redlynne Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I don't know why this stuff happens to me. I don't do anything to anyone. All I wanted was for him to leave his wife like he said he would and be with me. I never thought I would be punished so hard for wanting tobe happy., It makes me wonder though, if i married him, if he would keep the other woman on the side once he was oficially with me. Oh and he does have chracter. He treats his wife very well, I've seen it. Why this stuff happens to you ? You laid down with someone elses man. He is married . Leave it alone or you will continue to be "punished " Im not attempting to hurt your feelings ,but please re read your post your words. For just wanting to be happy ? Come on .. I was a OW for 5 years to long & it been almost 9 months , after i choose to end it i have a clear head now . I attempted to post my update but they didnt post it believe me it will only get worst. grow up and accept when you live your life like that ,it will never get better until you leave it alone
GreenEyedLady Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 SB: I am so sorry for your situation...I think you really need to sit back and think about what you want out of life and is this situation that you find yourself in, in any way going to get you there, or keep you from getting there...just my 2 cents...
redlynne Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Its like being a criminal its right for you to lie and steal from another to get what you want? Instead of living right & working? Its easier to stick around then to leave end it for good. And you know what my life was hell feel apart everything that go go wrong went ,for what a liar ,triple cheater ? I am not bashing ,just take it from someone who learned so hard lost so much ,but you know what has rebuilt on every level and life is not perfect but i know im living right hurting no one. Im happy relieved i ended it sad ,&mad didnt do it sooner. good luck &be strong we all have it in us if only we choose to use it.
frannie Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 If a man can't be satisfied with a Wife AND one OW, you can bet that he can't ever be satisfied with just ONE woman. So what is the point in continuing with him..? Since you have this information, you really should make plans to get out of this situation.
lovelorcet Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I'd like to trust him, but this whole thing has really shaken that. OMFG.... Lets just look at some simple facts here... MM is banging his wife... MM is banging his OW... MM is banging is 2nd choice OW (i.e. you)... Some plausible possibilities are... you are not even OW2 but OW(N) as there could be more... There could be a whole list of OOW from the past... But like you have already said, he has character... He treats his wife so well... And trust really is so important in a relationship...
Catharsis Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 This guy sounds just like my "MM" (with whom I thankfully never had sex with) - the only difference is that my snake kept each and every OW secret from each other. Oh, and he is super nice and "sweet" to his W too (actually, sickingly sappy - way too sappy to make sure she doesn't suspect a thing). But he lies and cheats on her, and actions speak much louder than words. Dump him, he is no good. I was totally over him once I found out the truth, I'm surprised that you are not as mad as I was when I first found out. Get angry, get even, and never talk to him again.
PoshPrincess Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Without a doubt you need to get rid. He's a complete player and cakeman and not worth yours or anyone else's time. It doesn't sound like the man is capable of being faithful to ANYONE. I know it's difficult but you need to cut him off for your own sanity before he drags you down with him. He's stringing you, the OOW (AND the W) along big style! Don't give him the satisfaction. As for telling the W, no way! It would be painful enough, but for her to know you befriended her after the event will just be an even bigger kick in the teeth! I know she has a right to know (this has been discussed SO many times before) but personally I don't think you should be the one to tell her. Move on, get the hell away from the lot of them, and get on with your life! You deserve so much more.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Thanks a lot, everyone, even the one who has been in my situation for much longer and thinks she can judge me and talk to me like I am stupid just because it's in her past and not her present. We talked for a long time last night. I told him I am uncomfortable with knowing that he is dating someone else and he said what a lot of you said, that it doesn't make sense to be uncomfortable when I knew he was married already. I said the difference is that with just the wife, it would be possible to believe that he really wasn't happy with her and found happiness with me. That happens a lot. But if it's not just me as THE ow, then it isn't really a problem with his marriage, it's a problem with him and his lack of control or something. He disagrees and says he loves me, loves his wife, and loves the oow all in different ways, but that if he could start all over, he would be married to me. I said I didn't believe him and I needed time to think. I think he may not be taking me very seriously, like not believing I won't stick around, but I am trying. He calls me every morning, and this morning I didn't answer. He left a very upset-sounding message, and it didn't effect me as much as I thought it might. I know we can't choose who we love, but this sucks. I don't like how I feel with him, but I don't like how I feel without him either. I don't want to love him, and I hate that my feelings for him are what's hurting me. Anyway, thanks for all your advice, I apprecite it more than I could ever say. I expected a lot more telling me I do deserve to be hurt, not that I deserve better. Maybe you're helping to convince me of that. PoshPrincess, I spent some time in London, what an amazing place and how lucky you are to live there. I can't wait to go back. Maybe I'll see if my job can transfer me there. What a fresh start that would be.
