Chapter2 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 FB, I just saw this thread and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Could you feel betrayed by his comment because "best friends" don't treat you the way he's treating you and they don't put you second? When someone is your best friend, your aren't a secret. I'm not trying to name your feelings for you, just telling you how it felt for me and wondering if that resonates with you. I honestly used to think..."this can't be how it feels to have a best friend"... I'm very familiar with that comment and often wondered myself why it was so painful to hear. I was friends with my xMM at the beginning and now there can never be any relationship at all. It is yet another consequence. I regret it terribly and have walked through a lot of pain as has everyone else invovled. There is nothing I can say to take your pain away... Get PM access so you can talk to people on LS you know will give you respectful and kind truth instead of loads of guilt, shame and condemnation. I'm so glad to see that most people's responses have been productive and that only some have attempted to tear you down and make you feel like garbage. It's counter productive to tell someone they've made a mess when they're obviously coming here for help. I don't think hearing things like "he's just a big liar, etc." is productive either. That doesn't make your feelings go away and that's where you get stuck. Stick with NC, get into into IC if necessary and encircle yourself with accountability partners if you can. Having people who love me hold me accountable has been a God send. I can't imagine having to continually be face to face with my xMM and I honestly don't think I could cope with it. You can do this. The very best thing you can do for your kids at this point is working on getting yourself healthy and demanding more for yourself. We ALL continually blow it with our kids...they learn a huge amount from how we handle things AFTER we've blown it. Hang in there. I'm proud of you for going NC. You will get through this. Why after we intiate NC and I allow my kids to play with his kids does he still say but you still are my best friend. Why do I feel betrayed by that comment? Should I end all contact with my kids and his kids. Is it possible to ever go back to being best friends before this whole thing started? The feelings right now are so open and deep that I want to shut him out completely!! Is that being selfish am I feelings getting in the way of what is best for my kids.
pureinheart Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Hey Forbidden, I heard the "best friend" crap from the ex MM throughout the entire screwed up whatever.... Sarcastically I told him on many ocassions, "your W should be your best friend"....in reality that is the truth. Whichwayisup had a good point, what if MM tells his W and W tells your H, best to hear it from you.
Chapter2 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 A person can't hold their husband to the same standards of judgment when he was just a victim that got sucked in by a deceptive and needy single woman:confused: NF I certainly hope you held your husband to these same standards when you found out about his affair!
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 A person can't hold their husband to the same standards of judgment when he was just a victim that got sucked in by a deceptive and needy single woman:confused: You fortgot about the fact that she was a predator too. Probably hunted him down relentlessly.
Chapter2 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Oops, you're right, I did forget that part. You fortgot about the fact that she was a predator too. Probably hunted him down relentlessly.
kymberann Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 A person can't hold their husband to the same standards of judgment when he was just a victim that got sucked in by a deceptive and needy single woman:confused: You fortgot about the fact that she was a predator too. Probably hunted him down relentlessly. Do I detect sarcasm here!!!
Chapter2 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Of course not. "I am telling her the truth. Shall I lie?" Do I detect sarcasm here!!!
Recommended Posts