princessa Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Thats the problem. You see: You play HTG. Guy looking for quick lay.....STOPS TO PURSUE Guy without backbone........KEEP PURSUE It is contradicting. What if he has backbone and isnt looking for quick lay eh? btw playing HTG will RISE his Interest Level but NOT in YOU.....only in the game (he wants to find out whats wrong). His interest in you goes down actually (you are more complicated = possible trouble) One personal....please stop that bragging about how really hard to get you are. It is so unattractive. Maybe exactly that attitude intimidate quality men. First off, your algorithm really doesn't stand its ground, buddy. So anyway let me get this, you come on this forum asking girls why do they appear hard to get, then dare saying its unattractive and giving out pointers on how WE should act to attract guys? Let me remind you that you're the one who came here looking for advice, and apparently you're not interested in reading any of it. Island Girl has explained everything quite clearly in her posts, and if you had half a brain you'd read them and learn from them, instead of trying to find flaws with those people who are trying to help YOU with your idiotic issues. As for me, don't you worry, attracting losers like you who spend their time worrying about how to "get girls" is the last thing that's on my mind!
Island Girl Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Island Girl, as others have said, it's great to have a strong personality and healthy self esteem. Ultimately it all comes down to knowing your own worth and not settling for less. I do share that mentality, and I found most of my thoughts worded in your posts, though I think I'm enjoying myself a bit more on the b!tchy side sometimes . My b!tchy side has been tempered due to an enduring extremely loving relationship. I too used to find myself on that side of the fence more than the other... One thing puzzled me when reading what you said though. Knowing and respecting your self-worth, how can you manage to enter so many relationships with so many guys as you have described? Were there that many guys who were actually worth your time? I have never been a multiple dater. If I dated someone - I was only dating them. So most are very short relationships. I was always asked out often. Everywhere. The guys I would date did not "know". That is they weren't friends of mine, or in my circle of friends at all. -- I think that was something subconscious. That way when I didn't like them or we were incompatible I didn't have to run into them during relaxing social occasions with friends like barbeques, etc. If I went out to club to go dancing I might have run into one of them there but then they were easily intimidated and would proceed to stay at arms length so to speak. There were the things looked for when initially meeting someone. Successful, charming, handsome. I traveled in circles where these characteristics were prevalent. I never discounted a potential suitor by job type, color of their skin, religion, etc. Differences or incompatibility was exposed more by one on one communication and experiences. I never was without a date - there were no times where I wasn't dating someone or "accepting applications" from those who wanted to date me. Most only lasted a few months at the most. Unfortunately I was very good at the appeal, challenge, and emotional connection. Looking at that and the fact that my first date was in October of 1986, well, there's the numbers for you. I find myself struggling with finding guys who on one hand equal to me in terms of self-esteem and values, but also in terms of interests and compatibility and everything else, and I don't even need to date them to figure this out... which makes me definitely hard to get. I simply can't enter a relationship without any hope of it being long-term. Well, self-confidence - at least initially - was never something that was lacking in who I dated. Values weren't really either. However interests and compatibility were likewise hard to reconcile. The potential was possibly there but then - sigh - no. I know things have changed over the last 10 years or so. One of my very dear friends has a little sister who is 8 years younger than I am and she has detailed what she has found out there as in potential boyfriends. There is definitely a dynamic that has shifted. When we all get together to talk and there are a few of us with her sister and her friends it is amazing to hear some of the things they have faced out in the dating world.
