Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 I didn't simply call you "loser", you earned it by insinuating that my attitude was being unattractive when I was actually doing you a favor by giving you advice and brainstorming on your situation. Then you got angry at the fact that I pointed out that you were being inappropriate with me. Loser x2. And I was giving you an advice too not an insult. You should have simply said: 'Im not obscessively arrogant and full of myself and I dont brag about my values, so you are wrong about it and my lack of finding more quality guys therefore has other reasons. Im out of luck probably.' No, I wasnt angry. Im sorry that I wasnt more careful with my advice. I have to admit I was curious what your reaction will be. Angry denying or collected refusal. So Im sorry to put you through this. And I only hope you are trying to offend me for the same reasons. In this situation, whatever you mistook for "bragging", was a meaningful and on-topic response to your initial thread's question. Instead of being appreciative of this different perspective, you chose to respond in anger and initiated a personal attack on my character, which was extremely low and uncalled for. This not only shows your incapability of understanding others' points of view and narrow mindness, but also exposes your desperate need to put others down to prove something (whatever it is) to yourself. It was actually a response to Island Girls advice and I tried to help when you was stating you have some problems - minor Im sure. Reason for my reaction is quite inocent. I know quite a lot of girls (friends of my friends) who often mention similar problem you did. They speak very rude about men (excluding some lucky friends of their friends ) and state that independent woman who knows her prize etc. is intimidating most of men. Truth is they have their shields too thick. It weeds out non quality guys but in the same time they are slow to put them down for more quality guys. They are like this to most of population. Only a few lucky ones (childhood friends who saw them puking in bus) get to know them better to see they are not that way. They are sad, frustrated nobody can see that they are very thick on outside but very thin, good person inside. They shield their insecurities with too much effort. Occasionally they ease down but cant manage to stay like that for long. Thats why I jumped on your response. Mistake. Sorry. This only shows how little you know. Fact of the matter is that a lot of powerful people have the biggest egos out there. Bragging is in no way an indicator of confidence or lack thereof. Some people do it cause they have things to brag about, others prefer to be modest when they should be bragging, others brag about things they don't have. Once again, your hypotheses don't stand any ground. It depends what you mean by powerful people. Powerful with inferiority complex like Saddam Husein? Dont confuse powerful people with quality people. Unfortunately these traits dont have to mix. Sometimes you have to compliment yourself, thats right But it has limits. You certainly dont think anything good about guy telling you 'I beat three guys yestarday, Im quite loaded, Look at my car and my watch, I have four girls stalking me.' (or something in that style even more subtle). It stands ground for me.
princessa Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 And I was giving you an advice too not an insult. You should have simply said: 'Im not obscessively arrogant and full of myself and I dont brag about my values, so you are wrong about it and my lack of finding more quality guys therefore has other reasons. Im out of luck probably.' No, I wasnt angry. Im sorry that I wasnt more careful with my advice. I have to admit I was curious what your reaction will be. Angry denying or collected refusal. So Im sorry to put you through this. And I only hope you are trying to offend me for the same reasons. You seem not to understand that giving advice is only appropriate when it is asked for.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 In my experience with people who have a tendency toward bragging, there has often been an undercurrent of low self-esteem driving their need to get external validation from others: "See how cool/accomplished/rich/important I am? See all the important people I know?" Again, in my experience, the people who are secure in themselves may talk about their accomplishments/riches/important people they know, but it's usually just that in the course of conversation, this stuff comes up as they talk about their lives. And those conversations tend to be with others with similar levels of accomplishment/riches etc. So the purpose or goal of bringing up said things is different - it's not to get others' approval. And Im sure its not only your experience;) . Some people get to know that sooner or later. Nicely put btw.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 You seem not to understand that giving advice is only appropriate when it is asked for. I was boyscout. Old habits die hard.
