shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Hi everyone, hope you are well and can hep me. I am the other other woman. I am dating a married man who is also dating someone else. It's not my fault, either, I believe it is soly his. I knew he was married, but not that he had a girlfriend. Now that I do know, I feel second best, like he cheated on me. He told me he was going to leave his wife and we would move on together, move out of this town and state and start our new family. then I find out he has the nerve to be dating more than just me. I cannot believe what a pig he is, even though I have feelings for him. I have met his family, but they don't know our 'status' everyone just thinks I am friend he works with. Now I find out he is a liar and a cheater. I just don't know if I can trust him anymore. I have actually gotten very close to his wife, and we are good friends now. Now that I know he is dating someone else in addition to me, and being married, I am starting to think she should know about the other woman. She deserves to know she was cheated on and lied to, but I do not want to tell her about me and what I've been doing. We were not friends before all this, we became close because we spend a lot of time together for my man's work-related things. I don't have a car right now, so her husband always offers to drive me home, and that is usually when we mess around. The last time was last night, after a work dinner-banquet he came in we had sex and he was rushing out the door. It sucked having to know I was being left for someone else. I think I am falling in love him though, and I don't want to miss out on any chance that he will decide to be with me. Telling her might expose me, and that would definately sour my chances of being with him. I don't want her to hate me, I want to remain friends. But if I tell on him, he might tell on me if he gets despairate enough. Loves makes you do ccrazy things, but I don't know if this is love. I guess my question is am I crazy? Is this worth it? Does anyone have any stories where something like this can work out? Or do I tell the wife and hope she still wants to be friends? I'm a good person who deserve a little happiness, and would like to not shoot myself in the foot to get it.
lasan Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Run, don't walk away from this situation. He is cheating to be with you, he is cheating on you with another woman. Yes, you should tell his wife. I wouldn't expect to be friends with her though, she might not want to after that kind of betrayal. I know you want to be with him, But imagine you didn't type what was up there. Imagine your Sister did, or a good friend. Would you tell them to be with this man anyway?
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 don't kid yourself. You are not her friend. You are having sex with her husband. That is not a friend. How do you look in the mirror? dump him. There is no future. He is a dog. He is with three women. Tell his wife. In this case she needs to know before she gets a disease.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Run, don't walk away from this situation. He is cheating to be with you, he is cheating on you with another woman. Yes, you should tell his wife. I wouldn't expect to be friends with her though, she might not want to after that kind of betrayal. I know you want to be with him, But imagine you didn't type what was up there. Imagine your Sister did, or a good friend. Would you tell them to be with this man anyway?[/quote I guess it does not feel as much a betrayal because I was not her friend first. I know maybe I am just trying to convince myself and justify it, but I do feel that way. I can see how she would disagree and blame me though. And I would think my sister or a good friend was crazy and I would never want them to be in this situation. I do tend to care more about other people than myself though.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 don't kid yourself. You are not her friend. You are having sex with her husband. That is not a friend. How do you look in the mirror? dump him. There is no future. He is a dog. He is with three women. Tell his wife. In this case she needs to know before she gets a disease. Excuse me, I don't have any diseases. I'm noone's whore.
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Excuse me, I don't have any diseases. I'm noone's whore. Ummm hellooo did i say you do? He is with another OTHER woman too. Do you think you and this other one are the one and only he's ever had? This man is the (**&^ as you so politely put it.
Freedom Now Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I think she meant that the OTHER OW could have a disease....
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I think she meant that the OTHER OW could have a disease.... or the myriad of OW's he has slept with. This man is a total player.
Freedom Now Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 True. He sounds like a true snake in the grass. OP: Please love yourself enough NOT to fall in love with a man like this. He has no respect for any woman. He has no integrity and no character. He is a nightmare for any woman who falls for him. Don't be that woman. Run, run away. You won't regret it.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 I don't know why this stuff happens to me. I don't do anything to anyone. All I wanted was for him to leave his wife like he said he would and be with me. I never thought I would be punished so hard for wanting tobe happy., It makes me wonder though, if i married him, if he would keep the other woman on the side once he was oficially with me. Oh and he does have chracter. He treats his wife very well, I've seen it.
