Someone explain to me...what happened?

[Lisa32]

Sorry so long...I just really need some input.

 

I’ve known this bartender for about a year now. He works in a bar my friends and I go into once a week. I liked him the first min. I saw him. He told me he couldn’t do anything about it, because he had a girlfriend and he didn’t cheat on girlfriends. He and I definitely had a connection though...and we liked talking to each other.

 

7 mos. later, he ended it with her, and finally asked for my #, but we didn’t actually get together until 3 mos. after his breakup. The first night we hung out, we just talked, kissed and talked. He told me it took so long for us to get together, because he didn’t have much $ and wanted to be worthy of me. He also told me, from the first min. he met me, he knew it was over with his ex.

 

We hung out a couple of more times and talked and talked. He told me he was going to fall in love with me, that he could see me being the one, and he was so happy we were finally together. I learned so much about him…and he about me. He told me his relationship history. He was in love only once, with a girl he dated for 4 yrs. that left him for another guy 4 yrs. ago. Broke his heart. They don’t speak. Then there’s a girl he refered to as his "Ex from a couple of years ago". He said he was never in love with her, they were really more friends. Then his most recent Ex of 1 year, he said he only stayed with her to keep himself from drinking and on the straight and narrow, so he could finish school (he’s 30yrs old). He never loved her, which I could tell, cause he always complained about her and talked about her immaturity.

 

Anyway, we were talking about the last time he had had sex. He said 2 – 3 weeks ago with my "Ex from a couple of years ago". It was before him and I, so I brushed it off.

 

Anyway, we were seeing each other only 1 week. I got a little tipsy one night and pushed for exclusivity. He said “You are not my #1 girl.” I got upset of course. He said “No…you’re not my #1, because there’s no #2 or #3for you to be #1 to. You’re my only girl.” Later that night he txt me and said “You are so special to me. Please be patient with me.”

 

The next day (a Thursday), he called me before his shift. He said “Honey…I have off Sat and Sun. Can we spend the weekend together. I said yes, I’d love to. He said “I’ll call you Sat morning.”

 

Saturday morning, he called and canceled. He had a hangover, from hanging out with his friends after his shift the nite before. I was so upset. He said, “If I’m feeling better later, I’ll call you and we’ll get together tonite.” I never heard from him again.

 

I txt him 4 days later and said “What happened to you. Are you ok, or do you just not want to hear from me?” He responded with “It’s not like that, I’m just under a lot of stress and I need to get my bearings. I do want to get together. Give me a few days and I’ll give u call.” I said “OK…I hope you’re ok. call even if you just need to talk.”

 

A week passed. I’m really upset now and just said “Can you please call me and tell me what happened. I don’t take rejection well w/o an explanation. This is the last time I’ll txt you.” He responded with “Hey listen, something came up with my ex from a couple of years ago and uh that’s where I’m at. It was good to have met you.” That hurt so much. I tried to call him, he wouldn’t pick up…so I txt him and said “please just call me?” no answer. I txt him again “I’m sorry if I offended you. I just didn’t know if I did something, because you won’t talk to me. I won’t bother you anymore.” Finally he txt back and said “You didn’t do anything. You’re absolutely amazing. I’m sorry to be such a dick.” I responded with “can you call me…please. I just want to talk.” He said “Not tonight. I’m out right now, and I’m going to Philli in the morning for Thanksgiving.” I then said “OK…are you back with your ex and do you really never want to see or speak to each other again?” No response. That was a week ago. I haven’t heard anything since. I’m so confused, and I don’t understand why he won’t just tell me he lost interest or that he doesn't want me, or that he's back with his ex, or he's met someone new in the one day we didn't see each other...or anything to make me stop going crazy and crying all day. I swear on my grave...I really thought this guy was crazy about me. All we did was talk about everything. It was amazing. WHAT HAPPENED?

[D-Lish]

As much as you won't want to hear this, you have to let it go.

If you've asked him to talk and he refuses to pick up his phone or return your calls, then he isn't worthy of further contact.

 

In fact, pressuring him will probably push him further away and begin to annoy him.

 

Why isn't he answering? Probably out of guilt. Some guys would rather just let things go and avoid a confrontation.

 

Um, does he seem like a player to you?

Because people in the bar industry tend to adopt a party lifestyle....

I know, I've dated a bartender... and he was a real player. And all those "we have a connection, I can see myself falling in love with you" stuff sounds like the kind of lines players like to use....

 

What you can't do at this point is blame yourself. If he can't be man enough to give you an explanation, then you have to stop chasing him.

[blon_dee]

Yeah babe, sorry, im with DLish on this one... shes right on the money, the guy sounds like a total player... I think my whole new perspective with dating now is going to be very straight forward, no bull****.. he doesnt call when he says hes going to, return your calls whatever...then hes not worth my time. I guess it comes down to, if he really cares about you and wants to contact you HE WILL without us women having to resort to stalkerish incessant emails, texts etc.. Dont you think? And hey, i have been that stalker... lol... Guess if these guys are worthy of us they WILL call and they WILL hang around... This guy you speak of, definately sounds like a player.. Im sure many of us have come accross the "Player" in our dating days... Just beware girlfriend!!

Good Luck! hugs