Slept with me then nothing

[CardPlay3r]

Still off topic but yes. Don't you recognize the cigarre?

[VandGsMom]

ROFL... off topic or on

[so gutted]

i didnt give it away - coz we didnt have sex! just because i did something out of the ordinary for me doesnt mean i went all the way.

 

the only relevence of me mentioning of me being asian was to give u the full picture, i.e that im not a white chav, regular clubbing pubbing binge drinker.

 

i made an error, i drank too much ( i didnt know my limit) he didnt take advantage.....he left me too it.

 

all i want to do is:

 

a) feel better

b) get alpha male's view on it all

c) work out how to 'get over it"

 

i havnt committed a crime! i just got drunk. we both wanted the same thing. so he cant label me "cheap". we agreed to have no strings type relationship. we met up. i stupidly got too drunk and now he has gone quiet. jsut wondering if he may get in touch? or is he p*ssed off or has he forgotten.

[CardPlay3r]

Oh gutted, don't worry about alpha, he just throws insults left and right to make up for his shortcomings....

 

Now about you...you are not 'asian' you are a human being like us all. Sure there are differences, but the temptations and needs are the same everywhere.

 

Don't worry darling, so you made a mistake. Who doesn't? Cheap would be someone that goes out every night with the purpose of sleeping around...clearly not you!!!

[roxy_1980]

No strings = No commitment prospect EVER.

 

He was looking for a one-night stand. That's it.

 

Move on.

[pennyroyal]

 

all i want to do is:

 

a) feel better

b) get alpha male's view on it all

c) work out how to 'get over it"

 

 

a) Stop beating yourself over it. Neither of you did anything wrong. Don't expect him to call you and don't call him. There's nothing wrong with having drinks or making out, in the future just don't get so drunk you get into situations you can't get out of.

 

b) Whoopty doo. He's Asian, but he's not Buddha.

 

c) No strings means neither of you is obligated to the other for the choices you make. People get brushed off all the time and get wrong opinions formed about them. Go out and meet other people and decide if you want no strings or want to date someone.

[so gutted]

i dont want commitment either. he told me on day one he just came out of a divorce. i just want a chance to redeem myself, and show that im not a drunken chav....

 

i dont think he wanted a one night stand, coz if he did he would have had tried to have sex. he agreed 1 hour beforehand ( before i got drunk and before we met) that we wouldnt have sex.

 

i think he wanted companionship. not commitment, a chance to meet someone new without any pressure. i messed it up.

[Pyro]

i met a wonderful man on weds night. we met for the first time, for the previous week we had been texting and calling non stop. he was attentive, we had dinner, things moved on, intiated by me. He didnt take advantage.

 

Anyway we shared an intimate time together. i got drunk, as i was edgy from the first meeting. he didnt take advantage. but i knocked myself out. so he tried to get me a cab home, i couldnt move so i stayed the night, he went home.

 

i texted him a few times, whilst there saying sorry.

 

next day all i got was a text saying "was fun. did u get home ok?

 

i replied .......after that nothing. in the afternoon i sent a text saying - how r u feeling.

 

nothing.

 

(during it all - he did say that he was glad we met and there was plently of time for more later....no rush...)

 

is this it? will he never call?????

 

Did I hear you say that there are no strings attached? If so, then there is no guarantee when or if he will ever call you. No strings attached usually means that he will call you at his convenience.

[so gutted]

man - these comments are harsh!

 

i guess i didnt get the no strings thing. all i saw was that he was very full on before we met, when we met and then nothing.........

 

maybe he didnt like me at all..............but lied to get himself through it.

 

i cant bring myself to suffer the indignity of starting up a conversation.

 

im NEVER drinking again. it isnt me. i would rather be conservative then go through this downer afterwards again.wot a mess

[daphne]

Gutted,

 

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I think that, considering you're having a difficult time with a no strings "relationship" or whatever you call it not going well, you're not suited for the no strings deal. I'd hate to see how much youd' beat yourself up if it had ended after you had sex.

 

Honestly, I know few women who are really ok with no strings sexual relationships. I know a whole bunch who tell themselves they're ok with it. We're just not built that way, sadly.

[RecordProducer]

Daphne, good post!

wot do u mean? I DIDNT FORCE HIM...we chatted, kissed and stuff thats it.........i dont drink much so it hit me hard.......anyway he knew i had just been through a rough time and we both agreed it was going to be a no strings thing....

 

what the hell can i call him and say?

Don't beat your head off the wall how it's your fault. I always say: if things were good, they would've been good. We click with some people despite of the odds and everything seems so easy with them. With others, things are blurry and awkward.

 

Yes, it's possible that he has baggage and projected it on you (didn't want to get too attached or his ex or mother was an alcoholic so he didn't like it that you had a few drinks... who knows?). The fact is - things are uncomfortable and he doesn't call.

