Isabella82 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Please help me not feel like I am wrong on this. You guys have always been honest with me, so don't worry about coming off as rude... I get upset because I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for holidays his gifts are not what I expect. Now I am not trying to give the wrong impression, I am not materialistic, and I am not high maintance. I have always worked for everything that I have, with no help from anyone....so do not think that I am all about items. My boyfriend has never bought me jewerly. I am not expecting jewerly for every occasion but it would be nice if he would get me a necklace or just a nice ring (not an engagement or anything like that). Just something that I can wear everyday and think about him.... I'm not talking about thousands of dollars... I'm talking about your know 100-150 dollar range. He has this friend of his that he has had since high school, and he bought her a ring when he left out of state to go to college, and she wears it every day. I told him that it bothers me, because he doesn't buy me stuff like that. So he knows how I feel about it. I was thinking that for Christmas I would get something nice like that, but on the phone he was talking about buying me a camera. Am I completely nuts for thinking like this?!?!? I know I should just be grateful for whatever I get and for the fact that I have someone, but it just makes me feel like he doesn't think I am special.
norajane Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Well, do you need a camera? Isn't it likely that he's showing he cares by giving you something you need/want even though it's not jewelry? My bf bought me a new car battery - and installed it! - last week when my battery died. For my birthday, he gave me a super-duper high-tech coffee maker. He doesn't buy me jewelry either, but I sure do think about him every time I start my car now or I wake up to a pot of coffee already made thanks to the nifty time-brew feature... It's all in how you look at it. You can get frustrated, or you can appreciate that he's thinking of you in his own way. But, if you must have jewelry, when he starts talking about the camera, tell him you were hoping for a pair of earrings this year.
Author Isabella82 Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Thanks for the reply, the thing is he started talking about the camera, and he said but I don't know if its something you really want. And I do not want to have to say why don't you buy me a necklace or a ring, because I want him to think about that himself, not me tell him to buy it for me. He knows I want jewerly because I told him how it made me feel....when his friend wears a ring he gave her... and I don't have anything like that from him. I do need a camera, I don't have one. It would be nice to have.... but I can always buy myself a camera.... but I won't go out and buy myself a necklace, you know what I mean?
Aloros Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 People (not just guys!) can be surprisingly thick sometimes. Remember, he can't read your mind, and just because he may need a nudge to get you what you want, it doesn't mean he loves you any less or listens less. Maybe you're one of those fortunate people for whom gift-buying is a piece of cake, but for most people it can be difficult. Haven't you ever agonized over what gift to get for a friend/SO and whether or not they would like it? By saying he's not sure if you would like a camera, he's pretty much asking you to throw him a lifeline. Tell him what you want! It's silly to expect things if you never ask for them. If you don't want to write up a wishlist, at least give him some more solid hints in the correct direction. You may remember what you said concerning the ring and his friend, but chances are, he probably doesn't. Now, if you told him what you wanted, plain and clear, and he disregarded that, THEN you might have grounds for complaint. But as it stands, the guy sounds pretty confused as to what you want. Think of it from his point of view. He hasn't picked up your subtle hints, and he's not sure what to get you that you'll like. Wouldn't you want a nudge in the right direction, or even better, a clearly explained desire? He's probably terrified he'll get you something he thinks is a great gift, you'll open it, and then you'll get THAT look on your face as you pretend to like it more than you actually do. Save yourself and him some heartache and be more clear. Hope that helps!
Kamille Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 My most serious ex was like that. But thicker. I once asked him for perfume and he gave me one very ugly but extremely practical watch. (I was very proud of myself for the way I hid my reaction - the trick is to tell yourself before opening the package that you already love it). But anyways, reading your post I noticed that the way you bring up wanting jewellery is through somewhat of a negative experience for you. Perhaps, if you're not willing to tell him flat out about wanting jewellery, you could tell him about the time your grandmother gave you a plastic bracelet and how much you cherished it because it came from her and it reminded you of her. (Which is the experience I had with that one ugly-but-extremely-functional watch). And keep multiplying the examples. Gush and gaw next time you pass in front of a jewellery store. If you're not going to tell him, hint hint hint!
