Motoman23 Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Hi all I've been reading LS for about a month now. Just to give you a little background information I was dating my ex gf for 3 and a half years. A little less than 2 months ago she told me that she needed a "break". From what I heard that is the nice way of saying we're over... Right after I heard that I did all the don'ts... I begged, pleaded, cried etc... None of them being successfull. However, after two weeks I stopped and went into NC. We had a great and loving relationship. The only reason I could see that we broke up is that school was getting very hard for me and I spent less and less time with her. Well here's my question. About a week ago we spoke on the phone and agreed to meet at her apartment so that I can return some of her things. We spoke, a little ackward I might add, but we both smiled and hugged each other goodbye. Later that night I called her and told her that I feel that we're doing the right thing and that we both need to live life single for a while. Keep in mind we dated almost all of college together. I left the conversation thinking this would be the last time speaking to her for a while... Wrong! The next day I got 2 text messages from her and then she called me at 1:30am to see what I was up to. She never used to call that late since she knew I had class at 8 in the morning, so I found that odd. We talked briefly and then I told her I had to go to sleep. The following morning I get a voicemail from her saying that she wants to go out to breakfast. I ignore her call and texted her back in the afternoon. And finally that night she calls again wanting to go out to the bars and drink with me and friends. Again, I told her what I was doing but avoided meeting up with her. I still love my ex and would like to reconcile when and if the time is right. I keep avoiding her attempts to meet up because I don't want to go through more pain she's already put me through. What I don't understand is that when she broke up with me I told her that I did not want to be friends and that I couldn't see us being friends for a long time. So why is she contacting me now?? Has she forgotten that I don't want to be friends or does she still have interest in me?? I really don't know what to think or how to act due to her actions. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!
notmakingsense Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 She's chasing you because she realizes that she just might actually lose you for good. This could be good news, or it might not make a difference. If she is ego-centric ("life is all about her"), then she doesn't really care about you, she's just going crazy over the fact that you aren't crawling back to her after her advances. If you think this is the case, then keep your distance and move on. If this isn't about her ego, and you think that there is a true chance at love and reconciliation, then continue to play it cool and slowly reconnect in a way that lets you remain cautious and build your trust in her only when she earns it. When the trust is back, the relationship once again stands a chance.
Author Motoman23 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Posted December 3, 2006 Thanks for your quick reply notmakingsense. Based on your response I think I am in scenario #2 because she never was very selfish when we were togther. I do think there is a chance at love and reconciliation, but I am very hesitant on hanging out with her. The thing is I have no idea if she still has feelings for me romantically and I don't want to play it cool and slowly reconnect to find out that we were going down the "friends" route the whole time. That would just devistate me, I love her too much. Do you think I should talk to her about reconciliation or just let time do its work? And if we do slowly reconnect how can I tell if it's romantic interest or she just misses me as a friend?
notmakingsense Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 That's a good point -- about not wanting to go in to the friend zone..... I would say that you should hang back in a way that forces her to make most of the moves, but when you are with her, tease her and interact with her in a way that clearly fall in the sexual or romantic category -- something that she'd allow only from a romantic interest. The second she wants to talk to you about her troublesome girlfriends, or the problems she's having with her parents, how hard school is, etc., etc.,... cut it off. Also, if she is hanging out with other men, I would defintely start dating/hanging with other women. Do NOT give her any power over you. I'm not suggesting you play games with other women -- be honest with them -- but as a man, I have found that you need to keep your sense of independance and knowing that there are other fish in the sea...
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