db1018 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I told my soon to be ex this morning that I didn't want any more contact with him, and that I sets me back everytime we talk. And then right after that I received 3 emails from him, first saying that he would help pay for flowers or a grave blanket for my Mom (she passed away on Dec 1, 2003), I told him that I took care of it. Then I received another email asking me to buy (he would give me the money) the presents for the name exchange for his family, which he told me that he did not want me to go with him to the party that it would be uncomfortable for him. And then I got another one saying that he would pick up our daughter from school if I wanted him to. We have been separated for about 9 weeks, together for about 19 years and married will be 12 years on Dec 17, and he has a girlfriend. I also told him this morning to file the divorce papers so we can move on. I know we have kids together (ages 4 and 11) and we do need to talk once in awhile, but how do I stress to him, who thinks I should be well on my way to recovering from all of this that no contact means no contact. He also told my daughter that he wants to take her out on Sunday to buy me a Christmas present, I'm like wtf, never cared before...
silentalways Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 i hate no contact. no contact means never ever seeing or talking with that person again. i have broken nc so many times its nuts but i have done so because i love this woman and want to marry and live forever with her. i asked her one last time to call and if i do not hear from her, then she should understand that i will never contact her again. communication is like blood. if she thinks so little of me, then i can deal with that and move on. i have really hated going thru all this when a future full of promise is there waiting but i guess if u ask for nc then they don't feel the same. this is my last night reaching out to her. i wish her much happiness and love.
Ssheena Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I'd need more details but I've been in your shoes. All I can say is it is very easy for him to say, you need to get over it (I heard that too). It's sooo easy for him. He's got a girlfriend and is already moved on. For you the stuff is just starting.. and with kids.. it's tough. Tell him the only things you will talk to him about and it must be via email are the children. If he is not in your life anymore because he choses not to be then the only part he should have access to is how you chose to parent your children. Tell him to have his girlfriend buy the presents for the name exchange, it's not your responsibility anymore. He sounds a lot like my x. Never taking responsibility for his own mess. Yuck. Thoughts are with you..take care.
lsmith76 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I would tell him...while he is offering you all of these favors, that the best favor that he can do for you right now is to just leave you alone for awhile. Tell him that perhaps in the future you can be friends but right now is not good. Tell him to please stop calling and emailing you or you wil change your number and email address. and do it if that is what it takes. Small price to pay to mend your heart.
AriaIncognito Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Unfortunately, full NC isn't really possible when there are children involved. I'm sure it makes it harder to move forward when you can't completely practice NC, so i guess the best you can do in this situation is explain to him that while he's moved on, you are still hurting and aside from dealings with the kids, you really need to be apart from him and contact. Hopefully he will be respectful enough to abide by it.
silentalways Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 nc has been extremely hard on me and i totally understand that my ex wants nothing more than that and anytime i have broken it i have really not done so to hurt her or be a jerk - i am just an emotional, chatterbox, that went through the breakup in a different way but i am proud to say that i am not the whacked heartbroken sob-fest i was many months ago. i think she can see the difference and i believe she knows i care and respect her and that she does not need to worry about any chance meeting or anything that intrudes on her life. she has made it clear over time that the dinner is burnt and i hope she knows i get it. that doesn't mean i wouldn't like to talk with her but that's her call and even though i did a great painting for her i will not impose any gifts or such things as that will be upsetting and hurtful. so, if she reads this, i hope that comforts and relaxes you a bit.
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