Jump to content

Behavioural analysis of a married guy that was hitting on me today.

Adunaphel

By Adunaphel
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Adunaphel Established Member

Adunaphel

Posted
Posted

First of all: I am not hurt, disappointed or anything, just annoyed and a tad disgusted.

 

I spent two hours chatting with this scumbag just to report it to you and add some information to the OW/OM forum database.

 

 

This time the modus operandi was:

 

- talked a bit on an online chatroom in one of those websites (note: the guy was not a complete stranger. we were on one of those websites where all users know each other or are likely to know each other at some point. Not a dating site, but very laid back one).

Nice, funny conversation with a bit of *very* light flirting.

 

- he added me to his msn messenger contact list, we had flirty but very light and funny conversation. He sounded like a nice, pleasant, well mannered guy who was flirting very discreetly, without being boring or annoying. (some MM are so good at it, aren't they?)

 

- after more talk, he starts to get a tad too personal. I get the impression he is testing the waters. It is not a normal conversation anymore, it's a very flirty one.

In good taste, but he seems to be ignoring my hints that I'd rather just talk (not flirt)for now.

I am getting the impression he is not only hitting on me, but that he wants to "get to the point" (i.e. find out whether I'm interested) asap.

I think this is a common thing people who are not available do. Single guys will take their time... married guys will be in a hurry, so to speak, to find out whether you find them potentially interesting. Or at least I'm under this impression.

 

- He throws in one of those "what does your bf say when you do that?" kind of sentences. The ones to check out whether the other person is available.

 

- I do not mention *not* having a boyfreind, and he is like "I just got a bad peice of news, you have a bf."

 

- he keeps flirting even if he thinks I have a bf.

 

- I proceed to ask him whether he has a gf. he hints that yes, he has one, but to let him explain...

 

- after a while (when -I guess- he feels he is safe enough to tell), gf becomes wife and he proceeds to explain his situation and why he is looking elsewhere.

 

- At first he presents himself as "married but unhappy"

 

- does not reveal he has already had a one-year affair until he gets friendly

"do not cheat on W, you will regret it" kind of advice.

 

- changes his account of his situation with wife repeatedly

 

- does not love his wife, he is sure he does not, has already tried to rekindle the spark, does not consider divorcing even if he has no kids, does not consider telling her he is cheating "because it would crush her".

They have no sex - obviously. but -obviously, again, his problem is not about sex, it's about lack of connection/intimacy/love.

 

-Would not listen to any well-meant advice. Would not listen. Period.

 

- Since I mentioned having had an affair with a married guy once, he has the nerve to ask me in a sarcastic way: "when you were seeing your MM, were you trying to talk him into fixing things with his wife, too?". Oh, the nerve.

 

- Tells me what he is looking for in other women *basing on what he thinks I am looking for in a guy*.

 

Well, this is the impression I got anyway.

 

(after I mention that my MM was quite jerkish, he says he is still friends with his OW ---> *plural* !!! One more alert! And this is just an exemple. )

 

- More in general, even before saying he is not single, he was kind of acting like a chamaleon - trying to tell the right thing to make me interested.

 

- after I say I am not interested in "getting to know him better",

1)first, I get the "I just want to know you better, you are so interesting" kind of line.

2) after I tell him that I will be fine with some occasional small online talk but i feel that getting personal is inappropriate (he had just made a "I want to know him better, not get into your pants" comment), he becomes colder, says he find this childish on my part

(aaaaaaaaah, don't you just love jerks who turn the tables on you and make you feel unreasonable and unfriendly when they just wanted to get to know you better?), but if that's what I want...

3) he closes the conversation saying "let's do it this way: when and if you want to talk, you can contact me, you know where I am."

After which he signs off.

 

----------------------------------

 

Well, I hope this post is useful to even just one of you ladies.

 

If any of this feels familiar to you, then this post served its purpose. :)

NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

Posted
Posted

BLOCK and IGNORE this loser!!!!

 

Boy, he is the abusive type. I HATE that. Reminds me of someone that I know rather intimately that is the same: my philandering dad. When you tell them the limits of the R you are willing to have, they insult and attack you. OOoooh that just BURNS me up.

