I Just Dont Understand

[GanGstAPoEt]

It was about a month and a half ago that my girlfriend and I broke up. We had been together for nearly 2 and a half years, in that 2 and a half years we had experienced some amazing and magical times, due to a lot of negative in my life My EX & I were brought so close together that people use to say that we were joined at the hip. My Ex managed to make me believe in living again, a lot of problems I had been going through had really made me lose a lot of faith in life in general. Over a period of time she helped me believe in myself again and helped me make decisions in life that I swear I would have never been able to make without her by my side.

 

In saying this I was not always as nice to her as I should have been, there were many times were I treated her more like an enemy than my amazing lover, but we had spoken about this many times and she always said things like that everything we had been through was worth it for how happy it made her to see me happy now. We had our ups and we had our downs as all relationships do, but things were going good, we had a brand new car, we had everything working out well and we were both heading in the right direction and heading there together.

 

One month before we separated I had to attend a Camp for youth who did not have all the opportunities that others may have, I attended this camp for One week, while on the camp I had no phone reception and I could only find time to call at night time after the children were asleep, I had to walk over to a public phone box as it was the only way to make a private phone call. Every night I called her and after every night her and I would cry, we were missing each other so much and it was almost impossible to sleep at night time, I was counting down the days like a little kid would when it was nearly Christmas. My Ex missed me so much and when I would call other family members to see how everyone was doing they would all tell me how much My Ex was missing me and she was always upset and looked lost without me with her, this made me sad but at the same time gave me this amazing feeling of being loved.

 

When I only had one more day to go I called her and she was so excited she said she could not wait for me to get back home and she said that she was so happy that I was coming back to her and she asked that I drive safe and get home ASAP. As soon as I was driving back I started to get mobile phone reception again and the SMS messages started to flow through, a lot of them were from My Ex saying how much she loves me, how much she is missing me, she would say that she needs me and wants to touch me ETC, she said everything that a girlfriend would say to her boyfriend when truly in love. When I returned home it was amazing, I got home and gave her the biggest Hug ever and I felt like crying tears of joy, It was an amazing feeling and I felt more in Love with her than I had ever before.

 

After getting back from this camp things started to get a little hard, due to the fact my Ex and I were both working and studying and I also have a 4 year old Daughter who was in my full time care and Of course My Ex’s as well, my daughter and my Ex had a relationship like no other, they had their own bond that was truly amazing, they spent so much time together and did so much together and it was so beautiful and amazing that they almost seemed like true daughter and mother relationship, and her amazing bond with Ash was not all she had, she had this amazing bond with all members in my family, she got on really well with my sister and really well with my mother and pretty much had a good relation with every member in my family.

 

Then it happened, one night just out of the blue she ended it, she said she no longer had feelings for me anymore, she said that she still loved me and cared for me but the feeling that she needed to be with me was gone and she did not think that it would be back ever again. Due to some problems I had been having with Drugs and Alcohol I didn’t handle this so well, I actually handled it really bad and did some really stupid things and said some really stupid stuff, I reacted in a way I will regret till the day I die and I continued to do things that were completely out of character and what I didn’t realize then but do now, every second I reacted in this way I was losing her more and more and before you new it I had lost everything.

 

My Ex and I have spoken a few times since **** hit the fan but nothing how I would like it to be, she says that we can talk again one day but she seems to have no problems at all in totally ignoring me, she does not seem to care for me at all and she does not ever call or see how I’m doing? I just don’t understand, we were so in love and we shared a bond like no other, I don’t understand how she can just forget about me this easy and just move on, it has not been long and already she is with another guy, I just don’t get it, pretty much everything she is doing is out of character as well and I get so confused I just don’t know where to turn, I just cant imagine that she would be able to forget about me and move on so easy when we were so in love and shared such an amazing bond.