Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 What are you, out-of-this-world-hot or something? And if you are, why do you go after average girls who get nervous talking to you? There are plenty of conceited..... cough I mean confident girls out there! Hehe. I dont think I am out of this world....my index finger is sometimes glowing and I have the urge to "phone home" though. I dont think mans looks play some major part in dating arena and it is sad to see so much boys being so vain. They should learn some important skills instead of hair care and depilating:D So what happened with her? Can you imagine very wild and unsatisfied feminist trying to experience one night stand? I did my best but it was my first and last ONS, I promise. Its just not worth it Well you knocked it off earlier, but when I'm friends with a guy first (just casually seeing him around, in school for example) then I can get to know him and have meaningful conversations with him, and he can get to know me. You become genuine friends and that's a great basis for a relationship if there's also a physical attraction. I also get the assurance that because he cares about me as a friend above all, that I can trust him. That's actually how I met my ex. Thats my main problem to be honest. Im not in enviroment were a potentional girlfriend would be. My only chance is approaching total strangers and it is tricky especially in big city. At least Im pretty case-hardened. I never ever heard about guy wanting to be a friend only with a girl and then fall in love with her suddenly. It usually goes like this...mild interest, then from lack of other opportunity they became intimate and they go apart when better opportunity arises which is sooner than later. Girls fall in love with their "friends" because these friends are indifferent to them which attracts you to them like magnet;)
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 I guess it's the same thing as when guys play their little games about how many women are after them so we will feel competitive and try to "win" him. I've never heard of this game
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Unfortunatelly I dont like dogs...they love you and respect you for no qualified reason ...Hey it doesnt mean Im bad person!!! Cat's are the way forward. If only cat's could talk, what tales they'd tell...
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Daniel, if women are telling you that seem to be a player, then it could mean a few things: 1. You are good-looking, hot, etc...and they figure a lot of women want you. 2. You are confident and sociable, able to handle yourself with women 3. You look at/flirt with other women in front of them (I doubt you do this!) Anyway, I bet if I met you in real life, I would like you based on your posts and your perspective on life. So, I'll reason that many non-competitive women would not run away, unless you went on and on about how many b*tches you have in your harem! I recently had the same experience with 3 different girls - they all acted interested, we chatted as friends, things escalated and we would spend the night together, 3 or 4 times in a row (ie she could've made her excuses and vanished after the 1st night) and then "poof", she's gone. Any attempt to get in touch with her and develop the relationship is rebuffed. (One got back with her ex and told me she only thought I wanted something casual.) So, not trying to hijack the thread, just to say that I see what Daniel is saying. There must be something that I've been doing that made those women assume I was only interested in sex. Hence they must've thought I was a player! Which is the farthest thing from the truth ever!!
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 people of both sexes will play "hard to get" when they have many options. For example if I'm some nerdy dude i'll have zero options so I take what I can get (which is basically table scraps). If I'm some good looking successful dude with women chasing me all the time then I won't care that much about any specific female. But then that isn't "playing" hard to get, that is naturally being hard to get through normally going about your life.
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 girls do all the chasing nowadays and guys know it. Not where I live!!!!
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 I like to "play" hard to get (no really, I AM hard to get ) with guys for the simple reaosn that it puts them in an unexpected stressful situation due to some level of rejection and conflict. This is a quick and effective way of seeing his true colors. It also helps to see whether he's really interested in me particularly and whether he has balls and enough confidence and patience to deal with my crap in the future. You're probably just going to say I don't have enough balls or confidence or whatever, but what do you actually do to communicate the "hard to get"? As putting a guy in an "unexpected stressful situation" hardly sounds like fun to me!! Are we talking about simply not phoning him back on occasion, or something like being really aloof and flirting with his mates when you 2 are out?
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 In my case it doesn't have anything to do with the guy "proving" himself to me. If a guy is respectful to me, I will be respectful to him most of the time. Why are you only respectful to him MOST of the time? I will also speak in a way that's kind of competitive with the guy, which often is perceived as "hard to get" attitude. This is because I'm looking for an equal, I need to see that we're of comparable strenghts and smarts. I'd say this was normal banter and part of having a "spark" between you or "chemistry". I never saw it as being hard to get. And, in fact, if a girl isn't like this with me, I get bored.
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Also, there are ways to drop hints without stringing the guy along. If I don't return your calls, let alone avoid giving you my number, then you should take the hint and move on. If the guy is absolutely clueless and continues pursuing somebody who doesn't return his calls well... it's not my fault. This always makes me laugh/cry/scream: You say... if you don't return his calls, you aren't interested, he should move on. "The Rules" say... if you are interested, never return his calls, he will pursue you. Is it just me, or can anybody else see a flaw in this!!!!!