Island Girl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Thats the problem. You see: You play HTG. Guy looking for quick lay.....STOPS TO PURSUE Guy without backbone........KEEP PURSUE It is contradicting. What if he has backbone and isnt looking for quick lay eh? btw playing HTG will RISE his Interest Level but NOT in YOU.....only in the game (he wants to find out whats wrong). His interest in you goes down actually (you are more complicated = possible trouble) One personal....please stop that bragging about how really hard to get you are. It is so unattractive. Maybe exactly that attitude intimidate quality men. A guy with no backbone looking for sex or a relationship = will continue to pursue often becoming: A. If she is a confident woman he will not make any move other than trying to spend time with her. He becomes the "pal" of the girl he is pursuing. B. If the girl is not self confident she may fall into a relationship with him but she gains more confidence because he wants her - and because he has a hard time finding a girl for any type of a relationship because weakness is so unattractive - he sticks but she starts to feel smothered and with her new found confidence she now becomes too strong to be with him. A guy with a backbone just looking for just sex = will keep pursuing. His intentions will inevitably come to light. And he will be dumped usually coming as a shock to him. A guy with a backbone not looking for just sex = will keep pursuing. Whether or not there is true compatibility remains to be seen and sex should be a territory not ventured into until then. Your thoughts are based on what your perceptions are (possibly experiences) do not hold up to my real life experiences I can assure you. Most of the men that I have dated have backbones. They have been very masculine men who are not viewed as pushovers in any way. My husband played professional rugby for 9 years. He is a "man's man" in every sense of the word. He has always been successful with women. I have dated professional men successful in all aspects of their lives. A lot of them admired by the public because of their strength and charisma. Just about everything in your post is the exact opposite of what I have found to be true with every man I have ever dated. And that is right, I said EVERY one. Not one exception. Your perception is coming from one man's view from inside of his own relationships. My perception comes from actual relationships with many. Yes. MANY. I have had many relationships with men. Not all of them - in fact most of them - did not have a sexual component. As far as men seeing a woman who is hard to get as possible "trouble". I find this extremely amusing and not in the least bit true. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I think you are confusing a hard to get challenging woman who is open to a relationship with a self righteous conceited shallow woman who is not looking for a loving relationship. There is a big difference in actions and in intent between those two.
Pretty Fly Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 As for me, don't you worry, attracting losers like you who spend their time worrying about how to "get girls" is the last thing that's on my mind! Kind of harsh. I thought this was a place for discussion, not judgements
Author DanielMadr Posted March 15, 2007 Author Posted March 15, 2007 I think you are confusing a hard to get challenging woman who is open to a relationship with a self righteous conceited shallow woman who is not looking for a loving relationship. There is a big difference in actions and in intent between those two. Most likely. But it seems to me that HTG is used for creating a feeling that you are dealing with healthy confident person. And should not be used unless it is natural product.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 15, 2007 Author Posted March 15, 2007 First off, your algorithm really doesn't stand its ground, buddy. So anyway let me get this, you come on this forum asking girls why do they appear hard to get, then dare saying its unattractive and giving out pointers on how WE should act to attract guys? Let me remind you that you're the one who came here looking for advice, and apparently you're not interested in reading any of it. Island Girl has explained everything quite clearly in her posts, and if you had half a brain you'd read them and learn from them, instead of trying to find flaws with those people who are trying to help YOU with your idiotic issues. As for me, don't you worry, attracting losers like you who spend their time worrying about how to "get girls" is the last thing that's on my mind! Doesnt stand its ground? I hoped you tell me why. Fortunatelly Island Girl was so kind. I believe it is still discussion forum!? Yep. So no your higness, I wont shut up:p That was valid peace of information you know. Second is: Dont get offended so easily, it could be a test of confidence. Im not kidding. Now you started to offend me. Hmmm you are being hard to get I see.....wait I have to consult a few threads about it................ ........... ................ ...... ...........no, I have to email Island Girl for advice, she will forward it to you Bye P.S.: No hard feelings eh. Have a nice day, I really mean it:) (Btw kids this is the part where DM shot himself in the leg....he is such a nice guy he just cant help it)
fireflywy Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I've watched bantering about "playing hard to get" or books like The Rules here on LS. I'll tell you - I have always had these particular rules or playing hard to get, etc. Because I am valuable. My value in my own eyes does not need to be increased. If it does in his that is not my issue nor do I have to somehow prove some worth to him. I am unlike anyone he has ever met and he has to be worthy of me - not the other way around. If he doesn't get it - then good - I needn't waste my time. The only action I hope to provoke is mutual interest and an understanding of respect. I am not one that gives any part of myself away easily. I am precious and treat myself as such. The guy has to show he is aware of this and treat me accordingly. He has to be of my time and attention otherwise there is no point in interaction. I know myself. I know how attractive I am. I know how devoted I can be. I know I am intelligent and witty. I am great company and although I am high maintenance in some ways, I am not materialistic or fake in any way. I am a treasure. Therefore I have never been a doormat for anybody. In the end my husband "caught" me because he adores me and caters to me BUT only to a point. He also knows what a great guy he is - physically a fantastic thing to behold, romantic, and the most insightful person I have ever met when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He has no problem in pointing out something I may have said or done that is wrong. But he does it in the most remarkable way. It is never a fight nor does he keep score. He humbles me. I have the utmost respect for him. I love him and he is the only man I have ever found that is worthy of my complete devotion. So in the end I wanted a mutually beneficial relationship where there is give and take but no disrespect. I wanted love that is appreciative and fun - not selfish. And that is what I got. I hope I addressed this correctly... What happens, if, as a guy, you've ALWAYS been the one to pursue. What happens if you actually sit down and say, "I'm going to be pursued for once. I'm going to have someone prove to me that I'M WORTH IT" And what happens if the woman is thinking the same thing? How should the guy handle it? If I take a step back for once is she going to think I'm playing a game?
