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Posted

Here’s my story:

We have been together for almost 6 years, moved here from Europe, have been living together for 2.5 years. Always got along great, loved each other and continued to fall in love with each other throughout all that time, had great times together, went through difficult times and always were there for each other, had plans for the future together... nothing ever signalized there might be a problem. I was always sure he’s the one (I still am) I want to grow old with. And he would always say the same thing.

We always gave each other space to do our own activities and did a fair amount of things together. It was a mature, healthy, happy relationship. We did make each other happy. Of course, there were times when there was stagnation period in our lives and routine life would start to kick in, but hey, that happens to even the best of us :)

Three weeks ago he went on a business trip to another country for 10 days, the longest one he ever took. When he came back and I saw him, I could sense right away things weren’t good. He was very distant, tired and confused. We talked and it turned out his feelings for me as a woman he always loved went away. He wasn’t sure if it’s for good or it’s just temporary. He said he loves me as his closest person, as his best friend, but isn’t attracted to me physically all of sudden. I asked him if he’s breaking up with me. He said he thinks it’s too early and he thinks he just needs some time. He is confused, he’s not sure about what he needs, if he still loves me or maybe I’ve never been the one...

I had the most terrible week, constantly crying, not eating (stupid me), asking me many questions. 5 days ago I went to stay at a friend’s house for sometime, giving him time and space he needed. He did suggest he moves out for a while and I stay at our place, but I refused - I feel better having a friend around right now. I am trying to avoid all possible contact, although stopped by to get something a couple of days ago, and called him once. Yesterday he sent me an email himself for the first time asking me how I was. I’m hurting right now, but to me all hope is not lost yet. I take this time now to understand what could’ve led to such thing, what I need to change about my life, etc.

I think everything happened because he met someone there and had a great time with her. I know it happened to me once before. If so, it’s only a matter of time to get over that new person because there are so far away and there’s absolutely no future for them together.

He said this is the first time he’s not feeling in love with me in the whole time we’ve been together. He’s always been very affectionate and great. And I still love him. And I think he does, too. I don’t think love just goes away like that.

I realized that I’m not going to beg him to return. I’m giving him his time he asked for and space as well, and I’m pretty sure things will be fixed. I’m not sitting around waiting for him. I live my life, although the place where he lives now is still my home, too. The reason why I’m so sure of the positive outcome is that we’ve never had big issues we couldn’t resolve, we are very much alike, and both always thought that we make a great couple. We are each other’s closest people, friends, lovers, etc. It’s just that he needs to remember that again.

Anybody went through that? What would you say to that? Am I silly for thinking positive?

Posted

My ex of 6 years did something similar to me. Lost the love, lost the attraction, etc etc etc. This was almost 10 months ago. We hung out a little a couple weeks ago, it's obvious he isn't over me and, quite frankly, admitted he wasn't happy at all. (due to many things in his life)

 

What was sudddenly obvious to me was that whatever he was feeling, he was having trouble handling it.

 

IMO, some guys cannot handle emotional confusion. And the best way they know how to handle it is panic and run. Women tend to want to confront it more. But the reality is that you can't really help him deal with it unless he wants you to (just like I can't either).

 

The best thing you can do is give him space, keep your contact with him to a minimum, and let him deal with this in his time. It doesn't mean he'll come back, but it also will keep you from unintentionally driving him further away. It's probably the hardest thing in the world, but really, it's the only thing to do.

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Posted

KittenMoon, do you still have feelings for him? Do you still want to get back with him? Or have you moved on?

 

My friend (I'm staying at her place now) has had a similar situation. Her boyfriend of 7 years suddenly got all confused and wasn't sure he has same love feelings for her he always did. It took him 4 months to clear his mind and realize she's the one for him. They are back together now, and she recently said he was looking at rings...

Posted
KittenMoon, do you still have feelings for him? Do you still want to get back with him? Or have you moved on?

 

Of course I do, but it does start to become a bit difficult to know WHAT feeling you have for a person after long periods of time. Honestly, I can't say what I would do if he came back, since it hasn't happened, nor do I see much point in playing it out in my head. (though I admit I did for a while)

 

Every situation is unique though- try not to wonder what's going to happen and let it happen. Cross bridges when you come to them.

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Posted
Of course I do, but it does start to become a bit difficult to know WHAT feeling you have for a person after long periods of time. Honestly, I can't say what I would do if he came back, since it hasn't happened, nor do I see much point in playing it out in my head. (though I admit I did for a while)

 

Every situation is unique though- try not to wonder what's going to happen and let it happen. Cross bridges when you come to them.

 

 

Thank you for your support! I am not ready to give up the hope yet :)

Posted

Don't worry mooneyola. Once my ex said the same thing out of nowhere, and apparently I'm very attractive and sexy. And after a while he said what he said was not true, he was all affectionate and attracted to me again. Although at the end we still parted. Ouch, it hurts!

 

Where in Europe did you move from? Just curious

Posted

I'm going through the exact same thing as you. I thought my relationship was perferct with my boyfriend, he went away for a couple of months and then was coming home to me and suddenly met someone else and clicked instantly with her.

 

We broke up 2 weeks ago and it hurts so much that he could possibly be in love with someone else but I know there is nothing I can do. We've e-mailed a couple of times and have spoken on the phone but I've been quite distant as I am very hurt by it all.

 

I have been moving on with my life, went on a date just recently and that was nice, felt good to be attracted to. You've got the right outlook, move on with your life as you don't want to put your life on hold waiting. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be otherwise there is someone else out there for you who will give you the love you deserve.

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