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Did you ever think that maybe some girls don't want to come off as being easy? So why are you having trouble finding girls. Is it because they think your a player? If so then I can see why. That's funny cos a girl poster earlier said he sounded really nice!! Harsh
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 I've watched bantering about "playing hard to get" or books like The Rules here on LS. I'll tell you - I have always had these particular rules or playing hard to get, etc. I've always been extremely successful at dating. I have dated every man I have ever wanted to date - some have been shy and I have had to drop the breadcrumbs to lead them to the appropriate questions - my phone number, etc. Some have been tremendously full of themselves - Players - who assumed because I seemed interested - it would be easy (NOT SO!). So why you ask? 1. To increase you value? In his eyes? In your eyes? Because I am valuable. My value in my own eyes does not need to be increased. If it does in his that is not my issue nor do I have to somehow prove some worth to him. I am unlike anyone he has ever met and he has to be worthy of me - not the other way around. If he doesn't get it - then good - I needn't waste my time. 2. Weed out guys with little interest level? I have never had this problem. A guy with little interest level - the closet would be my husband. The first time we met - I made it known I wanted to meet him, he asked me to dance, and then left with his friends (making sure to let me know he was leaving - I let him go on his way). The second time we met he orchestrated a conversation and asked for my number. I gave it to him and then he incorrectly assumed I was like all of the other girls who fell all over him - and he went and asked someone else to dance. While he danced with her, I let him know I wasn't pleased. When he came over to smooth it over, I asked for my phone number back. I told him point blank that he needed to go do whatever it was that he needed to do but leave ME out of it. "I am not about to explain to you who you just met" and I asked for my number back. He asked to sit down and proceeded to work for almost an hour at getting what was happening between us back on track. 3. To provoke some action? What action? The only action I hope to provoke is mutual interest and an understanding of respect. I am not one that gives any part of myself away easily. I am precious and treat myself as such. The guy has to show he is aware of this and treat me accordingly. He has to be of my time and attention otherwise there is no point in interaction. I know myself. I know how attractive I am. I know how devoted I can be. I know I am intelligent and witty. I am great company and although I am high maintenance in some ways, I am not materialistic or fake in any way. I am a treasure. Therefore I have never been a doormat for anybody. In the end my husband "caught" me because he adores me and caters to me BUT only to a point. He also knows what a great guy he is - physically a fantastic thing to behold, romantic, and the most insightful person I have ever met when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He has no problem in pointing out something I may have said or done that is wrong. But he does it in the most remarkable way. It is never a fight nor does he keep score. He humbles me. I have the utmost respect for him. I love him and he is the only man I have ever found that is worthy of my complete devotion. So in the end I wanted a mutually beneficial relationship where there is give and take but no disrespect. I wanted love that is appreciative and fun - not selfish. And that is what I got. I hope I addressed this correctly...
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 You may have noticed I've posted a lot of replies to this thread, which is because it's an area that confuses me too. A number of times I've given up pursuing a girl because I've got signals that said to me she wasn't interested, but then I'll speak to her or her friends a few months down the line and I'll find out she was very interested. Plus there'll be girls I'll call and they don't call back so (girl)friends have said to me, oh they're just playing hard to get, call them again. And yet above, a girl says that if she doesn't call back, she isn't interested. All very confusing
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 You may have noticed I've posted a lot of replies to this thread, which is because it's an area that confuses me too. A number of times I've given up pursuing a girl because I've got signals that said to me she wasn't interested, but then I'll speak to her or her friends a few months down the line and I'll find out she was very interested. Plus there'll be girls I'll call and they don't call back so (girl)friends have said to me, oh they're just playing hard to get, call them again. And yet above, a girl says that if she doesn't call back, she isn't interested. All very confusing I know it can be from the guys point of view. One way I always made it easy - I gave them MY number and let them do the calling. I even prefaced it sometimes, that I am an old-fashioned girl in that sense and I do not do the calling unless in a full blown relationship. If I am very interested, then I answer the phone. I will call back if requested on a message. So if the girls aren't doing this - I'd move on too. If I was a guy, I'd have the same attitude I do as a female. You snooze, you lose. It comes across in actions if you have that attitude. I'd pursue and then see what the response is. If there is no response, I'd move on. "Next!" I'd also ask for a date right up front. If I ask for the number and get it, I'd take that opportunity to make plans for dinner a couple of days later (the time, the place, and the day) instead of leaving it up to a phone call. Then the inevitable phone call is just to firm up and get directions. It is a buffet out there - just go for it. All a girl can say is "no" and really - so what if she does? There are plenty of others who won't. Just remember the saying if a guy walks down the street and asks every girl for a kiss - he's going to get a lot of "no"s but he is going to get a lot of kisses too.