Island Girl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 What happens, if, as a guy, you've ALWAYS been the one to pursue. What happens if you actually sit down and say, "I'm going to be pursued for once. I'm going to have someone prove to me that I'M WORTH IT" Women do not get the same feelings inspired by chasing a man. Well, as long as you mean by chasing doing the calling and asking out, etc. It is against the true nature of things. It is against human nature. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule - there always are. But you would be the one waiting for that particular girl to come along. I am also assuming that, although you'd like the roles reversed, you still want a confident, attractive, strong, intelligent woman. The opposite will chase away, unfortunately it is usually because the prey does not want to be caught and keeps running away... And what happens if the woman is thinking the same thing? How should the guy handle it? I'm not sure I understand. The woman thinking the same thing as in "I want to be the one pursued" or the opposite - that she'd like to be the one doing the pursuing? Could you clarify? If I take a step back for once is she going to think I'm playing a game? It depends on when that step back occurs and how it is pulled off. Some guys can pull it off. Once involved the relationship becomes more like two people dancing with sometimes one moving forward but then if that same person takes a step back - if the other is "in it" - the other person moves forward. But it is only the player at the top of his game that would be flawless at this - he would do it by instinct - and generally because he is losing interest for some reason. Success for any guy comes from knowing who is being "prey" (chase me - I want to be caught) and who is just avoiding or running away. If you go after a girl who is not responding - not saying "yes" to a DATE then stop. Move on to another. If you like a girl and are not chasing her, because you put out innuendo and she didn't seem interested, it is usually a mistake to just try to spend more time getting to know her "as friends". It VERY rarely comes to pass that she'll end up dating you. Usually the more you become a pal - the less you become appealing as a mate.
bridget_jones Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Daniel has been rejected quite a bit by women. They don't put out for him in three dates so he feels rejected and he is very angry at women. So women who don't call and fawn all over him, well, he is feeling rejected. He is very angry at females as a whole, and the normal dating process.
Island Girl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Most likely. But it seems to me that HTG is used for creating a feeling that you are dealing with healthy confident person. And should not be used unless it is natural product. Unfortunately some women don't have the perspective that projects this naturally. She second guesses herself or becomes way too clingy in relationships or desperate in the pursuit of one. Not attractive. So hopefully they read a book like He's Just Not That Into You. Or they come here and read posts by strong women who do not suffer from a broken heart because of chasing a guy that they slept with immediately, assumed it was going to be a relationship, and now the guy isn't interested, etc. Those kinds of low self esteem issues can be like a whirlpool cycling inward and leading to desperate unhappiness. I'm sure it can be tough to pull out of. But after stopping their behavior, not going with their instincts (because at that point they are being driven by neediness so of course every one is the wrong one) - and at least going through the motions of operating as if they had self esteem - i.e. the instructions in the book, He's Just Not That Into You, etc. - they do see a difference in how men are reacting to them and start taking real self esteem from that. Bit by bit they rebuild themselves into a stronger more attractive version and if the lessons stick - they won't go back to being clingy,etc. The same thing could be done for those guys who always end up the "buddy" of the girls they like. They need to adapt behavior from confident men - players for lack of a better example - start being that way and see the results which will build their confidence as well. If you don't have it - fake it till you make it. There'd be less doormats within the gender pool.
Island Girl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Dont get offended so easily, it could be a test of confidence. Im not kidding. Now you started to offend me. Hmmm you are being hard to get I see.....wait I have to consult a few threads about it................ ........... ................ ...... ...........no, I have to email Island Girl for advice, she will forward it to you I have only tried to help...
