Is it really about unmet needs!

[Mustang Sally]

I'd just like to say thank you all, so very, very much, for this enlightening thread.

 

I have been struggling for months to try to analyze my feelings about this OM that I have an absolutely electromagnetic attraction to. I think I'm finally getting it, with the help above...

 

It's still going to be a struggle to overcome the allure of these inappropriate wants, but I think I've got a much better chance at it now. This kind of civil discussion is more helpful to people in my situation (i.e. possibly on the brink) than, say, even reading all the tragic OM/OW posts (which I have already done).

[Rooster_DAR]

I'd just like to say thank you all, so very, very much, for this enlightening thread.

 

I have been struggling for months to try to analyze my feelings about this OM that I have an absolutely electromagnetic attraction to. I think I'm finally getting it, with the help above...

 

It's still going to be a struggle to overcome the allure of these inappropriate wants, but I think I've got a much better chance at it now. This kind of civil discussion is more helpful to people in my situation (i.e. possibly on the brink) than, say, even reading all the tragic OM/OW posts (which I have already done).

 

I'm glad this has helped you some, I hope more people will continue to understand what we are conveying. It always ends in tragedy, and that's due to misguided interpretations of our feelings, it's a human characteristic.

 

Good luck!

[riobikini]

re:

 

RoosterDAR: " This goes back to what you were talking about when I chatted with you long ago when I first joined LS. You were also saying, and what I was driving at, is that the gap between women and men has gone from one extreme to the other, and at some point it will snap back like a rubber band."

 

Well -kind of (Smile) -except I think it probably won't just "snap back" like a rubber band.

 

I think that all new trends start from the notion of some *individual* somewhere who just happens to do or say something that causes someone else to think it's super-cool and starts passing it on.

 

It really doesn't take very much to get noticed by folks for being/doing/saying something they think is super-cool so it doesn't necessarily mean that whatever notion you started has to be right -or wrong- just so someone thinks it's cool and copies the notion.

 

As a matter of fact, when it comes to people (not so much talking in terms of technical or health/science realted stuff) coming up with a trendy new notion that's sure to catch on like wildfire almost *requires* that your notion be absolutely wicked, selfish, damaging in some way, or shocking, -or stuck somewhere in the middle so that it has awesome ability to *confuse* others, divide people, and cause a huge stir.

 

But I still think the *individual* is where the starting point is really at when it comes to making changes right at home -despite what *everyone else* in the world is doing, saying, or thinking.

 

And I think if you can understand that it's *you* that should be making the decisions for your own life based on nothing more than what's right for your own little world -you won't give too much of a flip what the rest of the crazy world is following.

 

-Rio

[cranium]

I really think MustangSally, MzPixie, and NoIDidn't are onto something, here!

 

In just the last few posts you've all made it crystal clear what the driving force is (and I think, for many) that's often behind the statement, " You aren't meeting my needs."

 

It's like the poster said -it's those "inappropriate wants" that are really pulling the wagon.

 

I may have unmet needs' date=' but when I start accepting thoughts of having someone other than my spouse to meet them they become "inappropriate wants". Inappropriate because I have promised exclusivity to my spouse and must deal with it with my spouse and no one else.[/quote']

 

And you have worked for years exclusively with your spouse to deal with these unmet needs never imagining, much less having, thoughts of someone else stepping in. You’re unmet needs aren’t going to just go away because your spouse declines to participate and make efforts to fulfill.

 

 

Once you start interacting with this person and it feels good that they give you attention when your spouse doesn't, then that is where the trouble lies. You don't want to stop because it feels good, you think it's harmless etc.

 

Not inappropriate to want your spouse to give you attention. MzP, you’ve said many, many times how you tried to get your spouse to listen. Even told him you were vulnerable for an affair.

 

Boy, you've got that right, sister! For me it was attention from a person that I had long felt attracted to, but never thought about much beyond recognition of that (rather banal) fact. Then he started sending me vibes and the timing was, shall I say, right on because of other things that have been going on in M.