Pretty Fly Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 One way I always made it easy - I gave them MY number and let them do the calling. I even prefaced it sometimes, that I am an old-fashioned girl in that sense and I do not do the calling unless in a full blown relationship. If I am very interested, then I answer the phone. I will call back if requested on a message. So if the girls aren't doing this - I'd move on too. Island Girl, sounds from your post above you have very healthy self esteem. Thanks for the reply. But actually what you say above there, I wouldn't class as "hard to get". That's a girl showing an interest and letting the guy follow up by doing some pursuing. Sometimes when I've come across a lot of what you might call disappointing behaviour from a girl or 2, I begin to think whether it's the norm and I have to accept it. From what you just said there, it reminds me that I don't.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Island Girl, sounds from your post above you have very healthy self esteem. Thanks for the reply. But actually what you say above there, I wouldn't class as "hard to get". That's a girl showing an interest and letting the guy follow up by doing some pursuing. Sometimes when I've come across a lot of what you might call disappointing behaviour from a girl or 2, I begin to think whether it's the norm and I have to accept it. From what you just said there, it reminds me that I don't. No you don't have to accept it. GOOD MONKEY! You can have the banana now!
tangerine trees Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Its hard to describe. I just know and....her friends calling me afterwards I eject myself.... Is it possible that she thinks I have low interest or that Im playing her or that I might hurt her...like Im some kind of player? this is a very interesting thread and i'm not done reading, but i thought i would take the liberty of answering this questions. ive been hurt by a lot of guys, so i play hard to get to protect myself. its not that im not interested, im afraid that if i show interest i will get rejected. i need to feel secure that the guy will not reject me. for me its an insecurity thing, not a to make the guy like me thing. which is bad and unnattractive and means im emotionally unstable and not a good girlfriend candidate, yes, i know this.
tangerine trees Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 island girl you are very inspiring. i wish i could have your self assurance.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 island girl you are very inspiring. i wish i could have your self assurance. Island girl What you wanting with the white man's world Island girl
Author DanielMadr Posted March 10, 2007 Author Posted March 10, 2007 This always makes me laugh/cry/scream: You say... if you don't return his calls, you aren't interested, he should move on. "The Rules" say... if you are interested, never return his calls, he will pursue you. Is it just me, or can anybody else see a flaw in this!!!!! Thats the whole problem. You never know what it could be. Only reasonable solution is to not concentrate on one girl only.....you are then not so desperate--->you call her less aka not rewardind her bad behaviour
Author DanielMadr Posted March 10, 2007 Author Posted March 10, 2007 I've watched bantering about "playing hard to get" or books like The Rules here on LS. I'll tell you - I have always had these particular rules or playing hard to get, etc. I've always been extremely successful at dating. I have dated every man I have ever wanted to date - some have been shy and I have had to drop the breadcrumbs to lead them to the appropriate questions - my phone number, etc. Some have been tremendously full of themselves - Players - who assumed because I seemed interested - it would be easy (NOT SO!). So why you ask? Because I am valuable. My value in my own eyes does not need to be increased. If it does in his that is not my issue nor do I have to somehow prove some worth to him. I am unlike anyone he has ever met and he has to be worthy of me - not the other way around. If he doesn't get it - then good - I needn't waste my time. I have never had this problem. A guy with little interest level - the closet would be my husband. The first time we met - I made it known I wanted to meet him, he asked me to dance, and then left with his friends (making sure to let me know he was leaving - I let him go on his way). The second time we met he orchestrated a conversation and asked for my number. I gave it to him and then he incorrectly assumed I was like all of the other girls who fell all over him - and he went and asked someone else to dance. While he danced with her, I let him know I wasn't pleased. When he came over to smooth it over, I asked for my phone number back. I told him point blank that he needed to go do whatever it was that he needed to do but leave ME out of it. "I am not about to explain to you who you just met" and I asked for my number back. He asked to sit down and proceeded to work for almost an hour at getting what was happening between us back on track. The only action I hope to provoke is mutual interest and an understanding of respect. I am not one that gives any part of myself away easily. I am precious and treat myself as such. The guy has to show he is aware of this and treat me accordingly. He has to be of my time and attention otherwise there is no point in interaction. I know myself. I know how attractive I am. I know how devoted I can be. I know I am intelligent and witty. I am great company and although I am high maintenance in some ways, I am not materialistic or fake in any way. I am a treasure. Therefore I have never been a doormat for anybody. In the end my husband "caught" me because he adores me and caters to me BUT only to a point. He also knows what a great guy he is - physically a fantastic thing to behold, romantic, and the most insightful person I have ever met when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He has no problem in pointing out something I may have said or done that is wrong. But he does it in the most remarkable way. It is never a fight nor does he keep score. He humbles me. I have the utmost respect for him. I love him and he is the only man I have ever found that is worthy of my complete devotion. So in the end I wanted a mutually beneficial relationship where there is give and take but no disrespect. I wanted love that is appreciative and fun - not selfish. And that is what I got. I hope I addressed this correctly... Im sorry but your reply seems to be so FULL of Yourself:D
