Dont know where to go from here....

[APBTLover]

So I have no idea what to do! I have been with my boyfriend for a while now, over a year. And a couple of weeks ago he told me that his feelings towards me have changed, but he wasn’t sure how. And he said that same thing on four other occasions. The first time he said that to me, I bawled my eyes out and he tried to comfort me.

 

So then last night he said he didn’t remember ever saying that, and even said “I’m not sure I even said that”. I’m sorry…but how could he possibly forget something like that? I mean the single most devastating thing he has said in our whole relationship. And all he says is “I have a bad memory”. He later said he remembered but still couldn’t understand why I was upset he ‘forgot’.

 

I just don’t get it.

 

The other issue we are having is…I have two dogs, which he knows I care about more than anything. I don’t know why, but I don’t fully trust him with them. He isn’t outright mean to them in front of them, but he isn’t nice to them either. He does stuff that he knows bothers me, like wrestles with them and is too rough. And he acts like he knows best, but he really doesn’t. And I am not acting like a know it all, his family dog is horrible. Growls, snaps and is generally unpleasant. And he sees nothing wrong with that. And no matter how I try explaining things to him about how I would like my dogs treated, he just ignores me.

 

I’m going away in a few weeks for ten days, and the boarding kennels around here are already full. My dogs will have to stay with him (we live together) and honestly? I don’t trust him. And yes I don’t really have any reason, other than my weird gut feeling that I shouldn’t.

 

About a month ago his grandfather died, after a long battle with cancer. And it seems ever since nothing between us has been the same. We are fighting for the first time, and he just seems to care about nothing or no one. Even me. He even admits to not caring about anything. But says he cares about some people close to him, but says fu%^ the rest.

 

He is constantly accusing me of starting fights or says that I think everything he does is wrong or bad. And it’s just not true. Yes of course I engage in fights, but I can honestly say I don’t try to pick them like he says I do. Like for example he sometimes calls me “boss” which I’ve told him makes me mad. And so last night he called me that, then wondered why I got mad..???

 

I don’t know what to do from here. We are suppose to be moving into a different house together, and part of me wants to just say forget it. But I do still love him. I just feel like he doesn’t care about us or our relationship anymore, but he for some reason won’t admit to it.

 

I also find it very frustrating that when we do fight, he acts like it’s the end of everything. When I just look at it as we haven’t resolved things and we need to talk about it. But when I do try talking to him about he normally just says “dunno”. Do you still love me? Dunno. It doesn’t really get us anywhere.

 

I need some advice! Sorry for ranting and jumping all over the place in my post.

 

Thanks!

[Stunner]

Well, I've learned the hard way....stick with your instincts. They are there for a reason. In my experience some men I've dated were able to keep up the 'nice face' for about a year before the cracks in the facade started to appear. Granted, he lost a family member but that doesn't excuse his rough play with the dogs, being indifferent to your wishes my verbally abusive ex used to do the same with my dog and my kids...someone would always wind up hurt...the dog now snaps. GREAT!

 

He is manipulating you and acting childish by telling you that you are always saying everything he does is bad. He 'forgets'. My ex forgot half the ugly things he said to me over the years. He's slowly sucking you in, IMO.

 

If I were you, take advantage of this upcoming move to move AWAY from him. Take a break. The worst thing that can come of it is that it gives him time to get his head screwed on right. If you stay and this behavior continues then you've inherited a world of problems you don't want.

 

Now this is just my opinion and I divorced someone who showed these behaviors later than a year into the relationship, I may be jaded but too many times I've heard women and men say, "If only I had listened to my instincts".

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

The next time you're with him, just cut one of those 'silent but deadly' farts. That'll straighten him out.

[Guest]

My man has a big dog and a cat that all like it a lil ruff, I have a small dog who isn't used to it, but she loves him and they have fun together, I just have to remind him sometimes that she isn't as flexable as a cat nor is she a big dog. Your dogs should most likely show some type of signs that they don't like, if he has treated them wrong.