Benji86 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 man....i used to get my ex jewelery, such as a ring, necklace, bracelet....you know. Not to spoil her or anything, but I just liked doing it to see her happy. Turns out she didnt really care too much for such jewelery but never told me that until much later on. Kinda got burned on that one! Fact of the matter is, I never really knew. She seemed happy when I gave them to her, and I mean she probably was, but she wasnt a huge fan of it. So it just comes down to knowing what the other person really wants or feels about something, like someone else stated already...people cannot read minds
ShoeGirl Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Tell his friend or someone else to tell him flat out, maybe he will get the hint then
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I'm very particular about things that I will wear or do. With my ex, when he used to ask me for clues, I would tell him gift certificates for certain places that I liked. He loved it because it took away major stress for him, although when he previously used to get me things, I would always be very appreciative. The only problem is that he would notice that I rarely wore them. In all honesty, gifts don't mean very much to me. Moral of the story, tell him what you want, don't just hint. Guys either don't get it or are a little reluctant to give jewellry because of the commitment stigma attached to them. At least this way, you will know which one it is. Or you could find a reasonable piece of jewellry you like, take him there and say hey, I really like that, I would really prefer this over a camera for Christmas and watch his reaction.
Author Isabella82 Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Thanks for the replies. I do feel bad, because when I bought it up to him I he basically got offended and said, you don't think that I put a lot of thought into what I buy you.... he said I didn't think you were that kind of girl when there are things that you need. Financially I am strapped, there are things that I need that I can not afford, such as new contacts.... eye exam... you get the idea, these are things that he has bought me for holidays. When I graduated college he bought me a sports coat to go with pin stripped pants I had... so I had a complete suit for job interviews. It was great, and something I would have never boughten myself because it is just too expensive. So I understand what he was saying, and then he made me feel bad... I mean he can't read my mind. So I guess if I really want something I need to tell him. A lot of guys don't get hints even if they are obvious!
Outcast Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 He sounds like he's an extremely thoughtful gift-giver. I can't believe you're complaining about not getting jewellery when he's bought you amazingly practical gifts that you badly needed. Ask yourself why do you think a ring is a much more important gift than anything else? Frankly I don't care if anyone ever buys me jewellery in my life - it's such useless stuff. I buy costume jewellery on sale and have been complimented many times on it. Whatever you do, it's completely unfair to expect him to read your thoughts. No human is capable of that but from what you've said, he's done an amazing job of noticing what you needed and getting it for you. A lot of people would kill to have such a thoughtful bf.
My Fair Katie Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 And I do not want to have to say why don't you buy me a necklace or a ring, because I want him to think about that himself, not me tell him to buy it for me. LOL. Oh dear, sometimes when you want something you need to be blunt. Why do women always seem to have some hang up about letting people know their preferences? Seriously, it doesn't make it LESS special because you had to ask. I blame those Kay Jewelers and Zales Commercials where the guy surprises his wife/lover on Christmas Day with some ginormous tennis bracelet. For my birthday I wanted a specific necklace. I told my husband, "Dear for my birthday I would like this necklace." My darling said, "Absolutely, write it down so I remember." I did one better, I changed the homepage of his computer from about:blank to the URL of the site that had the jewelry I wanted and never spoke of it again. Most of the time I don't need my husband to tell me what he wants, girls pick up on clues easier, plus men can be obvious, he drools over a gaming system, I think, "Well that's a no brainer." I do need a camera, I don't have one. It would be nice to have.... but I can always buy myself a camera.... but I won't go out and buy myself a necklace, you know what I mean? Why not? I sure do! The only jewelry my husband ever "surprised me" with was my engagement ring, he said it was the most nerve-racking decision of his life and he'll no longer buy me anything to wear unless I ask specifically (I dunno why it was so nerve-racking, the ring is GORGEOUS). So, I buy my own stuff. I deserve it. Besides, I think that your bf has proven time and again that his gifts are very well thought out. And a good camera can cost a lot more than a gold necklace (depending on quality naturally). But that doesn't mean you can't say, "A camera would be nice, but sometimes I like to feel girly and would just love something sparkly to show my friends and coworkers, and will remind me of you every time I wear it, even if it does seem a bit impractical."
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