Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I think Daniel's just annoyed because a woman turned him down and he's looking for answers. Look, Daniel, sometimes she just doesn't like you. It doesn't have to be a game. There's not always all this plotting. I know you're having a hard time with this concept, but seriously - sometimes, she's just not that into you. That's not game-playing, that's honesty. Accept it and move on already. Iam fully aware of that nuance. It is the most common answer. I just wanted to hear other possible scenarios to be well educated. And as you can see here, there is plenty of woman who throw these games.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 Maybe when I was younger I played hard to get, but I lost a lot of guys who thought I wasn't interested in them. If a girl is interested, but truly busy and can't see you all the time, she will offer an alternative date. If you ask a girl out several times and she doesn't do this, then forget her. So, I don't know if this helps you or not. Just don't play games yourself. If a woman plays hard to get and acts cool towards you, then don't play into it. Back off and see if she comes running to you... In other words, don't reward someone who plays games by reacting with MORE attention. Less attention will teach them games don't work with you. Good luck! Most reasonable advice you can get. Thanks Nicki. Good luck to You too.
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 I like to "play" hard to get (no really, I AM hard to get ) with guys for the simple reaosn that it puts them in an unexpected stressful situation due to some level of rejection and conflict. This is a quick and effective way of seeing his true colors. It also helps to see whether he's really interested in me particularly and whether he has balls and enough confidence and patience to deal with my crap in the future.
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Sounds reasonable. Not very humble but you are honest. Problem is the part you want a guy to prove himself to you. Too much of it and it is disrespectful. Why should a quality guy prove himself to anybody? When you want him to prove himself to you, you are actually telling him....Im so much better than you and I dont think you are worth ma attention....prove yourself. Can you see it? In my case it doesn't have anything to do with the guy "proving" himself to me. If a guy is respectful to me, I will be respectful to him most of the time. What happens when a guy is interested, is that he will come up to me or we'd go on a date, and he'd try to brag about some of his qualities or things that he has going on for him. That's when I kind of like to drop sarcastic remarks about these just to see how confident he really is about what he's bragging about, and whether he has a sense of humor. Either that or he has to be able to command respect if I step out of line, just like I would do for him. Assertiveness is what I'm looking at pretty much. I will also speak in a way that's kind of competitive with the guy, which often is perceived as "hard to get" attitude. This is because I'm looking for an equal, I need to see that we're of comparable strenghts and smarts. These "tests" really don't have to be disrespectful at all, but they can get out of hand sometimes depending on the guy and how strong he is. And of course there are those guys whom I'm just NOT interested in. At all.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I like to "play" hard to get (no really, I AM hard to get ) with guys for the simple reaosn that it puts them in an unexpected stressful situation due to some level of rejection and conflict. This is a quick and effective way of seeing his true colors. It also helps to see whether he's really interested in me particularly and whether he has balls and enough confidence and patience to deal with my crap in the future. Thanks. Very thorough and sincere. O.K. But only way to deal with this crap seems to be to not get phased by it. Like I dont care if you want me - which is true most of the time in my case, because when girl pulls this card out she automaticaly loose 30 points in my book. Problem is I still want to see her. You cant seduce someone by phone or by ignoring him. By her playing the game and me playing it back it takes two months to settle a date. To be honest, most of the time, its not worth the effort. Do you know some universal key to this? I once confronted a girl in a funny way and she got severaly pi**ed (no sense of humor probably). On others it worked a little bit better but still they didnt want to acknowledge I was right, so they played further at least for a while.
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Can you maybe give an example or desribe the exact situation that you're dealing with? I think that different girls have different ways of doing this, and they do it for different reasons. They might just be bitchy, not have any respect for you, might simply not be interested, or might be testing you. It really depends on the situation.. So I think you should elaborate on what you're dealing with, instead of trying to find a universal pattern to this...