bridget_jones Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I don't believe in games or playing hard to get. It's a "natural strategy" that's about being an interesting person with lots of intriguing opportunities and plans to pursue (be they yoga class, foreign films, hiking mount Hood, going to the gym tonight, political caucauses,volunteering to tutor illiterate adults, etc.) and not always being able to pick up your phone everytime it rings or always being availbe to come on right over and hang out upon request. Isn't it more interesting to call a woman and she says she has plans but she would love to see you this weekend? Don't you sort of go "whoa, this woman actually has interests and activities and people who enjoy her company that she can't see me on a moment's notice? She's got it goin' ON! I'd better get to know her and not let her get away!" Then naturally the man will continue to show interest in her and make efforts to spend time with her when he can get a date out of this impressive specimen of woman. It's not about making the other person feel badly or being mean or anything, it's about really having a life.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 I don't believe in games or playing hard to get. It's a "natural strategy" that's about being an interesting person with lots of intriguing opportunities and plans to pursue (be they yoga class, foreign films, hiking mount Olympia, going to the gym tonight, political caucauses, etc.) and not always being able to pick up your phone to call or always being availbe to come on right over and hang out upon request. Isn't it more interesting to call a woman and she says she has plans but she would love to see you this weekend? Don't you sort of go "whoa, this woman actually has interests and activities and people who enjoy her company that she can't see me on a moment's notice? She's got it goin' ON!" It's not about making the other person feel badly or being mean or anything, it's about really having a life. Exactly. Sometimes that she would love to see you this weekend is forgotten and then it is called playing hard to get. Why is it forgotten? May be she/he is not interested. She/he wants to appear she/he doesnt need you to make herself/himself prize or simply is afraid of being dumped in the end so plays it safe or for the ego boost etc etc. But nobody told me how to defeat it. And I dont think anybody really knows. Only reasonable advice I got: Act like you dont care and proceed in standard tempo. Meanwhile look out for other opportunities. Cynical? Yes. But practical.
bridget_jones Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 If someone is unable to get together she says that, and leaves it at that, then she isn't interested. So there's nothing to defeat. You say "Ok, well have a nice evening, good bye." and hang up! She's not interested. There's no acting like you don't care needed, because even if you do, she simply isn't into you and doesn't want to see you. So the "acting like you don't care" game is a moot point anyway because she doesn't want you in the first place. It's not difficult to detect if a woman is wanting to date you or not. If someone is very thankful and enthusiastic that you asked, but can't, and makes it clear that she DOES want to see you another time then she is interested. I know you don't like books and such but The Rules even makes it clear that if you are interested, be INTERESTED, just because you are busy and unavailable at times doesn't mean that you aren't enthusiastic and friendly with a guy you are interested in. In fact you make them feel good about themselves and happy to be in contact with you, be it on the phone or when you're with them. She shouldn't be over the top enthusiastic to see you, I mean a confident woman doesn't base her happiness on a guy's interest in her, but she is definitely showing interest in you with enthusiasm and pleasure when you talk to her and are with her. I think we are getting to the heart of your cynicism, Daniel. You have confused when a woman is really showing disinterest with her playing hard to get. This is what happens when you see dating and relationships as using strategic maneuveurs and games. Exactly. Sometimes that she would love to see you this weekend is forgotten and then it is called playing hard to get. Why is it forgotten? May be she/he is not interested. She/he wants to appear she/he doesnt need you to make herself/himself prize or simply is afraid of being dumped in the end so plays it safe or for the ego boost etc etc. But nobody told me how to defeat it. And I dont think anybody really knows. Only reasonable advice I got: Act like you dont care and proceed in standard tempo. Meanwhile look out for other opportunities. Cynical? Yes. But practical.