rina_r Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Not saying that's your view on it Rina, just that you can be as independent as you want while still being enjoy a nice gesture without flipping out. This is not what we talked about. Good manners is one thing, but your lack of independency - still stuck at mommy's and daddy's home - repels right away! It is nice to see a man taking care of himself and others, not vice versa.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Rina - I know, I was just making a side point on independence. Obviously I will at some point need to get out of the house and get my own place. Its just that for me, right now, it is not something that on top of my priorities of things to do.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 You aren't taking into consideration the amount of confidence that having your own place can give you... living alone can help you feel more independent, manly and secure, and that could change the personality you project, so that women notice you're a dynamic guy... and find you more attractive... even if they don't know who the heck you live with, you will give off a vibe of strength
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 HAH, even if it's to cover a hickey? (And NO, not one given to ensure your fidelty). What can I say, you have a good attitude, it'll happen when it happens, and then you'll be here kvetching about your girlfriend. Circle of life and all that jazz. Believe me, once I land one there will be no need to brand me to ensure fidelity I agree. He seems to have a level head with a realistic view of relationships. Its nice to know that though I've not really had a relationship at least I've got the general idea of how one should behave when involved with someone. You aren't taking into consideration the amount of confidence that having your own place can give you... living alone can help you feel more independent, manly and secure, and that could change the personality you project, so that women notice you're a dynamic guy... and find you more attractive... even if they don't know who the heck you live with, you will give off a vibe of strength That's true, being my own man would make me feel more secure and manly and I'm sure it will show when I talk to people. However the fact that I have been paying my own bills (except for rent and home meals), been working my ass off and started studying things that I want to start my career in has made me walk with my head high. Even when my best bud dropped all the classes he had with me I didn't give up, I carried on. This is all new to me. A few years ago, someone saying I was a loser would have been right. For about a year I didn't do anything, literally living off my parents as so many have been saying I am doing now. I did not work, unsure of what classes to take. Looking back on that time now I see that it was necessary. Seeing how my life was going nowhere fast motivated me to do something about it. Of course you guys are completely right, the next step is becoming more independent and being more active socially. Maybe when I get that promotion and start making more money
Yamaha Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Hey CIE, Do you really think asking people on a relationship forum that are having problems themselves are going to be able to help you have a good relationship? Think about it. Maybe you should ask people that you see that have good relationships.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Hey CIE, Do you really think asking people on a relationship forum that are having problems themselves are going to be able to help you have a good relationship? Think about it. Maybe you should ask people that you see that have good relationships. Well, maybe some are having trouble with relationships but at least they got past the point I am currently stuck at. But to answer your question. Yes. By looking at the mistakes others make I can avoid myself making the same mistake. Regardless if it's the poster who made the mistake of their counterpart, knowing what is a do or a don't is valuable information. Obviously some judgment must be exercised in interpreting all of this. So, I'm a lurker, then again I think considering my current predicament that giving out advice would be out of line for me. Some people did mention asking my parents and friends about what I am doing wrong. One of my best buds has actually been in a relationship for about what, 4-5 years now. May be a good idea to ask him if I am doing something wrong.
Green Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I may be having problems of my own but I'll give you advise any ways. First of all your at a point where youve never breached that female wall of having one in your arms and know what its like to just make out or feel the passion of a girl who likes you and wants you sexualy. Once you break that wall things will be alot different. Your 24 and going to college, dont put down the club and bar hang out scene untill you tried it, it could put you on that fast track to breaking that all important barrier. Once you make out with a hot girl at a bar or something you will have broken that first all important barrier of realizing how easily atainable women can be then come back and I'll help you with the next step. and the girls there arnt going to be bad girls that you wouldnt want to get into a relationship with alot of them are just a group of girls out for a dance and gigles. So I say you let me be your Virgil I'll take you through Hell, Purgatory, and to the Divine and back if you let me. Go to a bar tonight one by your school that people from your school will be hanging out with. Strike up conversations with people or just stand near them. Stay there the hole night, dont drink and drive, but drink if posible you need the loosening up, and remember only go for girls you think are hot ( people hes not a magazine editor he probably finds plum girls hot too) dont go for a girl that you say to yourself shes ugly I have a chance that wont help you out at all you have to be atracted...