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 In my case it doesn't have anything to do with the guy "proving" himself to me. If a guy is respectful to me, I will be respectful to him most of the time. What happens when a guy is interested, is that he will come up to me or we'd go on a date, and he'd try to brag about some of his qualities or things that he has going on for him. That's when I kind of like to drop sarcastic remarks about these just to see how confident he really is about what he's bragging about, and whether he has a sense of humor. Either that or he has to be able to command respect if I step out of line, just like I would do for him. Assertiveness is what I'm looking at pretty much. I will also speak in a way that's kind of competitive with the guy, which often is perceived as "hard to get" attitude. This is because I'm looking for an equal, I need to see that we're of comparable strenghts and smarts. These "tests" really don't have to be disrespectful at all, but they can get out of hand sometimes depending on the guy and how strong he is. And of course there are those guys whom I'm just NOT interested in. At all. Good explanation. Very helpful. My bragging days are gone long ago, hopefuly I always tell that karate champion need not to talk about his black belt (I dont have one so I can use this example). On the other hand girls are pretty clueless about guesing ones abillities. Thats maybe why guys tend to brag. Testing is disrespectful. Like it or not. Because by testing you challenge his strenght. It means you are not sure about his strenght. You try to throw him of balance, you try to find his Achilles' heel assuming he has one. Its not tactful. So be careful. Im not ego maniac and I still view it as disrespectful. Some girls are so used to throw guys off balance they take it pretty far, when they dont succeed early on. They shouldnt forget that they loose points by testing him and they should compensate. Nobody wants to live with sarcastic, nagging Dalila (that old testament chic that searched for Samuels weakness)
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 Can you maybe give an example or desribe the exact situation that you're dealing with? I think that different girls have different ways of doing this, and they do it for different reasons. They might just be bitchy, not have any respect for you, might simply not be interested, or might be testing you. It really depends on the situation.. So I think you should elaborate on what you're dealing with, instead of trying to find a universal pattern to this... Hmm.Nothing in present days but it is usually a standard pattern: I can see lots of strong signals and signs of high interest level. I try to settle date and there is an apology and "Im busy routine" but she hopes some OTHER time will be okay but never gives some kind of schedule, never calls me to say how am I doing - radio silence. This goes for 4 weeks. Then I assume she lost her interest and I tell her (on phone) I feel a little ackward pursuing her like this and if she doesnt want to see me she can tell me. She of corse tells me she would like to meet bla bla so I try to settle another date and she cant go again with unspecific re-schedule. These girls act quite shy around me (when I can arrange to meet them time to time).???
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Hmm.Nothing in present days but it is usually a standard pattern: I can see lots of strong signals and signs of high interest level. I try to settle date and there is an apology and "Im busy routine" but she hopes some OTHER time will be okay but never gives some kind of schedule, never calls me to say how am I doing - radio silence. This goes for 4 weeks. Then I assume she lost her interest and I tell her (on phone) I feel a little ackward pursuing her like this and if she doesnt want to see me she can tell me. She of corse tells me she would like to meet bla bla so I try to settle another date and she cant go again with unspecific re-schedule. These girls act quite shy around me (when I can arrange to meet them time to time).??? That's not called hard to get behaviour. I think that's more of a lack of interest. Think about it, a decent girl's never going to tell you to your face that she's just not interested!!!!!!! What exactly made you think that the girl had a "high interest level" to begin with??
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 That's not called hard to get behaviour. I think that's more of a lack of interest. Think about it, a decent girl's never going to tell you to your face that she's just not interested!!!!!!! What exactly made you think that the girl had a "high interest level" to begin with?? Yeah you are perfectly right. And I am aware of it. But 1. How she loose her high interest only by me pursuing her (very carefully btw) 2. I eject myself because I think the same as you that she lost her interest and then I meet her girl-friends a year later and they tell me I broke her heart and I should contact her etc. Its just weird.
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 That's not called hard to get behaviour. I think that's more of a lack of interest. Think about it, a decent girl's never going to tell you to your face that she's just not interested!!!!!!! Hmm, well then I guess I'm not a "decent girl," because if a guy is pursuing me and I'm not interested, I do tell him.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 What exactly made you think that the girl had a "high interest level" to begin with?? Its hard to describe. I just know and....her friends calling me afterwards I eject myself.... Is it possible that she thinks I have low interest or that Im playing her or that I might hurt her...like Im some kind of player?
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Yeah you are perfectly right. And I am aware of it. But 1. How she loose her high interest only by me pursuing her (very carefully btw) 2. I eject myself because I think the same as you that she lost her interest and then I meet her girl-friends a year later and they tell me I broke her heart and I should contact her etc. Its just weird. You didn't really answer my question.. what signs did she give you to begin with?? I've looked into your other threads, and this "playing hard to get" issue seems to be bothering you to no end. You say that first girls show you interest, but somehow you can't get them to go on a date with you. And yet, you claim that you're familiar with being a "player", which would imply that you can get any girl you want to go out with you. What's your real issue here??
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 Hmm, well then I guess I'm not a "decent girl," because if a guy is pursuing me and I'm not interested, I do tell him. It is far better than to be "tactful". And I think not telling him "game over. not interested, sorry" is much more decent than string him.
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Hmm, well then I guess I'm not a "decent girl," because if a guy is pursuing me and I'm not interested, I do tell him. I meant decent as in nice/diplomatic, not to imply that girls who do tell the guys straight up that they're not interested are trashy or anything. I too sometimes will tell the guy directly that I'm just not interested (if he insists or if I really don't like him), but I try to avoid it because it's the nice thing to do, it allows the guy to save face and not feel emrabassed by the rejection on the spot.