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 If someone is unable to get together she says that, and leaves it at that, then she isn't interested. So there's nothing to defeat. You say "Ok, well have a nice evening, good bye." and hang up! She's not interested. There's no acting like you don't care needed, because even if you do, she simply isn't into you and doesn't want to see you. So the "acting like you don't care" game is a moot point anyway because she doesn't want you in the first place. It's not difficult to detect if a woman is wanting to date you or not. If someone is very thankful and enthusiastic that you asked, but can't, and makes it clear that she DOES want to see you another time then she is interested. I know you don't like books and such but The Rules even makes it clear that if you are interested, be INTERESTED, just because you are busy and unavailable at times doesn't mean that you aren't enthusiastic and friendly with a guy you are interested in. In fact you make them feel good about themselves and happy to be in contact with you, be it on the phone or when you're with them. She shouldn't be over the top enthusiastic to see you, I mean a confident woman doesn't base her happiness on a guy's interest in her, but she is definitely showing interest in you with enthusiasm and pleasure when you talk to her and are with her. I think we are getting to the heart of your cynicism, Daniel. You have confused when a woman is really showing disinterest with her playing hard to get. This is what happens when you see dating and relationships as using strategic maneuveurs and games. Look. It does exists. Read this thread. People do admit they play these games. To weed out needy, insecure guys, freaks or whatever. Or....just read it and the links too. My advice is not total bollocks. I mean girls are really good at it. It is simple. When guy freaks out about not getting date or phone call....he is out. So im telling guys to keep it cool. No hard feelings. Just pursue in standard not needy or angry way. No need to call more often. Just stay cool. No need for "nexting" her. The best scenario..... a)she is afraid -shell get brave one day b)is not interested in you at all - rejects you immediately or total radio silence Common scenario......she is not that interested - time and your steady pursue might change it The worst scenario....she is playing with you for the heck of it - watch what her actions are not what she is telling you Bridget, Your advice translated to practice = NEXT HER if she has no initiative. By Id like to remind you, some girls, especially young ones and/or inexperienced ones, has no initiative. And you forget that interest level can grow over time.
bridget_jones Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I'm simply saying move on and accept it if she's not showing interest. Initiative means she is actively pursuing you and women shouldn't do that if a guy is interested in them. Actually I refuse to pursue a guy. Don't feed your ego by telling yourself she's "playing hard to get."
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Common scenario......she is not that interested - time and your steady pursue might change it Wrong ! Don't even go there. She's not interested because she's not * interested * and nothing you can do will change that.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Common scenario......she is not that interested - time and your steady pursue might change it Wrong ! Don't even go there. She's not interested because she's not * interested * and nothing you can do will change that. 1. You cant know she is not interested for sure until she bluntly rejects you. Thats the whole point playing hard to get = masking interest level not to appear easy. 2. Im not meaning pursue it is just persistance.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 I'm simply saying move on and accept it if she's not showing interest. Initiative means she is actively pursuing you and women shouldn't do that if a guy is interested in them. Actually I refuse to pursue a guy. Don't feed your ego by telling yourself she's "playing hard to get." No initiative at least what I meant = she says yes to date or acts like she is interested in date. Actually feeding ego looks pretty different...'She is playing games, shes not worth it.NEXT'
princessa Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 1. You cant know she is not interested for sure until she bluntly rejects you. Thats the whole point playing hard to get = masking interest level not to appear easy. 2. Im not meaning pursue it is just persistance. Wow, after all the advice you've been given you're right back where you've started! Bravo!
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Wow, after all the advice you've been given you're right back where you've started! Bravo! And what is your advice?