 

Before you ever got drunk, it was YOU who initiated the date, right? In my and other people's experience, whenever a woman initiates contact, it means that the man wouldn't have asked her out. Stop and think for a moment, if you didn't initiate it, would he have called you?

 

So you call and he accepts your invitation. You act like you're interested, he doesn't take advantage. You see it as "take adv vantage" and think it makes him a hero, but believe me - in a man's world - it means only one thing: he was not interested.

 

My husband took advantage of the opportunity to sleep with me the first time (I initiated it). He was interested, I was drunk... he hates lushes, his ex was one... he fell in love with me, we got married.

 

So your guy puts boundaries: it was fun, but no rush... Leave him alone and don't call him. You're setting yourself up for a lot of pain. He is probably NOT over some woman or maybe he is gay, you don't know the reasons. But he does! Don't touch the snakes' nest.

 

When I was 16, I showed a 22-year old guy that I was interested in him. He acted like he could take it or not. Anyway, while ambivalent about starting anything with me, he did initiate contact and called me (but I showed him first that I liked him a lot). Turned out he was in love with another woman and used me to get over her. He was using me for sex for two years (once a week, without great emotions, without being an item). A few years later, he decided that my step-father was wealthy and wanted to use me for the money. He wanted to inherit the company (by the way, my mom divorced him a few years later, but that's irrelevant). This guy introduced me to drinking and smoking, tried to ruin my self-esteem, and was a jerk overall. I was too young, I didn't know any better.

 

I finally left him when I was 21, but continued to date him a year. then I married his best friend. I divorced his friend, too. So this is just an example of how the wrong move can change your life in many ways, even though in the long run, all these unhappy events led me to huge disappointments in my environment, where I was a foreigner anyway, and I met my new husband online and moved to the United States. So for me, it was good, because if I had a fairly happy childhood and marriage, I would have still been moderately happy or not so happy, instead of very happy, like I am now. And I wouldn't have had my wonderful children.

 

So I had to mention both aspects of the "wrong" move, because I don't want to claim that we should only do the right things in life. I think doing the wrong things is often benefiting us, since that's the best way for us to learn and eliminate the bad in the future. I recommend you keep these aspects in mind when starting a relationship in which something doesn't smell right.

[so gutted]

[FONT=Arial]Thanks for your analysis, its very helpful.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]We met from a site, I didn’t intiate the meeting, it was mutual, more led my him then me. We exchanged pics and then met.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Before hand we exchanged lots of texts, and we BOTH agreed on the basis of meeting etc. he was extremely well mannered and the room was very expensive etc…I didn’t throw myself at him…..but I think he could have got away with more if he wanted to, but he didn’t because he didn’t need to and was afraid of “taking advantage” etc….( he has a very good job – this whoel scenario probably isn’t his thing) .[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]His text the following day was too blunt………I am partly to blame because I acted completely out of character and tried to be something I wasn’t………this was due to nerves…….and I didn’t want to appear boring…….im just cringing………to death.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Sorry to hear about yr experiences, and thanks for quoting them , because they really help me to see that in the grand scheme of things my situation is really – insignificant……….he will not have given me a second thought.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I went out and brought a new outfit and everything…………[/FONT]

[stillafool]

I hate to tell you this but it sounds like "he's just not that in to you". I wouldn't call him again and explain anything. There's nothing to explain. You were drunk and there's a no-strings relationship that you have with this guy. To tell you the truth he was probably put off by your getting drunk. Some guys find that very unattractive on the first date. Considering you asked him out first I definitely wouldn't call him again or he will think you are chasing him.

[RecordProducer]

I hate to tell you this but it sounds like "he's just not that in to you". I wouldn't call him again and explain anything. There's nothing to explain. You were drunk and there's a no-strings relationship that you have with this guy. To tell you the truth he was probably put off by your getting drunk. Some guys find that very unattractive on the first date. Considering you asked him out first I definitely wouldn't call him again or he will think you are chasing him.

Hmm... now I am thinking, maybe it WAS the drinking part on the first date that turned him off. It would turn ME off and I would think that the guy is an alcoholic.

 

I don't know, perhaps you should call him and explain that it never happens, that you are not a drinker and overestimated your drinking capacity and now feel very uncomfortable, because it wasn't you.

 

Right! He thinks you're a lush and didn't like it. But you're not and maybe you should tell him. Maybe he is Mr. Right, after all...

 

But if you do it and he still seems disinterested, forget him.

[so gutted]

i guess i dont want a date out of me calling him. its been long enough. maybe he has found another internet woman to date, after all its easy enough a few emails and thats it.

 

GUTTED I AM THO

[so gutted]

I DIDNT ASK HIM OUT .... it was completly mutual. he asked me out ( on the net) and he made arrangements. i didnt lure him in.im not sure im cut out for this no strings bull. its just another way for the guy to duck out when it suits him.

[rina_r]

Much ado about nothing. He doesn't want relationship, you dont want relationship. There was no sex. Ok, you got drunk, so what? Get over it!!!