 

Attention and timing, attention and timing.

 

And the more time you spend focusing and daydreaming on all the excitement and fantastical possibilities of your new interest, it causes your interest in your partner to fade -he/she just can't compete!

Your partner doesn't really have a snowball's chance to win in this as long as you are doing the comparison using your present runaway emotions.

 

You're not giving him/her credit for the time spent in the relationship going through the normal ups and downs, you're not looking at any of the positive qualities he/she might have -you're only focusing on what he/she isn't.

 

Any excuse then, to keep your exciting new interest at the top of your "A" list -automatically is used to disqualify your partner from his/her position as the person you want most to be with.

 

Interest in your partner has already been fading b/c your partner, for whatever the reason(s), has chosen to ignore your requests. Your partner has slowly been disqualifying himself/herself by ignoring your pleas for years. You probably stopped seeing the positive qualities and giving credit some time ago and have long been focusing on what he/she isn’t. You start to believe you must not be the person your partner most wants to be with if they can ignore you so easily and demonstrate no interest in meeting your needs.

 

I think with a lot of affairs it's all about fulfilling the fantasy rather than any *real* need that may have existed -and certainly none that couldn't have involved your very own partner.

 

You’ve invited your very own partner to be the one involved more times than you can count. You reach a point of exhaustion.

 

An "inappropriate want", though, is wanting to sleep with that guy or that gal -even though you already have a partner -and to the point where you devote so much time thinking about another person that you create fantasies that interfere with your present reality.

 

Then you *act* upon them and allow them to rob you of time, money, family, and create all manner of potential loss in the end.

 

An "unmet want" would be more like you describe: something you want but your marriage or partnership wouldn't necessarily die without having.

 

Some call it the "spice" in a relationship.

 

It's actually the "icing" in the relationship that's just so sticky sweet that you probably couldn't tolerate everyday, anyway!

 

Partner #1: I don't feel as if you are as sexually attracted to me, as before.

 

Partner#2: I didn't realize you were feeling that way...and I want to change how you feel. Suggestions?

 

So Partner#1 begins the conversation defining those "wants" that weren't getting met.

 

An " unmet need" is something absolutely essential to the realtionship, and is very similar to the "wants", above -except that these should happen more often, or on a daily basis.

 

You need respect, displays of affection, kind words, understanding, physical touch, and all those things that bind two people together and assure each other that they will be there, day after day, and that their love, caring and true heart will always be available to each other.

 

These are the things that are most likely to keep the door *closed* to potential affairs.

 

Partner #1 defines those “wants” and “needs” again and again in subsequent conversations and Partner #2 listens (maybe) but evidently doesn’t really want to change how Partner #1 feels because there is no committed follow up action by Partner #2. Maybe for a short period of time, but before long it’s back to the status quo.

 

Many, many times over a period of years Partner #1 has engaged in uncomfortable fearless conversation to communicate with Partner #2, to find that balance, to voice what Partner #1 feels is missing.

 

The “Inappropriate want” defined as this new interest as opposed to an “unmet want” (frosting) is not going to show up (for most of us I would think) overnight. As long as each partner is attentive to the “needs” and occasional “wants” of the other.

 

As you say Rio, these are the things that are most likely to keep the door *closed* to potential affairs.

 

Right, and when these things don’t occur and the “inappropriate want” shows up, well, they’re not inappropriate at all. They are just what the misery doctored ordered. Then, you're running on emotions and your spouse starts to have even less of a chance. But, what do you care? You’ve given your spouse plenty of opportunity, plenty of chances.

 

We become disillusioned, distracted, frustrated, and feel defeated by our lack of skill, knowledge, and poorly-formed methods, so we give up.

 

I think we all need to expect at least some failure with something as complicated as a relationship -especially, if we're looking for one that will last a lifetime.

 

However, fear of failure gets the best of us far too many times

 

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment.