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 ******quietly stepping out of this thread...***** :(
Freedom Now Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Yes, he would. He is a serial cheater. You need to see him for what he is. He is no good for any woman. To see him as anything BUT is just emotional suicide. Love yourself enough to leave.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 ******quietly stepping out of this thread...***** :( I'm sorry. Thank you for taking the time to try to help me anyway. All of you. I am so confused.
Freedom Now Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Oh, this makes me so sad. This is a trainwreck waiting to happen. I wish you could be where many of us OW have walked. If you could, you would not give this man one minute of your time. A man of character does NOT cheat repetitively and with multiple partners. Please see this. I wish you well. You are in for one bumpy ride. Peace.
pureinheart Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Hey Shenana, Really just want to be straight up with you, now this is my truth. Allow yourself to explore possibilities for future issues and circumstances.... OW+OOW+MM=BS It is so important to examine ourselves, our motives behind the motives. At one time I blamed everything and everyone else for MY own messed up head and actions. I was unable to see me for who I really was.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Yes, he would. He is a serial cheater. You need to see him for what he is. He is no good for any woman. To see him as anything BUT is just emotional suicide. Love yourself enough to leave. I do love myself I love myself enough to try to be happy, and he makes me happy, even though I am mad at him. He did say he would break it off with the other woman, but I wonder if I can find out for sure if he does. i think if I found out he didn't, that is when the poo would hit the camel's back and I would seriously consider telling his wife. I'd like to trust him, but this whole thing has really shaken that.
NoIDidn't Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Now I find out he is a liar and a cheater. I just don't know if I can trust him anymore. I have actually gotten very close to his wife, and we are good friends now. Now that I know he is dating someone else in addition to me, and being married, I am starting to think she should know about the other woman. She deserves to know she was cheated on and lied to, but I do not want to tell her about me and what I've been doing. The first line is actually quite funny considering you knew he was cheating with you, but only NOW do you think that he is a liar AND a cheater. If you are not going to tell his W the whole truth, including about you, then you are being a hypocrit. A big one. I say that in the nicest way. You only want to tell to hurt him since he was playing you. Like the others say, walk away. Its not worth it. Its not love. Tend to your own wounds and let it go. And I hate to invoke scripture or seem overly religious, but your comment about your looking to make yourself happy in this situation seems to merit it. "There is a way that seems right to a person, but the end is always destruction". Don't tell his W, if you aren't going to include your part. Then you get to join his club too (the liar and cheater club). And you don't want to do that. Walk away. Let him have his OOW, and any OOOOOOW he may be with. He is his own problem to deal with, that, and his family's.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Oh, this makes me so sad. This is a trainwreck waiting to happen. I wish you could be where many of us OW have walked. If you could, you would not give this man one minute of your time. A man of character does NOT cheat repetitively and with multiple partners. Please see this. I wish you well. You are in for one bumpy ride. Peace. I did not see that you were an other woman. What did you do to get over it, if you dont' mind?
Freedom Now Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 It wasn't easy, let me tell you. My MM was a true seducer. I didn't know he was married. I found THAT little tidbit out after I and my kids fell in love with him. Anyway, I found that strength and dignity that I KNEW I had and left. It took some false starts, but I did it. I was a wreck for awhile. I suffered tremendously as did my family. But I KNEW I was worth more than this. That is one thing I always had: my self respect and dignity. And I held on to that for dear life when I left. You can read my past posts for more info into my situation. Fact is: you can get out. Square up your shoulders and face the hope that someone is out there that wants you and ONLY you. Those men do exist. And, for me, nothing less will do. Please weigh if this man is worth the pain he is invoking. I promise you he is not.