 

I feel you. I do. There is an older man at my gym who thought I was going to be his next victim and tried the same lines - about not wanting to get into my pants (claiming he was impotent). I really despise this kind of human. They really deserve the worst, but it just seems that they never get it. They just get more and more victims signing up for misery.

 

Glad you saw through it, though.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

I love you, adunaphel. :love:

  • Author
Adunaphel Established Member

Adunaphel

Posted
  • Author
Posted
BLOCK and IGNORE this loser!!!!

 

Boy, he is the abusive type. I HATE that. Reminds me of someone that I know rather intimately that is the same: my philandering dad. When you tell them the limits of the R you are willing to have, they insult and attack you. OOoooh that just BURNS me up.

 

I feel you. I do. There is an older man at my gym who thought I was going to be his next victim and tried the same lines - about not wanting to get into my pants (claiming he was impotent). I really despise this kind of human. They really deserve the worst, but it just seems that they never get it. They just get more and more victims signing up for misery.

 

Glad you saw through it, though.

 

 

Thank you a lot for the thought :love: , but do not worry - I am fine.

 

I am disgusted at him, and I was finding him interesting in the beginning, but once I figured out what a kind of person he is I kept talking with him just to find out more about the cathegory... and report back on LS.

 

Nice-guy-in-a-unhappy-marriage-looking-for-empathy my ass.

 

I have no time to waste talking with such a person.

 

I wish I could say the same about "my" MM.

When I'll be able to, I'll celebrate. :laugh:

  • Author
Adunaphel Established Member

Adunaphel

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I love you, adunaphel. :love:

 

I love you too. :love: :love:

 

Guys, we have a deal - if I can have the Otter, you can keep all the pink elephants

BUTAFLY Established Member

BUTAFLY

Posted
Posted

It's ever MM's m.o., sooo typical. they disgust me...

Jane Doe Established Member

Jane Doe

Posted
Posted
- I proceed to ask him whether he has a gf. he hints that yes, he has one, but to let him explain...

 

He was already giving out clues that he was a slimy player but that statement right there sealed the deal.

 

Men like these are a dime a dozen. They smooth talk women into falling under their "spell" and then they proceed to use, abuse, and discard at their leisure.

 

Like NoIDidn't said, block and ignore him. He's trash. You're so much better and smarter than scum like him.

johan Established Member

johan

Posted
Posted

Ha ha. I thought this was funny.

 

It's nice to be able to afford to be an ass, because you have a wife, so no big deal if you fail. Single guys generally have to keep that side of their personalities hidden until after the relationship is established..

Seen_It_All Established Member

Seen_It_All

Posted
Posted

If I had a PENNY (forget a dime) a PENNY for every single married scum that hit on me when I used to log onto Yahoo Messenger, I'd be rich. Predators like this are a dime a dozen. I didn't even bother engaging any of these parasites in polite chit chat - I'd tell them to get bent and put them on ignore immediately. I don't even chat online anymore because I'm so fed up with these losers.

BUTAFLY Established Member

BUTAFLY

Posted
Posted

Plus, It's online. Everything online is fantacy, you can pretend to be whomever, you can flirt ect...people think its no harm and consider it play. Its the ones that carry on real life A's...actually approach a women (with or /without a ring on) with intent on starting something and proceed engage in an A. those are the real creeps.

sinceyouasked Member

sinceyouasked

Posted
Posted
Its the ones that carry on real life A's...actually approach a women (with or /without a ring on) with intent on starting something and proceed engage in an A. those are the real creeps.

 

What do you think of the women who do that same thing?

GreenEyedLady Established Member

GreenEyedLady

Posted
Posted
What do you think of the women who do that same thing?

 

I think that we would all agree that it's deceptive and VERY uncool any way that you look at it...but I'm just speaking for myself...

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
First of all: I am not hurt, disappointed or anything, just annoyed and a tad disgusted.

 

I spent two hours chatting with this scumbag just to report it to you and add some information to the OW/OM forum database.

 

 

This time the modus operandi was:

 

- talked a bit on an online chatroom in one of those websites (note: the guy was not a complete stranger. we were on one of those websites where all users know each other or are likely to know each other at some point. Not a dating site, but very laid back one).