[Mustang Sally]

I'm am getting, from Cranium's post, above, that it STILL takes two to tango. (Hope I didn't misinterpret your post, Cranium.) Thus, Partner #2 is not completely off the hook in these situations. (Nor is the OW/OM in any potential A.)

[Scrivdog]

Cranium,

 

Well put .. took the words out of my mouth. I think that if you haven't actually gotten to the point to where you're angry and disgusted at having your needs cast aside by your spouse for years like some sort of nuisance and if that hasn't provided you with the the impetus to succumb to the attentions of another - then I think in spite of your good intentions, you'll never really understand where someone who cheats for this reason is coming from.

[a4a]

Cranium,

 

Well put .. took the words out of my mouth. I think that if you haven't actually gotten to the point to where you're angry and disgusted at having your needs cast aside by your spouse for years like some sort of nuisance and if that hasn't provided you with the the impetus to succumb to the attentions of another - then I think in spite of your good intentions, you'll never really understand where someone who cheats for this reason is coming from.

 

Well I certainly agree with Cranium...... but I have never cheated, I won't. I will/have left instead of going that route.

[Scrivdog]

A4a,

 

Then, like I said, you just "ain't been there". I equate it to well-fed people not really understanding what drives someone to steal for food. You may be able to conceptualize this in your mind in an academic sense, but you have no advice nor empathy to offer to someone who has actually done this.

[a4a]

A4a,

 

Then, like I said, you just "ain't been there". I equate it to well-fed people not really understanding what drives someone to steal for food. You may be able to conceptualize this in your mind in an academic sense, but you have no advice nor empathy to offer to someone who has actually done this.

 

I am there right now or recently could have been. Believe me, ripe for it. I have done exactly what Cranium posted.... exhaustive communication. Blunt even. But I cannot do that (have an A) to myself. I have left when interested in a person that did meet my needs in another R. I just did not cross the line of cheating sexually or for that matter emotionally on my behalf. I opted to leave for me. Not for the sake of my partner. Sounds selfish in a way. But I know I have to live with me for the rest of my life.

 

I can so understand why people do not leave an R as well. Kids, assets, fear, guilt, and a multitude of other things. I have a good friend that I totally can understand why he is cheating..... I don't say it is good..... but I understand why.

 

I think there are a couple of different kinds of cheaters/potential cheaters:

 

1. those with spouses that refuse to meet their needs/wants, even with exhaustive pleading and communication from the cheating spouse. They go on ignored by their spouse...... which leaves them wide open to have those needs met by another.

 

2. those that totally lack communication skills and internalize their feelings and just act out by having an affair to meet their needs/wants.

 

3. those that actually enjoy the act of having affairs. Perhaps sex addicts could be put into this category as well. People that are more addicted to the thrill of the affair. The love "high".

 

IMHO.

[Ladyjane14]

A4a,

 

Then, like I said, you just "ain't been there". I equate it to well-fed people not really understanding what drives someone to steal for food. You may be able to conceptualize this in your mind in an academic sense, but you have no advice nor empathy to offer to someone who has actually done this.

 

I'm sorry. But I think this is just a rationalization, an excuse to take the chickensh*t way out.

 

It's a blanket statement to say that folks who "ain't been there" couldn't possibly understand. Lots of people understand just fine. And here's a newsflash... just about EVERY one of them have, at one point or another, dealt with unfulfilled wants/needs within their relationship.

 

I think it's great to make an effort in understanding what circumstances might lead to infidelity. But that's a wholly different thing than trying to justify lies and deceit.

 

We're not talking about a little white lie, or a lie by omission. We're talking about deliberate deceit which can (and does) endanger people's lives.

 

NOBODY deserves that. And it doesn't make a rat's ass if they were fulfilling their spouse's "needs" or not. There's no justification for playing what's tantamount to a game of STD Russian Roulette with somebody's life.

