luvtoto Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Thanks for all the posts, sorry I have not replied I was actually in an exam after I got off from work. First someone mentionned me taking something the wrong way. Like you said it's an advice forum and I do value honesty so I won't begrudge you anything you say unless it's completely out of line. Let me give you a bit more info, alot of the posts made sense but I want to clarify a few things. First althouh I mentionned I had some extra weigth i am nowhere near overweight. I do look like I have a few extra pounds, and I've already mentionned I am going to the gym. As for my dress style I don't think I dress badly. Nothing fancy or flashy, things I feel comfortable wearing that I think make me look good when I look in the mirror. I guess the oddest thing I wear is my coat. Leather long coat, usually with a dark gray scarf. Most of my shirts are usually white or pale colors and my pants usually gray or dark blue, I personally think it's a nice contrast. I started wearing the coat because Its something the older me would have never done, I always thought it looked too matrixy so I never wore it. I decided to wear it one night out of the blue and one of my bud's girlfriend said it looked nice on me, so I've been wearing it since. As for my hair and smell I think those aren't a problem. Daily showers, brush and floss, hairgel, shaving, perfume all that stuff. As for my job, first let me say I am not that old. I'm 24 and obviously still in school. I still live with my parents, have no real desire to get out of the house . Thought about it a few times but looking at rents around here doesn't really inspire me. Although I started on customer service, and quite often still do it, my job now has move to more of a technician. For all you computer guys out there I basically build rackmount servers, build machines for special clients, and when the other two guys who answer the phone get too much work I help them out. I started out like them about 10 months ago, and recently we started getting bigger contracts. Pending a signature from a big client, I will be promoted to project manager and will manage about 10 employees. I've been there a year, the two guys on the phones have been around for at least two. I have the skill, know how and drive to get farther, and I'm glad my boss can see that, even if he still wants me to answer the f'ing phones Seems like I'm selling my salad here but just giving you all more info. When it comes to looking for someone beyond my station, please give me more info on that. Do you mean someone who's too cute for me, too intelligent. I wont say wrong age cause I aim for people who are about my age. Anyway, end of another long winded post. Did you guys seriously read all that? Yep. Sure did. I can't seem to find anything wrong with you. You seem like a great catch. However, I wouldn't date anyone at work. That's about the only advice I have for you. But...you've been trying to find Ms. Right for 10 years? You are only 24!
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Well, no. Not been looking for Ms. Right for 10 years, been looking for probably last 3. Haven't had a date in 10 years. The LDR in my opinion doesn't count, considering I never met her in person.
luvtoto Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Well, no. Not been looking for Ms. Right for 10 years, been looking for probably last 3. Haven't had a date in 10 years. The LDR in my opinion doesn't count, considering I never met her in person. Well, CIE, the only thing I can say to you is enjoy your freedom while you can!! You'll be snatched up before ya know it. Time is on your side. I am sorry...you don't want to hear that do you?
che_jesse Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 You seem sweet. My advice to you is pick up a hobby where people change often enough that there are new people around you but you still have something in common with them. Unless what your looking for in a person is unrealistic and way to specific (6'5'' former swimsuit model with medium length red hair, green eyes, a great singing voice, working on her Ph.D in bioChem, is able to talk to you about classical music, larping and is able to rebuild a motor). Some people have these stupid lists, if you are one of these people you need to get rid of your list. You seem like a great guy and I'm sure it wont take you long to find someone special.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 I guess I won't be able to enjoy it until I have a ball a chain to strip me of it I'm not quite as upset as I was when I wrote my initial post; I saw the TA again after my exam and we chatted a bit. Long story short I think we're good, no ackward tension or anything. She said she hoped to see me in another class she teaches, and not the same one, since that would mean I failed the class and had to take it again Don't get your hopes up though, she has a boyfriend.
konfuzd Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I still live with my parents, have no real desire to get out of the house . Thought about it a few times but looking at rents around here doesn't really inspire me. To me, that right there is a dealbreaker: No desire for independence. It tells me you want to move straight from mommy's tit onto wifey's... No sir, I don't like it.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Unless what your looking for in a person is unrealistic and way to specific (6'5'' former swimsuit model with medium length red hair, green eyes, a great singing voice, working on her Ph.D in bioChem, is able to talk to you about classical music, larping and is able to rebuild a motor). Some people have these stupid lists, if you are one of these people you need to get rid of your list. No I don't have an akward list like that I'm not picky, as long as she's interested in chatting and I find that I'd like to know more. There are some things I value in a person; honesty, openess, loyalty. But for a first impression, I don't have a special checklist.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 To me, that right there is a dealbreaker: No desire for independence. It tells me you want to move straight from mommy's tit onto wifey's... No sir, I don't like it. That's not something they know about me right off the get-go. As for being independent, considering I come and go as I please, and basically only come home to sleep, I dont see why I should dish out 500 bucks a month to rent a place. Not to mention moving day, crummy landlords... Doesn't mean that I never intend to move out, just that for right now it suits me just fine.