Island Girl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 This made me wonder if we're all talking at cross-purposes. When I read "hard to get", I interpret it as a woman who has showed interest in you and is interested in you but deliberately is difficult to get hold of and make plans with as she's under the impression that that makes the guy more interested. Hey PF Sorry I missed this one. If a girl deliberately is difficult to get hold of - I'd think her a girl who just wants to play games not have a mutually beneficial relationship. If I was interested - the man would be able to get hold of me. And I would say yes to a date. I wouldn't sit by the phone but if I recieved a message - I'd return the call appropriately. That doesn't mean the minute I get the message but it doesn't mean days later either. When you mention "hard to get" (and Island Girl) you are talking about being selective and not dating any old dross. Yes. But it is more than that. Plenty of women date attractive successful men but are treated badly and then dumped. It is not just the selection of the guy but how we act before, during, or after the relationship.
fireflywy Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Women do not get the same feelings inspired by chasing a man. Well, as long as you mean by chasing doing the calling and asking out, etc. It is against the true nature of things. It is against human nature. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule - there always are. But you would be the one waiting for that particular girl to come along. I am also assuming that, although you'd like the roles reversed, you still want a confident, attractive, strong, intelligent woman. The opposite will chase away, unfortunately it is usually because the prey does not want to be caught and keeps running away... I'm not sure I understand. The woman thinking the same thing as in "I want to be the one pursued" or the opposite - that she'd like to be the one doing the pursuing? Could you clarify? Perhaps chase was the wrong choice of words. I meant that in my past I've never been much of a challenge to women. If they call, I was right there to pick up the phone. If they wanted to do something, I was always right there. If they never called, it was okay because they knew that I would. Basically, I was never really a challenge. I never gave them a chance invest in me because I was always there. My question is, how do I pursue a woman yet be a challenge at the same? If I try to be a challenge, and a woman wants to be chased, aren't we moving in different directions? Some people say that sometimes you have to step away from someone and take the risk that when you step away they may not follow. If you step away and they come to you, then you know that you were worth it and all is good. If they keep going, then that's what happens and you move on. In my current situation, that's what I'd like to do. My only fear is that in doing so, the woman may not think I'm interested because she's ready for a chase. I take a step back and stop for a moment and she keeps running through the woods.... How do you get her to stop and look behind her?
bridget_jones Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 you go after girl. you aren't there for her to "chase." So keep pursuing her if you want to see her, don't if you don't want to.
Island Girl Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Perhaps chase was the wrong choice of words. I meant that in my past I've never been much of a challenge to women. If they call, I was right there to pick up the phone. If they wanted to do something, I was always right there. If they never called, it was okay because they knew that I would. Basically, I was never really a challenge. I never gave them a chance invest in me because I was always there. My question is, how do I pursue a woman yet be a challenge at the same? If I try to be a challenge, and a woman wants to be chased, aren't we moving in different directions? Some people say that sometimes you have to step away from someone and take the risk that when you step away they may not follow. If you step away and they come to you, then you know that you were worth it and all is good. If they keep going, then that's what happens and you move on. In my current situation, that's what I'd like to do. My only fear is that in doing so, the woman may not think I'm interested because she's ready for a chase. I take a step back and stop for a moment and she keeps running through the woods.... How do you get her to stop and look behind her? You want to be challenging. Yet you answer every call and are always available. -- Not challenging. But are you dating this girl? Is it new? Because once involved there is a lot more to it obviously. I'd like to help if I can but there is too little information. The best thing I can tell you with so little is make yourself a full life *besides* the relationship. That way - you are not available for every call. You are not available for every instance of seeing each other that is proposed. Not because of game playing or lying but because you are living your life. Do not allow your life while you are dating - to revolve around anyone but yourself - that is spending time with people you care about - not just her/him. Going to movies or dinner or a night out socializing. This is for women and men alike.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Daniel has been rejected quite a bit by women. They don't put out for him in three dates so he feels rejected and he is very angry at women. So women who don't call and fawn all over him, well, he is feeling rejected. He is very angry at females as a whole, and the normal dating process. If thinkig this will make you feel better. Here you go. Only time Im angry is when girls go for guys who dont have much interest in them, thinking that these guys are so strong and confident because they show them minimal signs of passion. Or girls think when guy show interest, he is looser because he goes for them and they(girls) dont appreciate themselves. Should they go for me instead? Yeah why not. But it is not why I post in this forum. Like Island Girl said....be confident and learn to know men. You dont have to believe things I said here but just give my opinions a thought.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 People who have a strong will and don't need to be with someone won't waste any time with someone playing hard to get. I think if someone plays hard to get, then the person they are getting is a clingy, desperate person.