norajane Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 You have to take responsibility for your own happiness - and for your own part in this mess. You have the power to change your life for the better, but you can only do that when you accept that you cannot find happiness by hanging on to something that's rotten for you. How can you make room for good things when your life is so filled with bad? You don't have to move to start fresh. You can start today, by never talking to this man again. And, frankly, I'd also recommend that you stay away from your 'friendship' with his wife as well. She won't thank you for your 'friendship' when she finds out who you are...one of the OW her husband has lied to her about, a woman who f*cked her husband behind her back while smiling to her face. This is an unhealthy situation for you and everyone else involved. Don't prolong it.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 You have to take responsibility for your own happiness - and for your own part in this mess. You have the power to change your life for the better, but you can only do that when you accept that you cannot find happiness by hanging on to something that's rotten for you. How can you make room for good things when your life is so filled with bad? You don't have to move to start fresh. You can start today, by never talking to this man again. And, frankly, I'd also recommend that you stay away from your 'friendship' with his wife as well. She won't thank you for your 'friendship' when she finds out who you are...one of the OW her husband has lied to her about, a woman who f*cked her husband behind her back while smiling to her face. This is an unhealthy situation for you and everyone else involved. Don't prolong it. I don't have to move, I was sort of just making conversation. But I do work with him, I guess I didn't say that, but I thought it was obvious when I said we are often at work-related functions otgether. if you read my last post, you'll see i'm on my way to "not prolonging this" but thank you. As for the last thing you said, there's no need to be rude to me, I never said I was proud of this and I am trying to get some help to get out of it. That is something I have done, NOT who I am.
GirlFromOz Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 ...one of the OW her husband has lied to her about, a woman who f*cked her husband behind her back while smiling to her face. Actually, I don't think Norajane was being rude - I think she was simply stating the bare facts. I have just read this entire thread from beginning to end and I just feel such an overwhelming sense of sadness. I hope you have people in your life who can give you a big hug because you are going to need plenty of them, whether you stay with this man or not. I hope even more, that the BS has lots of wonderful friends & family around her because she is the one who will need the most support & she is the one person in this whole sorry tale that deserves happiness. Why do we women do this too each other.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 ...one of the OW her husband has lied to her about, a woman who f*cked her husband behind her back while smiling to her face. Actually, I don't think Norajane was being rude - I think she was simply stating the bare facts. Why do we women do this too each other. It is not a bare fact. That is not who I am, it is something I have done and am trying to fix. And I don't know why, but I don't like doing this to another woman. I used to think it didn't matter because I didn't know her but I feel differently now. If I am this upset about his girlfriend, I can't imagine how his wife would feel about both of us. Thanks for the rest of it, I don't have much in the way of support, which is a big reason I decided to try this.
NoIDidn't Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Does your job have an Employee Assistance Program that gives you free access to counselors over the phone? If so, use it. It is completely confidential and FREE!! It was my saving grace when I found out about the OW. I didn't know what to do. I was angry and hurt and embarrassed and felt utterly alone. The counselors were all so helpful. They gave me the ability to look at my sitch with my mind and not my heart.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 Does your job have an Employee Assistance Program that gives you free access to counselors over the phone? If so, use it. It is completely confidential and FREE!! It was my saving grace when I found out about the OW. I didn't know what to do. I was angry and hurt and embarrassed and felt utterly alone. The counselors were all so helpful. They gave me the ability to look at my sitch with my mind and not my heart. I will have to check, thanks for letting me about that.
puddleofmud Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I have to ask the obvious: Are you not getting just a tad bit BORED with this? It's an awful lot of trouble for a single gal...one who could have some one else that is not so......dramatic and troublesome. One who may have friends about whose husbands they are not bedding and can party with while squealing and hugging each other, kicking the drinks back without concern. This entire situation sounds so....yaaaaaaawn.....eff'ing boring. And I say this as a person sitting on a computer on a Friday night. Good golly, miss molly, get out and have some fun!
Author shenana_bananigans Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 I have to ask the obvious: Are you not getting just a tad bit BORED with this? It's an awful lot of trouble for a single gal...one who could have some one else that is not so......dramatic and troublesome. One who may have friends about whose husbands they are not bedding and can party with while squealing and hugging each other, kicking the drinks back without concern. This entire situation sounds so....yaaaaaaawn.....eff'ing boring. And I say this as a person sitting on a computer on a Friday night. Good golly, miss molly, get out and have some fun! Well then by all means, go out and find your own drama if you're bored. I am looking for less of it, and I would rather be bored than feel this way.
puddleofmud Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 My instincts tell me you are much too young and beautiful to worry about this kind of thing! I wish you a wonderful eve full of fun and laughter.
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