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 1. You cant know she is not interested for sure until she bluntly rejects you. Thats the whole point playing hard to get = masking interest level not to appear easy. 2. Im not meaning pursue it is just persistance. Let me sit you down and shake some sense into you . You CANNOT play games and play HARD TO GET to get a woman ! We are turned off by it and QUICKLY move on ! You need to date a zillion women and take all rejections as no big deal so you can get used to the rejection and blow it off as minor. Your additude should be * oh whatever * when she rejects you and move forward at the speed of light. Stop trying to figure out how to win us back in your heart. Its either * there * or its not for us.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Let me sit you down and shake some sense into you . You CANNOT play games and play HARD TO GET to get a woman ! We are turned off by it and QUICKLY move on ! Certainly not true. You are turned on by challenge, indifference. I dont know why but it works. Its probably not perfect but certainly works better than trying to win you. You need to date a zillion women and take all rejections as no big deal so you can get used to the rejection and blow it off as minor. Your additude should be * oh whatever * when she rejects you and move forward at the speed of light. No problem with that *whatever*. But as you can read here some women do play these games. By moving forward too fast you can miss some good stuff No need to stop all advances on her, just back off a little. She may realize then she was wrong about you. It happens. Actually that *whatever* is for pussies. Its the easiest way. Stop trying to figure out how to win us back in your heart. Its either * there * or its not for us. Not true. It takes time. Sure love for first sight is beautiful but it is rare. I had a friend and he won them back only to dump them for the troubles they make him.....playa:)
bridget_jones Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Eh, you keep making these comments that continue to show you're misogynist and women are your "prey." It's always going to be you VS her and strategizing on how to "win" and make sure she is at this supposed "disadvantage" and you're the one at the "advantage." Have you been in deep love with someone, Daniel? Because honestly, when you really meet a person who just "does it for you" and she feels the same, it is crazy happiness and no effort involved.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Eh, you keep making these comments that continue to show you're misogynist and women are your "prey." It's always going to be you VS her and strategizing on how to "win" and make sure she is at this supposed "disadvantage" and you're the one at the "advantage." Have you been in deep love with someone, Daniel? Im no advocate of playing games. Especially not those where the goal is to "win". a) There are games for protection, selection and increasing heat. These are the good games. b)And there are games for ego boost....to win. My question is how to make someone to drop his/her game. No I was not in love, Im from Mars actually. I came here last week on spaceship called Misogynist II Because honestly, when you really meet a person who just "does it for you" and she feels the same, it is crazy happiness and no effort involved. Its maybe like this for you girls b/c guys dont mind happy bunnies and they do the calling etc. but when man starts to be crazy happy bunny, no effort involved early on......he is wuss and is dumped sharpish. We have to profess self-control. You dont have it bye bye. Im talking here when you meet someone new. Ask guys here on the forum.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 I think he might be a stalker................... you wish:p
bridget_jones Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Again, about keeping your cool, etc. When you're in love and in a healthy, happy relationship you don't have to think about 'keeping your cool', 'losing yourself' etc. Love puts things into place, you don't think, you just do. You WANT to call her everyday because talking to her is the highlight of your day. In a healthy relationship, you're not sacrificing your masculinity or your "space" by doing that. If I were dating someone like you, with your thought process, we wouldn't get very far because you just can't enjoy the relationship and bond without overthinking every action and move. It would be tough to really get to know you, the real Daniel, and it would be tough to have any real feelings for you because I pick up on the 'games' and 'strategies' very easily, women can sense this stuff a mile away. Anyway that's all I'm going to say on the topic.
Mary3 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Certainly not true. You are turned on by challenge, indifference. I dont know why but it works. Its probably not perfect but certainly works better than trying to win you. No problem with that *whatever*. But as you can read here some women do play these games. By moving forward too fast you can miss some good stuff No need to stop all advances on her, just back off a little. She may realize then she was wrong about you. It happens. Actually that *whatever* is for pussies. Its the easiest way. Not true. It takes time. Sure love for first sight is beautiful but it is rare. I had a friend and he won them back only to dump them for the troubles they make him.....playa:) Ohhh please ! You give retarded advice from BOOKS you read and have NO CLUE to what to do with a woman. I would like to give you a new * set * but instead I will set you straight one more time and ( thats about all I can handle after seeing POST after POST of you not listening and thinking you have ALL these great ideas but I notice you are posting here and NOT with a girl , right ? ) I will tell you I am NOT ,repeat NOT turned on by a guy who waits 5 days to call me , only calls hours after I call him , stands me up on a date , says something that does not happen...ALL of these things get him Dumped ! Next ! Okay I am going to give you a Super Secret piece of advice : I really shouldn't because you are brainwashed by all the hog wash Don Juan sites ( and how many of those poser/losers really have chicks , few I doubt @! ) but here is the super secret: Be yourself ! Show us you like us in REAL ways. Like calling us ! Wow its soooooooooooo simple ( I know ) because just like anything in life you go after what you want , you appreciate what you have and you are SINCERE . ALLLLLLLLL of those things will get you a girl ! For real All of the other junk you have been typing will get you NOTHING . Now you can heed this advice or I am going to just stop trying to help you.