slave2love Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Ok guys, the ladies have given me their point of view but I think only a man could explain this one to me... Brief history....(at least I'll try to be brief) An old flame contacted me after 13 years of NC. We both married the rebound person..we talked on the phone for a few weeks before we decided to meet up. He told me both before and after the meeting...."I've loved you all these years"..."I just can't let it go"...."You know me better than anyone and are the only one who has ever loved me unconditionally"..."I can't lose you again"..."No matter what happens I will NEVER stop talking to you"...."We only get one chance at TRUE LOVE and I don't want to die w/ any regrets"....on and on...without any prompting from me...although I did admit to him that I felt the same way...always have always will. Then after the meeting he told me "We need to be together...I don't know how we can make it work but we will"....he talked about marrying me...having a child with me...."said he needed me in his life and couldn't take it if I let him go". I never asked him to leave his W or Family...I told him that I would be happy if I could just stay in his life in any small way...email..etc. The reunion was wonderful...almost sureal...picked up where we left off 13 years ago and we both agreed that it was amazing to discover how much we still had in common and how much we still loved each other. Then the next thing I know the communication on his part drops to almost nothing. I told him I felt used and like a POA...to which he said "NO NO NO it's not like that...I love you...I always have and I always will." He told me he was just depressed that he couldn't see me every day (I live out of state) and that he backed off because he couldn't handle it. But no matter what he wasn't letting me go and he just could "quit" me. A few weeks later his W got the phone bill and put it all together. He told her about the meeting but that we weren't intimate...I backed him up on this by talking to his W when she called me wanting answers. I lied for him to help him cover his a** and my own. He still told me he wasn't letting me go and that he would be in touch shortly but she was watching his every move. Weeks would go by with NC from him and when I would finally break down and call him at work he would tell me the same things..."not letting you go"..."I'll call you soon." and then I'd wait for a call that never came. Last time I talked to him I made him give me a specific time that I would hear from him...he gave me one and I sat by the phone like an idiot...no call. The next day I called again because I wanted answers...he wouldn't take my call and when I finally got through he hung up on me. Now here I am wondering what the hell happend. I'm supposedly the love of his life and he can't quit me but he obviously dumped me with no explaination...which is what hurts the most. Why couldn't he have ended it nicely ( I would have understood given our situations) Or at least said good bye with a chicken sh*t email...instead of nothing? A simple sorry I never meant to hurt you would have done the job. He started this...why can't he end it? The questions are driving me nuts!
Road Rage Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I think you are the one who needs to end it. This scenario is very familiar with the other woman rountine. It seems obvious he is not going to end his marriage for you. He may have been hoping for a little horizontal mambo on the side and then getting on with his life. And it just didn`t work out that way and now he is backing off.
Author slave2love Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 RR...makes sense but it's not like he was a stranger...one night stand...we have years of history...why all the "true love" BS? I've never known any man to poor it on THAT thick just to get laid. That's the confusing part...why f**k with my head and my heart just to get sum...he could have found that in his own zip code.
Enema Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Sounds like he just wanted to "hit that" one last time. Who knows, you might get the call again in another few years. You got played. Why'd you break up in the first place if you were so much in love?
tanbark813 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Yeah, it's so crazy how people who cheat on their spouses end up not being reliable. I mean, you would think that out of ANYONE, someone who breaks his marriage vows would SURELY live up to his word. I, for one, am shocked and appalled.
