highdensity Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now. Recently he got a job requires him to work a lot. *He gets home at a reasonable hour though*. We have been having the same fight over and over again - the problem is - why doesn't he call me? He could wait days (5 days sometimes) before calling me or saying anything. I've mentioned this many times, and he says he doesn't want to feel "pressured". He feels like I am pressuring him, and now he just feels "guilty all the time". This can't go on. We either have to break up or this needs to be fixed. Do I need fixing? I have had a habit of being "clingy", and many relationships have failed because of it. I think I am right in this case though. He says he likes me. He says he has fun with me. He wants to just see me. But I am not getting any of this with actions... Is it me or him?
Enema Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 If you're so desperate for a conversation can't you call him?
Author highdensity Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 I don't want to be the one calling all the time....If I had it my way we would speak at least every other day if not every day. If I start doing that then I come off as clingy...
moman Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 That's stupid, if you want to talk, then call. If he thinks you are too clingy he will tell you so.
Enema Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I personally hate talking on the phone. I much prefer to talk in person where I can see their face. On the phone I have trouble maintaining a conversation and it's uncomfortable for me. Because of this, I rarely initiate a phone call. My partner calls me if she feels the need. Perhaps your guy is the same way. I think you're making a mountain out of your own molehill here.
memorex1970 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Hello, firstly let me just say that I sympathise with you 100% as I was once in a similar situation with a female. It seems to me that hes not looking for a 'serious' or at least steady relationship. Im sorry but to go 5 days without so much of a phone call is not a relationship. Why are you hanging on to this guy...hes not making you happy and how the hell can he when you only hear from him every now and then?? If I was you Id end it ASAP and find someone who wants a bit more of a relationship with you. As for being clingy I think most of us are at some point or another, this bloke would never help you with your insecurities so your better off without him...hes wasting your time to find true love. Good luck and take care Nick x
moman Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I personally hate talking on the phone. I much prefer to talk in person where I can see their face. On the phone I have trouble maintaining a conversation and it's uncomfortable for me. Because of this, I rarely initiate a phone call. My partner calls me if she feels the need. Perhaps your guy is the same way. I think you're making a mountain out of your own molehill here. You know I'm the same way. I told the girl I'm now fighting with that I prefer text messages to phone calls and she took it to mean "never call". I just prefer a simple text msg over a call most of the time, especially when I'm busy. Plus if I talk about everything on the phone, what's left to talk about in person?
kandygirl Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Highdensity, I've been in a relationship with my bf for a little over a month. Everyone else I've dated in the past liked to just sit on the phone, even though there's nothing really to talk about. I would stay on just to make them happy, but I'm not a phone person at all. I would be happy with him calling to say what he wants to say, then that's it. My new bf is not a phone person either, so that's totally fine with me. He calls when he wants to take me out, and sometimes just to see how my day was. And it's not every day. He'll go a day without even calling sometimes. Yea I had to get used to it but it really didn't take that long. Now, 5 days I do think that's a bit too long for him not to even call to see if you're ok or whatever. You could call him, but not so much to make him feel smothered. I don't call my bf unless it's needed. I let him do the calling. I figure if he wants to talk, he'll call. Of course I'm not the type to call guys anyway, some girls might be and there's nothing wrong with it. By all means don't make him feel pressured! It could cause the whole deal to go down fast. The only thing I would be concerned about is him going 5 days with nc. Hope I helped
Author highdensity Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Thanks for all the advice....You are right. He probably isn't a phone person. In fact, I rarely see him talking on the phone. He just texts. The 5 days concerns me though. It isn't very mature, but I am not going to say anything (call or text) and see if he will take the initiative.
Guest Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 well my bf isnt a phone person either but he still talks to me everyday. i really dont call him that often usually he calls me. 5 days is a little crazy not to talk on the phone even if he isnt a phone person so maybe u might want to ask him if u could come to an agreement. maybe say that u understand if he doesnt like to talk on the phone so maybe u could talk every other day or every 2 days. if he really does care about u he'll understand that u just want to talk to him and see how his day was and that ur not trying to overwhelm. if he isnt willing to compromise then maybe ur better off with a guy who is, because compromise is very important in a relationship especially a new one. so that is my advice i hope it helps!
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