[cranium]

I am there right now or recently could have been. Believe me, ripe for it. I have done exactly what Cranium posted.... exhaustive communication. Blunt even. But I cannot do that (have an A) to myself. I have left when interested in a person that did meet my needs in another R. I just did not cross the line of cheating sexually or for that matter emotionally on my behalf. I opted to leave for me. Not for the sake of my partner. Sounds selfish in a way. But I know I have to live with me for the rest of my life.

 

I can so understand why people do not leave an R as well. Kids, assets, fear, guilt, and a multitude of other things. I have a good friend that I totally can understand why he is cheating..... I don't say it is good..... but I understand why.

 

a4a, you leaving was the honorable thing to do. I have been on both sides. I did cross the line and was a chickensh*t. I ended my A without being detected. For years following my A, I resumed the exhaustive conversations. I ultimately felt defeated and gave up on attending to her needs. Before long, my wife's "Inappropriate want" showed up. It has been two years since I discovered her A, one since I came clean about mine.

 

I think it's great to make an effort in understanding what circumstances might lead to infidelity. But that's a wholly different thing than trying to justify lies and deceit.

 

We're not talking about a little white lie, or a lie by omission. We're talking about deliberate deceit which can (and does) endanger people's lives.

 

NOBODY deserves that. And it doesn't make a rat's ass if they were fulfilling their spouse's "needs" or not. There's no justification for playing what's tantamount to a game of STD Russian Roulette with somebody's life.

 

I agree, there is no justification for what either of us did. Once you're in the fog, it becomes very difficult to see.

[NoIDidn't]

I think it's great to make an effort in understanding what circumstances might lead to infidelity. But that's a wholly different thing than trying to justify lies and deceit.

 

I totally agree with most of what LJ is saying. I think that Cranium and Scrivdog are really rationalizing and justifying what they want NOT what they need.

 

To have an A is a deliberate act. It isn't something that you fall into.

 

I can say this because I think that I am and have been where the two of you are, sans the justifications. I can't justify going outside of my M to meet nonexistent needs. My needs are being met just fine, its my wants that are questionable. I WANT something different. Different from the routine. Cranium wants monkey sex, that's just different from the routine. Or is it that you really want monkey sex with someone other than your W/H? That's definitely different from the routine. But be honest with yourself about it. That's where the jusitfication loses it's power. Its okay to admit that you want something that is completely wrong to want. Doesn't make you a bad person, so you can stop blaming your spouse.

 

I guess, though, for me, admitting that it is wrong keeps me from going that far. For now anyway.

 

That said, if you decide to do it anyway, and are shocked at the responses of your respective spouses, the people as LS will be nice enough to NOT say "I told you so."

[a4a]

Lj I don't think everyone make a deliberate decision to have an affair. Or for that matter to be a OW or OM. I think people can fall into it because they are just not emotionally "literate" enough to recognize what they are actually doing when it starts.

 

They feel so miserable (some not all) and something comes along and makes them feel good. They fall into it perhaps in that case without a deliberate decision to do so.

 

I am guessing here that it does happen. Again not saying it is right or good. But I could see it and understand it.

 

Probably more than likely the potential cheating spouse I listed as #2 would not be a deliberate cheater........

 

1 and 3 would be much more aware and most likely be making a deliberate decision unless serioius mental illness was a factor with a sex addict. Even then they are most likely aware of the effects of an A.

 

I don't know..... I have been a 1 and almost a 2 in my past.

[Scrivdog]

LJ,

 

I know that's what it looks like to you. But again. You just haven't been there, so in spite of you wanting to know, or thinking you know .. you don't know. Not really.

 

What do you think, that all of those who haven't gone outside the marriage have a stronger moral fiber than all of those who have?

 

Back to my hunger analogy .. this would be like saying the person who stole food was less moral than the person who didn't. The person who hasn't has no idea what it's like to be hungry enough to cross the line. They'd have no idea what it feels like nor what goes through your mind when that choice is made. They may know "of" it, but they'll never know it.

