snowdiamond Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Hi All, I just had a general question. I've been reading so many posts on doing NC and the benefits and backlashes of using NC. Coming here has given me a lot of strength to make it day to day. As with anyone here, I have my good days and "okay" days. I say "okay days" because I'm doing better than I was. I haven't had any crying jags lately. I stopped checking my emails, stopped jumping for my phone or cellphone everytime it rang. I don't look for my ex anymore and it feels good. I feel like I'm starting to get back to my old self, but in a new way now. I did have a question though. For all of us going through this NC stuff, do you think that the person who dumped you goes through the same crap that you as the dumpee have gone through, i.e., checking their emails constantly to see if you've sent anything, checking their phones constantly to see if you've called, etc? I know a lot of you probably would say that the dumper would not do that because they've made up their minds, but can you say that for certain? Inquiring minds want to know.
melodymatters Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Well, no one knows WHAT lurks in peoples minds or hearts, but I would say the dumpers reason for the dumping might come into play here. If the dumper was just like " i'm over you, don't love you, love somone else" then prob not. If the dumper dumped because they felt they had to ( physical abuse, drug abuse, cheating) they might still love and care about the person and therefore think of them, check their web sites etc, but are trying to accept the fact that they can't be with the dumpee for the reasons above. Its all speculation, but thats my 2 cents worth ! BTW, welcome to the shack, and congrats on being so strong for 26 days !! Melody
Author snowdiamond Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Well, no one knows WHAT lurks in peoples minds or hearts, but I would say the dumpers reason for the dumping might come into play here. If the dumper was just like " i'm over you, don't love you, love somone else" then prob not. If the dumper dumped because they felt they had to ( physical abuse, drug abuse, cheating) they might still love and care about the person and therefore think of them, check their web sites etc, but are trying to accept the fact that they can't be with the dumpee for the reasons above. Its all speculation, but thats my 2 cents worth ! BTW, welcome to the shack, and congrats on being so strong for 26 days !! Melody Thanks Melody! It's nice to be here. LS has helped me a lot.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 i have checked for emails, texts, web pages, etc.... after dumping the person.
FallenTree Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 When I dumped someone years ago, I also continued to check web sites, etc. etc. Now that I'm trying to do NC with someone different here recently, I have found that just avoiding myspace all together for a few days seems to really help.
slave2love Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 SnowDiamond, I wondered the same thing. Being the dumpee (he gave no explaination, no goodbye..nada) I'm torn up with out closure. Long story. I would like to think he still cares enough to check email even though I don't send any. And he's an old flame that found me on myspace to begin with so I wonder if he still checks that too. Who knows. Can't ask him cause he won't talk to me for some reason. But before he contacted me he told me that over the last 13 years he's known every address I've ever lived at because he "couldn't let it go". So it makes me wonder. I'm doing the NC thing too after he hung up on me because I wanted a reason why he was avoiding me. It's been 20 days for me as well. Man this is hard! But a girl has to hold onto her pride right!?
Author snowdiamond Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Man this is hard! But a girl has to hold onto her pride right!? Yes, girl! It's hard, but we MUST maintain for our sanity. NC all the way! Fallen & Bonita, I find it interesting that you all continued to check for emails, phone calls and such after dumping someone. Out of curiousity, what were your reasons, if you don't mind me asking?
Ssheena Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I sent my x and email telling him he had to get therapy or I couldn't go out with him anymore so he called me up and said so I guess we are breaking up and that there were things about me that bothered him that he never told me about. He later sent me an email saying we were definitely done. In my case, I gave him an ultimative and he turned around and broke up with me. Do I still look and hope for email? Yup. Do I still check his webpage and his myspace page? Yup (but not as much as I used to). Do I look at the caller ID everytime my phone rings? Yup. Do I want him back? NO. Will I ever get in touch with him? NO Am I in 100% NC with him? YUP, now since Oct 24. Am I proud of how I'm handling this and that I'm taking care of myself and learning from my mistakes and being introspective and looking at the good and bad and what I learned in this relationship (which was over a year of everyday contact)? You betcha. Why do I check? Because I still care about him and want to know what is up with him. Because I want to see if he is moving on. I wrestle everyday with feelings for him - I miss him, I love him, and then I'm really really angry at him. How can he just walk away from what we had? I don't know, but he did. Sigh. I feel like I'm both the dumper and the dumpee.
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