slave2love Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 You have a golden opportunity not to go down with this sinking ship. Take it and save yourself a lot of heartache and pain. Get out while the gettin's good and don't bother telling the wife. She will find out about his activities soon enough and when she does hopefully you will be LONG GONE! It would be a double slap in the face to her if she considers you a "friend". His W is in for a world of hurt. In my oppinion this man has made all of the women he's involved with his victims, he is a sick individual. You have the power to change that for yourself. You have an opportunity to come out of this situation better off than the rest of the women involved. The ONLY person this man is in love with is HIMSELF!!! Focus on you! Your career, your health...what ever it is that makes you happy about YOU!
a4a Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 OMG are you friend with L??? I just posted about a friend who has an H who did the same thing to her. She ended up with Herpes! So did the MM, the OW, and most likely the young OW2...... who knows who else has it..... there are more OWs in his little stable. He screwed the whole lot of them in more ways than one!!! I feel sorry for all of them OWs and his wife...... sad. Don't do this! It is not worth risking your life over! Of course he is a liar and a cheat, did he not lie and cheat on his wife. Some men will do anything, say anything, to keep the game going with as many women as they can dupe into it. BTW my friends OW was her good friend, she did tell and now they are still friends.... it was the MM that got between them. Lied to both of them, played them like fiddles. Cat is out of the bag now though. Just took a couple of herpes to clear up the mess.
NoIDidn't Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Just took a couple of herpes to clear up the mess. Eeewwwwwww! Just, yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
Author shenana_bananigans Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 You're referring to other woman as o-w. I wonder if that's because it hurts so bad. Ow, it hurts to be an OW. Some of you are very kind, and I thank you for it.
Meaplus3 Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Hi everyone, hope you are well and can hep me. I am the other other woman. I am dating a married man who is also dating someone else. It's not my fault, either, I believe it is soly his. I knew he was married, but not that he had a girlfriend. Now that I do know, I feel second best, like he cheated on me. He told me he was going to leave his wife and we would move on together, move out of this town and state and start our new family. then I find out he has the nerve to be dating more than just me. I cannot believe what a pig he is, even though I have feelings for him. I have met his family, but they don't know our 'status' everyone just thinks I am friend he works with. Now I find out he is a liar and a cheater. I just don't know if I can trust him anymore. I have actually gotten very close to his wife, and we are good friends now. Now that I know he is dating someone else in addition to me, and being married, I am starting to think she should know about the other woman. She deserves to know she was cheated on and lied to, but I do not want to tell her about me and what I've been doing. We were not friends before all this, we became close because we spend a lot of time together for my man's work-related things. I don't have a car right now, so her husband always offers to drive me home, and that is usually when we mess around. The last time was last night, after a work dinner-banquet he came in we had sex and he was rushing out the door. It sucked having to know I was being left for someone else. I think I am falling in love him though, and I don't want to miss out on any chance that he will decide to be with me. Telling her might expose me, and that would definately sour my chances of being with him. I don't want her to hate me, I want to remain friends. But if I tell on him, he might tell on me if he gets despairate enough. Loves makes you do ccrazy things, but I don't know if this is love. I guess my question is am I crazy? Is this worth it? Does anyone have any stories where something like this can work out? Or do I tell the wife and hope she still wants to be friends? I'm a good person who deserve a little happiness, and would like to not shoot myself in the foot to get it. All I can add here is RUN LIKE****! Really this truely sound's like a situation that can hurt you very deeply! Cheating on his wife with you and then cheating on you with a gf! This guy sounds like a REAL piece of work, Just my honest opinion!
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I'm a good person who deserve a little happiness, and would like to not shoot myself in the foot to get it. Then end it with him and move on. Find a single man who will be faithful to you, and someone who is cheating on his wife with two women. He's lied to his wife, he's lied to you - And he'll continue lying to you as long as you let him! OFcourse you deserve happiness! Just don't do it on the expense of another woman's husband!!! Hate to say it, but you be-friending his wife is kind of weird. You want to tell her that he's cheating on her, yet you're one of the two women he's cheating on his wife with. Does HE know that you and his wife are friends??? Do they have children? If so, that's another reason to detach and move on. Find a single man who will love you, and only you.
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