 

What, you think cheating is fun? You think it's something someone wants for their life? You think an adulterer would recommend that course of action to his or her children? Do you really know where you have to be to get to the point where you actually do this? You may think you do, but you don't, sorry.

[a4a]

I totally agree with most of what LJ is saying. I think that Cranium and Scrivdog are really rationalizing and justifying what they want NOT what they need.

 

To have an A is a deliberate act. It isn't something that you fall into.

 

I can say this because I think that I am and have been where the two of you are, sans the justifications. I can't justify going outside of my M to meet nonexistent needs. My needs are being met just fine, its my wants that are questionable. I WANT something different. Different from the routine. Cranium wants monkey sex, that's just different from the routine. Or is it that you really want monkey sex with someone other than your W/H? That's definitely different from the routine. But be honest with yourself about it. That's where the jusitfication loses it's power. Its okay to admit that you want something that is completely wrong to want. Doesn't make you a bad person, so you can stop blaming your spouse.

 

I guess, though, for me, admitting that it is wrong keeps me from going that far. For now anyway.

 

That said, if you decide to do it anyway, and are shocked at the responses of your respective spouses, the people as LS will be nice enough to NOT say "I told you so."

 

I think this is defining that all wants and needs are the same for people.

 

The want for a spouse to have passionate hot sex could be a need for some. If you ask and a spouse refuses then what?

 

I want and need my H/W to be more passionate/affectionate towards me.... is that a inappropriate want? I don't think it really is. Not if I need that feeling to stay content in a R.

 

( a4a needs more coffee..... and very interesting thread btw)

[a4a]

LJ,

 

I know that's what it looks like to you. But again. You just haven't been there, so in spite of you wanting to know, or thinking you know .. you don't know. Not really.

 

What do you think, that all of those who haven't gone outside the marriage have a stronger moral fiber than all of those who have?

 

Back to my hunger analogy .. this would be like saying the person who stole food was less moral than the person who didn't. The person who hasn't has no idea what it's like to be hungry enough to cross the line. They'd have no idea what it feels like nor what goes through your mind when that choice is made. They may know "of" it, but they'll never know it.

 

What, you think cheating is fun? You think it's something someone wants for their life? You think an adulterer would recommend that course of action to his or her children? Do you really know where you have to be to get to the point where you actually do this? You may think you do, but you don't, sorry.

 

 

Scriv I do hear exactly what you are saying.

 

I don't know if you beat your head against the wall with your spouse or not trying to find a way to meet your needs within your M or not. But those that do are starving and screaming for food indeed. At some point you do need to eat. I hear you.

 

I think there is a huge difference between just going out to "tag some ass" for shytes and giggles, and engaging in an affair because you are starving at home. I think every case is different. But an A won't solve the problems within a M. It will complicate them. I can understand exactly what it is like to starve and beg for food. I just have never stolen any to eat. That has nothing to do with me being better. It is just a line a drew for myself. Maybe I am stupid for starving myself?

[Ladyjane14]

I know that's what it looks like to you. But again. You just haven't been there, so in spite of you wanting to know, or thinking you know .. you don't know. Not really.

 

Total cop out. I've been with the same guy for 25 years. You honestly think I never had a temptation? Do you think he met all my needs/wants every minute of those 25 years?

 

What do you think, that all of those who haven't gone outside the marriage have a stronger moral fiber than all of those who have?

 

I think it's possible for even good people to make a mistake. But I don't have any illusions that all people are good.

 

Back to my hunger analogy ..

 

Apples and oranges. People don't DIE from lack of sex, or lack of whatever else it is that they want more of in their relationship. They do, however, die when their partner gives them AIDS.

 

What, you think cheating is fun? You think it's something someone wants for their life? You think an adulterer would recommend that course of action to his or her children?

 

Again, not all people are just nice folks who've made a mistake. Some probably do enjoy philandering. I imagine those ones are few and far between though. Most wayward spouses seem to be in a state of inner conflict.