Author DanielMadr Posted March 10, 2007 Author Posted March 10, 2007 this is a very interesting thread and i'm not done reading, but i thought i would take the liberty of answering this questions. ive been hurt by a lot of guys, so i play hard to get to protect myself. its not that im not interested, im afraid that if i show interest i will get rejected. i need to feel secure that the guy will not reject me. for me its an insecurity thing, not a to make the guy like me thing. which is bad and unnattractive and means im emotionally unstable and not a good girlfriend candidate, yes, i know this. You should realize that when you stop protecting your ego so hard, life will be so much easier. I can tell you know that. It is not that hard actually. Stop judging and analysing yourself too much....laugh it off....dont take yourself too seriously. Forgive others and forgive yourself.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 ive been hurt by a lot of guys, so i play hard to get to protect myself. its not that im not interested, im afraid that if i show interest i will get rejected. i need to feel secure that the guy will not reject me. for me its an insecurity thing, not a to make the guy like me thing. which is bad and unnattractive and means im emotionally unstable and not a good girlfriend candidate, yes, i know this. Showing interest is not wearing your heart on your sleeve. I've shown interest with every guy I've ever dated. How else are they going to get the idea to come over to me, talk to me, or ask me out? That just means catching their eye - asking question about them, flirting, etc. How is it risking anything to have a friendly light conversation with a man that comes up to talk to me? He came up to me for a reason - so he is showing interest - I show mine as well and we see what happens. But in dating, I never sacrificed myself for some guy I don't really know. And I mean sacrificed in any way - physically or mentally. What makes any guy worthy of me investing myself? Kindness, chivalry, strength of character, honesty, -- so much that one can't know in a short time span. Not even in a matter of days or weeks. It takes time to get to know someone that way and to really feel like he could be a candidate for a long term relationship. And if there was a guy out there who didn't want to date me for whatever reason - that is his loss. I'd look at it like "I'm glad I didn't waste any (more) time on that one." Why should I be in any way effected by it? What does his opinion matter? I don't chase men for their attention or affection. And I never recommend it to others. *** I also do not recommend that men continually put themselves out when there has been no indication from the girl they should keep doing so - especially "being friends" with women that they really want to date. The men get taken advantage of and hurt in the end.
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Im sorry but your reply seems to be so FULL of Yourself:D Ah yes. That perception that because I know my strengths, and I value myself above all others - I am "full of myself". I am self-confident. I am self-assured. I know what I have to offer a relationship but I also know my flaws. I am not outwardly a b"*tch - although I can be if the situation demands it. And I must be doing something right in relationships with my track record. I only hope to help others who may not be as successful. Everyone should be confident in themselves. Every one of us is unique and we should revel in that and find someone who will delight in that too. A LOT people have a challenged self-image and deep insecurities when it comes to relationships. I guess, because I don't have these problems, you see me as "full of myself". I'll take that as a compliment. No need to apologize at all - really.
Pretty Fly Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Why should I be in any way effected by it? What does his opinion matter? Do/did you never think to yourself at any point, "well that didn't work out with him, I wonder if there's anything I can improve on for next time"? In which case it does matter. What if you had a string of relationships not work out and you didn't know it, but it was because you'd done the same thing in each of them that had caused the man to move on. Surely at least a small part of you should be evaluating yourself and what the opinion of the other person was to help you become a better person so that you don't continue to make the same mistakes?
Author DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2007 Author Posted March 11, 2007 Ah yes. That perception that because I know my strengths, and I value myself above all others - I am "full of myself". I am self-confident. I am self-assured. I know what I have to offer a relationship but I also know my flaws. I am not outwardly a b"*tch - although I can be if the situation demands it. And I must be doing something right in relationships with my track record. I only hope to help others who may not be as successful. Everyone should be confident in themselves. Every one of us is unique and we should revel in that and find someone who will delight in that too. A LOT people have a challenged self-image and deep insecurities when it comes to relationships. I guess, because I don't have these problems, you see me as "full of myself". I'll take that as a compliment. No need to apologize at all - really. From my experience people loudly proclaiming that they are strong, self assured, extremely successful, dating whoever they wants, valuable, know themselves and like what they see etc.... have some insecurity issues. I dont accuse you of anything, I know internet is bragging place and you wanted to back up your arguments by assuring us you are not a looser.
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