rina_r Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Hey CIE, Do you really think asking people on a relationship forum that are having problems themselves are going to be able to help you have a good relationship? Think about it. Maybe you should ask people that you see that have good relationships. Not everyone here has problems. Some are perfectly happy and just bored at work.
Author CIE Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 That's quite true Rina, about 95% of the posts I made in this thread were made form work. KMT - It's not that they would be bad people. Just clubbing isn't really my thing and if it's theirs I wouldn't want to be the guy who never wants to go out and do that. I did go clubbing once, only time I was ever sick drinking
Author CIE Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 Re-reading some of the posts made me realize we somewhat derailed off my main question. So I'll reiterate it in a different way. So me and you are talking, we smile, both of us initiate conversation. Other people are around, my friends and yours, everyone seems to be having a good time. You seem to enjoy talking to me and before we part ways I tell you it was nice to talk to you and was wondering if you'd like to have coffee sometime. You then look at me and say [generic I'm not interested excuse]. I smile at you and say its ok, wish you a good [day, afternoon, evening, weekend]. So my question is, what happened? I've had some good suggestions from everyone so far, and thank you for all your input.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 So my question is, what happened? Either A) I didn't find you physically attractive, or B) you didn't come off as particularly charming or interesting, or C) something about you was a little off, e.g. you gave off a creepy/icky vibe. Those would be my reasons.
Author CIE Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 Either A) I didn't find you physically attractive, or B) you didn't come off as particularly charming or interesting, or C) something about you was a little off, e.g. you gave off a creepy/icky vibe. Those would be my reasons. First thanks for you reply. As I said before I do have a bit of extra weight. I use to have a lot of problems with the way I look, who doesn't. I got over that, I don't consider myself ugly or fat but I don't think anyone could get the hots for me either. A) is probably a good possibility. As for B) I don't think I'm charming but I do think I'm interesting. Usually women I chat with don't just answer me, they ask things about me, start conversations etc. As for the creepy/icky things then it's kind of hard for me to say. I don't see myself acting like that, I guess someone else will have to be the judge of that.
Green Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 U need to go out to some kind of night life, it doesnt have to be a club or bar, it could be a coffee house were people listen to cool poems, or a dancing place that people actualy go to salsa dance or what ever and drinking isnt the main event. If you go to school with alot of student I know there must be some coffee house were people just get togather and hang out thats where your going to meet a girl, thats when girls feel more romantic is at night whether its a bar where people drinking or just some kind of coffee house where people are reading poems you need to find something social to do on Friday and Saturday nights its the only way your ever going to break that all important barrier. Heck just go to the movies and if you see a group of girls ask to sit with them. Oh yeah and flirt with alot more girls I mean you should be in a classy way hitting on atleast 10 girls a month heck one each day would be better. As far as why girls who you hit on in the past have rejected you who knows, its not because your not good looking, its not because your not smooth, and its not because your a bad person its because of that particular girl just didnt want you. Look around I see poor looser jerk slobs with girls all the time, its not only the rich athletic socialite getting all the girls. Look I'm trying to help you so take my advice go out tonight somewhere and hit on girls. I know theres some coffee house or something social going on in your area tonight, heck I went out to a comedy show one night by myself and they sat me at a table with to gorgiouse women so you never know. If you just sit at home tonight saying I dont like going out theres your answer of why you dont have a girl in ur life right now
mark1210 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 KMT, I agree, Mrs. Right certainly isn't just going to show up at this persons home. To meet people you have to place yourself in some sort of social environment. I'm not sure if CIE is in the same boat as myself, but my friends are all taken and as such they rarely go out. My job is no place to meet eligble women either. So when your single, and by yourself don't you feel a bit awkward going places alone? I've done it, it used to be a big thing for me until I got tired of sitting at home and p*ssing away my weekend. I still feel awkward about it, but I still go to Starbucks, a book store, working out, movies, etc. How did you get over that awkward feeling or did you not? Didn't mean to hijack this thing. =P.