luvtoto Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I guess I won't be able to enjoy it until I have a ball a chain to strip me of it It's all how you look at it. I'm not quite as upset as I was when I wrote my initial post; I saw the TA again after my exam and we chatted a bit. Sounds like you just needed a little encouragement. Finding the right person, especially if you are putting forth effort in finding her, is exhausting!! Trust me, I can relate. Makes you just want to give up, doesn't it? I've heard that most people find "the one" after they do give up looking. What is that all about?? Don't know myself. I think it's just something married people say to make us single people feel better. Don't get your hopes up though, she has a boyfriend. Damn!
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 I've heard that most people find "the one" after they do give up looking. What is that all about?? Don't know myself. I think it's just something married people say to make us single people feel better. Well, it does work for stuff you thought you lost around the house which you suddenly find out of nowhere. But when you need to get to work and need to find your car keys, you can't just wait around until you stumble on them
Guest Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 That's not something they know about me right off the get-go. As for being independent, considering I come and go as I please, and basically only come home to sleep, I dont see why I should dish out 500 bucks a month to rent a place. Not to mention moving day, crummy landlords... Doesn't mean that I never intend to move out, just that for right now it suits me just fine. Still, at 24 you're a man, not a boy, and should want your own space. This is code for 'someplace to have sex where you don't have to worry about mommy being home'.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Still, at 24 you're a man, not a boy, and should want your own space. This is code for 'someplace to have sex where you don't have to worry about mommy being home'. Very true, and that is why I said that I intend to move out at some point. But considering I can't get a first date to begin with, right now it would be throwing out money. Don't get the wrong idea here, I'm no penny pincher, But I'd rather put money aside for when I do want to move out so I can buy furniture and at least have a little bit of financial security in case something happens that is unexpected. That's just my way of seeing it though.
luvtoto Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Well, it does work for stuff you thought you lost around the house which you suddenly find out of nowhere. But when you need to get to work and need to find your car keys, you can't just wait around until you stumble on them All I can tell you is some people think they need relationships for all the wrong reasons. Like, out of loneliness or desperation, or to fill up an emotional void. In my own life, I've been single for so long I have gotten used to being alone. I don't know what to do with a guy when I DO meet them. It all seems so awkward actually having someone around fulltime. I usually fight to keep my independence in tact, if they are too clingy.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Well obviously you can't expect to spend every single waking moment with someone. That is unrealistic and way too clingy. Why do I want to get in a relationship so bad? To answer your unspoken question I'm not sure I can give you a complete answer, but I'll at least go for partial marks. Obviously I do feel a little lonely, but I have many friends and it is more a sense of wanting to find someone to share a journey with. I do feel like there should be more in my life emotionally. I'm a really corny guy, I believe in happy ever afters and chivalry and giving to people just because I can. I don't expect a fairy tale, just that if two people are willing to communicate and not bottle up feelings or be dishonest, then I believe that the sun will shine again even if a storm just blocked it out. I don't think I am desperate, usually I try being pretty casual when I talk with people. Do I absolutely need someone in my life to live? No, but it would make life better if not a lot more interesting.
Yamaha Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 My advice is to quit acting like a friend to these girls and let them know you want them. If you want a romantic relationship you have to come across that way. It's fine to be nice but don't let it deter you from your real motive.
My Fair Katie Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Refocus your energy. Worry about the journey more than the person who embark upon it with you. Women are attracted to men who are already happy. A relationship is the icing (well, it would be the icing if I liked icing, but alas I hate cake). No woman has it in them to be some guy's "everything." The corniness, the happily ever afters may cause women to think you're desperate (regardless of whether or not you are). It sets the bar too high regarding expectations. I have a friend who you sorta remind me of. He drives me b@t***** insane. Everything he does is in an attempt to have a girlfriend/get married. It's like he can't enjoy his life, he's always looking at what is missing. Because of that he makes some boneheaded choices when it comes to women. BTW, the long leather jacket would definitely set off my geek-dar. Not that that's a bad thing necessarily, h3ll, I married a geek. Thankfully my geek lets me buy his clothes. Prior to that he stayed safe with clean jeans and a nice button down shirt.
