kellytheidiot Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Well I posted on here about my bf and him not telling me about a "Friend he's known for 3 years. This weekend I found out more of the "truth" every since she called him I had been asking questions and his story was that they just talked on the phone, he had NEVER been to her house, she'd never met his son, blah blah blah. He just lied to my face once again. This was a guy who'd been hurt before- his son's mother cheated on him with two guys. He also knows that one of my exes really really hurt me by cheating. So we promised to never do that to each other. He was always paranoid about my guy friends and didn't' approve of me hanging out with them once in awhile , but I always told him everything. This was also the most attentive guy I've ever dated, he'd call me every single day even three or four times a day. This was a guy who'd call me at work just to say good morning and that he missed me and loved me. He was always so honest with me, or so I thought. He was always home when he said he'd be, he always called when he said he would. He even went out of his way to earn my trust. I had let down my guard for once and actually believed that a man could be faithful. When this girl called him my gut just told me he was lying to me. He swore that nothing happened, that he'd never spent time with her, never did anything but talk on the phone and that she annoyed him, she was unattractive, she was too young for him, she was just someone who had no one else that called him once in awhile. So I believed that bull**** for the last week while still questioning him. So we were out at dinner this weekend after a great day, he was so sweet to me all day, talked about he was so glad I was still with him, he even drove over to the girl's house so I could see where she lived and he was supposed to talk to her with me there and tell her he wasn't going to talk to her anymore (she has a boyfriend anyway now) but she wasn't home. He told me that since I know where she lives that I can stop and see her any time if I wanted answers or had any questions. He swears he didn't' sleep with her and that nothing happened. He also said he found out where she lived because his brother lives near her. Well so we were at dinner and I asked him about if his son had ever met this girl and he said just once and I asked when and he gave me an answer that was different than the one he'd given earlier in the week. SO I immediately knew he was lying. I again asked him if he'd ever been to her house and he said no I already told you that I've never been there. we just talk on the phone. So I turn to his 7 yr old son (and I hated to do this) but I asked him "have you ever been to Sarah (girl)'s house?" and he said "yeah my dad and i go there a lot. I told her about you and she got mad at my dad" I started shaking and looked at my boyfriend (the guy who promised never to hurt me, never to lie to me, the most attentive, thoughtful guy I've ever dated (thats sure not saying much now) and he just looked down and then siad "sorry. you weren't supposed to find out" I am shaking now as I type this just reliving that moment of utter disbelief and shock. He had to take me home last night (because he'd driven to dinner and he suggested stopping at her house so that I could get the truth. he said that yes he stopped at her house and often times after seeing me he did this just to talk to her (with his son). he drove to her house but no one was there. I didn't want to go, I just wanted to get the hell away from him. His son started crying and hugged me and said don't be mad at my dad you can't leave cause you'll never come back and see me again" This absolutely broke my heart because my boyfriend has sole custody of his son as his mother practically abandoned him. so he and i were very close. I told him that I wasn't mad at HIM, just at his dad and I'd still try to see him once in awhile. My boyfriend (ex now) claims that this started about 4 months ago and he was stopping over to see her before she had her little girl (she was pregnant had the baby in sept.) and also after she had her. He said he has told her all about me and used to tell her our problems and when he was upset with me because he needed someone to talk to and that she would complain to him about her problems. He said they never had sex, never kissed her (although his son claims they were laying on her bed together and that his dad kissed her on the cheek. (I didn't' ask he just offered this info) my boyfriend told me that he only stopped there once or twice without his son and that this girl had a crush on him and wanted to be with him but he wasn't attracted to her and that he talked about me and it would make her mad and she'd say why do you stay with your girlfriend if you thinks she treats you badly? and he claims he said because he loves me and wanted to be with me ever since he met me (we were friends first). He keeps calling me saying he is sorry and we spent an hour on the phone last night after all this happened. He told me he never thought he'd get caught!!! I can't imagine it is like he is a totally different person that I've never met before! I mean this guy was so good to me, he knew that I'd been hurt before that I had a hard time trusting and its like he waited till I let my guard down and deliberately just smashed my world to pieces! and his son is involved on top of that! I am devastated beyond repair, I know I"m probably being dramatic, but honestly I don't think I will trust another man for the next decade or so. There were NO signs!! I have no idea how he found all this time to sneak around and stop at her house, how he kept it from me for months! I keep telling him if it was so innocent why didn't' he tell me about her!! I wasn't the type of person to keep my bf from spending time with a platonic female friend. HE was the one with all the issues!! I mean if someone asked me out I'd tell him about it and he'd flip out and want all the details.He'd ask me about the guy for weeks. So this