Do you really know where you have to be to get to the point where you actually do this? You may think you do, but you don't, sorry.

 

It's not incumbent to cheat on your spouse. Why would you "have to" do that? Nobody puts a gun to a cheater's head and say... "Okay, you can't get what you want from your spouse, so now you HAVE TO commit adultery".

 

If you CHOOSE to cheat, it's a choice you've made with deliberation. And while I can see how a person can get into an escalating situation in which temptation can become a MONUMENTAL challenge, there is STILL a point at which a choice is made. It's not like falling off the sidewalk and landing in some girl's vagina.

[Rooster_DAR]

It's not like falling off the sidewalk and landing in some girl's vagina

 

:laugh::laugh:

[Ladyjane14]

:laugh::laugh:

 

I stole that one in paraphrase from Reservoirdog. He's uber cool.

[a4a]

Well what about emotional affairs? Is it just the sex that makes an affair a deliberate decision?

 

I have to wonder how many "starved" spouses enter a physical affair via an emotional affair. I know my friend has had one of those as well. Probably is or was having minor one sided EA with me even though I was not aware of it until very recently.

[Ladyjane14]

Well what about emotional affairs? Is it just the sex that makes an affair a deliberate decision?

 

I have to wonder how many "starved" spouses enter a physical affair via an emotional affair. I know my friend has had one of those as well. Probably is or was having minor one sided EA with me even though I was not aware of it until very recently.

 

I think there's a line crossed in emotional affairs as well. And I think the decision to cross that line is a conscious one.

 

If you're hiding your communcations with an outside person from your spouse, you certainly made a decision to do that.

 

But while EA's can be devastating to a relationship, sucking the life's blood from it in terms of loss in emotional intimacy... I don't think the EA compares with the PA in terms of actual, physical RISK.

 

To engage in sexual behavior with another person, outside of the monogamous relationship, represents a lack of sexual consent if you're still bedding your betrayed and unwitting partner. It's like a rape. They're exposed to the contagions of a third party without knowing it. They're left unaware of the need to protect themselves.

[Scrivdog]

LJ,

 

"Do you think he met all my needs/wants every minute of those 25 years?"

 

I see, so you think temptation sets in after not having your needs met for a few minutes?

 

There it is.. you do not understand the problem. You think you do. It's like you think you know what being homeless is like because you couldn't find the keys to your Summer home in the Hamptons for a until the nice gas station attendant helped with a flashlight.

 

Of course everybody has been tempted, sure. So now everybody knows what it's like, right?

 

This is precisely what leads you to deceiving yourself into a sense of moral superiority. Because you think that you've faced the very same circumstances but unlike the waywards, you think you were protected by your higher standards of ethics.

 

This is why AA and quality drug counseling makes use of counselors who have succumbed at one time. Because only they can understand how one got there and how to get out. Moral ponification by clueless suburban socialites, not matter how well intentioned, won't help any.

[Moose]

ESPECIALLY when she's hot 24/7.

 

It doesn't matter if it's 2:00 AM or 7:00 PM she's always sooooo fine.

 

I couldn't count how many times I've watched her through out the day, and the feelings of wanting her would grow and grow, only to get shot down when the opportunity to act on those feelings came about.

 

We've argued over it, we've lost sleep over it, we've lost weight over it, it nearly tore us apart a few times. And yes, it's a recurring thing in our house.

 

This is mainly due to me and my own insecurities. (yes I'm man enough to admit I have them)

 

Mrs. Moose isn't the, "Touchy feely", type at all. But she's so fine/sexy and even dresses the part that one would gather or assume she's very sensual.....she's not.......at all.....

 

Mind you, when we met, she was very sensual but only with me. And that's how we became, but it's simply not true now.

 

Do I want to leave? Have an affair?

 

Honestly, there have been times where I thought about it, but I quickly came to my senses.

