Lonelystar Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 It has been 3months since my ex broke up with me. He said he needed time and space because he was depressed and confused. A lot of our breakup had to do with mistakes I had made in the past. Initally he told me he was over it, but 3months ago he decided he couldn't forgive me and broke up with me. I was angry because I felt he should of be honest with his feelings from the get go, and that he should of told me he wasn't over what I did instead of pretending all these years and then bring it up everytime we fought. Anyways, I am no longer angry with him just hurt and confused. I loved this man with all my heart, and I still do. He was my first love, so I guess I will never truley forget about him. He told me that "you never know whats going to happen in the future"... also saying he might want me back when he gets his head straight. However, I do not think I will go back with him. I love him, but why should I wait around for someone to realize that they want me. I have been a good gf...supporting, understanding, loyal, and loving. I gave a 110% to this relationship, and he knows it. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and go to sleep for awhile. I feel sad when I see people together...and the holiday season is not helping with that. Ugh.. I dont even know why I am writing but I needed to vent.
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 that all sounds so familiar. I put so much into my 5 year relationship for it to just vanish 6 months ago. Since then she keeps in touch and seems eager for me to stil be an option despite her sleeping with 3 other people and doing everything but with another 8! She was also my first love and fiancee and yet no matter how much I want her back I cannot seem to find a way to believe it will ever be alright. Im a very shy/quiet person anyway so im feeling like i've got nothing and noone- - thank god for this place! Hope theres room in that hole for one more!
hollywood24 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 If you REALLY love someone, WHY NOT wait for them if they are confused with life and need time to think about things. That is what I don't understand. Doesn't mean you need to wait around for 6 months or a couple years. But if you really love him like you say you do, there is no sense in NOT waiting in my opinion. Unless of course he starts dating other people, then there might be something more to the story than you originally thought.
theadventure50120 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Set yourself a time limit , you can't wait forever for him. He might be leading you on. For an option later one.
Author Lonelystar Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 I really do love him, but I am not going to just sit here hoping one day he changes his mind. I want to learn to get over this hurt and live my life. If I wait for him I will never be able to move on, and if he doesn't come back it will crush me all over again. I am not sure if he is dating because I don't ask. I am tired of being the one fighting to keep this relationship going. If he wants me he has to fight for it this time.
Author Lonelystar Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 exactly. I don't want to be lead on.
theadventure50120 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 This might sound completey stupid but when i started NC i was thinking they were going to come back , i got stronger in NC until i didn't care if they came back or not. At the start it was hard so i had to think of something that made me happy. But don't wait forever...go on dates in meantime maybe?
Author Lonelystar Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Yeah. I'm thinking about doing that. I am also going on NC even though he wants to remain friends. If we didn't work out in a relationship I doubt we will work out as friends. I am just not ready I guess to be friends. How long after the break up did you decide NC?
theadventure50120 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 3weeks or so...i was a mess. So i deleted everything i was connected to her , we were suppose to be friends but none of us would speak on msn to each other so i got accused of ignoring her. Well she did the same really. It's wierd being friends , you never know what to say. That's why you got to go NC , you can't just jump straight into being friends. But that 3weeks was 5weeks ago...i'm 3weeks NC now i'm sticking to it as i have no intention to contact her ever again. I left her on msn as it doesn't bother me no more. Not talking to her though Got nothing to say.
theadventure50120 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Oh yeah i had that same excuse that you got "i need time to think , who knows what will happen in the future". This is what happened with mine though. Said she is happy being single , doesnt feel like settling down , realizes she doesn't need a bf but a good friend , now is in a relationship. I wouldn't look into that , sometimes they use it to give you a little hope and to not hurt you more then they already did.
Sylky Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 You sound like you're in a similar position as me, however I broke up with my ex about a week and a half ago. He's confused and also depressed and is unable to be in a relationship with me as it wouldn't be fair on me. We tried doing the friends thing, but it was too hard for me, because I love him so much. So I've cut contact and told him I have to move on, he's told me 'not to give up on' him, but it's not fair for me to be in limbo land while I wait for him to decide. I would advise you to do the same, you can't wait as you don't know how long he is going to take to decide, could be a month it could be 6 months, you can't be your life on hold. As much as you want to wait for him, as I do I have to keep thinking what if we're not meant to be and there is someone else waiting out there for us. Be strong..
Author Lonelystar Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Thanks so much for that advice. I just read your post and I feel encourgaed to do the same. My ex called me again today saying he doesn't want me out of his life, but I told him I needed time. I can't just be friends, and I just can't wait around forever. I am trying to be strong and I am not going to contact him for atleast 60days. I guess I needed some sort of time limit, and by then hopefully I will be okay with not having him in my life.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Oh yeah i had that same excuse that you got "i need time to think , who knows what will happen in the future". This is what happened with mine though. Said she is happy being single , doesnt feel like settling down , realizes she doesn't need a bf but a good friend , now is in a relationship. I wouldn't look into that , sometimes they use it to give you a little hope and to not hurt you more then they already did. Ahhh! all to familiar words. This is exactly what I recently got from my ex. I had the "One never knows what the future will hold" chant. Bunch of B.S., they found somebody else or they don't know how to breakup with you without a guilt trip. Cheers!
Rooster_DAR Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Thanks so much for that advice. I just read your post and I feel encourgaed to do the same. My ex called me again today saying he doesn't want me out of his life, but I told him I needed time. I can't just be friends, and I just can't wait around forever. I am trying to be strong and I am not going to contact him for atleast 60days. I guess I needed some sort of time limit, and by then hopefully I will be okay with not having him in my life. My bet from my experience, he will keep playing this tug of war until you finally get tired of it and say it's over. That way, he can feel better about himself that you finally ended it without him feeling guilty. Same old song and dance.
hollywood24 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Ahhh! all to familiar words. This is exactly what I recently got from my ex. I had the "One never knows what the future will hold" chant. Bunch of B.S., they found somebody else or they don't know how to breakup with you without a guilt trip. Cheers! hahahahaha, that makes me feel a WHOLE lot better :\. nah, i'm acually doing just fine. Just go NC and everything will start to get better. It really does.
Guest Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Just go NC and everything will start to get better. It really does. You'll also feel better if you take a good dump.
Author Lonelystar Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 Exactly. I am not going to wait around for someone who is putting me in this limbo. I told him I wasn't going to and that we both need to just move on. I hate how when I move on, he trys to pull me back. Just let me go, or be with me. Hopefully the NC thing will make me feel more okay with us not being together. Eventually I hope to not care at all.
theadventure50120 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Exactly. I am not going to wait around for someone who is putting me in this limbo. I told him I wasn't going to and that we both need to just move on. I hate how when I move on, he trys to pull me back. Just let me go, or be with me. Hopefully the NC thing will make me feel more okay with us not being together. Eventually I hope to not care at all. How long you been broking up? You are coping well lol Wish it didn't take me 2month to think like this He will probably show signs of interest if you go away but ignore it. If you want him back , don't do it until he uses them words or says he messes up. Then be careful as he might just be tricking you to pull you back in.
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