same bf who is SO concerned with my whereabouts and who I"m talking to practically has this double life. I gave this guy every opportunity to come clean with me after that girl called him. yet he chose to continue to lie to me. This is the guy who wanted to marry me, wanted me to share in his son's life. He is probably still lying to me about not sleeping with her. I would like to think that at least he spared me that indignity but since I will never believe a word that comes out of his mouth ever again, i doubt he is being honest about that. So just a warning to all who think their SO's might have been unfaithful- if your gut tells you someone is lying or that the story doesn't make sense- you're probably right as much as you wish you weren't. I mean I am not naive by any means, I've been here before, but there have always been signs before. this time there were NO clues, no secret calls, no times when my bf wasn't home, he wasn't distant or distracted, he was extremely attentive and sweet to me as always. he didn't' start dressing differently or changing anything. He was totally the same as he's always been except he was hiding a part of his life and another female from me and when caught he just lied and lied and lied about it. Oh and the fun part- last night when I talked to him he tried turning the whole thign around on me. I was trying to explain to him how I felt-betrayed. shocked sick. he said well he was sure that I had lied to him before and I was trying to show him yeah I'm not perfect either (and I wanted to hurt him) so I told him that about a year and a half ago I told him that I was going shopping with my ex and instead I invited him to see my new apartment and we watched a movie instead of going shopping. I'd deliberately told my BF that I was going shopping so he wouldn't' stop at my apartment. (because he's jealous) Nothing happened with my ex though and I've been faithful the entire time during our relationship. Well he was FURIOUS. how dare I lie to HIM!!! and keep it from him for a year and half. He wanted to know all the details and why i didn't tell him and i told him well he knew that my ex stopped at my apartment other times so what was so bad about this one time? He said it was because i lied to him and hid it from him (even though he's met my ex-who I'm still good friends with (its been five years since we broke up) so he thinks it's terrible that I lied to him about oNE thing but he can lie to me about another woman and not even tell me of her existence and visit her at her house with his son about ten or twenty times and NEVER TELL ME and then when I find out bits and pieces he continues to lie to me over and over again until he is outed by his son!!!! he left me messages this morning about how upset he is at ME because of what I told him about my ex and how dare I lie to him (Mr. truthful) he sees the fact that I didn't tell him about one thing worse than what he didn't to me!!! What a hypocrite. Also he told me that if we are ever to get back together then I can NEVER bring this up again (what he did) that he wants it over and done with (my questioning him) because last night in a moment of weakness I told him I'd consider getting back together with him if he let me do something that he absolutely hates (go to a Christmas party with one of my guy friends from work) he has always said if I did that he would leave me because it would be disrespectful. so I told him if he let me do that I would consider trying to work things out (because I love his son so much) and that would be his "punishment" or part of the consequences. I also told him that he would have to get rid of this girl from his life which he agreed. Well this morning he called me saying that after what I'd told him (Iabout my ex stopping over) he could never trust me again (but I'm supposed to trust him after he hid teh fact that he was stopping at some girl's house and doing who knows what with her.) and that it was all my fault that we were broken up and that I"M THE ONE WHO RUINED it. whatever. I am so hurt/angry by this that I"m sorry its so long. Just a warning to everyone out there,. you can be with the most faithful SO in the world, someone who seesm totally into you, that you meet all of thier needs and get tons of compliments and attention from and think you have a strong emotional connection with and without any warning, you can find out that htey were a fake.
Romeo Must Die Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Oh and the fun part- last night when I talked to him he tried turning the whole thign around on me. OMFG, I hate the turn around treatment. Everything is an arguement. Keep ya head up Kells.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Ouch. Sorry to read what you have gone through. I hope things work out for the best. Although he doesn't admit to sleeping together, chances are, it probably happened. Sometimes, the more they call, the more they are paranoid that you may do or may be doing the same thing -aka cheating. There are very subtle signs sometimes when you look back. Hind sight is always 20/20. I thought I saw no signs too but looking back, the signs were there, the reciepts for lunch was there for 2 people, when he said 3 people went... all I had to do was call the restaurant for prices..... who knows... Good luck!
Rooster_DAR Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Always listen to your gut instinct... such a true saying
che_jesse Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I dont like my bf hanging out with random girls either, theres no reason for that, he can go hang out with guys. But nice people come in both genders, so when there is a person with a vagina that hes friends with, usually people from work, I try to get to know them, and he knows better then to hide them from me. I swear if I found out what you found out I would kill him, there are men out there that are not total and complete ****. Get out now, save your heart, its just sad about the little boy, especially since that is his role model.
Recommended Posts