more than 10 years. I wish I have some advice for you, but unfortunately the rules of female attraction are complex, suble and lack logic. Just keep plugging away and maybe someday you'll get lucky and meet someone who is turned on by your individule quirks. Hopefully that will happen for me too.
blind_otter Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 In the way you are putting it I am going to say no, this is not flirting. I think the kind of flirting we are talking about here is something different. Flirting is being able to talk to a girl and make her all excited, make her laugh, throwing something very subtle out there to impress her, keeping her eye contact and interest. And if you are really good you can even play with her emotions a little. The more intense the interaction is the better... Writing a poem maybe something sweet but it is not really flirting... Word, I must agree. Smarmy and sweet, poems, flowers and love letters, but not flirting. there has to be a spark. Some kind of passion. This is not really something that is describeable, to me, but I've definately gone out with a dud or two that didn't know how to flirt. The worst part is, I flirt all the time, and even THEN, trying to lead by example, I could rarely get non-flirters to loosen up and treat me like a sexual being.
norajane Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 OMG!!!!!! Is that it? is that my problem i'm thinking back now and i think that may be it. I can honestly say that all of the women i have met i don't think i have flirted with them hardly at all. But maybe im thinking of a certain type of flirting.Isn't there like different types of flirting? I've told girls they are beautiful, i've written poems about them, sent flowers, etc. is that flirting? Yeah, I agree with the others - that's not really flirting. You said you haven't gotten past the first date with women - why would you be writing poems about people you barely know?? Flirting is both verbal and non-verbal. A lot of it is body language and eye contact. But the point of flirting is to let the other person know that you like them. I'll give you an example: Say you're being introduced to a woman at a party that you find attractive. You can shake her hand and say hello, or you can look directly into her eyes, shake her hand just one or two extra beats longer than you would normally, and smile into her eyes when you say "hello, Mary. It's a pleasure to meet you". While you haven't said anything earth shattering or complicated, it's the way you say it, combined with the body language that makes it flirtatious, and makes Mary feel like you are suddenly SOOOOO glad you came to that party. There are a lot of flirting manuals and tips out there. I'll bet if you Google "men how to flirt", you'll get some articles and sites that will give you all kinds of good advice on how to get the ball rolling.
IWalkAlone Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 What's the difference between flirting & sexual harassment? What's the difference between an intriging guy flirting with you and a creep acting creepy toward you?
SmoochieFace Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 What's the difference between flirting & sexual harassment? What's the difference between an intriging guy flirting with you and a creep acting creepy toward you? The intriguing flirter is judged 'attractive' simply because of his looks whereas the creepy sexual harasser is deemed 'ugly' simply because of his looks. And those judgments are made before the guy even approaches and opens his mouth. Testimony to the fact that it really isn't 'personality' that turns on women.
norajane Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 What's the difference between flirting & sexual harassment? What's the difference between an intriging guy flirting with you and a creep acting creepy toward you? Sexual harassment: Any repeated, unwanted behavior of a sexual nature perpetrated upon one individual by another. Sexual harassment may be verbal, visual, written, or physical. It can occur between people of different genders or those of the same sex. Harassing behaviors may occur in a variety of relationships including those among peers, and those where there is an imbalance of power between two individuals (such as in the workplace or teacher/student setting). Flirting can become sexual harassment if it is unwanted and persistent, especially in the workplace where the 'target' can't get away and fears job repercussions. The difference between an intriguing guy flirting and a creepy guy acting creepy is the GUY. Creepy guys are unpleasantly strange. They can say only "hello" and that can be creepy because there's something about them that is creepy.
Green Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Flirting is your problem dude, which technicaly makes your cousin right, technicaly u dont know how to communicate with girls sexualy. Learn how to flirt and you will over come ur problems. I mean my dates with girls are basicaly all flirting and kissing so I have no idea what uve been up to.
SmoochieFace Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Flirting is your problem dude, which technicaly makes your cousin right, technicaly u dont know how to communicate with girls sexualy. Learn how to flirt and you will over come ur problems. I mean my dates with girls are basicaly all flirting and kissing so I have no idea what uve been up to. So how about helping him out instead of taking a personal jab at him?
IWalkAlone Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 The difference between an intriguing guy flirting and a creepy guy acting creepy is the GUY. Creepy guys are unpleasantly strange. They can say only "hello" and that can be creepy because there's something about them that is creepy. What is that something? I've seen plenty of men use sexual innuendo toward women, sometimes in ways I think would be offensive, and they hook up with them hours or days later. But when I've tried that kind of talk the woman generally pulls away and stops talking to me. On occasion I've been told I came off as "creepy." But when I meet a woman I'm interested in and interact with her while showing no sexual/romantic interest at all, I often find myself in the "friend zone." So why exactly is sexual/flirty talk a turn-on from some guys but "creepy" from others?
Green Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 So how about helping him out instead of taking a personal jab at him? I didnt take any personal jabs at him, and I hope it helps him out to hear my opinion of what his problem is. What is that something? I've seen plenty of men use sexual innuendo toward women, sometimes in ways I think would be offensive, and they hook up with them hours or days later. But when I've tried that kind of talk the woman generally pulls away and stops talking to me. On occasion I've been told I came off as "creepy." But when I meet a woman I'm interested in and interact with her while showing no sexual/romantic interest at all, I often find myself in the "friend zone." So why exactly is sexual/flirty talk a turn-on from some guys but "creepy" from others? I dont know you need to get some game when it comes to chatting up the ladies. If your completely unsexual dont expect for things to heat up if thats where you want to take it.
crazy_grl Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 So why exactly is sexual/flirty talk a turn-on from some guys but "creepy" from others? It's in the way it's said and your body language. If you're nervious about what you're saying, that nervousness can be misinterpretted and come off as creepy. Also if the girl knows your personality, and suddenly you say something completely out of character, that can come off a creepy. This thread just remined me of this guy I used to know. All my friends found him creepy, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was just shy. Turns out he regularly hit his gf, so he was a creep. Not really that relevant, but...
SmoochieFace Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I didnt take any personal jabs at him, and I hope it helps him out to hear my opinion of what his problem is. I dont know you need to get some game when it comes to chatting up the ladies. If your completely unsexual dont expect for things to heat up if thats where you want to take it. You were mocking him in a way by basically saying 'well, it's your problem, buddy' without giving him any advice... uncool. When you say he 'needs to get some game' what exactly does that mean? Can you be specific? I am curious as to what you mean as well...
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