 

Over time, I've come to realize that this is just the way Mrs. Moose is. This is what she has grown to become. I have changed so much myself, and I don't see her complaining about it, why should I be so upset when she doesn't, "want" me the same way I want her, WHEN I want her?

 

I've learned that when those times come about to keep in mind that we have the rest of our lives together, and there will be another time for us to share that level intimacy. No matter how hard I try, I still feel neglected, but I get over it....

 

She's not fallen out of love with me, she's not having an affair, (Physically or emotionally), she's not got a crush on anyone else, and I'm still her man.....only man.....

 

So, she's not the, "hands on", type, she doesn't do BJ's, and she makes love to me only when the room is pitch black and there's no chance in being interupted.

 

So what. I know now that she not only loves me, she's in love with me, and only me.

 

That should be all that matters, and besides, these feeling go away eventually anyway. They may rear their ugly head now and again, but I've made a comittment to her and I'm stickin' to it....

[a4a]

I think there's a line crossed in emotional affairs as well. And I think the decision to cross that line is a conscious one.

 

If you're hiding your communcations with an outside person from your spouse, you certainly made a decision to do that.

 

But while EA's can be devastating to a relationship, sucking the life's blood from it in terms of loss in emotional intimacy... I don't think the EA compares with the PA in terms of actual, physical RISK.

 

To engage in sexual behavior with another person, outside of the monogamous relationship, represents a lack of sexual consent if you're still bedding your betrayed and unwitting partner. It's like a rape. They're exposed to the contagions of a third party without knowing it. They're left unaware of the need to protect themselves.

 

Well if you are having a PA without having sex within your M then you are not exposing that W/H to STD's. I am playing devils advocate here. Because some are indeed not getting any form of sex in a M and having PA's.

 

And IMO a EA is just as bad as a PA .....you may not get a STD from it but the damage can be just as great and in certain circumstances worse than just a PA which does not involve sex at all. But that is my opinion. If given a choice and forced to face one.... I think I would prefer my H to just get his rocks off instead of having real feelings for another. (hypothetical situation)

[Scrivdog]

<golfclap>

 

ESPECIALLY when she's hot 24/7.

 

It doesn't matter if it's 2:00 AM or 7:00 PM she's always sooooo fine.

 

I couldn't count how many times I've watched her through out the day, and the feelings of wanting her would grow and grow, only to get shot down when the opportunity to act on those feelings came about.

 

We've argued over it, we've lost sleep over it, we've lost weight over it, it nearly tore us apart a few times. And yes, it's a recurring thing in our house.

 

This is mainly due to me and my own insecurities. (yes I'm man enough to admit I have them)

 

Mrs. Moose isn't the, "Touchy feely", type at all. But she's so fine/sexy and even dresses the part that one would gather or assume she's very sensual.....she's not.......at all.....

 

Mind you, when we met, she was very sensual but only with me. And that's how we became, but it's simply not true now.

 

Do I want to leave? Have an affair?

 

Honestly, there have been times where I thought about it, but I quickly came to my senses.

 

Over time, I've come to realize that this is just the way Mrs. Moose is. This is what she has grown to become. I have changed so much myself, and I don't see her complaining about it, why should I be so upset when she doesn't, "want" me the same way I want her, WHEN I want her?

 

I've learned that when those times come about to keep in mind that we have the rest of our lives together, and there will be another time for us to share that level intimacy. No matter how hard I try, I still feel neglected, but I get over it....

 

She's not fallen out of love with me, she's not having an affair, (Physically or emotionally), she's not got a crush on anyone else, and I'm still her man.....only man.....

 

So, she's not the, "hands on", type, she doesn't do BJ's, and she makes love to me only when the room is pitch black and there's no chance in being interupted.

 

So what. I know now that she not only loves me, she's in love with me, and only me.

 

That should be all that matters, and besides, these feeling go away eventually anyway. They may rear their ugly head now and again, but I've made a comittment to her and I'm stickin' to it....