chill chic Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 With this guy that I've been seeing, he told me that he hadn't met my parents. Well I told him that I was never sure how our relationship stood, casual or leaning towards serious. I didn't want to make all parties involved uncomfortable with the situation if we were just casual. Anyway, I think he was kinda bothered by that, but he told me before, that we weren't serious..or yet anyway. So invited him to go on vacation with me and/or my parents, and he told me to let him know when I do. Which is great, because that means he still might be interested in meeting my parents. Well....I felt if I wanted to get closer to him, I needed to tell him some things, like this pill addiction that I had and overcame. (I wrote him an email) Well by telling him that, would it make it awkward or weird when we get together again, like should it make it better or worse, because I didn't want to mess up the trip, if I should've waited until I saw him again (moved away-back home for a job) Did I mess up? Also, I know he has a problem with tobacco chew, so I told him again that we could talk about that because I had my own addiction. I've mentioned that I'd help him more than one time about that, would that put pressure on him?
Walk Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I read the email you sent him. Did he reply? Has he called or have you talked to him at all since then? Don't know what to tell you, I didn't keep up with the posts regarding this guy. Think the last thing I read was about some 30 yr old moving in with his parents. Just in a generalized sense though, I think it'd be really stressful to go on vacation with my bf's family. Especially if I'd NEVER met them before. Talk about pressure. Why couldn't you just invite him to dinner with them? Have you ever been stuck with a SO's family for an extended period of time? It'd be different if you two have been dating for 2 years or something, and your parents had met him and accepted him as a long term part of the family... but I got the impression this is still a fairly new relationship, and the status is still uncertain.
Author chill chic Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 I read the email you sent him. Did he reply? Has he called or have you talked to him at all since then? Don't know what to tell you, I didn't keep up with the posts regarding this guy. Think the last thing I read was about some 30 yr old moving in with his parents. Just in a generalized sense though, I think it'd be really stressful to go on vacation with my bf's family. Especially if I'd NEVER met them before. Talk about pressure. Why couldn't you just invite him to dinner with them? Have you ever been stuck with a SO's family for an extended period of time? It'd be different if you two have been dating for 2 years or something, and your parents had met him and accepted him as a long term part of the family... but I got the impression this is still a fairly new relationship, and the status is still uncertain. Thanks for your reply Walk. So you said you read the emails right? I was wondering if I contradicted myself, saying that I need help (with the problem) in the first email, then in the 2nd email I said that I've overcome the problem. Which is true the most part, but I still have some setbacks. Anyway, what do you think he'd think? Is he probably confused on what he wants to say? But no, he hasn't emailed me back or called me. It's his work email account and I'm not sure how often he checks it since he's out doing business alot. So I don't know what to think about that? Did I scare him off even more? And one more thing, sorry, did I TELL him he had a problem in the last email or do you think he'll think that I'm just trying to help? I don't want to make him uncomfortable about it, but he did mention awhile back that he wanted to quit, so I'm just following up on that.
Walk Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Ok.. Gonna be honest with you, and maybe others have a different view they can share, but I'll give you mine at least. (remember.. I'm not completely up to speed on your situation, so take all this with a grain of salt.) I think the emails were confusing. If I didnt' know what you're problem was, then I don't think I'd understand the email. Actually... I don't keep up on baseball, so I don't know what the pitcher died from. But personally, I'd think you were on steriods, or coke. I'd think you had a serious addiction to a hard drug. And i would've read it as the first one saying you have a bad problem.. potentially a really bad addiction to something. The second one saying you HAD a really bad addiction, but you're over it now. So yeah, you did contradict yourself. One saying you need help. The second one saying you don't. Then offering to help him at the same time. It was confusing to me. Not sure if you were asking for help. Or just baring your soul, or what? I think you'd be better off calling him after work and just talking it over. Tell him you sent him two emails, but realized they were probably confusing, so you thought you'd call instead to talk about things. That way you can explain a little better, he has a chance to ask questions and get instant feedback without him jumping to conclusions that might be a lot worse. Plus it's a little more personal, and he can hear the feeling in your voice. Get a sense of how badly this affects you, what your emotional state is, and get a better idea of your true intention behind telling him is. Last thought... don't offer to help him quit his addiction. If HE says something about needing help, then fine. But I smoke, and even if I've said in the past that I want to quit, having someone offer to help me quit gets annoying. Not sure how often you've mentioned it, but I'd personally leave it at telling him if he needs anything that you'd be happy to help. Broad open offer, and then drop it. You can't help anyway. He's quite capable of buying the patch or the gum, etc... without you. He either wants to do it for himself, or he doesn't... the only thing you could do is offer to listen to him complain about quitting, and be extra patient with his grumpy butt, other than that... not much you can help him with.. so it's an offer with no substance.
Author chill chic Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Ok.. Gonna be honest with you, and maybe others have a different view they can share, but I'll give you mine at least. (remember.. I'm not completely up to speed on your situation, so take all this with a grain of salt.) I think the emails were confusing. If I didnt' know what you're problem was, then I don't think I'd understand the email. Actually... I don't keep up on baseball, so I don't know what the pitcher died from. But personally, I'd think you were on steriods, or coke. I'd think you had a serious addiction to a hard drug. And i would've read it as the first one saying you have a bad problem.. potentially a really bad addiction to something. The second one saying you HAD a really bad addiction, but you're over it now. So yeah, you did contradict yourself. One saying you need help. The second one saying you don't. Then offering to help him at the same time. It was confusing to me. Not sure if you were asking for help. Or just baring your soul, or what? I think you'd be better off calling him after work and just talking it over. Tell him you sent him two emails, but realized they were probably confusing, so you thought you'd call instead to talk about things. That way you can explain a little better, he has a chance to ask questions and get instant feedback without him jumping to conclusions that might be a lot worse. Plus it's a little more personal, and he can hear the feeling in your voice. Get a sense of how badly this affects you, what your emotional state is, and get a better idea of your true intention behind telling him is. Last thought... don't offer to help him quit his addiction. If HE says something about needing help, then fine. But I smoke, and even if I've said in the past that I want to quit, having someone offer to help me quit gets annoying. Not sure how often you've mentioned it, but I'd personally leave it at telling him if he needs anything that you'd be happy to help. Broad open offer, and then drop it. You can't help anyway. He's quite capable of buying the patch or the gum, etc... without you. He either wants to do it for himself, or he doesn't... the only thing you could do is offer to listen to him complain about quitting, and be extra patient with his grumpy butt, other than that... not much you can help him with.. so it's an offer with no substance. Well just so you know, my addiction was ephedrine pills, and some athletes have had problems with it. But mine was because I used to model and it helped me suppress my appetite...so I became addicted to it. But that sucks that I probably confused him. The thing is, if I call him I'm not sure if he'll answer, and I don't necessarily want to leave a message on his voice mail. And I also don't want to drag it out more, he might get the point, but still he might be thinking I'm contradicting myself. Was that stupid of me to email him like that? I just didn't want him to think that I was still in my full-blown, dark phase of it. I'm more on the road to recovery than anything, but the way I worded the first email, I made it seem like it could be overwhelming to him, if he thought I was still in the midst of it. yah I'm not going to mention anymore about his addiction, that's his choice if he wants to bring up, I was just introducing my feelings toward helping him if he ever needed help, and letting him know that I can relate to him.
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