Why am I so dumb?? :(

[hollywood24]

As they say, curiosity killed the cat. So last night I was testing the limits of AIM's invisibility feature with a friend of mine because I don't want the ex to see that I am online because I want to keep discreet NC meaning she doesn't have access to me period. With the invis feature you can hide AIM showing that you are online e.g it will say you are offline to your buddies when you are really not but you can see your buddies that are online also. It turns out that if you are invisible, you can receive an im if the user brings up an IM window and types your name and sends from there and it will go though.

 

Her sign on/off pattern has been a little suspicous/weird so i decided to check it out. The first day I was starting NC (3 days ago) I signed on at about 10:30ish and she signed off 2mins or less later. Past 2 days she would sign on for about an hour, and sign off which doesnt make sense cause she is checking my myspace at like 12-1am but she signs off aim at like 10:30 the past 3 nights (a little earlier tonight) after logging on at about 9:30ist i estimate obviously trying to avoid someone, or hide, whatever. So I happened to link these 2 screen names using the AIM link screen name feature. I whenever i sign on one name, the other is signed on. In the meantime my normal name has been "offline" the whole time.

 

Well I bet you can already guess what happens tonight. I make a bogus screen name, send a stupid im, and send it to my ex, and it acually goes through. So I freak out and sign off this bogus name, is when it hits me. WHO THE F*CK is gonna try to send her something like that WHEN SHE IS 'SUPPOSEDLY" OFFLINE!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

So now you are thinking, "hey no big deal, you haven't signed on to your myspace in days, and your AIM SN was never on. WRONG >.<

 

For some strange F*CKING reason, I double click on my aim icon, and BAM both names sign in at the same time. Now if she had the IM up from the bogus name still, which she probably did(probably had it on her damn buddy list already), she will see that the name signed on and off with mine. I acually went invisible with my main name, but sign off both right after. Within 10 mins i estimate, she checked my myspace (3rd time today) to see if i have been online. I'm not a f*cking cat, why the hell am I so curious.

 

if she ever brings it up, but she probably secretly knows it's me which f*cks my whole NC, and makes her think im a freakin stalker (which i'm really not, i'm just hurt and curious), I was thinking of saying something along the lines of what are you talking about. I could also say that I was gonna try and mess with my friend with an AIMbot and accidentally pulled up her name, and felt dumb and signed off.

 

Any suggestions on how to remedy this situation if there is any future discussion on it? or are there any current remedies :( :(while still keeping NC?

 

if you care for any background info on the situation

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105279/

[VandGsMom]

Oh, Lord...

 

Hon, the point of NC is to help you move on with your life.

 

It sounds to me like you have spent your NC time hyperventilating over her every internet move. The only way for you to move on and heal is to go No Contact/No Query. That means you don't see her, you don't talk to her, you don't look for her, and you don't ask questions of others about her.

 

 

I don't pretend to understand all of the Invisible screen name jazz above, but I do understand that what you were doing was feeding an unhealthy obsession.

 

Stop yourself before it get so out of control that you can't...

[hollywood24]

The whole reason why I go invis is to have no contact with her. My curiousity went a little to far tonight and I thought I was being smooth, until it actually happened and i realized how dumb it was. But I honestly the days have been going by faster and I'm feeling much better. I AM starting to move on.

 

I was just looking for an answer/suggestion to my "question". Not another "move on" I already know this and I'm trying.

 

Future contact is INEVITABLE. I WILL see her again, that I have no control over. Info on that is in the post i linked. She is my twin cousins best friend, so, little I can do when she is over there for family parties. E.G. this upcoming christmas

 

I just want to cover this up. That's all. I could have my brother say he was messin with people or somethin :\.

[VandGsMom]

The whole reason why I go invis is to have no contact with her.

 

BUT you aren't just avoiding contact are you?

 

You know exactly how many minutes she is online, when she signs off, when she signs on, when she checks her myspace..... It may not be physical contact, but the brain still feels connected.

 

I am not telling you to move on, you already said that you had. I was just pointing out what I saw that was making the move more difficult.

[hollywood24]

BUT you aren't just avoiding contact are you?

