I need

[stanchain]

Ok, I am going to try and give the whole story and hope that some of you out there have some good advice. It all started two weeks ago. After 2 1/2 years of dating my ex decided she needed a week break. To go to her parents and think about if this is what she wants. After two or three days she finally called and we talked, then the next night I had to see her so I could tell her how i felt.

 

Well once I did that I found out she had been kicking it with this guy, who she said was just a friend. the following monday when she was supposed to come back home she said that during the week she was gone I never gave her time to think and she is not sure if she wants this. That she loved me but was not in love with me, and couldnt come home. After that I did a lot of things that were not that smart. Like trying to talk her into coming home and stuff like that. Grilling her about the other guy. things that I did only because I care so much. But I think it just pushed hre away. So since thanksgiving I have not called her.

 

Yesterday she came and picked up all her stuff from the house, And I mean everything. But a funny thing happen afterwords. She called and talked to me. She explained to me that he guy was just a friend. He cares about her but she has already explained to him that she needs to get over us, and decide if she is going to come back and things of that nature. Today she called and we talked for like an hour and she talked about how she does care about me. But is just not sure if she wants this.

 

She just wants some time to think about it and maybe she will come back and maybe she wont. But she does not think this is over and doesnt want me to think it is over either. last wednsday when I was dropping her stuff off I told her that I love her, and because I love her I am willing to let her go if that is what is going to make her happy. She said that she didnt want to hug me because she felt that was like saying goodbye... and she was not ready to say goodbye. But yet she wants to know that if she changes her mind that she can come back.

 

whether it is a month or two years from now. She is 21 and I am 29 so I know that she is a little young for a comitted relationship. But over the last 2 years she has talked about marriage and kids... Everybody keeps saying that it is because her age and she needs to experience things. But I know a lot of girls that age that are in comitted relationships and happy. So I am not sure if that is a good excuse.

 

We werent fighting before she left, I did do a couple of stupid things that upset her. Had a myspace account, and stuff like that. Maybe even made her feel a lil insecure about our sex life cause I kept wanting to do more. And had some issues with her parents because they did not like me when we first met. So I never really went over there. And her biggest complaint that she said is that she was too responsible for my son because I was always at work.

 

I guess what I am trying to figure out is what in the world do I do? She makes it seem like still cares about me and misses what we had? And lately says all the right things about missing me and such... But will she really ever come back? Or is she just stringing me along? or... or .... or.... Gosh I am so confused.... Please help!!!!

[Speedo]

Ok, I am going to try and give the whole story and hope that some of you out there have some good advice. It all started two weeks ago. After 2 1/2 years of dating my ex decided she needed a week break. To go to her parents and think about if this is what she wants. After two or three days she finally called and we talked, then the next night I had to see her so I could tell her how i felt.

 

Well once I did that I found out she had been kicking it with this guy, who she said was just a friend. the following monday when she was supposed to come back home she said that during the week she was gone I never gave her time to think and she is not sure if she wants this. That she loved me but was not in love with me, and couldnt come home. After that I did a lot of things that were not that smart. Like trying to talk her into coming home and stuff like that. Grilling her about the other guy. things that I did only because I care so much. But I think it just pushed hre away. So since thanksgiving I have not called her.

 

Yesterday she came and picked up all her stuff from the house, And I mean everything. But a funny thing happen afterwords. She called and talked to me. She explained to me that he guy was just a friend. He cares about her but she has already explained to him that she needs to get over us, and decide if she is going to come back and things of that nature. Today she called and we talked for like an hour and she talked about how she does care about me. But is just not sure if she wants this.

 

She just wants some time to think about it and maybe she will come back and maybe she wont. But she does not think this is over and doesnt want me to think it is over either. last wednsday when I was dropping her stuff off I told her that I love her, and because I love her I am willing to let her go if that is what is going to make her happy. She said that she didnt want to hug me because she felt that was like saying goodbye... and she was not ready to say goodbye. But yet she wants to know that if she changes her mind that she can come back.

 

whether it is a month or two years from now. She is 21 and I am 29 so I know that she is a little young for a comitted relationship. But over the last 2 years she has talked about marriage and kids... Everybody keeps saying that it is because her age and she needs to experience things. But I know a lot of girls that age that are in comitted relationships and happy. So I am not sure if that is a good excuse.

 

We werent fighting before she left, I did do a couple of stupid things that upset her. Had a myspace account, and stuff like that. Maybe even made her feel a lil insecure about our sex life cause I kept wanting to do more. And had some issues with her parents because they did not like me when we first met. So I never really went over there. And her biggest complaint that she said is that she was too responsible for my son because I was always at work.

 

I guess what I am trying to figure out is what in the world do I do? She makes it seem like still cares about me and misses what we had? And lately says all the right things about missing me and such... But will she really ever come back? Or is she just stringing me along? or... or .... or.... Gosh I am so confused.... Please help!!!!

 

Got some good news and some bad news. Lets start with the bad news first and get that out of the way. First, this "guy" is no friend. She is certainly interested in him. He is part of her confusion. I'm not saying that she has necessarily done anything physical or whatever, but there is certainly interest there. Of course she is going to say he is just a "friend." Ask yourself this. What does your gut say about that? If you're eating fruit loops, follow your nose. If you're eating bull shyte from your girl, follow your gut! In this situation, it is crucial to use your mind, not your heart to evaluate what's going on. Do NOT listen to her words as the truth. They are very misleading. You need to focus on her actions, or lack thereof.

Now that that is out of the way, lets look at the good. She is absolutely confused, and does have alot of legitemate feelings for you. Will she choose you? Only time will tell, but that time has to be spent by her without you unfortunetly. Hence, the No Contact rule. You need to tell her how you feel, but then tell her that the ball is in her court. And that is the truth. She needs to make a move now, all you can do is wait. You need to let her be, you'll get the answer you're looking for soon enough. But right now, as hard as it is, you shouldn't contact her. Many of us here have ruined any chances by pushing them away further. You feel so desperate to make them see how you feel about them, when little do you realize is that you will get the opposite result the more you push. Just keep busy, put yourself in a holding pattern, and see what she does.

[stanchain]

I am not her first boyfriend... In fact I am nto the first guy she has been intimate with. I mean before me she had been with at least 5-7 guys. So the whole age thing just doesnt sit right with me. the thing with the other guy is he is either 17 or just turned 18 and used to be a customer at the place she work. now he works there. Well one day after work(while we were on our break) he went shopping with her. During this time he came out and said he has had a crsh on her for like the last two years. Now he is telling her that he loves her and wants to be in a relationship with her. She told me she told him to give her time and figure out if she is going to come back and work things out with me or not. She said he is just really young, and he didnt even understand that she had her own place when he was helping her move.