[so gutted]

i like him! he has class, money and he speaks well.

 

thats the issue. my heart.

 

bollywood love.

[Kamille]

I'm sorry, I think we all keep repeating pretty much the same thing in different ways. You have to let this one slide. Yes you like him. Unfortunately he is unable to see pass the first impression you made on him- and that - that is out of your control. Accept it.

 

Forgive yourself for doing something out of character. You might want to ask yourself why you felt compelled to do something out of character. What was it about your interactions together that brought out a side of yourself you're obviously not confortable with? It makes me think that you were perhaps trying to 'act a part' during the date, instead of being youself. This probably means that he wasn't putting you at ease.

 

Maybe you would like a second chance with him not so much because you like him, but because of your own pride. (And believe me, my pride always gets the best of me).

 

So forgive yourself and forget this guy.

[CardPlay3r]

i like him! he has class, money and he speaks well.

 

thats the issue. my heart.

 

bollywood love.

 

LOL that's why you regret it so much? And here I thought you heavily liked his personality and all of that...but no...he has money, class and speaks well...lol ok...

[RecordProducer]

LOL that's why you regret it so much? And here I thought you heavily liked his personality and all of that...but no...he has money, class and speaks well...lol ok...

Those things ARE a part of his personality! Do you like somebody's mind and soul after the first date? What we see on the first sight is looks, body language, and whatever you read on the profile, if you met the person online. On the first date you discover their charm (if any), interests, a part of their intelligence, class, level of eloquency, social skills, manners, education, career... So she liked him and liked that he had good manners, seemed cultured, and had a good job - all important features for a START of a relationship with a future. Of course, she doesn't want to date a jobless, homeless, low class man, that curses all the time and can't put two sentences together.

 

Maybe that's all she found in men so far and was nicely surprised to meet someone who is different for a change. Don't judge before you know her situation. If she were a gold digger, I believe she wouldn't mention his money before a bunch of strangers.

 

After all, I have a question for you: if you could choose between two identical twins: one is poor like a church mouse, no home, no job, all accounts frozen, he can't even pay for your coffee at Starbucks... and the other one is wealthy enough to afford a nice house, a car, a vacation for you two once or twice a year and a decent life. Whom would you choose? Please tell me you would mercy the poor one!

[so gutted]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Lol – this has taken a turn…..[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Yes I didn’t go after just his personality. I find that when I go for someone with a good heart he is usually insolvent. A good heart is no good without the finance to back it up. Its just not practical. Generally a good job/money is one of the strong factors that attract me to someone. May sound shallow but its probably true for 99.9% of women. We want providers.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Anyway – yes his pocket was attractive………BUT I also knew he just came out of a divorce so I knew he didn’t want anything heavy.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]He did say he wanted NSA now and again. He didn’t treat me badly ( apart form not calling again) and he wasn’t tight with cash. He obviously had other issues which I am unaware of. Its hard to find another one like that. It all seemed so perfect. Anyway im gonna look for a substitute now. This was all very very helpful. Thanks. [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Arial][/FONT]

[blind_otter]

Slug, slag, insert your favorite vowel... still not a bad word. lol

 

And as for Alpha, I will stop when he stops showing his rear... I mean I know the custom is for the alphamale of the gorillas to display his posterior to everyone, but come on....

 

........................................

 

slag is a british term for "slut"

 

also, I agree that you should leave alpha alone. If you don't like him, put him on ignore. but don't hyjack threads with random insults, that is not cool.

[nicki]

I can understand why you feel bad. You think this guy has the wrong idea of you and that if he knew the real you, you guys would be going out again.

 

But, like everyone is saying, don't sweat it. Next time don't drink more than 2 drinks. A lot of people don't trust someone who gets drunk so easily. They think the person might be an alcoholic, or have other problems they don't want to deal with.

 

It's okay to get drunk when you are well-established in a relationship. There is trust, and a history together. But not when you first meet someone. They don't know you yet, and assume the worst...

 

If he had gotten very drunk, cried over his ex and crashed in your bed, what would you have thought of him? You probably wouldn't have gone out with him again.

 

So, let it go. Chalk it up to experience. We've all had too much to drink before. I got drunk after my divorce and made a fool of myself in front of a guy. I had so much built up inside that I lost control...and I had to understand that and forgive myself.

 

If you want, send him a voice or text message, saying something like "Sorry for the other night. I hardly drink and the alcohol affected me way more than I thought it would. I did enjoy talking with you and our time together. Good luck!"

 

But, only do that for yourself, not to get another chance to go out with him again. Once you send the message, tell yourself you did all you could and move on. Go out on another date....and don't drink too much!

[CardPlay3r]

slag is a british term for "slut"

 

also, I agree that you should leave alpha alone. If you don't like him, put him on ignore. but don't hyjack threads with random insults, that is not cool.

 

Hmmm....and here I thought that's what alpha has been doing in many threads!