Nice, funny conversation with a bit of *very* light flirting.

 

- he added me to his msn messenger contact list, we had flirty but very light and funny conversation. He sounded like a nice, pleasant, well mannered guy who was flirting very discreetly, without being boring or annoying. (some MM are so good at it, aren't they?)

 

- after more talk, he starts to get a tad too personal. I get the impression he is testing the waters. It is not a normal conversation anymore, it's a very flirty one.

In good taste, but he seems to be ignoring my hints that I'd rather just talk (not flirt)for now.

I am getting the impression he is not only hitting on me, but that he wants to "get to the point" (i.e. find out whether I'm interested) asap.

I think this is a common thing people who are not available do. Single guys will take their time... married guys will be in a hurry, so to speak, to find out whether you find them potentially interesting. Or at least I'm under this impression.

 

- He throws in one of those "what does your bf say when you do that?" kind of sentences. The ones to check out whether the other person is available.

 

- I do not mention *not* having a boyfreind, and he is like "I just got a bad peice of news, you have a bf."

 

- he keeps flirting even if he thinks I have a bf.

 

- I proceed to ask him whether he has a gf. he hints that yes, he has one, but to let him explain...

 

- after a while (when -I guess- he feels he is safe enough to tell), gf becomes wife and he proceeds to explain his situation and why he is looking elsewhere.

 

- At first he presents himself as "married but unhappy"

 

- does not reveal he has already had a one-year affair until he gets friendly

"do not cheat on W, you will regret it" kind of advice.

 

- changes his account of his situation with wife repeatedly

 

- does not love his wife, he is sure he does not, has already tried to rekindle the spark, does not consider divorcing even if he has no kids, does not consider telling her he is cheating "because it would crush her".

They have no sex - obviously. but -obviously, again, his problem is not about sex, it's about lack of connection/intimacy/love.

 

-Would not listen to any well-meant advice. Would not listen. Period.

 

- Since I mentioned having had an affair with a married guy once, he has the nerve to ask me in a sarcastic way: "when you were seeing your MM, were you trying to talk him into fixing things with his wife, too?". Oh, the nerve.

 

- Tells me what he is looking for in other women *basing on what he thinks I am looking for in a guy*.

 

Well, this is the impression I got anyway.

 

(after I mention that my MM was quite jerkish, he says he is still friends with his OW ---> *plural* !!! One more alert! And this is just an exemple. )

 

- More in general, even before saying he is not single, he was kind of acting like a chamaleon - trying to tell the right thing to make me interested.

 

- after I say I am not interested in "getting to know him better",

1)first, I get the "I just want to know you better, you are so interesting" kind of line.

2) after I tell him that I will be fine with some occasional small online talk but i feel that getting personal is inappropriate (he had just made a "I want to know him better, not get into your pants" comment), he becomes colder, says he find this childish on my part

(aaaaaaaaah, don't you just love jerks who turn the tables on you and make you feel unreasonable and unfriendly when they just wanted to get to know you better?), but if that's what I want...

3) he closes the conversation saying "let's do it this way: when and if you want to talk, you can contact me, you know where I am."

After which he signs off.

 

----------------------------------

 

Well, I hope this post is useful to even just one of you ladies.

 

If any of this feels familiar to you, then this post served its purpose. :)

 

What a dork!! :laugh:

 

Definately put him on block!

  • Author
Adunaphel Established Member

Adunaphel

Posted
  • Author
Posted

First of all, thanks for the feedback. :)

 

If I had a PENNY (forget a dime) a PENNY for every single married scum that hit on me when I used to log onto Yahoo Messenger, I'd be rich. Predators like this are a dime a dozen. I didn't even bother engaging any of these parasites in polite chit chat - I'd tell them to get bent and put them on ignore immediately. I don't even chat online anymore because I'm so fed up with these losers.

 

Plus, It's online. Everything online is fantacy, you can pretend to be whomever, you can flirt ect...people think its no harm and consider it play. Its the ones that carry on real life A's...actually approach a women (with or /without a ring on) with intent on starting something and proceed engage in an A. those are the real creeps.

