Guest Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 okay, right now i am ABSOLUTELY devastated!! my boyfriend of 10 months (not too long but longest for him) broke up with me thursday morning and it's now saturday morning..i can't think of anything but him..i caused the break up..he didn't call the night before like he said he would and i called him in the morning and i accused him of drinking or not callng on purpose, which i have trust issues and i do that without thinking although i KNOW he wouldn't do that to me..i should have learned..but i kept on and on and he told me he had black out..which it has happened before and he has a bump on his head his migraines have been coming from. so i started to worry..and when i worry i get upset and i'm a bitch! so he said it's over..so i called him back b/c he did it once before and he came back within an hour..so i thought he would this time..but he didn't so i went to his work to talk to him face to face b/c i feel better talking face to face..he wouldn't take me back! so i took off walking in the 20 degree weather and about 30 minutes later started walking back to my car..he was coming to find me.he said he spent the whole time trying to talk his boss into letting him come find me..he told me i shouldn't be walking thsoe streets b/c they're bad..he made me go inside and he fed me and gave me hot cocoa and some money for gas..so if he didn't want me back why still take care of me? so i sat there for a while and he came and talked to me whenever he could..and i suggested that i change and he said no you said that before..so i said just one more chance, we should act like we do now just don't be in a relationship so if i DON'T change you don't have to break up with me..he said no..so he got off work i tried asking him to do that again..he said he didn't see how it could work..but he gave me two tight hugs a kiss on the cheek and said he loved me..why that? it hurt! so he called that night and wouldn't give me tht chance so i told him i'd call him in the morning..i did..and he finally gave me the chance..on friday morning..i haven't talked to him since..i know i know time time..but i'm trying to give him time without hurting me..and how would he know i'mchanging if he doesn't call me to see or test me? it really is my fault we broke up..i nagged, i bitched..i was protective..but everyone leaves me..and my aunt said that's what is wrong, i always expect it to go wrong, i have trust issues..but now that he left i see what i was doing so i know what to do..but i need that chance to prove it to him..how much time do i give him to miss me? till i call? should i show up b/c i just need to show him i AM changing? how do i get him to talk to me so i can show him? this guy, i can't function without him..i knw he loves me and some people say that if he loves me he'll come back if i give him time but..i don't want to wait or leave it to fate..i want to show him i can and have changed..please none of that you should give up..it won't work..i need positive things..how do i show him that i know what i did wrong and i'm fixing them and he should give me a fighting change?
Ssheena Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 More than likely you can not "change" overnight. He came after you because you walked off in 20degree weather and I'm guessing you knew or wanted him to come after you. Show him you have changed by just leaving him alone. You CAN function without him, you did it before you met him and you can do it now. Leave him alone and give him some space and time.
Guest Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 More than likely you can not "change" overnight. He came after you because you walked off in 20degree weather and I'm guessing you knew or wanted him to come after you. Show him you have changed by just leaving him alone. You CAN function without him, you did it before you met him and you can do it now. Leave him alone and give him some space and time. but he also fed me and got me warm, he joked around like he usually does for a few hours then got down..HOW could he tell I've changed if i just leave him alone? and i told him i know it would take time for him to believe ive changed but he said he didn't know. idon;t know my plan right now is to get my aunt to talk to him tonight b/c he needs to understand what a fighting fair chance, he said he gave me one but i didn't know if was really giving me one b/c he wouldn't tell me..and i "yelled" and cussed at him on myspace..that's not a fair fighting chance is it? anyways if my aunt can't talk since into him then i'll leave him alone for a few days to a week, if he's not considering giving me a fair chance I'll go talk to him face to face if that doesn't work leave him alone for a longer time...but i WON'T give up, there's too many memories, we're ALWAYS laughing and having fun when we're together..but i know what i did wrong now and i want to fix them i know how to now..i just need that fair second cance and i know he won't regret it..
Ssheena Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Ok, you want positive? Your Aunt will talk to him on your behalf and convince him to give you another chance and you will live happily ever after because you have changed and he is going to give you another chance and he will see how much you have changed (overnight) and that you are no longer ever ever ever going to nag or bitch at him and he will never ever leave you or be unhappy again and if you believe all this, I have a bridge in New York I'd like to sell you. Seriously. Just back off from him and get your head together for awhile and give him a chance to think about what he wants and for pete's sake, stop calling, emailing, and generally acting like a 10 year old. I'm not saying you have to give up, just get a grip and stop begging. The way you are acting is going to push him further away. Just because YOU want a second chance or a chance to show him how much you've "changed" doesn't mean he wants to or has to give you another one.
silentcharon Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 HOW could he tell I've changed if i just leave him alone? and i told him i know it would take time for him to believe ive changed but he said he didn't know. Of course, he doesn't know. You imposed an unfair question on him- how is he supposed to know what to say to that? Leave him alone and use the time to work on your own issues. Don't change for him, do it for YOURSELF. He'll see it for himself, whenever he happens to talk to you or sees you. It won't be an obvious thing, but people can definitely pick up on it. It took me nearly a year to get this far- and you know what? I would not change one bit of it if I could. I endured countless nights of pain, and loniliness. I was plagued constantly with memories of my ex, and it hurt. But what hasn't killed me made me a stronger person, I have learned valuable lessons out of this ordeal. I am a different person than I was a year ago, if I could see myself a year ago, I would have been amazed, and wondered how I got there. I like who I am now, that's why I would not change one bit of it- the break up, him hooking up with the girl, the pain I went through, etc, etc. Just back off, let him go and move on.