 

You know exactly how many minutes she is online, when she signs off, when she signs on, when she checks her myspace..... It may not be physical contact, but the brain still feels connected.

 

I am not telling you to move on, you already said that you had. I was just pointing out what I saw that was making the move more difficult.

 

Yes, you have a valid point. But I don't go invisible online to spy how long she is on. I go invis so i dont have contact with her and I can still talk to my other friends. I happened to notice a pattern the past few days is all. She is doing the same thing on AIM thing as I am, logging on and contacting who she needs and going invis. The only difference is that i am always invis cause I never sign my name off. And if I do (sign off), I don't want to sign on and her be on and see that I'm in contact e.g available to talk to and do whatever it is that girls do/think when they don't want contact with someone, and they think that person wants contact with them.

 

The myspace tracker, is good for knowing how many other people check out my profile to lol. It's a slow process and I feel that soon I won't care anymore. But hey, it's better than caller her everyday ehh.

[hollywood24]

BUT you aren't just avoiding contact are you?

 

You know exactly how many minutes she is online, when she signs off, when she signs on, when she checks her myspace..... It may not be physical contact, but the brain still feels connected.

 

I am not telling you to move on, you already said that you had. I was just pointing out what I saw that was making the move more difficult.

 

Yes, you have a valid point. But I don't go invisible online to spy how long she is on. I go invis so i dont have contact with her and I can still talk to my other friends. I happened to notice a pattern the past few days is all. She is doing the same thing on AIM thing as I am, logging on and going invis most likely so i can't see her, or she is trying to see when i come on, who knows. The only difference is that i am always invis cause I never sign my name off. And if I do (sign off), I don't want to sign on and her be on and see that I'm in contact e.g available to talk to and do whatever it is that girls do/think when they don't want contact with someone, and they think that person wants contact with them.

 

The myspace tracker, is good for knowing how many other people check out my profile to lol. It's a slow process and I feel that soon I won't care anymore. But hey, it's better than caller her everyday ehh.

 

So anyways, I want to keep as little contact as possible. So i was going to have my brother send her a text tomorrow saying "lol did you get my IM last night" then have him take it from there. If she asks how did he get her SN, well, he will say he called me up to get my buddy list cause he wanted to mess with people cause he found some aim bots. And to keep NC ill tell him if she asks about be just say he doesnt really know, ive been busy and i havent been home much or something like that.

 

I'm just concerned on what to do so she won't think it was me (if she even does in the first place, which I wouldn't see why she wouldn't)

[theadventure50120]

Why did you go invisible? Why not just block her lol , it's nothing insulting , they don't know you done it and you can still see them on your list. Just they can't see you. You shouldn't have to hide yourself online so she doesn't see you.

 

Another thing that myspace tracker thing...it doesn't work. Well it does but it doesn't show who viewed your page. It has private and all that stuff for the user who viewed it because they aren't a member of that site but has IP addresses which change everyday so that's no help.

 

Also NC , stop checking her every move. Your going to make yourself worse, your going to wake up thinking i wonder how she acts today not what will i do today.

 

EDIT - read more of your posts. Don't let it bother you that your going to see her in person. Just don't talk to when your not with her. etc online or phone. When you do something stupid you got to think of something to get you out of it before you start , because you will panic and think of something stupid

[hollywood24]

LOL you guys dont understand. i dont monitor here every move. AIM isn't monitoring her move. i don't go invis to see when she comes online, I go invis so that if she does come online, she wont see me. So if i block her, she can't see when im online and vise versa? But I'm probably not even singing onto aim anymore. screw it. It go me into to much trouble . The tracker, I'll admit is checkin up in a way. But I have something real good to cover the AIM thing up so she wont think it's me and it will also keep me NC.

[BannaBee57]

Why do you care if she sees that you're online?

 

Are you afraid she'll contact you? If she does just ignore it. That will get better results anyway.

[VandGsMom]

So i was going to have my brother send her a text tomorrow saying "lol did you get my IM last night" then have him take it from there. If she asks how did he get her SN, well, he will say he called me up to get my buddy list cause he wanted to mess with people cause he found some aim bots.