 

I'd like to point out that this guy is not a complete stranger. :)

 

(note: the guy was not a complete stranger. we were on one of those websites where all users know each other or are likely to know each other at some point. Not a dating site, but a very laid back one).

 

I do not like the typical chatrooms at all (I agree that they are full of creeps pestering anyone who has a screenname that sounds feminine!).

On the one we started to talk there has perhaps been a maximum of 15 users online at once. It is usually either empty, or there are up to 5-6 users in it.

 

I know where this guy lives, I know what he looks like (we met on a couple of occasions even if we did not pay a lot of attention to each other), and we have a lot of friends and acquaintances in common.

Yesterday I called a common friend and asked her what kind of guy he is... she said he is a smart, funny guy who cracks her up. She adores him and obviously she regards him as one of the "nice guys". I got the idea she has no clue he is married or even in a relationship...

 

I do not think he was looking for a "fantasy". He falls more in the "predators" cathegory imo. And he was very good at presenting himself as a "nice" guy.

 

And he is on block already. :) I have no time for disgusting people like him.

 

(Now, if only I could already say the same about "my" MM!)

 

Ha ha. I thought this was funny.

 

Thank you, Johan.

 

It's nice to be able to afford to be an ass, because you have a wife, so no big deal if you fail. Single guys generally have to keep that side of their personalities hidden until after the relationship is established..

 

This is *very* interesting. I will have to remind this.

 

Thinking of it, even if single guys are just looking for sex, they will be *a lot nicer* than guys who are already in a relationship. Even the ones that are not sex-starved.

 

What do you think of the women who do that same thing?

 

While the guys I usually find either disgusting or really sad, the women I usually find just very sad. It makes you wonder how low their self-esteem is.

frannie Established Member

frannie

Posted
Posted

2) after I tell him that I will be fine with some occasional small online talk but i feel that getting personal is inappropriate (he had just made a "I want to know him better, not get into your pants" comment), he becomes colder, says he find this childish on my part

(aaaaaaaaah, don't you just love jerks who turn the tables on you and make you feel unreasonable and unfriendly when they just wanted to get to know you better?), but if that's what I want...

3) he closes the conversation saying "let's do it this way: when and if you want to talk, you can contact me, you know where I am."

After which he signs off.

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

Don't you just hate this type of man. Calls you a child because you won't play by his rules and does the 'message me if you're interested' thing. :sick:

 

ah go take a hike.

PoshPrincess Established Member

PoshPrincess

Posted
Posted
:lmao: :lmao:

 

Don't you just hate this type of man. Calls you a child because you won't play by his rules and does the 'message me if you're interested' thing. :sick:

 

ah go take a hike.

 

Either that or you get, "You must be a lesbian!" or "I didn't fancy you anyway, I was just doing it for a bet", etc.....Pathetic!

  • Author
Adunaphel Established Member

Adunaphel

Posted
  • Author
Posted

"I didn't fancy you anyway, I was just doing it for a bet"

 

"Oh, I can relate - I could have bet you were a loser."

 

Did you really get those horrible save-my-pride lines?

puddleofmud Established Member

puddleofmud

Posted
Posted
If I had a PENNY (forget a dime) a PENNY for every single married scum that hit on me when I used to log onto Yahoo Messenger, I'd be rich. Predators like this are a dime a dozen. I didn't even bother engaging any of these parasites in polite chit chat - I'd tell them to get bent and put them on ignore immediately. I don't even chat online anymore because I'm so fed up with these losers.

 

Agreed!!! I have had same experience and I am sick of being so creeped out. MY experience has been that it would seem that when women advertise on a personals site they are perceived as desperate (for attention=sex)!

Most replies to me were as if I was "lucky" to have gotten any reply, much less from them. It should behoove them to know that I was receiving hundreds of replies. It shall be our secret that none were worth a response.

I stated clearly that I would not reply to the attached but it seemed more of an invitation to such. Every subject line from attached men said something like "Can we friends?" "You seem like such a nice person and I just would like to chat--here is my IM--or call me at =cell number".

Males who were not as agressive were the worst! I did not take well those hiding behind a veneer of sweetness.

I am not sure about how to meet w/ single men these days, but as far as I am concerned it won't be "on-line"!!!!

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...