db1018 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Today was the 3rd anniversary since my Mom passed away, I don't know why but I thought my husband would have at least tried to call and talk to me, but I guess he was to busy with his girlfriend. It's funny he wants me to do favors for him, but he can't do anything for me. I let him take some of my money yesterday so he could get some dinner, I told him I would do some Christmas shopping for him for his niece and nephew. But I can't even get 5 minute's of his time to talk about my Mom. It just makes me so mad...I can't not have nc with him we have 2 kids together. We have been married for 12 years and were together 7 years before that. I really do deserve better treatment then what he has shown me. He has been gone since September. I really do want to move on and can't wait to get out and find the person that I'm suppose to be with. But somedays are really hard..
Sand&Water Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 RE: You have to sit tight, be patient -and think about the future, db1018. Your husband won't change his ways overnight. You have to acknowledge the present, before you can achieve the dreams of the future. Firstly, you are a strong woman - and before you became a mother of 2 children, you had the will power to choose the person to satisfy your needs and accompany you in life's journey. Don't betray yourself. You're pretending that life as a married woman will somehow blossom in the coming years. Wrong. You have a choice to make. The choice to straight out your life. Have you ever thought that may be, just may be, your husband is unaware of his surroundings -including you -to be able to assess the status of the marriage? You have to sit down with your husband -the man you choose to be with -and tell him what's exactly on your mind. IF it means getting a divorce -then a divorce it is. Each day you postpone the "right thing to do", the more pain and agony you and your children will experience. . . And don't ever think your children are NOT blindsided by the tension in the marriage. They know what's going on. [I know all too well about this] Regards, Sand&Water
Author db1018 Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 Just so you know he has not had on conversation with me face to face since he has left. All I get is email and txt msg.
Sand&Water Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 RE: Just so you know he has not had on conversation with me face to face since he has left. All I get is email and txt msg. Honestly: Question - Do you care? Sending you e-mail and text messages is second class treatment. It seems to me, he is the one in control . . . having his own girlfriend on the side would be deal breaker for tons of other women in your position. Get his @ss in your house, and talk to him. The matter of the situation, is if one of you had guts to disclose the issues at hand -none of this would be happening. Think about it. In the end, it'll cost you more. Good Luck. Regards, Sand&Water
Author db1018 Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 There is nothing for me to say to him he is happy with his new girlfriend, I want the divorce just as much as him... Your right if he would have told me all along how unhappy he was, maybe we could have fixed it. But he did not. End of story. I can only control what I do, I can't control his behavior and make him do things he does'nt want to. And yes my 11 year old daughter knows he is dating someone right now, and it has taken a toll on her, but she has me and I don't say anything bad about him. I have told her that it is wrong what he is doing, which he does not believe he is doing anything wrong becuase we are not living together. He has been a selfish person almost the whole time we have been together, it's good he is gone. I just makes me mad because I'm trying to be nice, and I'm not getting any payoff for it.
Sand&Water Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 RE: It is evident you are trying to validate your internal pain and dialogue. This is a vicious cycle -and truthfuly a bad habit to display to your children. Your children look up to you. IF you can't be a sincere, confident, anger-free role model in their lives -who will? I just makes me mad because I'm trying to be nice, and I'm not getting any payoff for it. Nice. No. There is no "Nice" face included in a divorce battle. One should not attempt to gain acceptance from a man who clearly has tossed you in the woods. Allowing yourself, to step down, to his level of ignorance and selfishness is utterly bad on your part. There is not payoff for you. Do the right thing for yourself -divorce -then you may begin to build a healthy friendship with him. Right now, you need the strength to stand up on your two feet. Burning desire to live life, for your children, is even to keep you going . . . forward in time. Regards, Sand&Water
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