Guest Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I used to play games only when i was younger and when i didnt really need a man in my life, i did it just to have fun or not to left behind after my gfs..playing games usually shows how immature u are in a love and dating....but when u have real feelings those games start to hurt u cuz when you r in love the matter becomes more important than ur own pride...
Author DanielMadr Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 I used to play games only when i was younger and when i didnt really need a man in my life, i did it just to have fun or not to left behind after my gfs..playing games usually shows how immature u are in a love and dating....but when u have real feelings those games start to hurt u cuz when you r in love the matter becomes more important than ur own pride... Thanks for honesty dear guest. I feared this could be a reason. I have a suspicion that FEAR is main motive for this behaviour when you look at it real deep. Girl gets all the affection and attention from the safe distance. It got worse with emails and mobile phones these days. It is safe because it feeds ego, confidence without risk. Its like driving a car on simulator. Once you get on the real road it really shows what you are made of.
monkey00 Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 What happens, if, as a guy, you've ALWAYS been the one to pursue. What happens if you actually sit down and say, "I'm going to be pursued for once. I'm going to have someone prove to me that I'M WORTH IT" And what happens if the woman is thinking the same thing? How should the guy handle it? If I take a step back for once is she going to think I'm playing a game? Thats why dating can be difficult, you never really know what the other is thinking and miscommunication may become a problem. Initially all you can do is show interest in the other and hope it can progress into a LTR - with little or no interference from games. But games can happen naturally from truly having a busy schedule, low interest, etc. or on purpose say if the person who's playing hard to get could have trouble trusting someone/opening up/ being readily available for reasons such as avoid being hurt, or just to raise the interest level of the other person. I think the only time it truly backfires is when you: piss off the chaser by playing too much. when the chaser loses interest because s/he doesnt think s/he is interested (and what might happen sometimes is the chasee becomes the chaser because its already clear the chaser wont put up with it anymore (and has moved on)) When one freezes out the other because they believe it is about to happen to him/her - honestly no one likes to be rejected...and its fairly easy to be the rejector.
princessa Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Ah, this is the classic example of the kind of loser you instantly weed out using this technique. By consistently demonstrating confidence and knowing what a woman wants, the "I'm looking for women with low self esteem" type of loser will typically get annoyed by her strong sense of self-worth, which he cannot handle because of his weak character. He will very quickly slip up, usually dropping some kind of disrespectful comment in an attempt to put the woman down, his only hope of boosting up his own self-confidence. Exhibit 1: One personal....please stop that bragging about how really hard to get you are. It is so unattractive. Maybe exactly that attitude intimidate quality men. At this point you instantly realize what the nature of the said individual is. Naturally, being a self-respecting woman, you wouldn't tolerate to be talked to in this manner, especially when you've been nothing but polite to that man. The problem with this type of guy is that once he has slipped up and started stirring up shyt, he will forever continue to attack the woman in some sort of way until she just starts ignoring him because his low self-esteem is constantly looking for reassurance and calls for meaningless putdowns on the woman. Finally he resigns to think to himself that she was probably just stuck-up and playing "hard to get" anyway, while reassuring himself that he really is God's gift to women. Exhibit 2: Doesnt stand its ground? I hoped you tell me why. Fortunatelly Island Girl was so kind. I believe it is still discussion forum!? Yep. So no your higness, I wont shut up:p That was valid peace of information you know. Second is: Dont get offended so easily, it could be a test of confidence. Im not kidding. Now you started to offend me. Hmmm you are being hard to get I see.....wait I have to consult a few threads about it................ ........... ................ ...... ...........no, I have to email Island Girl for advice, she will forward it to you Bye P.S.: No hard feelings eh. Have a nice day, I really mean it:) (Btw kids this is the part where DM shot himself in the leg....he is such a nice guy he just cant help it)