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 Again, about keeping your cool, etc. When you're in love and in a healthy, happy relationship you don't have to think about 'keeping your cool', 'losing yourself' etc. Love puts things into place, you don't think, you just do. You WANT to call her everyday because talking to her is the highlight of your day. In a healthy relationship, you're not sacrificing your masculinity or your "space" by doing that. If I were dating someone like you, with your thought process, we wouldn't get very far because you just can't enjoy the relationship and bond without overthinking every action and move. It would be tough to really get to know you, the real Daniel, and it would be tough to have any real feelings for you because I pick up on the 'games' and 'strategies' very easily, women can sense this stuff a mile away. Anyway that's all I'm going to say on the topic. I was talking about when you meet someone new who dont know you. No you dont have to think about 'keeping your cool', when youre cool. Which is hard when you are in madly in love. So my advice is....try to keep it cool. Yes it would be tough to get to know me. Im not an open book. I assure you I dont use any strategies or games...Im not a girl. My only strategy is to bite my tongue time to time. Why are we talking about me anyway? Women can sense insecurity miles away. The rest is enigma for them. Maybe you are gifted one.
bridget_jones Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 My best advice is to just be yourself. Because they're going to find out the real you later anyway. I do like it when a guy is smitten with me. I don't see it as insecurity, but if there is some, I think it's endearing. A woman who likes you back is going to show her affection back. Women want to see a touch of vulnerability, it's not a sign of weakness and it just shows her that you really are into her. Women want the romance.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 Ohhh please ! You give retarded advice from BOOKS you read and have NO CLUE to what to do with a woman. I would like to give you a new * set * but instead I will set you straight one more time and ( thats about all I can handle after seeing POST after POST of you not listening and thinking you have ALL these great ideas but I notice you are posting here and NOT with a girl , right ? ) Dont worry about me, sister. When I give advice I know what Im talking about. I will tell you I am NOT ,repeat NOT turned on by a guy who waits 5 days to call me , only calls hours after I call him , stands me up on a date , says something that does not happen...ALL of these things get him Dumped ! Next ! Who was talking about 5 days rules? Who was talking about lieing? Who was talking about standing someone up? Certainly not me. Okay I am going to give you a Super Secret piece of advice : I really shouldn't because you are brainwashed by all the hog wash Don Juan sites ( and how many of those poser/losers really have chicks , few I doubt @! ) but here is the super secret: Be yourself ! Show us you like us in REAL ways. Like calling us ! Wow its soooooooooooo simple ( I know ) because just like anything in life you go after what you want , you appreciate what you have and you are SINCERE . ALLLLLLLLL of those things will get you a girl ! For real All of the other junk you have been typing will get you NOTHING . Now you can heed this advice or I am going to just stop trying to help you. Perfect advice. But for guys absolutely useless. They need to know how to get confidence and self control. And after they get it I assure you they wont be calling every day. I know it makes you feel good when guy is all over you. But it doesnt mean it does make you feel good about the guy who does the calling..... Be Yourself? You are absolutely right. But when you are with a girl you really like its pretty hard to behave the same way you are talking to your sister Its a bit problem. You have to be really collected. When you meet some new girl.....dont dare to show a bit of insecurity, neediness or nervousness. Sure if you know each other some time and she knows what you are made of....different story.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 My best advice is to just be yourself. Because they're going to find out the real you later anyway. I do like it when a guy is smitten with me. I don't see it as insecurity, but if there is some, I think it's endearing. A woman who likes you back is going to show her affection back. Women want to see a touch of vulnerability, it's not a sign of weakness and it just shows her that you really are into her. Women want the romance. I know it makes you feel good when guy is all over you. But it doesnt mean it does make you feel good about the guy. When you are with a girl you really like its pretty hard to behave the same way you are talking to your sister. Why? It doesnt work? B/c when you feel he is all over you....you can go after Bigger Fish than him....he is already yours. (It actually suggested Island Girl so dont blame me.)
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