Green Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Going out with another single guy for a night of the hunt is more fun then doing it alone but I do both, I go out with people and I go out alone, and when it comes down to it getting a girl is always an alone type thing so I say go out to that social event alone if you have to be it a coffee shop poet show, some club or what ever it is and just talk to every one about what ever you want, for me I like to be funny so I'm alway looking for an oportunity to make a joke and get people laughing, and I enjoy laughing at other peoples jokes, find the humor in the situation and you cant go wrong. Before you know it maybe you went there by yourself but now you have a couple of new friends some times thats better then getting some girl back to your place, but usualy having some sexual attention from the fairer sex wheter it be a kiss or more really makes you forget you were out alone.
Author CIE Posted December 3, 2006 Author Posted December 3, 2006 Yep, same boat. I still get them to go out though... Sometimes... I don't mind them bringning their girls with either. They even bring some of their singles friends along too. I'm waiting on some buds to call back as we speak. Asked them if they wanted to go out this afternoon, they said sure and that they'd call me later tonight. I just hope it doesn't turn into another "Well I don't think we can go out but you can come over and watch some rentals" kind of night.
hrtbroken99 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I can agree with what your saying! I ask and wonder the same? I feel that I have so much love iside of me and want to shower that "someone" with all of it..my biggest fear since I am female I really want to have a child one day and am already in my mid twenties and fear that I may never meet that man? My bf of almost 3yrs who I loved and wanted to bear his children recently broke up with me and now I feel that I will never meet anyone or wonder how long it will take to meet someone. I dont know have much to say but that I am probably in the same boat as you and yes it can be frustrating and annoying but all I try to do is not think about it and let nature take its course...if it is suppose to happen in my life time then it will
Author CIE Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 hrtbroken99 - I'm sorry to hear about your recent break-up. What you described pretty much feels like I feel. I believe I am much too young to be thinking about children now, I'm still in college and though my financial situation is acceptable, no way would it be enough to support a family. In the mean time though I would love nothing more than to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't be afraid to show that they care about me.
Green Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 why not message some girls in ur zip code over myspace...
Yamaha Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You analyze things to much CIE. You need to quit trying to have a good relationship and just go out and have a relationship. Experience is very high on the relationship barometer. You can't really comment on what your doing wrong until you are in a relationship and have a real problem. Quit worrying about what effect you have on women and just go out and talk to as many as you can and if it feels right ask them on a date. It's really not that hard. You need to get over your rejection worries and just ask away. For every 10 gals you ask you should get at least 1 taker so it really is just a numbers game. Go out and get in the game.
Green Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 You analyze things to much CIE. You need to quit trying to have a good relationship and just go out and have a relationship. Experience is very high on the relationship barometer. You can't really comment on what your doing wrong until you are in a relationship and have a real problem. Quit worrying about what effect you have on women and just go out and talk to as many as you can and if it feels right ask them on a date. It's really not that hard. You need to get over your rejection worries and just ask away. For every 10 gals you ask you should get at least 1 taker so it really is just a numbers game. Go out and get in the game. this nailed, but as far as steps you can take the easiest one would be to just get yourself out there and tell us about it if you want our help because then we can let you know what we think your doing wrong, oh yeah and as far as relationships go you need to know above all us listen to what you innervoice is saying over your friends and family and people like us. so get out there and asking girls out in a seriouse way, dont treat it like a joke, chat them up ask them questions then say youd realy enjoy taking them out for lunch or something and get the digits, make moves try to get kisses, dont come on too strong but heck just do it
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