 

I KNOW you don't want her to find out it was you... but does the action justify the lie??

 

Having your brother call her to me would be like waving a big red flag and yelling "HE DID IT BUT IS TOO CHICKEN TO ADMIT IT AND I AM COVERING FOR HIM" If it truly matters so little to you, then let it go. Understand that she might have already moved on and forgotten the IM.. So your brother bringing it up by proxy is also spoiling her NC. I notice she hasn't made any contact with you.....

 

 

If it is over, then let it be over. You just seem to be pouring way too much emotion in to something that is dead. Let it just die for both of your sakes. Dragging the corpse of the relationship out again and again only makes things harder... So what if she saw the IM, you didn't say anything so nothing was inferred from it....

 

Just my opinion.

[hollywood24]

I KNOW you don't want her to find out it was you... but does the action justify the lie??

 

Having your brother call her to me would be like waving a big red flag and yelling "HE DID IT BUT IS TOO CHICKEN TO ADMIT IT AND I AM COVERING FOR HIM" If it truly matters so little to you, then let it go. Understand that she might have already moved on and forgotten the IM.. So your brother bringing it up by proxy is also spoiling her NC. I notice she hasn't made any contact with you.....

 

 

If it is over, then let it be over. You just seem to be pouring way too much emotion in to something that is dead. Let it just die for both of your sakes. Dragging the corpse of the relationship out again and again only makes things harder... So what if she saw the IM, you didn't say anything so nothing was inferred from it....

 

Just my opinion.

 

i wasn't going to have my brother call her, i was going to have him send her a txt message, basically saying hey i was messin with u etc, but not exactly in that context.

[hollywood24]

Why do you care if she sees that you're online?

 

Are you afraid she'll contact you? If she does just ignore it. That will get better results anyway.

 

I figure that if I'm not there at ALL, it might be better, I don't know. i dont think that she will contact me anyways, so the whole ignore thing wouldnt happen anyways. I just dont want her to feel like I'm trying to hang around and be available to her. Cause IMO that's most likely what a girl would think.

 

 

I figure if my brother contacts her and says it's him, it still won't break NC or anything because my brother has known her for a while to. It would just be friendly conversation, the only time my name would come up is if she asked how he got her SN. He can just say he called me to get some names from my buddy list. No harm done

[BannaBee57]

Well, I think you should just drop the whole thing. If it were me and your brother texted me I would totally think he was covering for you and it would seem really pathetic.

 

Also, I don't think you need to hide while online. She will think nothing of it if she sees you on. She doesn't own the internet and she won't think you're hanging around trying to be available...its not "what a girl would think" unless she is really full of herself and thinks everyone of her friends online is trying to get her to notice them. It's the internet for god's sake! That's just rediculuos. Were you not on the internet before or during the relationship?

 

I think you're putting way too much thought into this. Just delete her from your buddy list and be done with it.

[hollywood24]

Well, I think you should just drop the whole thing. If it were me and your brother texted me I would totally think he was covering for you and it would seem really pathetic.

 

Also, I don't think you need to hide while online. She will think nothing of it if she sees you on. She doesn't own the internet and she won't think you're hanging around trying to be available...its not "what a girl would think" unless she is really full of herself and thinks everyone of her friends online is trying to get her to notice them. It's the internet for god's sake! That's just rediculuos. Were you not on the internet before or during the relationship?

 

I think you're putting way too much thought into this. Just delete her from your buddy list and be done with it.

 

You're right, I'm being and idiot, again. No I never went on AIM during the relationship, and when I did we didnt have eachothers AIM, because I never went on. If anything comes up, I'll just say I was trying to mess with a friend and felt dumb and logged off or whatever I don't know. Other than that, it never happened. I'm acting like a freakin idiot as it is. Better quit now before I make myself look even worse haha.

[Playersdeserve2die]

Being deleted vs. being blocked, which one is worse?

[hollywood24]

i would have to say deleted. What are you getting at my friend?

[demilde]

This sounds like an episode of Columbo :-)

[hollywood24]

This sounds like an episode of Columbo :-)

 

never heard of it.