Author DanielMadr Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 Typical example of : usually dropping some kind of disrespectful comment in an attempt to put the someone down, his/her only hope of boosting up his/her own self-confidence. can be found here: Ah, this is the classic example of the kind of loser you instantly weed out using this technique. By consistently demonstrating confidence and knowing what a woman wants, the "I'm looking for women with low self esteem" type of loser will typically get annoyed by her strong sense of self-worth, which he cannot handle because of his weak character. --------------------------- she just starts ignoring him ...No, evidently she hasnt started with the ignoring. ----------------------------- because his low self-esteem is constantly looking for reassurance and calls for meaningless putdowns on the woman. Finally he resigns to think to himself that she was probably just stuck-up and playing "hard to get" anyway, while reassuring himself that he really is God's gift to women. or he starts reassuring himself something like this: I find myself struggling with finding guys who on one hand equal to me in terms of self-esteem and values, but also in terms of interests and compatibility and everything else, and I don't even need to date them to figure this out... which makes me definitely hard to get. I simply can't enter a relationship without any hope of it being long-term. Good thinking, thanks Princess It might help better than that Gods gift to women. --------- Self-esteem, confidence and all similar things are wonderful. Interesting think is, people who have these values have no need for reassuring their neighbourhood they do have it. It is called bragging then and is a sign of exactly opposite - low self-esteem. They also mistakenly use Arrogance instead of Assertivity. And the best way to spot them is : They dont make sense of joke or advice....they get angry. Actually people with real healthy self esteem, who are confident 24/7 are strikingly modest and humble
princessa Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I didn't simply call you "loser", you earned it by insinuating that my attitude was being unattractive when I was actually doing you a favor by giving you advice and brainstorming on your situation. Then you got angry at the fact that I pointed out that you were being inappropriate with me. Loser x2. Self-esteem, confidence and all similar things are wonderful. Interesting think is, people who have these values have no need for reassuring their neighbourhood they do have it. It is called bragging then and is a sign of exactly opposite - low self-esteem. They also mistakenly use Arrogance instead of Assertivity. In this situation, whatever you mistook for "bragging", was a meaningful and on-topic response to your initial thread's question. Instead of being appreciative of this different perspective, you chose to respond in anger and initiated a personal attack on my character, which was extremely low and uncalled for. This not only shows your incapability of understanding others' points of view and narrow mindness, but also exposes your desperate need to put others down to prove something (whatever it is) to yourself. And the best way to spot them is : They dont make sense of joke or advice....they get angry. Actually people with real healthy self esteem, who are confident 24/7 are strikingly modest and humble This only shows how little you know. Fact of the matter is that a lot of powerful people have the biggest egos out there. Bragging is in no way an indicator of confidence or lack thereof. Some people do it cause they have things to brag about, others prefer to be modest when they should be bragging, others brag about things they don't have. Once again, your hypotheses don't stand any ground.
sunshinegirl Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Bragging is in no way an indicator of confidence or lack thereof. Some people do it cause they have things to brag about, others prefer to be modest when they should be bragging, others brag about things they don't have. In my experience with people who have a tendency toward bragging, there has often been an undercurrent of low self-esteem driving their need to get external validation from others: "See how cool/accomplished/rich/important I am? See all the important people I know?" Again, in my experience, the people who are secure in themselves may talk about their accomplishments/riches/important people they know, but it's usually just that in the course of conversation, this stuff comes up as they talk about their lives. And those conversations tend to be with others with similar levels of accomplishment/riches etc. So the purpose or goal of bringing up said things is different - it's not to get others' approval.
princessa Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Again, in my experience, the people who are secure in themselves may talk about their accomplishments/riches/important people they know, but it's usually just that in the course of conversation, this stuff comes up as they talk about their lives. And those conversations tend to be with others with similar levels of accomplishment/riches etc. So the purpose or goal of bringing up said things is different - it's not to get others' approval. I agree with the goal being different. Nevertheless, this can still qualify as bragging since it involves talking about one's accomplishments or things he takes pride in. Besides, it is perfectly healthy for somebody who has a number of accomplishments under their belt to brag about them once in a while and take pride in what they have, there's nothing wrong with that, and people do it. Some of these people (not all) tend to also develop an ego proportional to their accomplishments. All this to say that I disagree that one's tendency to brag is an indicator of his self-confidence. It all depends on whether they actually have the works to back up with bragging with or not.
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