Guest Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Ok, you want positive? Your Aunt will talk to him on your behalf and convince him to give you another chance and you will live happily ever after because you have changed and he is going to give you another chance and he will see how much you have changed (overnight) and that you are no longer ever ever ever going to nag or bitch at him and he will never ever leave you or be unhappy again and if you believe all this, I have a bridge in New York I'd like to sell you. Seriously. Just back off from him and get your head together for awhile and give him a chance to think about what he wants and for Pete's sake, stop calling, emailing, and generally acting like a 10 year old. I'm not saying you have to give up, just get a grip and stop begging. The way you are acting is going to push him further away. Just because YOU want a second chance or a chance to show him how much you've "changed" doesn't mean he wants to or has to give you another one. yeah positive right? i said positive not a fairy tale..i meant should i give him time? i just KNOW that if i get that chance he SAID he was giving me he wouldn't regret it..i have to go see him Tuesday anyways..i ordered a Christmas present last month and it's for him so I'm going to give it to him..but I'm taking my aunt..all she needs to do is tell him what a fighting chance is.. Of course, he doesn't know. You imposed an unfair question on him- how is he supposed to know what to say to that? an unfair question? do you people NOT hear..I'm not moving on..I'm not going to just give up and throw the love of my life away..the only person to make my truly happy and actually feel beautiful..i won't do it..so how about listening before answering..i think I'll ask him something else..some people said it could work..see if we can't try again when he moves into his apartment b/c he'll be under a lot less stress, he won't have 2 jobs..and until then i could prove myself? so you people just let go of the best thing that's ever happened to you? just like that? said screw it oh well if he was my everything? i don't give up easily when i'm determined..how can you just quit talking to someone you talked just about everyday to for 10 months? just quit? and sit everyday remembering how happy you were together? everytime we saw each other we were HAPPY..how could he just up and forget it? he cares i know..but why this? and please no more until you can actually give me helpful advice and getting him back to me..
norajane Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 By pursuing him endlessly, you are showing him exactly that YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED. The only way you can show him that you are at all different is to do something different - LEAVE HIM ALONE. Every time you try to get him to come back, you are merely reinforcing that you you are needy, clingy, bitching, whining, and nagging him to come back to you. Leave him alone and he'll see that you aren't needy - you can handle being on your own. Leave him alone and he'll see you aren't clingy - you aren't constantly calling and trying to see him. Leave him alone and he'll see that you aren't bitching, whining, and nagging - you're staying away and aren't doing any of those things.
Ssheena Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 We can say all this because we have already been through it ourselves. Good luck.
Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 We can say all this because we have already been through it ourselves. Good luck. ok well i called to leave one last message..ic an tell you what i said see if it's all right..but lst message for a while but i'm not keeping his present that's coming tues. b/c it'll ruin, it needs to be refrigerated..i'll take it next week after i talk to him and tell him, i don't knw want to just show up..i know i know..the begging is immature..but i acted before i thought..i start thinking of how happy we were and it changed within a whole few minutes..then i want to talk to him b/c he broek up with me once before but came back within an hour and i thought it would be like that..sooo i left him one last message asking him to call before midnight..guess i'll let ya'll know.. but i told him that i was sorry for messing up and having issues.that i love him with all my heart.and i thought i should get the chance he said he'd give me. i told him to tell me how much time he needed. and i said i thought we could be saved b/c the problem is me and i know how to fix it now and that i thought we should actually talk and listen to each other without automatically shooting down ideas..i know i should leave him alone for a while but i don't know how..
Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 We can say all this because we have already been through it ourselves. Good luck. and this is what i left on my myspace : right now, i'm trying to get Aaron to communticate with me maturerally..i know i screwed up..sorry it took this for me to see..but you don't need to leave me in the dark either..either you love me and you'll talk like mature people do..or you never did.. you need to talk to me so youknow my ideas and therefore ican give you time to think about them..i'm just as stubborn as you aaron..i'll give you as much time as you need to yourself when you get me out of the dark..sorry i promised iwouldnt give up..if like one of my ideas fine..but i need ot hear yours too..emailing ithink would be easier for the both of us hows that?
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