norajane Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 You're 24? Ok, that puts a different spin on things. You just haven't hit your stride yet - you've got lots of dating ahead of you! What are your hobbies? That's a great way to meet people. In a university setting, you have a lot of options to choose from, everything from writing and drama to intramural sports to student government to dance classes. There are lots of girls taking ballroom dance lessons... You also have a lot of opportunities to volunteer. At my college, I remember there were a lot of tutoring programs to help young, inner city children earn to read, and the tutors were mostly female college students. If that doesn't float your boat, then try something else, but I guarantee there will be more women than men at most any volunteer opportunity. Work is not a great place to date people. The gym could be a good place to meet others. But there's nothing wrong in expanding your chances by meeting people through clubs and activities at school.
luvtoto Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 To me, that right there is a dealbreaker: No desire for independence. It tells me you want to move straight from mommy's tit onto wifey's... No sir, I don't like it. I can see your point. But, dang..have you ever lived completely alone? I don't know if I'd like that much. I know a guy that lives like that. Not a happy life. He just sleeps there. He spends most of his time at his parents. I have dated guys before that lived with the parents. I didn't like it much either. But, I gave it a shot. Found out soon after meeting him, that he was codependent and a clinger!! I don't know. I can see CIE's point for living with his parents. I can see konfuzd's point for not being interested in a guy that lives that way.
dgiirl Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I have dated guys before that lived with the parents. I didn't like it much either. But, I gave it a shot. Found out soon after meeting him, that he was codependent and a clinger!! I don't know. I can see CIE's point for living with his parents. I can see konfuzd's point for not being interested in a guy that lives that way. Once they hit 30, they should no longer be living at home, unless it's an absolute necessary. In fact, if you're still going to school, living at home is acceptable. Assuming that you're still not in school at age of 30.
rina_r Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I have dated guys before that lived with the parents. I didn't like it much either. Same here. Never liked that kind, especially considering that I have been on my own since 18. Either they were "mommy's boys" or were intimidated by my independence.
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Katie - I use to think I wanted a woman to be my everything. That really made me a sad panda for a while because I couldn't find one. But I realized I wanted someone to walk with me down the road, not someone to lead the way. The leather jacket does kind of make me feel geeky sometimes, but I does make me look good. Better than any of my other coats anyway My other clothes are fine. I do have a few novelty shirts that I wear around the house but most of the time I wear stuff that makes me look good in my opinion and that I feel comfortable wearing. I wouldn't mind my SO buying clothes for me. As long as it respects the two rules. Looks good and feels good. And no turtlenecks, seriously... Norajane - You're probably right, I probably just haven't hit the zone I agree that getting into more social settings seems like a good way to meet some interesting people. Between working full time and late classes however its going to be a little hard, at least for the time being. It's something I should get into.
pixer Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 hi my name is mena iam single male 25 years old i like you i want to know you please write to me
Author CIE Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Same here. Never liked that kind, especially considering that I have been on my own since 18. Either they were "mommy's boys" or were intimidated by my independence. I don't mind independence. Spending every single moment with someone can be exhausting. I try not to be clingy, but until I get into a relationship I'll just have to wait and see. I've talked a lot about being open and communicating. If someone tells me I'm giving them too much attention I'll do my best to give them the room they want. I'll even follow up and see if the situation is better. What I do mind, and I've read some posts on these boards that made me thankful for not having met those people, are women who are opposed to their guy doing nice things for them out of the blue. I'm not offering to pay for dinner because I think you can't pay or because I'm expected to. I just do it because I want to. I'm not opening the door for you cause I don't think your pretty little arms should never have to lift anything but their own weight. I'm just being courteous. Not saying that's your view on it Rina, just that you can be as independent as you want while still being enjoy a nice gesture without flipping out.
My Fair Katie Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 And no turtlenecks, seriously... HAH, even if it's to cover a hickey? (And NO, not one given to ensure your fidelty). What can I say, you have a good attitude, it'll happen when it happens, and then you'll be here kvetching about your girlfriend. Circle of life and all that jazz.
dgiirl Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 What can I say, you have a good attitude, it'll happen when it happens, and then you'll be here kvetching about your girlfriend. Circle of life and all that jazz. I agree. He seems to have a level head with a realistic view of relationships. But you cant force a relationship to happen, and I think it takes time to find someone where both sides have that chemistry. You admited that you're not as social as you could be. That's the only thing that you should probably start working on. Like you said to me earlier, things wont be handed to you. You wont meet anyone if you are always at home or at work. You need to constantly try new things, meet new people, meet friends of friends.
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