Author slave2love Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 We were young..early 20's when we broke up the first time. He had some personal family issues at the time...I tried to be there for him over and over again but he pushed me away and I got tired of feeling like a yo-yo. I met my now H and moved out of state. Never got over him though. He wrote me a "come back to me" letter before I got married...I never got it (think my H intercepted the mail) I guess history repeats itself...call me yo-yo! Trying once again to cut the freakin string...but he wouldn't give me an "end" last time either. Of course he would want to "hit that" again...we always had amazing sex. But like I said...he didn't need to mess with my head. He never treated me like a piece of A** before...why now?
shawn_68 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Ok guys, the ladies have given me their point of view but I think only a man could explain this one to me... Ahem. As a man, I can say that you've made a wise choice. Now here I am wondering what the hell happend. I'm supposedly the love of his life and he can't quit me but he obviously dumped me with no explaination...which is what hurts the most. Why couldn't he have ended it nicely ( I would have understood given our situations) After 13 years he contacted you? Says a lot about you. I think that he obviously has some great memories. And the possibility of these becoming reality again has been brewing for some time. More than likely he was unsure if it could happen - which made the appeal even greater. But it DID actually happen. The perceived unattainable has become attainable. The prize was caught and some of the appeal was lost. But he's also married, and so you can add confusion and guilt to the equation as well. Bottom line. He hasn't officially ended things with you because that brings finality. He's still confused and you'll probably hear from him again. As a final note, I would not believe everything this guy has said. If you have a good marriage you're much better off leaving this in the past and focusing on what you have now. -S
Krying Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 slave, what about your current husband? I don't recall you mentioning what kind of man he is, how happy you are with him etc. It's all been about your ex. Would like to know a bit more.
hollywood24 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 If you are happy in your marriage there is no reason to talk to that other guy. Maybe things aren't going well in his marriage and he wants something to fall back on? If it ain't broken, don't fix it e.g. if your love life is fine now, don't leave it.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I am questioning why both of you married rebounds. Where you desperate so much to not hold off and make sure you married the right person. If you both never really moved on then you should have considered staying single and being happy with yourselves until you knew the other person was out of your system. Marriage is supposed to be a commitement, and you really should try to stick by that commitment or not get married. I understand that **it happens and you are attracted to someone else or an EX, but boundaries should be established to prevent episodes like this. Whatever you do, don't cheat on your S/O. If you are not happy in your marriage work on it first, and if you decide it's not working then breakup before you engage in destructive behaviour. Regards,
Author slave2love Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 slave, what about your current husband? I don't recall you mentioning what kind of man he is, how happy you are with him etc. It's all been about your ex. Would like to know a bit more. I've been married for 12 years (I married young only 20yrs old) When I got married I was too young to realize that I wasn't over my ex. I thought I had found a good man who actually wanted to be with me...ex and I broke up and got back together too many times to count back then. I found many good qualities in my H which is why I married him. He's still a good man but he broke the M Vows himself 6 years ago. Our child was an infant and I was devestated. It didn't make sense to me because I'm the kind of W that never turned him away for s** infact I wanted it more than he did...so for him to find it elswere boggled my mind. I think I'm quite a catch...sweet, smart, attractive, attentive, supportive, successful and driven. But he did what he did and I've tried for the last 6 years to get past it and work things out. When my ex contacted me and told me how he still felt I told him that I still felt the same but that we should not meet. I told him what my H did to me and that it crushed me. I expressed to him repeatedly that I knew I wouldn't be able to resist wanting to sleep with him if we met and that it was a bad idea. Also I never wanted to inflict that pain I knew so well on his W. Also that I had had enough hurt in my life and that I just couldn't handle more. Ex hooked me in with all the "meant to be" "true love" Bull Sh*t and long conversations about present, past and future. I know that two wrongs don't make a right but I wondered all these years if I had made a mistake in leaving ex for H in the first place. Then when my H cheated I figured that I had made a mistake for sure. So when ex poured it on so thick made promises etc.. I believed that yes we had both made a mistake marrying the rebound person, we never should have broken up in the first place and that someday (maybe when the kids are grown) we would be together. I bought into it hook, line and SINKER!!!! So here I am torn between wondering if I've just been used by the ex or if the feelings were real but he just couldn't handle it. That is why I wanted a male point of view....I mean this man cried several times about missing me, making a mistake for letting me go, I'm talking real tears. Men don't cry like that...especially my ex...he's very macho lets just say he has a military background and a career in law enforcement. Not the kind of man to cry for no reason. Which is why I'm so freakin confused.
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