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 It is far better than to be "tactful". And I think not telling him "game over. not interested, sorry" is much more decent than string him. I agree. Whether it be I'm more interested in someone else, or I'm not interested in a relationship at all, or whether I just don't feel that certain "za za zoo" for him, I let him know. I'm never a b*tch about it though. Being strung along sucks a$$, and I'd never do that to someone, so I always let them know. That said, sometimes all it takes is simply not returning their call just one time for them to vanish, and then I never have to have that conversation! :-)
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 It is far better than to be "tactful". And I think not telling him "game over. not interested, sorry" is much more decent than string him. It mostly depends on how the guy approaches you. If he clearly tells you his intentions about wanting to date you, then a straight answer is in order. Most guys don't do this though. Most of the time he'll just say that he wants to be "friends", or just invite you out for a coffee. In which case, telling him something like "game over" will make me look conceited and give the impression that I'm full of myself. He could very well play dirty out of embarassment and respond with something stupid like "well miss I just wanted to be your friend, what in the wold made you think I'd date somebody like you". Most girls are smart enough to play it safe and avoid embarassing themselves over some idiot who couldn't handle rejection.
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Also, there are ways to drop hints without stringing the guy along. If I don't return your calls, let alone avoid giving you my number, then you should take the hint and move on. If the guy is absolutely clueless and continues pursuing somebody who doesn't return his calls well... it's not my fault.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I've looked into your other threads, and this "playing hard to get" issue seems to be bothering you to no end. You say that first girls show you interest, but somehow you can't get them to go on a date with you. And yet, you claim that you're familiar with being a "player", which would imply that you can get any girl you want to go out with you. What's your real issue here?? It bothers me, because sometimes I think she is not interested and she is interested actually and vice versa. It would be wonderful to know what is gheneral limit of bluffing in this game. When do YOU drop your HTG usually???? No I cant get any girl I want:D And I repeat I dont have black belt:D
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 It bothers me, because sometimes I think she is not interested and she is interested actually and vice versa. It would be wonderful to know what is gheneral limit of bluffing in this game. When do YOU drop your HTG usually???? No I cant get any girl I want:D And I repeat I dont have black belt:D I think maybe you shouldn't be playing these games to begin with if you've struggled with this for so long and still haven't found what you're looking for. So drop that "it's a game" mentality. See the girl for who she really is. Start by being friends with her, invite her out and be yourself. Call her a couple of times a week and let her call you. If she's not consistent then drop it and move on to the next. They can't possibly all be sending you mixed signals?!?!?
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 It mostly depends on how the guy approaches you. If he clearly tells you his intentions about wanting to date you, then a straight answer is in order. Most guys don't do this though. Most of the time he'll just say that he wants to be "friends", or just invite you out for a coffee. In which case, telling him something like "game over" will make me look conceited and give the impression that I'm full of myself. He could very well play dirty out of embarassment and respond with something stupid like "well miss I just wanted to be your friend, what in the wold made you think I'd date somebody like you". Most girls are smart enough to play it safe and avoid embarassing themselves over some idiot who couldn't handle rejection. I agree. In early phases it is of corse OK to give hints only...its safer:rolleyes: btw...you wouldnt believe the things when a woman is rejected....they pursue you like Head Hunters or act like pi**ed off rhino:D
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 btw...you wouldnt believe the things when a woman is rejected....they pursue you like Head Hunters or act like pi**ed off rhino:D Hahah yup, been there done that!
Author DanielMadr Posted March 9, 2007 Author Posted March 9, 2007 I think maybe you shouldn't be playing these games to begin with if you've struggled with this for so long and still haven't found what you're looking for. So drop that "it's a game" mentality. See the girl for who she really is. Start by being friends with her, invite her out and be yourself. Call her a couple of times a week and let her call you. If she's not consistent then drop it and move on to the next. They can't possibly all be sending you mixed signals?!?!? The point is I dont play games thats why I need advice. Look I dont think it is the alfa and omega. Im just curious. Friends with her? Come on. It is the slickest game ever. Let her call me? Only very brave girls do call me, the rest is so stressed I cant even understand them when I do call them. Next. OK. But if I drop it too early? I knew one girl who was very clear about her interest level...pure sincerity...very rare. Tell me what makes YOU drop the hard to get routine? and truth please;)
princessa Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Let her call me? Only very brave girls do call me, the rest is so stressed I cant even understand them when I do call them. What are you, out-of-this-world-hot or something? And if you are, why do you go after average girls who get nervous talking to you? There are plenty of conceited..... cough I mean confident girls out there! Next. OK. But if I drop it too early? I knew one girl who was very clear about her interest level...pure sincerity...very rare. So what happened with her? Tell me what makes YOU drop the hard to get routine? and truth please;) Well you knocked it off earlier, but when I'm friends with a guy first (just casually seeing him around, in school for example) then I can get to know him and have meaningful conversations with him, and he can get to know me. You become genuine friends and that's a great basis for a relationship if there's also a physical attraction. I also get the assurance that because he cares about me as a friend above all, that I can trust him. That's actually how I met my ex.
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 Most of the time he'll just say that he wants to be "friends", or just invite you out for a coffee. In which case, telling him something like "game over" will make me look conceited and give the impression that I'm full of myself. Well yes, because to ASSUME that he does want to date you IS conceited. I don't walk around saying "not interested" to guys who don't in some way make it clear that they're romantically interested.
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